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Like most kids his age, Ult was very bad at managing his emotions. After a certain incident where Liko, Dot and Roy had been lightly messing with him at dinner, where he got so embarrassed that he ran off about to cry, he’d been directed to talk to Mollie at least once a day. She was the adult on the ship that he was most accustomed to talking to, and she saw her younger self in him quite frequently.
At some point, she learned that he had little to no experience with writing and schooling outside of what a woman she did not know named Emma taught him, Mollie decided to give Ult a notebook. She told him that he could write down whatever he was feeling, whether positive or negative, so he wouldn’t be as prone to his outbursts. Ult was reluctant to use it at first, but after a few weeks and realizing that nobody would see what he wrote, he started using it very frequently.
Ult had a small interest in learning to do new things, but he never really got to do anything with that given that he’d never been to a proper school. So, learning to write better and having a notebook to himself helped him a lot. Before long, he’d doodle in there too. To the other adults on the ship besides Mollie, it seemed like such a loud, aggressive boy wouldn’t take well to something like writing or drawing, but Mollie saw how creative Ult was in a lot of aspects, and figured he’d be able to find a way to use that to calm himself down.
None of the other kids on the airship knew about Ult’s journal, and they’d hardly noticed that Ult had been bothering everyone on the ship less due to it. Dot was always in their room and hardly talked to Ult anyways, and Liko would hang out anywhere on the ship to draw or play with her Pokemon. Roy was always in the captain’s room with Cap, or helping Orla in the engine room. After a few weeks, Navi would start coming to bother Roy instead, and only then did he realize that Ult had stopped trying to talk to everyone else as much. He’d still talk to everyone during meals, and he’d train with Roy sometimes, but the more Roy thought about it, he started to worry the tiniest bit.
So, one day, after dinner, where Ult would retreat up to the observatory deck with Sableye, Roy expected him to be training. However, Ult had been sitting on the floor of the observatory, with Sableye in his lap as he used his backpack as a crappy table. Once Ult realized that someone else was in the room with him, he quickly shoved his journal in his backpack, hoping Roy didn’t see him.
“What are you doing..?” Roy asked, a bit confused why Ult would be doing something like writing, and Ult said quickly “Nothing! Why are you up here?” He figured Roy would only ever talk to him if he needed something; after all, it’s usually Ult that has to initiate the conversation to ever hang out with Roy. After the time he's spent over the past few weeks writing, he’d started to get into his own head about how the others saw him, namely Roy. He’d decided to test if anyone would actually talk to him if he stopped going out of his way, and, unfortunately for him, he was right in his suspicions.
So, when Roy came up here to talk to him, out of the blue, Ult was skeptical. To Roy, it seemed as if Ult was acting how he did when he first met him. Roy took a moment to think, before saying “You, uhh.. You’ve been up here a lot more than usual. I was wondering what you were up to. I'm not used to all the alone time,” trying to play off how much he really noticed the lack of Ult’s presence around him all the time.
“I figured I was annoying ya’ and the others.” Ult says casually, as if it was fact, and continues before Roy could respond, “. Mollie gave me this journal, she told me to write in it. That’s what I’ve been doin’. It’s mega-annoying though.” He was trying to act as if it was a chore, as if it was embarrassing for him to actually have found some sort of hobby outside of training.
Roy went right over and sat down on the seats behind where Ult had been sitting on the ground, and he said bluntly “Who told you that you were annoying us? I got so used to you following me around, it’s kinda lonely. Are you trying to avoid me or something?” Ult froze up and said “Well, uh.. I dunno. I just kinda got that impression. You guys pick on me a lot, so it’s..” He trailed off, he didn’t wanna admit that to Roy’s face. “It’s none of your business! I just felt like it’d be better if I was up here doin’ stuff instead. You guys are mega-close, I don’t wanna get in the middle of that.” Ult said quickly, Roy’s face softening at the other boy’s words.
Roy got up to sit on the floor, right next to Ult, stepping carefully around the rocks scattered around the floor, and he said “You’re not annoying me. And, I like having you around! Just because I’ve been friends with Liko and Dot since forever doesn’t mean that I want you to ignore me.” Whatever words were in the front of Ult’s mind dissipated at Roy so bluntly stating that he liked having Ult around, and the shorter boy avoided his gaze.
Sensing the start of an awkward silence forming, Roy piped up and said “Can I see the stuff you wrote? It’s alright if not, though. If Mollie made you start journaling stuff, it’d probably be personal, right?” Ult froze up again, scrambling to push his notebook further into his backpack.
In truth, Ult would write about a variety of things. The first few pages were about things that made him mad or upset, and he definitely didn’t want anyone seeing that. But, more than that, he was embarrassed about the pages afterwards. At some point, he’d started wondering about what people he knew thought of him, so he made a page for each of his friends, plus Navi and Emma, and would write things that he liked about them, and things that he wished he could tell them he didn’t like them doing.
Much to Ut’s dismay, the supposed-to-be-singular page about Roy turned into 5 whole pages, the majority of which ended up being positive things. He felt as if he’d want to crawl into a hole and die if Roy ever saw those. But, he also really didn’t want Roy to leave the room yet, so he reluctantly pulled his notebook out, and said bluntly “Only look at the first few pages. If you look at the other pages, I’ll get Dragonite to point a Hyper Beam at your head.” Roy stiffened up, and said “Alright, alright, only the first few pages then.”
Ult peered over Roy’s shoulder as he read, rather embarrassed about Roy seeing the stuff he’d accidentally poured his heart out into, but Roy seemed like a mix of impressed and empathetic, because he’d glance over at Ult with a hint of sadness in his gaze, before looking back down at the paper when he’d realized Ult’d seen him. The pages Ult had allowed Roy to read were written in crappy handwriting that he’d magically been able to read most of, and most of it was about how weak he felt in comparison to everyone else on the ship, and why he wanted to become so strong in the first place.
After a few awkward minutes on Ult’s part, he saw Roy flip to the pages about everyone he knew, and he said “Do you wanna read those? They’re kinda boring.” Roy, on the other hand, was already halfway through reading the page about Navi first, to which he said to Ult “Maybe you should try being nicer to her, if you care so much about her. There’s so much sweet stuff written on this page, but I see you two do nothing but fight. Yet, you care about her, right?”
Ult was caught off guard by Roy’s comment, and he muttered “.. It’s mega-hard to do that. Navi doesn’t know about how I was as a little kid,” in reference to his homelessness; a topic Roy refused to touch unless Ult himself brought it up. So, Roy just nodded and said “When she’s a bit older, you can probably tell her then. She cares a lot about you too, y’know. She’s called you “big brother” before when she talked to me about you, but don’t tell her I told you that.”
Ult looked at him, surprise in his face, and he said quietly “She did?” Roy responded back with a grin “Yeah, she looks up to you a lot more than she acts like she does.” Ult felt a bit proud of himself for that, before he saw Roy flip the page to the pages Ult had written about Emma. He’d written 2 pages about her, and most of it was full of things that made Roy a little sad.
“Y’know, you and Ms. Emma is a lot like how me and Friede used to be.” He said quietly, and Ult said “Used to be?” Roy avoided Ult’s gaze, and decided to keep reading, reluctant to talk about his current opinion on Friede, now that he was the acting leader of the Rising Volt Tacklers. Ult felt that he shouldn’t push further, so he didn’t.
As he flipped to the next page, he started to realize that the crappy doodles on the sides of the pages were supposed to resemble the people he was writing about, and Roy said “Is this part about Liko?” Ult said awkwardly “.. Yeah.” Roy read some of the things Ult had written about his best friend, and Roy said “I think you and Liko would be really good friends if you talked to her more. She’s very awkward around a lot of people, but she’s super nice! She and I became Trainers about the same time, she’s like my first rival. She likes drawing a lot too, maybe you could get closer to her through that.” Ult sat quietly for a moment, before saying bluntly “She’s scary. Dot, too.”
Roy stared at him blankly, before laughing and saying “Scary? She’s not that bad.” Roy looked down at the paper, and saw a small comment that was written almost illegibly, “She reminds me of Emma sometimes.” Roy decided not to comment on that, but he told himself internally to remember that. Ult saw Liko like he saw Emma? That explained why he wanted to be her friend so badly, then.
Roy flipped the page, to see a drawing that resembled Dot and Quaquaval, and he said “You’re writing about everyone before me! Where’s my page?” Ult stiffened up and said “You’re NOT reading your page…s.” Roy looked over at him with a teasing grin and said “Pages? Plural? I’m even more curious now.” Ult said firmly, his face warming up “No! They’re mega-stupid anyways, not somethin’ you’d wanna see.” Roy decided to drop the topic and read the page he was on instead.
After a few minutes of Ult carefully peering over his shoulder once more, to be certain that he didn’t turn the page, Roy said “Dot’s a lot nicer than they act. They care a lot about everyone, even if they spend a lot of time in their room.”
“Y’know, Dot used to never come out of their room.” Roy says, his voice becoming a bit quieter. “But, when they met Liko, they got interested in becoming a trainer, so Liko and Quaxly slowly got them to come out of their shell. They’re someone I think you’d be really good friends with.. If you two would talk without arguing.” Ult seemed to ponder the possibility, and said “.. Maybe I’ll try talking to them. I know they like Sableye-”
While Ult was talking, Roy sneakily turned the page, and Ult tackled him in an attempt to get the notebook out of his hands, while Roy read off the page out loud, a huge grin spreading across his face as Ult scrambled to take the notebook from him. Roy accidentally read ahead and saw a bit that made his face go bright red, as Ult snatched the notebook back, shoving it into his bag.
Ult’s face was bright red as well, avoiding Roy’s gaze. He didn’t know what Roy’d seen of that part, but he knew it would probably be held over his head forever. Roy looked at him wide-eyed, thinking about the words he’d read.
In Ult’s crappy handwriting, he’d seen “I wish he’d talk to me more. He’s my mega-best friend, and I don’t wanna imagine getting older if he isn’t there, too,” as well as some random comments about how his “big pretty eyes” pissed him off, and how he wanted to see Roy get “a taste of his own medicine” in reference to how embarrassed Ult always did when he’d get teased Roy. He wasn’t able to see much more, because Ult had ripped the journal out of his hands.
Did Ult... like him? He only wondered what the rest of the page said. He saw the other page next to it seemed to be about him too. Could there have been more? The thought of Ult even having so much to say about Roy made his face warm up further. He knew it couldn’t be all positive… right?
“Uhh, Ult, can I, um.. See that again?” Roy asked, trying to act like he didn’t see much of it. He was really curious, but he knew Ult would be pissed if he read any more without his permission. Ult, on the other hand, looked at him in bewilderment, and he said “Are ya’ out of your mind?! Course you can’t!” Roy took a deep breath and said, regaining his composure “Alright. I don’t wanna read anything you don’t want me to see.”
“Buuuut..” He continued, a grin spreading on his face. “I saw some of it, you know.” He got closer to Ult, and, just to mess with him, leaned in and batted his eyelashes at the other boy. Ult gave him a deadpan stare, and Roy said dramatically “What else did you have written in there about me? How many pages?”
“I barely wrote anythin’. You’re crazy.” Ult muttered annoyedly, though he had to hold back from laughing a bit at Roy’s antics. He hadn’t tried to mess with Ult like this ever since he’d first met him; he missed Roy’s old silliness just a little bit. He was certain he’d written something about that in his journal, too.
If Roy’d already seen a bit of what Ult’d written.. It couldn't be that bad if he saw the rest. Is what an idiot would say, of course he wasn’t showing him the rest of his journal, Roy’d learn how much of a sap that Ult really was, and he did NOT feel like enduring that level of teasing the rest of his life.
Well… the rest of his life didn’t sound too bad. But he definitely didn’t want Roy to know right now. Ult couldn’t even really pinpoint if they were really best friends, or if they just needed to communicate more. That’s another thing Roy would see if he read the rest of Ult’s notebook; he didn’t write more than a page of it, but a page nonetheless of stuff that Roy’d done that made Ult feel horrible.
He used to ditch him all the time, tell him off, call him annoying. He understood now that Roy did that to get him to leave him alone; it was a matter of protecting him from the danger of being a Rising Volt Tackler at the time. He knew that Roy probably didn’t mean any harm deep down, but some of the stuff he said before still stuck.
Remarks about how annoying he was, how much he ate in comparison to everyone, how much of a loudmouth he was; yet he still cared for Roy deeply. He’d say things that hurt him, yet he’d crawl back to his side no matter what. He was like a magnet with how he seemed to be drawn to him, and no matter how far Roy tried to push him away, Ult was always right there at his side.
Now, it feels as if the roles have switched now that they’re on the airship, and Roy dropped any attempt of trying to shoo Ult away, He seemed to even like Ult’s presence, based on what he said earlier, but Ult would freeze up at being even the tiniest bit vulnerable around Roy, but… he stayed now. He knew why he didn’t stay before, but a part of Ult felt bitter that he only stays now, and not before.
He didn’t want Roy to know any of this. He didn’t want him to feel bad, or, even worse; he didn’t want him thinking that Ult hated him, when it was the polar opposite. All they seemed to do was hurt each other, so the feeling of the two slowly warming up to one another and learning to love each other despite everything felt so unfamiliar to Ult. Unbeknownst to him, but Roy felt just as unfamiliar, but, instead of shying away, Roy went head-first into showing he cared, even if it was so confusing to Ult.
Roy snapped Ult out of his thoughts, poking him on the cheek with the same grin from before still present in his expression. Ult blinked in surprise, and Roy said “What’s on your mind? Is it related to the stuff I saw?” Roy returned to his spot from before, where he sat on the floor right next to Ult, and he looked over at him and said in a more sincere tone “I’m sorry for snooping, I know you told me you really didn’t want me seeing it.”
Ult avoided his gaze and muttered “It’s fine. Not quite sure all the stuff you saw, but it’s probably nothing I’d ever say to you aloud.. In a way, I can say a lot more in that notebook than out loud. It’s mega-embarrassing to say stuff like that out loud.” He glanced over at him for a second, his gaze softening when he looked at Roy, before looking away again.
“Yeah… I get that. I’m pretty bad at saying stuff out loud too, with you.” Roy admitted sheepishly, quickly clarifying afterwards “Like.. in the sense that I’m usually pretty good at talking to the others. I don’t usually sound all that smart, but it’s like.. I can’t form words as easily around you or when I'm talking to someone one-on-one. I.. I know I've been kind of a prick in the past, and I’m really sorry, it’s ‘cause I’m not used to actually having friends that can, well, talk to me.”
Roy’s expression turned to one that seemed to have a hint of nostalgia in it, before asking “Do you know what I’m even talking about? I mean that all my friends before meeting the Rising Volt Tacklers were the Pokemon on the island I lived on.” Ult looked at him, clearly listening intently, though he acted like he didn’t care. “I kinda get what you mean. I grew pretty used to some of the wild Pokemon in Lumiose’s back alleys. That’s how I met Sableye.”
Roy looked back over him and met his eyes, his own lighting up. “Yeah, I kinda get it..! In a way… Not exactly, I know it was a lot harsher for you. I hung out in the forest on my home island a lot since all the kids that I knew were way older than me, so I grew up with Pokemon instead. So.. that might explain why I’m not the best at actually talking to friends my age, since Liko, Dot and you are the first friends I’ve really had besides my grandpa. I can’t exactly have these kinds of conversations with Skeledirge, y’know?” He said, a bit of awkwardness in his tone.
“I know it’s no excuse, but, at least I hope it gives you some closure.” Roy muttered, looking back over at Ult. The other boy piped up and said “.. Yeah. It’s kinda similar for me… well, not really. I guess it depends how you look at it”, a clear awkward tone of voice coming from Ult, but he continued, “That’s also kinda why I don’t want you seeing some of the stuff I wrote. Some of it might make you feel bad, and I’d feel mega-bad if that happened.”
“Ah.. Not that I expected it to be all positive or anything, I’m just surprised that all of the stuff I saw then was positive.” The other boy said bashfully, and added “Maybe show me the strictly negative stuff so it won’t be embarrassing, and so I know what not to do.” Ult bluntly said “No. I don’t want you thinking that I hate you or anything. I care a lot more than I say, which- I mean, it’s not like I care about you a mega-lot or anything, it’s just- No wrong impressions if you read it, I mean. Which, you won’t, since I’m never letting you see this again..” He’d gotten more embarrassed as he rambled on, while Roy watched him with a small smile on his face.
“Alright, alright, I’m not gonna ask about it again. For real this time.” Roy said, leaning to his side onto Ult, his head on his shoulder. Ult froze up, before asking bluntly “Don’t you have stuff to be doing?” Roy sighed dramatically and said “I don’t wanna do it. I should be getting up and asking Orla for more advice on how to do proper repairs in the captain’s room, but I don’t wanna right now…” Ult thought for a moment and then said with a small grin of his own “Nobody would think to find you up here, right?”
Roy’s smile from before would return, and he’d say “Can I stay up here? Really?” Hiding up here with Ult sounded better than any chores he had to do. Ult leaned his head on Roy’s and said lightly “I dunno, can you? Aren’t you the leader?” Roy lightly punched Ult in the arm, saying a “shut up” under his breath as his smile widened.
As the time passed, Ult would’ve worried that Roy’d get bored up here with him, but before they knew it, a few hours had passed, and they’d ended up curled up together, sprawled out across the observatory room seats. Roy’d been scrolling on his phone, and Ult watched whatever Roy was watching.
At some point he felt himself start to doze off, yet for once, he felt in full confidence that he wasn’t going to wake up without Roy there. They’d fallen asleep near (or on) each other many times, and this time, Roy laid there awake on his phone, while Ult fell asleep, thinking of the journal Mollie had advised him to write in.