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The meeting was supposed to be professional.
That was what Fukuzawa had told himself, at least.
The Agency had gathered around the long conference table, with Fukuzawa at the head and Dazai seated nearby. Dazai had arrived early, mostly because Fukuzawa had told him to. He was currently half-sprawled in his chair, lazily flipping through the documents in front of him.
Then the door opened.
The Port Mafia entered.
Mori came first, followed by Kouyou. Chuuya walked behind them, dressed in his usual black uniform, his hat sitting perfectly atop his orange hair.
Dazai immediately looked up.
His expression brightened.
He stood.
Kunikida noticed.
So did Atsushi.
Dazai walked straight toward Chuuya.
"Morning, Chuu."
"Morning, Zai."
Dazai reached up and adjusted Chuuya's collar.
Chuuya looked down at him.
"...Really?"
"Yes. It's crooked."
"It is not."
"It is."
Dazai carefully straightened it anyway, smoothing down the fabric before fixing Chuuya's jacket.
Then he reached up and adjusted Chuuya's hat.
"There."
Chuuya sighed.
"Happy?"
"Very."
Dazai smiled and returned to his seat.
Like nothing had happened.
Atsushi stared.
Yosano slowly raised an eyebrow.
Kunikida's glasses practically reflected the suspicion in his eyes.
Fukuzawa remained silent.
Ranpo, however, was grinning.
He already knew.
The meeting began.
For the first few minutes, everything was normal.
Then Chuuya reached across the table.
He calmly picked up Dazai's pen.
Dazai stopped writing.
He looked at his empty hand.
Then at Chuuya.
"...Chuu."
"Hm?"
"That's my pen."
"I know."
"Give it back."
"No."
Dazai stared.
Chuuya continued writing with it.
Dazai leaned closer.
"Slug."
"Nope."
"Chuu."
"No."
Dazai reached for it.
Chuuya moved it away.
"You're annoying."
"You're the one who stole my pen."
"And?"
Dazai narrowed his eyes.
"You're a horrible person."
Chuuya smirked.
Then, without even looking at him, he said in his natural French accent,
"Be patient, darling."
Dazai froze.
Completely.
His hand stopped halfway toward the pen.
His face went pink.
The room went silent.
Atsushi stared.
Yosano's eyebrows shot upward.
Kunikida slowly lowered his paperwork.
Fukuzawa looked over.
Even Mori looked delighted.
Chuuya finally glanced at Dazai.
"...What?"
Dazai opened his mouth.
Nothing came out.
Chuuya blinked.
Then his smirk widened.
"Oh."
Dazai immediately looked away.
"Oh, shut up."
"You're blushing."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"You are, Samu."
Dazai's face became even redder.
Kunikida looked like he had just discovered a new species.
Yosano covered her mouth to hide her laughter.
Atsushi whispered, "Is Dazai-san actually embarrassed?"
"Apparently," Yosano whispered back.
Ranpo leaned back, looking incredibly pleased.
"This is hilarious."
Dazai shot him a glare.
"Ranpo-san."
"You're blushing."
"I hate everyone here."
Chuuya chuckled and finally slid the pen back across the table.
"There, Zai."
Dazai quickly snatched it.
"...Thank you."
"You're welcome, darling."
Dazai's head snapped toward him.
"Chuu!"
Chuuya laughed.
The rest of the meeting became nearly impossible to conduct.
Every few minutes, someone would glance between them.
Dazai kept trying to act completely normal.
Chuuya clearly enjoyed making that impossible.
Eventually, the meeting came to an end.
Everyone began gathering their papers.
Dazai stood.
Chuuya stood as well.
Dazai immediately reached over and fixed Chuuya's collar again.
Chuuya sighed.
"Again?"
"It was crooked."
"It was fine."
"You're helpless."
"And you're annoying."
Dazai smiled.
"My slug."
"My Zai."
The room fell silent.
Kunikida finally snapped.
"Enough!"
Dazai blinked.
"Enough what?"
"WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO?!"
Dazai tilted his head.
"Nothing."
"You just spent the entire meeting fixing his clothes!"
"So?"
"And he stole your pen!"
"Yes."
"And called you—"
Kunikida stopped.
His expression changed.
"...Darling."
Dazai's cheeks immediately turned pink again.
Chuuya laughed.
"You're still flustered?"
"Shut up, Chuu."
Kunikida slammed his hands on the table.
"WHY ARE YOU TWO ACTING LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE?!"
Dazai blinked.
Chuuya blinked.
Dazai looked at Chuuya.
Chuuya looked at Dazai.
Then Dazai smiled.
"Well..."
He casually rested a hand on Chuuya's shoulder.
"We are married."
Silence.
Absolute silence.
Atsushi's jaw dropped.
Yosano stared.
Kunikida's glasses nearly slid off his face.
Fukuzawa's expression went completely blank.
"...Married?" Atsushi whispered.
"Yep."
"YOU'RE MARRIED?!"
Chuuya shrugged.
"Have been for years."
Kunikida looked horrified.
"YEARS?!"
Dazai nodded.
"Years."
"AND YOU NEVER TOLD US?!"
Dazai smiled innocently.
"You never asked."
"WHO ASKS SOMEONE IF THEY'RE SECRETLY MARRIED?!"
Ranpo burst out laughing.
"I knew."
Everyone turned toward him.
"You knew?!"
"Obviously."
Ranpo began counting on his fingers.
"Dazai disappears whenever Chuuya's in Yokohama. Chuuya knows exactly how Dazai takes his coffee. Dazai has a key to Chuuya's place. Chuuya knows his favorite snacks. They call each other ridiculous nicknames."
He pointed at Dazai.
"And Dazai owns half of Chuuya's wardrobe."
Dazai looked offended.
"Only half?"
Chuuya snorted.
Kunikida turned toward Mori.
"You knew too?"
Mori smiled.
"I attended their wedding."
Kunikida's eye twitched.
"Kouyou-san?"
Kouyou smiled.
"I was there as well."
Kunikida slowly turned toward Fukuzawa.
"President?"
Fukuzawa stared at Dazai.
"...I was unaware."
Dazai's smile softened.
"Sorry, President."
Fukuzawa sighed.
Then he looked at Chuuya.
"Take care of him."
Chuuya's expression softened immediately.
"I do."
Dazai smiled.
For one brief moment, the room was peaceful.
Then Kunikida exploded again.
"YOU'RE TELLING ME DAZAI HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS, AND I FOUND OUT BECAUSE NAKAHARA STOLE HIS PEN?!"
Chuuya laughed.
Dazai buried his face in his hands.
"Please let me disappear."
"Too late, Zai," Chuuya teased.
Dazai peeked between his fingers.
"...You're lucky you're cute."
Chuuya's face reddened.
The Agency collectively stared.
Ranpo grinned.
"Oh, this is going to be fun."