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Love on the battlefield is often cheap and shallow but sometimes it can be a knife to the heart. Joshua sat in the back of a wagon, on top of some barrels of booze, thinking about it. When he killed Caellach, he really didn't feel anything. Then he sat down and thought about it, spinning it around in his mind like the coin rolling between his fingers. Whatever they had when they were younger and dumber wasn't love but it was as close as they'd ever known. It was gold, glory, and guts propped up by their egos.
Joshua's ego just couldn't survive under his.
He reaches under his hat and touches the eye sewn shut, feeling empty space where it shouldn't be. Caellach just watched and it was his sign to find better company. The hand drifts down, feeling his face in a misguided attempt to understand. When he touched Joshua like that, did it mean anything? Or did he go through the motions? When he killed his mother did he feel any remorse? Or was it the same indifference as when they cut out his eye?
With a sigh, Joshua flips his coin. "Heads."
It lands on tails.