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Namtan stirred softly beneath the warmth of the blankets, her body still heavy with sleep. She lay on her side, facing the right, her head resting comfortably against her arm. Her other arm was loosely sprawled across something beside her, something warm, and familiar beneath her touch. She didn't think much of it at first. She was still somewhere between sleep and consciousness, her mind slow to catch up with the morning around her. But then her eyes opened.
The first thing she saw was Rakjai. Her daughter was sleeping peacefully beside her, her little face relaxed, her breathing soft and even. The sight alone brought a small sense of peace to Namtan, it had become precious to her after everything they had been through.
Her eyes opened fully, her gaze moved beyond Rakjai, there was someone else lying beside her. Namtan's brows slowly furrowed, for a second, the figure was nothing more than a shape beneath the blankets, blurred by the remnants of sleep. Her mind refused to make sense of it.
She blinked again and again, until her eyes began to adjust. That's where her breathing changed. The arm she had loosely draped over the warmth beside her tightened instinctively, her fingers curling against the fabric as if her body had recognized something her mind was still struggling to accept. She slowly pushed herself upright, careful not to disturb Rakjai. Her movements were almost painfully cautious, as though one wrong movement might make whatever she was seeing disappear.
Namtan's eyes never left the woman beside her as h own vision began to blur. Tears gathered before she even understood why. Her lips parted, trembling slightly, but no sound came out. She stared at the sleeping figure as though she were looking at something she had spent months trying to remember. Something her mind had replayed so many times that it had begun to feel like a dream.
She lifted her arm, while it trembled. Slowly, very hesitantly, she reached toward the woman. Her fingers stopped just short of her face. She gently moved away the strands of hair that had fallen across her cheek. Namtan's breath caught yet again.
Everything inside her seemed to stop. Her chest rose sharply as the first tear slipped down her cheek.
Film was breathing, she was sleeping peacefully beside Rakjai. Her face was warm beneath Namtan's trembling fingertips.
The realization hit Namtan so hard that her lips trembled uncontrollably.
Film stirred, perhaps she had felt the warmth against her cheek, or perhaps she had simply sensed a presence beside her. Her brows drew together faintly as she slowly awakened. Her eyes fluttered open, the first thing she saw was Namtan.
Film stared at her for a moment, also caught between sleep and waking. Then her gaze softened. Her hand slowly lifted and found the one resting against her cheek. Her fingers curled gently around Namtan's hand.
That simple touch nearly broke Namtan.
Film pushed herself upright as well, moving slowly so she wouldn't wake Rakjai. Her eyes remained on Namtan, studying her face carefully. There was something strange in Namtan's expression. Her free hand rose and settled gently against Namtan's cheek. Her thumb brushed away the tears that had gathered there.
“Hey,” Film whispered, her voice still soft with sleep. “What's wrong?”
Namtan couldn't answer immediately. She felt the warmth of Film's palm against her skin, the gentle pressure of her fingers, the familiar movement of her thumb wiping away tears that wouldn't stop falling.
Namtan's other hand moved instinctively, finding Film's wrist and holding it against her cheek as though she needed the physical proof. Her eyes closed, she swallowed hard, her voice barely making it past her trembling lips.
“I feel you,” she opened her eyes. More tears spilled down her cheeks. “I feel you.”
Film's brows furrowed as she looked at her, the confusion in her expression slowly giving way to softness. A small tender smile appeared on her lips. She leaned closer, her forehead almost touching Namtan's.
“Oh, my love,” she whispered, her thumb brushed another tear away. “I'm here.”
Namtan's lips trembled, she stared at Film as though she were seeing her for the first time and the thousandth time all at once.
“Waffles,” Rakjai's voice rang through the house before her little footsteps came rushing toward the dining room. She came flying around the corner after her morning shower, already dressed in her school uniform, her shoes neatly fastened, her brown hair parted down the middle and braided into two small pigtails that bounced with every hurried step.
Film immediately looked up from the kitchen. “How many times do I have to tell you—” she stopped herself to take a breath, then pointed toward the floor with the spatula still in her hand. “No running.”
Namtan followed the commotion into the dining room, her own smile already forming as she watched the two. She walked over to Rakjai and gently guided her toward her chair.
“Come on, little one. Sit properly,” Rakjai climbed into her seat, swinging her legs beneath the table. Namtan adjusted the collar of her uniform and patted her daughter's head. “There.”
Rakjai immediately looked toward the kitchen. “Is it ready?”
“Almost, sweetie,” Film called back.
Namtan's eyes remained on Film. She stood quietly, watching the woman move around the kitchen who had done this countless times. Film reached for another plate, checked the waffles, then arranged everything carefully.
Film gathered the plates and carried them toward the dining table.
Namtan followed her every movement. She didn't even realize she was staring until Film placed the plates down and looked directly at her.
Film lifted an eyebrow. “What? Are you just going to stand there and keep staring at me?”
Namtan shook herself out of her trance, though the softness in her eyes didn't disappear.
Film reached for one of the waffles and placed it onto Rakjai's plate. She drizzled a little syrup over it before sliding the plate closer to her daughter. “There you go, sweetie.”
Rakjai immediately picked up her fork.
Film looked back at Namtan. “Love.”
Namtan hums. “Hm?”
“Sit,” she says.
Namtan finally moved toward the table.
Film reached out as she passed, her fingers gently brushing against her cheek. She leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss against it. “You're going to be late,” she murmured.
Rakjai asked for more syrup but her mother told her to finish what was already on her plate. Namtan quietly poured an extra syrup onto Rakjai's plate when Film wasn't looking.
Film caught her. “Love?”
Namtan looks at her. “What?”
“She's had enough syrup. You know how she gets with too much sugar in her,” Film says as she move around her own plate.
Namtan leaned back in her chair, completely unapologetic. “She's growing, love. Our girl will get better at handling it.”
Film shakes her head not arguing further.
Rakjai had already disappeared upstairs to retrieve something she had apparently forgotten, while Film gathered the dishes and Namtan went to finish getting ready for work.
A little while later, the three of them found themselves by the front door.
Film was already dressed for the day, her bag hanging over one shoulder.
Namtan checked the time on her phone before looking at her. “Can I drive you to work today?”
Film tilted her head, she smiled. “Of course.”
“You have to drive me too, Mama Tan,” both women looked down. Rakjai stood in her clean uniform, her little brown pigtails framing her face, her school bag hanging neatly from her shoulders.
Namtan chuckled. “Of course we do,” she crouched down until she was level with her daughter. One arm rested gently around her shoulder while her other hand smoothed over her hair. “But mama has a question,” Rakjai looked at her. “Who do you want to drive you to school more?”
Namtan deliberately paused. “Mama Tan...” she glanced toward Film, “...or Mama Film?”
Film shook her head, already smiling as she folded her arms across her chest. “Think carefully, sweetheart.”
Rakjai hummed, she genuinely considered it for several seconds. Namtan waited with an expectant smile, Film waited too. Finally, Rakjai opened her mouth. “I want Mama Tan...” Namtan's smile immediately widened. She looked up at Film with a triumphant expression. But Rakjai wasn't finished. “...and Mama Film, to drive me to school.”
Film burst into laughter.
Namtan looked back at her daughter. “You tricked me.”
Film crouched down beside them and gently patted Rakjai's head. “That is the only correct answer, sweetheart.”
The drive to school was filled with Rakjai's endless stories. She talked about something that happened in class, then something about her teacher, then something about a friend.
When they reached the school gate, Namtan and Film were smiling so much their cheeks hurt.
Film turned around toward the backseat, before she could even unbuckle her seatbelt, “No, wait,” Rakjai was already reaching for the door. “Let Mama open the door.”
Rakjai pouted. “But I can do it.”
“I know you can,” Film unbuckled herself. “But let Mama do it still.”
Namtan and Film stepped out of the car together. They had barely taken a few steps when they saw Emi approaching them from the school gate.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Namtan and Film greeted together.
Rakjai's entire face lit up. “Auntie Emi,” she hurried toward her aunt, who immediately laughed and placed a hand gently against the little girl's back.
“Good morning, Jai.”
Namtan and Film stood beside each other, their hands naturally settling around each other's waists as they watched their daughter.
Film smiled. “She gets more and more hyper every week.”
Emi laughed. “That's a good thing,” she glanced down at Rakjai. “She participates in all the class activities enthusiastically.”
Namtan's smile widened. “We both know where she got that from,” she looked at Film.
Film turned toward her. “Yeah,” she pointed at Namtan. “You.”
Emi smiled at the two of them before looking back at Rakjai. “I'll take good care of her.”
“Thank you,” Namtan said.
Emi nodded. “I'll also make sure she doesn't get an extra scoop of chocolate ice cream later.”
Film immediately straightened. “Please do,” she sighed. “Her appetite for sweets has gone haywire when she was recovering after the surgery,” Film breathes out. “Last week she barely ate dinner and spent the rest of the evening running laps around the house.”
“Auntie Emi said it helps in di— dig—” Rakjai struggles to make out the word.
Namtan helps her daughter out, trying not to laugh. “Digestion, sweetheart.”
Film then called gently toward her daughter. “Sweetheart, come say bye,” both crouched down. Namtan kissed one cheek, while Film kissed the other. Rakjai giggled before leaning forward and planting a kiss on each of their cheeks in return.
Film smiled. “Remember—”
Rakjai smiles, “I'll be good, Mama Film. I promise.”
Film's expression softened. “I know you will, sweetheart.”
“We love you,” Namtan reached for her daughter's little hand.
Rakjai smiled. “I love you too.”
Emi looked at the three of them and smiled. “This isn't your first time dropping her off...” she paused, amused. “...yet it kind of always feels that way with you guys,” Emi gently took the little girl's hand. “Come on, Jai. Let's get inside.”
Rakjai waved at her mothers as she walked toward the school entrance. “Bye, Mama Tan! Bye, Mama Film!”
“Bye, sweetheart,” they both waved.
Rakjai and Emi disappeared through the gates, but Rakjai turned around one last time, she waved again.
Namtan and Film waved back. Only when Rakjai was safely inside did Film lower her hand. “She's going to be okay.”
Namtan breathed out slowly. She looked toward the school. “Yeah,” then she turned toward Film. “She will be.”
Namtan dropped Film off at work afterward. Film unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the door, Namtan reached over and gently caught her arm.
Film turned. “Yeah?”
Namtan looked at the woman in front of her, those eyes that made Film's smile soften. Namtan leaned toward her for a gentle kiss. A kiss that started innocently, then the tenderness quickly deepened. Film's hand came up to Namtan's cheek as she held her a little closer, both of them momentarily forgetting where they were.
They parted, their breaths mingled in the small space inside, foreheads touching.
Film let out a quiet hum. “Usually, a kiss like that would lead us to bed very quickly.”
Namtan chuckled softly. “Would it?”
Film smiled at the response. “It usually does.”
Namtan's eyes lingered on hers.
Film watched the expression slowly change. The playful softness became something more knowing. She immediately narrowed her eyes. “We can't do it here.”
Namtan blinked innocently. “I wasn't thinking that.”
“No,” Film pointed at her. “Your eyes are telling me the opposite. I know exactly what you're thinking.”
Namtan laughed, her teasing expression slowly faded. Her hand rose and gently settled against Film's cheek.
Film leaned into the touch instinctively, her eyes softening as she looked at the woman in front of her.
Namtan's thumb brushed gently along her cheek. “I love you so much,” the words came quietly without hesitation and fear.
Film's fingers closed around Namtan's hand. She turned her head slightly and pressed a tender kiss against her palm. Then she looked back into her eyes. “I love you more.”
Namtan smiled. “That's impossible.”
“Try me,” Film smiled back. “My love for you and our daughter can't be competed with.”
Namtan can almost hear her own heart ache at the words Film said. She stayed there, her hands intertwined to hers, their foreheads touching, they were smiling at one another as though the entire world had narrowed down by the second.
Namtan stared down at both of her hands for several seconds, she focused on them. Her fingers were resting against the edge of the desk, perfectly still. There was no tremor running through them, no involuntary movement, nor a sign of weakness. She slowly turned one hand over, then the other. Her eyes traced every finger as though she were seeing them for the first time.
A knock sounded against her office door.
Namtan's head immediately turned toward it. She stared at the door for a moment before looking back at her hands. Her eyes closed, she inhaled slowly, letting the breath fill her lungs before releasing it through her nose.
“Come in.”
The door opened. “Hey, you,” Jingjing walked inside with far more energy than someone who had already started her workday had any right to possess. She leaned slightly against the open door, grinning at her older sister.
Namtan looked up from her desk. “Hey.”
Jingjing stepped inside and closed the door behind her. “Got any plans?”
Namtan immediately reached for one of the charts on her desk. “I have two surgeries today,” she flipped through the pages. “One in twenty minutes.”
“I see,” Jingjing nodded, there was a slight smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She walked closer to the desk. “Though, I meant to ask if you have any plans later. After work.”
Namtan looked up. “I need to pick up Rakjai and Film.”
Jingjing's laugh escaped her.
Namtan's brows immediately furrowed. “What's so funny?”
Her younger sister shook her head, trying and failing to hide her amusement. “I still can't wrap my head around you.”
Namtan leaned back slightly. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” Jingjing gestured toward her with both hands. “My big sister,” she walked around the desk as she continued. “Being a family woman now.”
Namtan's lips curved into a smile.
Jingjing pulled a chair closer. “A lifetime ago, you were just here with your endless charts of patients you wanted to save.”
Namtan looked down at the chart in her hand. “I still have patients to save.”
Jingjing smiled. “But now you also have a wife waiting for you,” she continued, her smile widening. “And a daughter,” Namtan looked at her younger sister. “So, how is my niece,” she asked.
Namtan's expression softened immediately. “She's becoming more and more like you when you were her age. She is loud, she is stubborn, she argues strongly even when she's wrong.”
Jingjing's mouth dropped open. “That is all you!”
Namtan slowly turned her head, “But she is healthy, she is living.”
Jingjing smiled at the thought of her own niece living like every other kid in a normal setting. She then leaned farther over the chair. “And your wife?”
Namtan's fingers stopped against the edge of the chart. Her eyes found the ring on her finger. Her lips curved into the smallest smile, her thumb brushed over the ring.
“Anddddd...” Jingjing dragged the word out deliberately. “I lost you,” Jingjing laughed. She stood upright and adjusted the front of her lab coat. “I'll come visit you three after my shift later,” she started toward the door, then turned back. “Maybe we can order in?”
Namtan nodded. “Okay,” she picked up the chart again. “I'll tell Film. Rakjai's going to be really happy.”
Jingjing reached for the doorknob. “Good luck on your surgery.”
Namtan looked up. “Thanks."
Jingjing gave her one last smile before stepping out.
Namtan slowly lowered the chart onto her desk. She leaned back in her chair, thoughts somewhere else. Then her gaze dropped again to her hands. She lifted them in front of her, turning them over. Her thumb brushed over the wedding ring once more.
“Mama Tan,” the little voice reached Namtan before she could even step away from her car.
She turned toward the school gates just in time to see Rakjai running toward her, her little bag bouncing against her back. Emi followed a few steps behind, carrying the remnants of the day's classroom activities.
Namtan immediately opened her arms. “Hey, hey. Slow down.”
Rakjai ran straight into her anyway.
Namtan caught her and bent down, wrapping both arms around her daughter. She pressed a kiss against Rakjai's cheek before gently patting the top of her head. “Hi, sweetie,” Namtan pulled back just enough to look at her. “How was school today?”
Rakjai's face immediately brightened. “We talked about our dreams today!”
Namtan's eyebrows lifted. “Really,” she brushed one of Rakjai's pigtails back into place. “And what does my little Rakjai dream of?”
Rakjai looked up at her mother with a certainty only a child could have. “My dream is for mama Tan and mama Film to be happy with Jaijai.”
Namtan's smile slowly softened, she couldn't find the words to speak at first. Her daughter had said it so simply as though happiness were something that could be wished for and held in one's hands. She crouched lower and gently cupped Rakjai's cheeks. “Oh, sweetheart,” her thumb brushed across her daughter's cheek. “Mama Tan and mama Film are already very happy.”
Rakjai's smile widened. “I want you to be this much happy,” she suddenly lifted both hands and made an exaggerated circle in front of her, stretching her little arms as wide as they could go.
Namtan stared at the gesture, then she laughed. “That much?”
Rakjai nodded enthusiastically. “Very, very much.”
Namtan leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Then I think we're already there, sweetie.”
Rakjai smiled proudly.
Behind them, Emi finally caught up.
Namtan stood and looked between them. “Sweetheart, your auntie Jingjing will be visiting today.”
Rakjai's eyes widened. “Really?”
“Really.” Namtan nodded.
Rakjai bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet. “She's coming to our house?”
“After her shift,” Namtan glanced at Emi. “I already told Film, she's probably at home already,” then she looked back at her daughter. “Are you free?”
Emi checked her watch, thinking for a moment. Then she nodded. “Yeah. I finished my lesson plan earlier,” she slipped her watch beneath her sleeve. “I have time.”
“Alright,” Namtan smiled. She reached for Rakjai's hand. “Let's go.”
As they reached the car, Namtan opened the back door. “Sweetheart, are you ready?”
Rakjai nodded eagerly. “Yes,” she climbed into the backseat, carefully placing her school bag beside her before buckling herself in.
Namtan closed the door and walked around to the driver's side. Before getting in, she looked back toward Emi. “You coming?”
“I'll follow you along with my car,” Emi nodded.
Namtan gave her a small wave before getting into the car. She adjusted the rearview mirror. Rakjai was already watching her from the backseat, her face bright and content. She smiled. “Ready, sweetie?”
“Ready,” the little girl shouted.
Namtan stepped inside first, followed by Rakjai and Emi. The little girl barely had both feet through the doorway before her eyes lit up.
"Mama Film!"
Film, who was already in the dining area arranging the last few dishes on the table, turned at the sound of her daughter's voice. "Hey, sweetheart."
Rakjai's attention shifted almost immediately. Her eyes widened when she spotted two other familiar faces already sitting nearby. "Auntie Orm," she turned her head toward the other side of the room. "Auntie Jingjing," she took a quick breath, almost overwhelmed by the surprise. "Mama Tan, they're here!"
Namtan smiled as she closed the door behind them. "Yes, sweetie. I can see that."
Orm was already opening her arms. "Come here, little one," Rakjai ran straight toward her. Orm caught her in a hug, lifting her slightly off the ground as she squealed.
"There she is," Jingjing laughed and reached out to ruffle Rakjai's hair as soon as Orm put her down. "Look at you! You're an inch taller than the last time I saw you."
Rakjai stood straighter. "I did?"
"Yes, definitely," Orm answered for Jingjing.
"I'm going to be taller than Mama Tan," the little girl enthusiastically said.
Namtan, who had just dropped Rakjai's school bag onto the sofa, looked over. "Don't get ahead of yourself. You need a few more years in you to be as tall as me," she walked toward the group and greeted Orm and Jingjing properly, exchanging hugs before her attention naturally shifted toward Film.
Film was standing near the table, still arranging the food. Namtan stepped closer and pressed a soft kiss against her wife's cheek. Film smiled without looking away from the table.
Namtan glanced around the room. Then she looked at Film. "It's quite a party you have here."
Film chuckled under her breath. "It's been a while since we've all gotten together," she picked up another serving dish and placed it on the table. "Joong couldn't make it, though. He's out of town," she hummed. "There's always next time."
"Yeah," Namtan looked around the room. "It'll be nice when everyone can actually be here," her hand briefly found Film's waist. "We'll make it happen soon."
Film leaned into her touch for a moment before returning her attention to the table.
Across the room, Rakjai was already surrounded by her aunties. She was talking so quickly that Orm had to stop her twice just to understand what she was saying. "And then my teacher said—"
"Slow down," Orm laughed.
"And then—" she continued.
"One story at a time," Orm added.
Jingjing shook her head. "She's exactly like you."
"Apparently everyone thinks so," Namtan glanced at her sister.
Emi laughed quietly in her seat.
Film looked at Rakjai with a fond smile. "She's had a lot of energy since she woke up this morning."
Namtan nodded. "I noticed that," she then raised her voice slightly. "Rakjai, sweetheart."
The little girl immediately looked over. "Hm?"
"Come upstairs with Mama."
"But I'm talking to Auntie Orm," Rakjai's expression fell slightly.
"You can keep talking after you change, sweetie."
Rakjai sighed dramatically. "Okay."
Orm laughed at the little girl. "Go on. We'll still be here."
Rakjai reluctantly walked toward her mother.
"Come on," Namtan held out her hand.
Rakjai returned wearing comfortable clothes. She immediately took her seat between her mothers.
The table was crowded with food. There were several dishes spread across the center, enough for everyone to reach without having to get up constantly. Steam rose gently from the plates as everyone settled into their seats.
Rakjai looked around. "Can I please have that, mama?"
"Which one, sweetheart," Film followed her gaze.
She pointed at the direction of the food she has been eyeing since she arrived.
Film laughed. "You have to be more specific."
Rakjai pointed again. "The one Auntie Emi is eating."
"This," Emi looked at her plate.
Rakjai nodded enthusiastically. "Please."
Emi immediately scooped some onto a smaller plate. "Here you go."
"Thank you!"
"You have everyone wrapped around your finger," Jingjing smiled.
Rakjai looked at her innocently. "I don't know what that means."
"It means you know exactly how to get what you want, sweetheart," Namtan laughed.
Rakjai looked at her mama Film. "Is that bad?"
Film shook her head. "Not necessarily, sweetie."
Rakjai happily continued eating while the adults talked around her.
Jingjing asked Namtan about work. "So, how were the surgeries, phîi?"
Namtan took a sip of water before answering. "They were long."
"Both," Jingjing asked as her hands move around her food.
"Both."
Rakjai, who had been quietly listening while eating, suddenly looked up. "Can we have ice cream after?"
"After dinner," Film slowly turned toward her.
The moment Rakjai realized that asking for ice cream wasn't going to get her an immediate yes, her lips pushed forward into a dramatic pout. She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms for a second before looking at her mother with the most innocent expression she could manage.
"But I ate."
"You did," Film says softly.
Rakjai waited. Apparently, that wasn't enough. "I ate my vegetables too."
Film nodded, already seeing where this was going. "Yes, you did, sweetie."
Still not satisfied, Rakjai leaned a little closer, presenting her final piece of evidence. "And I was good today at school."
Film couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure you were, sweetie."
Rakjai immediately clasped her hands together beneath her chin, her eyes widening with expectation. "So," the question came with such hope that Film almost laughed. Instead, she glanced toward her mama Tan.
Namtan caught the look immediately. She knew exactly what Rakjai was doing, and she knew that Film was silently asking her to make the final decision. She shook her head before Film could even say anything. "Okay, we'll get your ice cream."
Rakjai's face lit up instantly without missing a beat.
The conversation around the table slowly resumed, as though the brief negotiation had been nothing more than another part of their evening together.
Jingjing continued talking about something that had happened during her shift. Orm occasionally interrupted her with a teasing remark, while Emi listened with a smile and added her own comments whenever she found an opening. Film reached across the table to pass a dish, and Rakjai kept eating, looking toward the adults, making sure someone was still considering her request.
Namtan sat quietly for a moment, letting her eyes wander around the table. Film was beside her, Rakjai was between them, still concentrating on her food. Across from them were Jingjing, Orm, and Emi, all comfortably settled into their places like this gathering had happened a hundred times before.
The room was filled with the soft, familiar sounds of a family dinner, the scrape of forks against plates, the passing of serving dishes, the glasses, the overlapping voices of people who had grown comfortable enough with one another that nobody needed to fight for silence. There was laughter, so much of it.
Namtan found herself simply listening. She let the sound settle around her. The warmth of the room, the faces of the people in front of her, the easy conversations. Rakjai's little voice cutting through the adults. Film's laughter beside her.
It was all so ordinary.
Namtan lowered her gaze beneath the table. Her hand moved slowly until her fingers found Film's. Film noticed almost immediately, she turned her head, their eyes met.
There was nothing needed to be explained. Namtan simply shifted her hand, threading their fingers together and giving them a gentle squeeze. Film's lips curved into a quiet smile. She looked back at their daughter. Rakjai was still eating, completely unaware of the weight of the moment unfolding around her. She was simply a little girl having dinner with her mothers and her aunties, already thinking about the ice cream she was going to ask for again later.
This was their home, it had become theirs through all the small things that made a house a home. Through the shoes left by the door, the aroma of cooking filling the kitchen, work bags resting beside each other, the laughter that pill freely through the rooms, the nights like this, when the people they loved could gather around one table without anyone having to wonder who would still be there tomorrow.
Upstairs, Rakjai was already tucked beneath her blankets.
Namtan sat on one side of the bed, while Film sat on the other, both of them facing their daughter. Rakjai's little body was nestled comfortably beneath the covers, her hair slightly messy from the evening, her cheeks still carrying the warmth of all the laughter she had shared with her aunties. She was still smiling.
Film asked. “Are you happy,” she asked softly. “Your smile is still so wide.”
Rakjai hummed and nodded. “I am happy, Mama,” her eyes moved between them before she suddenly asked, with the innocent curiosity of a child who didn't realize how deeply her question could reach, “Are you happy?”
Film's smile softened, her eyes moved toward Namtan. She was already looking at her. Their eyes met across their daughter.
There was something unspoken in that glance that made Namtan's chest tighten without her knowing why.
Film eventually looked back at Rakjai. “Of course I'm happy, sweetheart,” she smiled wider, deliberately showing her daughter. “You see this smile?”
Rakjai nodded. “That's because of you,” Film's eyes briefly moved toward Namtan. “And your Mama Tan,” then she looked back at their daughter. “You two make me the happiest.”
A quiet sound caught in Namtan's throat. She quickly lowered her gaze. She didn't want Rakjai to see her eyes beginning to water. She reached for her daughter's hair instead, gently patting the top of her head while she tried to collect herself.
Rakjai, unaware of the storm quietly moving through her mother's chest, smiled. “Jaijai is also the happiest because of Mama Tan and Mama Film,” she lifted both hands and stretched them apart as far as her little arms would allow. “Jaijai is happy because she is loved by Mama Tan and Mama Film thisssss much,” the exaggeration in her voice made both women laugh.
Film leaned closer, her eyes crinkling. “Mama is sooo proud of you, sweetheart.”
Namtan's lips pressed together, she nodded. Her eyes were shining, and she didn't bother hiding it anymore.
Rakjai looked at her mother. “I love you, Mama.”
Film's entire expression softened. “I love you too, my sweetheart.”
Namtan cleared her throat. “What about me?”
Rakjai turned toward her mother. There was no hesitation. “Jaijai loves you too, Mama Tan.”
Namtan laughed through the tightness in her throat. “I love you more, sweetheart.”
Both women leaned forward at the same time. Film kissed one of Rakjai's cheeks. Namtan kissed the other.
Rakjai giggled beneath them.
“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Film whispered.
“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Namtan echoed.
Rakjai's eyes were already beginning to droop. “Goodnight, Mama Film. Goodnighy Mama Tan.”
They lingered for another moment. Neither woman seemed eager to leave.
Finally, Film reached over and pulled the blanket a little higher over Rakjai's shoulders. Then they quietly slipped out of the room. The door closed behind them.
They didn't go upstairs to their bedroom. They made their way downstairs, where the living room was dimly lit by in the corner.
Namtan sat down on the sofa first. Her arm naturally stretched along the backrest. Film sat beside her and, without a second thought, surrendered herself into Namtan's side instinctively. Her entire body seemed to know exactly where it belonged.
Namtan's arm came around her, drawing her closer. Her hand settled against Film's arm, her thumb moving slowly back and forth over the fabric of her sleeve. Film rested her head against her shoulder.
Film reached for Namtan's other hand, the one resting loosely on her lap. She intertwined their fingers. “I noticed something today.”
Namtan hummed. Her thumb continued its slow movement along Film's arm.
“About you.”
Namtan looked down at her. “What about me?”
Film lifted her head slightly. “I noticed that you were very sensitive today,” there was no hint of teasing in her voice. She searched Namtan's face. “Is everything okay,” Namtan remained quiet. “Is it about work?”
Namtan shook her head. “No,” she shifted slightly so she could look at Film more clearly. “I'm just happy, love.”
Film studied her, the answer didn't sit right. She slowly sat upright, turning her whole body toward Namtan. One leg folded beneath her on the sofa as she reached for her face. Her palm settled gently against her cheek. “Look at me.”
Namtan's eyes immediately dropped.
Film's thumb moved beneath her eye. “Hey.”
Namtan swallowed.
“Look at me,” she was gentle about the request that Namtan couldn't refuse. She slowly raised her eyes.
Film saw the sadness and fear in her eyes. The tears that Namtan had been holding back all day. Her expression changed. “What is it, my love?”
Namtan's lips parted. “I'm...” the word barely made it out. She looked away again. Then she breathed in, forcing herself to say what had been sitting inside her chest all day. “I'm scared.”
Film's thumb continued to stroke her cheek. “Of what?”
Namtan's eyes met hers again. “I'm scared of waking up tomorrow.”
Film's brows knitted together.
Namtan's voice trembled. “Because if I do...” she paused. Her fingers tightened around Film's hand. “...things will be different.”
Film's eyes softened. “Different doesn't always mean bad, you know.”
“But what if it is,” Namtan's voice broke on the last word as a tear slipped free.
Film caught it with her thumb. “Then it's just something we need to face head-on,” she spoke slowly, as though she wanted every word to settle somewhere Namtan could keep it. “Tomorrow will come whether we're afraid of it or not. That's the way of the world.”
Namtan stared at her. Film smiled faintly. “So let yourself have tomorrow,” her thumb moved along her cheek. “And the day after that,” she leaned closer. “And the day after that.”
Namtan's breathing became uneven.
“Rakjai will have that too,” Film's voice softened further. “I will have that with you next to me.”
Namtan's eyes filled completely. “What if you're not there with me,” the question came out so quietly that it almost disappeared into the room.
Film's expression softened, she smiled at her. “That's impossible.”
Namtan shook her head slightly, tears beginning to fall.
Film wiped one away. “I am always with you,” she moved the hand that had been resting against Namtan's cheek.
She brought it down slowly until her palm rested against her own chest. Namtan's hand followed. Film placed Namtan's hand over her heart. “Do you feel that?”
Namtan nodded. Beneath her palm, Film's heart was beating steadily.
Film held Namtan's hand there for another moment. Then she gently moved both of their hands. She placed them against her chest. “Do you feel that?”
Namtan's fingers tightened around Film's hand. Her own heartbeat was racing beneath their palms as she nodded again. More tears slipped down her cheeks.
Film smiled through the tears gathering in her own eyes. “That's proof that I'm with you," her voice trembled slightly now. “It's also proof that you're with me.”
Namtan stared at her. Film drew in a quiet breath. “But you know what?”
Namtan waited.
“There is someone else who can tell us that,” Namtan's brows furrowed. Film looked toward the staircase. Toward the room where their daughter was sleeping. “There is someone we can look for when we miss each other,” she looked back at Namtan. “We don't have to look too far.”
Namtan's lips trembled.
Film took her hand again. “I am in our daughter as much as you are with her,” she smiled faintly. “You look at that one little star we created and see our smiles,” her thumb brushed slowly over Namtan's knuckles. “Our laughs,” she paused to take a breath. “But most especially..." her voice caught. “…our love.”
Namtan's tears fell freely. Film didn't try to stop them, instead she held her. “If you miss me too much and I'm not home yet, just look for me in Rakjai,” her voice became softer. “You'll find me there.”
Namtan closed her eyes.
Film's fingers tightened around hers. “A part of me will always be with her.”
Namtan shook her head faintly, her tears continuing to fall.
Film leaned closer. “If you ever feel like you can't find me...” she lifted Namtan's hand and kissed her knuckles. “...just hold our daughter a little closer, my love.”
Namtan opened her eyes.
Film was crying now too. But she was smiling. “You'll find me there too.”
Namtan looked at her, she tried to memorize the curve of her smile, the softness in her eyes, the warmth of her hand around hers, the tiny movement of her thumb against her skin.
Every little thing.
As though some part of her already knew that this moment was something she would spend the rest of her life trying to remember.
Namtan leaned forward until their foreheads touched, her eyes closed. Film stayed there with her.
Namtan's hand remained over Film's heart while Film's hand remained over Namtan's.
Two heartbeats capable of such a huge love.
Namtan took a trembling breath.
For just a little longer, she let herself believe that tomorrow would be kind.
For just a little longer, she let herself forget that dreams were never meant to last forever.
Namtan stirred softly beneath the blankets. She was on her side, facing the right, her head resting against her arm. Her other arm lay loosely across something beside her, her fingers curled around warmth. For a few quiet seconds, she remained somewhere between sleep and waking.
Then her eyes opened. Rakjai was beside her. Her daughter was still sound asleep, her little face peaceful against the pillow, her breathing soft and steady. Namtan's eyes softened, she smiled faintly. Then she looked past Rakjai.
The space beside her daughter was empty. Namtan blinked again and again. Her eyes moved across the mattress. She blinked rapidly, almost desperately, as though she could somehow force the image back into existence if she looked hard enough.
Maybe Film would appear again, she would be there, sleeping peacefully beside Rakjai. That Namtan would reach out and find her cheek beneath her palm, she would open her eyes and hear that familiar, sleepy voice.
Namtan continued to stare but nothing changed. The empty space remained empty. The warmth she had felt beneath her arm was gone. Her lips started to tremble. She didn't even realize she was crying until a tears slid down the bridge of her nose and disappeared into her pillow.
Her eyes closed tightly, she pressed her lips together, trying to keep the sound inside her chest. A quiet sniffle escaped anyway as her shoulders moved once. She tried to breathe, to accept the emptiness beside her.
It was unfair how the dream had been too real. She had felt Film, touched her, heard her voice, watched her smile, even kissed her.
For a few precious hours, Namtan had been given a life where everything had worked out.
A life where Film was with them. Rakjai had grown up with both of her mothers, their home had been filled with laughter. Where she could wake up and reach across the bed without fear.
Namtan kept her eyes closed. A warm touch suddenly brushed against her cheek. She froze when she felt the touch, her eyes opened. For one terrible, beautiful second, her heart leapt.
The face in front of her wasn't Film's.
It was Rakjai, their daughter. She was awake now, lying on her side and facing her. Small fingers moved gently over her cheek, wiping away the tears that had gathered there. She kept wiping the tears from her mother's eyes, again and again. The way she one time saw her mama Film had done it.
Namtan's breath broke, a sob escaped her before she could stop it. Her daughter looked at her with sleepy eyes, concern replacing the remnants of sleep on her face. And suddenly, this time, Namtan didn't just see Rakjai, she saw Film.
She saw her in the softness of her daughter's eyes. In the little curve of her smile, warmth of the hand against her cheek, the way Rakjai instinctively reached for her when she was hurting. In the little girl who existed because two people had once loved each other enough to dream of her.
Namtan's chest ached, Film had been right, she thought. She didn't have to look very far because she was right there.
Namtan lifted her hand and gently caught the one resting against her cheek. She held it tightly, her fingers wrapped around Rakjai's tiny hand as another sob escaped her. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
Rakjai's brows furrowed, she scooched closer. Then, with certainty of a child who knew exactly what her mother needed, she pulled her hand toward herself. She placed it over her chest. Her mother's palm settled against the warmth beneath her pajamas. Rakjai placed her own hand over.
Namtan felt her daughter's heart beating lively as her eyes filled again. But this time, a smile appeared through her tears.
She felt the heart that had been given to her daughter. The heart that had been given a second chance, that was all because of Film.
Rakjai watched her mother softly. “It's okay, Mama Tan.” she tightened her little fingers around her mother's hand. “I miss Mama Film too.”
The words broke something open inside Namtan, her eyes closed. She bowed her head slightly, trying to breathe through the ache.
Rakjai continued, there was something startlingly mature in the way she spoke, even though she was only seven. “Mama Film told me once in a dream...” Namtan looked at her. Her expression softened. “...that if I see you cry, all Rakjai has to do is this.” she gently tapped Namtan's hand against her chest, right above the heart.
Namtan stared at her daughter, realizing the gesture, the words, the little smile. It was all so unmistakably Film.
Namtan reached for Rakjai and pulled her into her arms. Her daugther immediately wrapped both arms around her. Namtan held her tightly, her grip wasn't desperate, it didn't seem as though she were afraid the little girl would disappear. She held her close enough to feel her breathing, enough to know that the heart inside her was beating.
Rakjai rested her cheek against Namtan's chest. Her tiny hand moved slowly against her mother's back, tapping it lightly in a gentle rhythm.
Namtan closed her eyes. She could almost hear Film's voice again. If you ever feel like you can't find me... Namtan buried her face in her daughter's hair. Just hold our daughter a little closer, my love. Her arms tightened, she understood now.
Film hadn't been saying goodbye. not really. She had been teaching Namtan how to find her, and perhaps that was the cruelest kindness of all.
Because yes, she would miss her, she would miss her every morning and every night. She would look for her at every dinner table where there should have been another chair, at every little thing Rakjai did that reminded her of the woman she loved.
But she would never be completely gone, not while the love they had created remained alive in the little girl Film raised.
Namtan slowly pulled back enough to look at her daughter. “What else did mama Film say?”
Rakjai's face brightened almost immediately. “Oh,” she shifted in her mother's arms, suddenly much more awake. “She said a lot.”
Namtan laughed softly through her tears. “A lot? That doesn't sound like your mother, sweetheart.”
Rakjai nodded enthusiastically. “No, it is her!”
She held up her fingers. “She said I have to listen to you. She said I shouldn't steal chocolate ice cream before dinner. Mama Film said that when I get older, I have to take care of you.”
Namtan's smile faltered for just a moment. She brushed Rakjai's hair away from her forehead. “She told you that?”
Rakjai nodded. “She said you're strong, but sometimes strong people need hugs too.”
Namtan's eyes closed, another tear slipped down her cheek.
Rakjai immediately wiped it away. “Like this.”
“Like that,” Namtan laughed quietly.
Rakjai nodded proudly. Then she hugged her mother again. “I can give you lots of hugs.”
Namtan wrapped both arms around her. “I know,” she kissed the top of her daughter's head.
Rakjai began enumerating about the things her mama Film had apparently said in her dreams. She yapped the way children do when they have something important to say and don't understand that some stories are meant to be saved for later.
Namtan listened to every word, she didn't interrupt, she didn't rush her. She held her daughter and listened. Beneath her hand, Rakjai's heart continued to beat.
Namtan understood that she doesn't have to treat everything she had with Film as just a memory or a ghost, but as the love she left behind for them. The love that no matter what happens, it didn't disappear. It learned how to live and continue to keep moving forward.
She kissed Rakjai's forehead and held her a little closer. “Tell me more about mama Film, sweetheart.”