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I looked up at the gate, reaching for the handle shaking, trying not to cry. When I finally got the courage to enter, I found myself instinctively walking to her grave, not looking up from the path.
Her headstone was in front of a gorgeous oak tree with moonlyllies growing around it.
I placed my flowers and the paper bag I brought.
“Sorry it took me so long to come visit you. I was too big of a coward, you know how I am. Too afraid to be emotional. I brought you some pastries, just the ones you like. Luna is doing well. So are Hal and Ash. Luna has grown a lot, she’s almost as tall as me! Hal isn’t as scared anymore, neither is Luna. Neil is becoming more and more like you by the day. It hurts a bit, but it’s a part of grief, right? To move on and let you be dead. Me and Mic moved in together. We got a cat; her name is Cara. Oh, Cass misses you a lot. She keeps making the muffins you used to, and the cookies. She still sets you one aside. She’s taking it real hard you know? So am I. Im just so mad that you went. I didn’t even get to tell you I loved you one last time. I was so sure you would survive this. There is a new kid. Neil and Luna are training him; his quite attached to Mic and Ash. Jes is depressed. She's getting help. East started a school for self-defence and poetry, both going together, both mandatory. Its called “School of the arts”. I find it quite neat. You are listed as one of the founders, she keeps saying ‘This is just what Ly would have wanted and needed.’. We all miss you so much. I can’t remember your face anymore. The only thing that reminds me are your writings and pictures. Im scared that, when I die, you’ll be forgotten. I'm so scared.” I couldn’t talk anymore. I was just crying.
Mic appeared out if nowhere and he hugged me from behind, turning me around to face him.
“Oh dear, what happened?” He asked holding my face. I choked back my sobs.
“I-I miss her so mu-much. I c-can’t b- I can't believe she's dead.” I shook in his arms as my legs gave out beneath me. He held me together and let me slowly fall to the floor, still holding me.
“It’s okay to grieve. We all are.”
“But none of you a-are crying at her grave. I'm just being a pussy.”
“You were siblings. Of course it's going to hit you the hardest. You knew her the longest.”
“Stop talking about her like shes dead!” I shook and tried to pull away, but he resisted.
“Os. You need to accept it. She has been gone for a year. It’s okay to grieve, but this is not normal, alright? It’s the first stage and you aren’t even past that.” He held my head against his shoulder and spoke softly into my ear. I cried even harder.
“It feels wrong. I shouldn’t outlive my baby sibling. She should be alive, baking next to Cass. Not six feet under.” I broke all the way down. I was crying, sobbing pathetically, tears and snot running down my face. Mic was also crying at that point. Light tears at first, which snowballed into us both sobbing like children.
I pulled away lightly to look at the man I love, my rock, sobbing in my arms.
“Are you alright?” I asked looking at his tear-streaked face.
“Yeah, I just reminded myself of all that we have been through as a crew. After all, she was a kitten in the body of a lion.”
“You can’t drop sentimental stuff like that!” I said laughing at his face.
“Sorry Mr. Sensitive, didn’t realize it was in the ‘waaah sad’ category and not the ‘that’s comforting’ one,” he looked at my face, like really looked “are you alright?” I nod. Me and Mic stayed on the ground, in each-others arms for quite some time before he whispered in my ear:
“Os, the light of my world, the roof to my house, the vase to my roses, I think it might be time to head home. A storm is coming and we don’t want to get sick, do we?”
I gave a pathetic nod of my head in return.
He stood up and reached a hand down towards me to help me up. I took it and he pulled me up. We started walking. He was still firmly holding my hand, almost afraid to let go.
“Mic? Can we pop by the store on our way? I want some snacks.” i asked, looking at him, eyes wide.
“Of course, my love.” He said, looking back at me smiling.
I stopped walking for a short moment, pulled him against me and kissed him.
“And what may that have been for?” He asked after I pulled away slightly, lips still brushing against mine.
“Just wanted to show you some love.”
We kept moving. We talked about everything and nothing until we reached the store, and then home. When we opened the door, Cara was there, already meowing at the sight of us, rubbing against our legs.
Ly laied the ground for all this. I love this. I love her. I’m glad i can live like this, I just wish you were here. You would be an amazing aunt or uncle.
“Os, East said that she will bring Vicky home in two hours, you want to do something before then?” Mic asked as we moved to the kitchen and while i was feeding Cara.
“Like what?” I asked in return
“I don’t know, we have been quite good neighbours the last few weeks.” He said, smirking, placing his hands on my hips.
“Oh, you fucker.” I answered after placing the cat’s bowl on the ground.
I turned around and pushed Mic against the counter, kissing him with newfound passion. We slowly moved up the stairs, our lips only parting when Michael tripped up a step.
I bet you can guess what comes next, so I’ll leave it up to you to imagine that.