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This date is not going well.
Actually, Gao's pretty sure this is the worst date he's ever been on—which is saying something—despite making it halfway through dinner without triggering any red flags. He was wearing clothes, for one. He was tall enough that Gao's neck didn't hurt to look at him. He was polite, kind to the waitstaff, and just generally fine.
And then he started talking.
Gao's usually pretty fine with a boastful egotist. Pot, kettle, for one, and for two he went to school with Hoshiumi Kourai.
But some things, you really shouldn't try and sound smart about.
"Actually, the universe is made of strings, and when the strings fold over, that's when you get these extra universes, called 'brains'."
Oh my god. Did he mean—
"Probably because they’re so wrinkly, but who knows. They're too small to be observed, usually, but my team is building a special microscope that—"
Oh, my god. Oh my god. Gao wants to cry. Or throw up, maybe. He didn't even want to go on this date! Someone set it up for him! Someone who had better have a good fucking explanation for why the world's worst fake physicist is trying to play footsie in a gay bar while mangling string theory so badly it's actually impressive!!
His eyes slide away, looking for something, anything to get him out of this… and to his surprise, they land on one of his teammates, Ojiro Aran, in a tight red button-up with the sleeves rolled up and a plunging neckline, holding a bottle of beer and staring right at him.
He cocks an eyebrow. You good?
Gao almost sobs with relief. 'HELP,' he mouths, desperately, only for his dinner partner to narrow his eyes.
"Are you even listening?" the man says, and Gao's about to answer honestly, but. Suddenly there's a warm weight looming over his shoulder, one dark hand braced on the table and the other—
The other tips Gao's head back, and Aran leans down and kisses him.
He'd heard of 'instant chemistry' before, but never really believed in it, not really. But there's no other explanation for how those broad, supple lips send sparks down his spine, lighting him up at his core with a licking heat. When Aran pulls back, Gao genuinely needs a fucking second to catch his breath. What the fuck. He didn't even use tongue!
"Hey, babe," Aran murmurs, in the sultriest, smoothest, hottest voice in the damn world. "This guy botherin' ya?"
Swoon?? Double swoon?? What the fuck, what the fuck. Aran was a dork, he was kind of shy and nerdy and stupidly dependable, what the fuck was this?!
"Hey," his ex-date snaps, "who the hell are you?"
Aran doesn't even flinch, doesn't give him a damn moment of his attention. He's waiting, he realizes, for Gao to actually respond.
"Not bothering me… just being really, egregiously wrong."
He sputters, and Gao leans around Aran's side to pin him with a Look. "Look, just stop. You're a fraud. You spent two minutes on the internet trying to sound smart, and that would be one thing, but claiming to actually work in astrophysics?" He lets out a bark of a laugh. "Buddy. My mom works for JAXA. And my other mom? Retired now, but she liaised with NASA to develop and build satellites for the EOS program. They got married at a ground station in Svalbard because they got snowed in and couldn't make it back to town in time. You literally picked the worst topic to be wrong about, my dude." Aran curls an arm around his shoulders, and Gao's own slides around his hips. Comfortable, easy.
"Look, I know you were told this is a date, but I'm gonna be honest—I just wanted to make a friend. I'm taken, and not interested, so maybe fuck off and I won't report you to someone who cares."
The speed at which he scuttles away would be be impressive, if the overall look wasn't so… pathetic.
Aran drops right down into his vacated seat and starts eating his fries. "I didn't know ya had two moms."
"Yeaaah, it's not something a lot of people take to when they hear it, so I've gotta be careful." He keeps staring. Aran's got a gold hoop in one ear. He wants to grab it with his teeth. "Just like bein' gay, I guess. Look," and Gao leans in, forearms braced on the table, "I gotta ask. What the hell is a guy like you doing in a place like this?"
Aran blinks at him, chewing rather pointedly before swallowing. "Same as you, I guess?"
"You weren't on the world's worst blind date set up by a well-meaning but ultimately idiotic teammate—"
"Ah. Was it Toudou-san—"
"It was fucking Toudou of course it was," Gao practically snarls. Then he lets out a long breath, re-centering himself with ease. "Look. Obviously, you didn't come here for the same reason as me. So you came to a gay bar, to…"
Aran bites down on another french fry, not breaking eye contact.
"It's a serious question!"
"Gao, what kind of people usually come to gay bars? In your experience."
He presses his lips together, he can feel his face starting to steam hot. "…Gay people…"
"And what do gay people usually come to gay bars for?"
Look, he knew where this was going. He wasn't that stupid. But something in his head was clinging desperately to this, because if it was true—if it was true—
Then that kiss wasn't a fluke. Then he's gonna have to throw out his sworn 'don't date your teammates' vow, not that Ojiro Aran deserved this mess, god no, but if it's true he's gonna try anyway and it Won't end well.
"…Hooking up…?"
"Well there ya have it." Aran reaches across the table with another fry, dips it into the cup of kewpie mayo on Gao's side of the table. He wraps his lips around it, obscene, that's fucking obscene, and Gao can't help a stupid little whimper from squeaking out of his throat.
"Okay now you're just doing this on purpose!!"
"Is it working??" Aran leans in on one elbow, and the look on his face is… just normal, really. He drops the sultry act for a moment, lets himself be the teammate Gao's familiar with. "I'm serious, Gao. You don't deserve a man who lies to you about anything, but especially not just to make himself sound smart. You're a catch, you know?"
"I'm a catch?!" Gao's voice almost cracks. "Fuck, look at you!! You're sin on legs, what the fuck! How are you gay! How are you gay and I didn't know about it!"
Aran chuckles, surprised. "I'm bi, for one. For two… the same reason I didn't know you had two moms."
Gao groans. Goddd… this was so embarrassing. Being gay was so embarrassing. Why couldn't people just stop being homophobic, across the whole goddamn planet, and let guys like him be able to ask out guys like Aran without making an idiot of themselves.
"Fine! Fine. Okay." Gao pushes out a sigh, and shakes himself all over. Let's just… try again. "Ojiro Aran, you're stupidly attractive and funny and kind and I want to kiss you again, preferably like a lot and with tongue." He pants for breath. "I like you, please go out with me."
Aran was already grinning, the whole speech—but that ending, it makes him laugh, really laugh, all booming and delighted. "Okay, that's a first for me."
"Someone wanting to kiss you with tongue?"
"No, idiot." His smile is so fond. "A proper confession. Never got one of those."
Woah. Woah, woah, woah—no way. Never? Never?? While Gao's staring in disbelief, Aran reaches out and closes his jaw with a fingertip, then brushes his thumb along his lower lip.
In physics, there is no true nothingness. Everything is something, everything has energy, even an object at rest. But for a moment—one infinitesimal moment—there truly is nothing in Gao's head. No thoughts. No worries. A blue sky reflected on a clear lake.
Then he pulls back, and Gao can breathe.
"Sure," Aran says, like he hasn't just turned a man inside and out with a single touch. "I'd be happy ta date ya, Hakuba Gao."