Work Text:
The wind whipped around his face, hair flying as he stood there on the edge of the cliff. His heart started racing no no no no no. He was back there, this day, this wretched awful dreary day in September. He stared down at the sea contemplating, he was frozen, stuck, wanting to run but couldn’t, stuck watching the sea crash onto the rocks below. The angry, frothing sea that wanted to take him. He heard the CRACK, a telltale sign of apparition and suddenly his friends were there, he couldn’t see them of course, he was still fearfully staring at the sea.
“Pads?” Came James’ heartbroken voice and Sirius finally tore his gaze from the sea.
“James?” He found himself asking, he felt weird, wrong as if in a transient state. He saw Remus running up to him next and he was relieved, his moony was here he was going to save him.
But something was horribly wrong, as soon as his friends got close to him their concerned faces went dark. James face was blank, devoid of his usually radiant smile. Peter had a nasty sneer on his face that made Sirius stomach drop, and Remus’ face was downright stormy. Anger, hate, betrayal, and disgust clouded his features.
Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, not brave enough to face his friends, and turned to stare back at the sea again.
Suddenly he felt someone right by his ear and he shivered as Remus whispered, “Sirius.” In a sing-songy voice. His head whipped up to look at Remus as he walked two steps back.
“You know what, Sirius?” Remus said, eyes flicking down to the angry, twisting sea, “I think you should jump.” His voice was devoid of his usual warmth.
Sirius took a staggering breath in, and tucked his hair behind his ear with a shaking hand. Wait when had he started shaking? He stuttered, “I-I don’t think I want t-to anymore…”
Peter’s sneer deepened and Sirius turned to look at him as he scoffed. “You don’t want to?” He said mockingly, “Really, Sirius.”
His friends were closing in and he was getting dangerously close to the edge, more so than he already was.
He turned to look at James pleadingly, but James’ face was still blank, he adjusted his glasses, “Why didn’t you think of that before, Sirius? Show a little follow through huh?”
Sirius heart was breaking, shattered as if he had already jumped, and was laying broken across the rocks. His eyes returned to Moony. His Moony.
Remus glared at him, and tilted his head towards the sea, “Jump.”
Sirius was fully panicking now, surely anything could be forgiven, they were the Mauraders. But oh, what Sirius had done went against all the Mauraders codes. He figured he would try anyway, to plead and beg for his life.
“Remus,” he said, voice breaking, “Please, I don’t want to jump,” Remus’ face remained stormy, he turned to James, “J-James, please,” he pleaded tears welling up in his eyes, trying to speak past the lump swelling up in his throat, trying to steal his words. “D-don’t make me I-I don’t w-want to.” He was fully shaking now, he turned to Peter, “Pete-please-“ Peter cut him off with a dark laugh.
“Save your breath Sirius.”
Sirius continued, “Please,” he turned to all of them. “I’ll-I’ll do anything to be forgiven-“
Remus cut him off, “We’re not suggesting anymore.” He turned his gaze to the sea Sirius following it. “Jump.”
He heard Peter, “Jump.”
Never tearing his gaze from the sea he said in a quiet broken voice, “James…?”
His answering reply was a flat, “Jump.”
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped and the hand turned him around, and he was face-to-face with his little brother.
Regulus wore the blank expression which was second nature to the house of Black.
“Reggie,” he breathed out.
“Did you not hear them, Siri?” He asked mockingly, “Fucking jump.” Regulus said as he shoved Sirius hard backwards and he stumbled and lost his footing and with hands desperately reaching out, he began to fall.
Sirius woke up screaming. His chest was heaving and he quickly threw a shaking hand over his mouth, to shut himself up. He felt sick, a thin sheen of sweat covering his body, as he felt someone’s arms encircling him, he flailed for a minute before he realized it was James and then he leaned into it.
“Shhh,” came James’ soft voice. “You’re safe I promise,” his voice was thick and his arms hugged Sirius tighter as he ran a comforting hand through his hair, carding it. His next words were shaky, “You don’t have to jump I promise, I promise I won’t make you.”
“Prongs.” Sirius breathed out as he heard those words, his shoulders sagged in relief and then he started crying as he turned into James chest, and completely broke down. Sobbing into his best friend. He felt more arms wrapping around them as he realized, Moony and Wormtail were there too. A realization struck him over the head and he buried himself further into James’ arms letting his comforting smell envelope him.
He always slept talked, sometimes screamed when he had nightmares.