Chapter Text
It's too much noise.
King's Cross is always noisy. There's always too many people laughing and chatting and too many birds chirping and too much sound from the train even before it moves. Nothing's different today. Except, usually, Sirius' loud laughter is enough to override whatever noises get to Regulus.
Maybe that's different. And, Regulus supposes, it'll stay different this way for the rest of his years at Hogwarts.
His mother is talking to him. Telling him about something important probably. Whatever she finds important, at least. Regulus finds it all incoherent. The only thing he feels from his mother are her cold hands on his shoulders like claws.
"Regulus, are you listening?" She huffs, digging her nails into his shirt.
"Of course, maman," Regulus blinks, slowly glancing at her over his shoulder.
Orion rarely comes along with her to drop them off. As usual, his absence is not much of a change. In fact, that's one thing Regulus is relieved about. The fact that his father is never present on these days.
His silent judgement is replaced by a heavy weight. Like eyes.
Regulus ignores the feeling, swallowing despite the dryness in his throat. His mother is still talking.
"I think the train will leave, maman, I should go," Regulus says once she's done with speaking of whatever it is she was speaking of. Something about the Dark Lord. Regulus' head hurts.
He remembers why Sirius left. Of course, he does, it wasn't all that long ago.
Their parents promised him to the Dark Lord as a death eater. Sirius didn't like it, a Gryffindor through and through, and argued back, saying he wasn't like the rest of them. Monsters.
Arguments weren't unique in Grimmauld Palace. It was just that argument, that night, a few days before Christmas, where Walburga hurt him. Badly. She'd never hurt either of them that badly before. The punishments revolved around getting a prized possession thrown, or starvation one night, or... well, simply anything but that.
She'd screamed at Sirius about how he was coming under the influence of 'those blood traitors' he roamed with. She'd thrown things at him. Sirius was no less, fueling the fire until she just snapped.
Regulus remembers feeling paralyzed, standing just there in the room. He could've ran ahead. He could've helped.
But how could he have done that, anyway? What could he have done? Nothing. He was nothing against Walburga and Orion. They'd have hurt him too. It wouldn't have saved Sirius.
Yet, he almost changed his mind when Sirius' screams had gotten too much. He thinks he imagined it, or maybe not, how Sirius looked at him as if expecting him to intervene, at least. To make an excuse and—help.
Regulus wonders if the night would've ended differently if he had helped. He has always been a bit of a coward, he'll admit. There's a reason he wasn't a Gryffindor.
Walburga is still talking. Did she not hear him or is she simply ignoring him? She probably thinks he's speaking irrelevant things again.
"—ever interact with those blood traitors! They'll wash your brain like they did with that blood traitor you called your brother!" She scoffs, fingers tapping against his shoulders impatiently.
"I hear you," Regulus hums, eyes scanning the station to find a familiar face with blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
No luck.
"And remember, you should know your purpose, to eventually serve the Dark Lord—"
Maybe she's already in the train?
"—because we cannot anger him by promising a soldier—"
But she usually waits for him on the station.
"—and giving him nothing. Understood?"
"Yes, maman," Regulus nods, "I should get going now, I'll be late."
Walburga's fingers tighten, making Regulus still in place. He doesn't turn around, certain, nonetheless, that she's staring at him as if ensuring her words got to him through his skull. A moment later, she lets go, nodding at him.
"Make us proud, Regulus," she says, turning and leaving not long after.
Regulus watches her go, feeling this numbness inside him. He wonders if, beneath that numbness, there's still love remaining for her. And Orion. Or if it's rage. Nothing at all, perhaps? Regulus thinks about nothingness too often nowadays. He feels like nothing.
"Reggie, baby, I missed you!" Pandora's familiar voice makes him jump, her arms wrapping around him from behind and the grin clear in her tone. Regulus sighs, suppressing the shiver down his spine.
He doesn't like the feeling of eyes on him.
"Hello," he says, once she finally lets go of him.
"Hello?" Pandora raises a brow, one hand on her hip.
She remains silent after that. Regulus also remains silent. He doesn't feel like talking.
Pandora blinks and he blinks back.
"Okay, so, what?" She huffs, pointing at Regulus with narrowed eyes. "You look different."
Regulus stares at her, wondering whether he wants clarification or not.
"Different how?" He ends up asking eventually.
"Like, more depressed?"
Regulus exhales, shaking his head, "I'm just exhausted."
Pandora's expression softens as she drags him along, resting a hand in the crook of his elbow. "Oh, yes, I heard what happened... is this a bad time to wish you a belated happy birthday?"
Regulus' lips twitch up for a split second.
"No, I don't think so."
"Great!" Grinning, Pandora's voice blurs out the rest of the nose, "then happy belated birthday!"
For a while after that, Regulus stops thinking about nothingness and cowardice and mistakes. There's something about Pandora that makes it easier. Everything feels almost peaceful. He doesn't even have to focus on where he's walking, he knows he won't fall.
Regulus' head hurts.
Somehow, his eyes find his brother in the distance, who looks quieter than usual. Is this why Regulus didn't hear his voice? Because it's usually the loudest and today he's quieter? No, it's because Regulus wasn't paying attention to him. And he won't. He has no reason to talk to Sirius.
His eyes shift over to the person beside Sirius.
Like it always has, Regulus' heart, the traitor that it is, beats too fast again, if only for a second, at the sight of James Potter.
Unusual is the feeling in his head, that his body thrums with. Something like resentment. Something like jealousy. Who he's jealous of, he can't tell.
Regulus decides he should not interact with Potter this year, and the following years, for the sake of his own sanity.
He looks away.
At least none of them were facing him and Pandora to notice his staring.
His head hurts.
—
They're in a compartment.
"—and she saw me, I'm telling you!"
Regulus blinks slowly. He had zoned her out. He doesn't remember zoning her out, but he must've because he doesn't remember half of what she said. Or half of their walk here.
"Evans?" He guesses.
"I just said that, yes," Pandora continues, rolling her eyes.
Regulus sighs, glancing out the window. The train is yet to move.
"I still find it very stupid that you pursue her," he remarks dryly.
"Oh, and you're one to talk?" She deadpans, looking thoroughly unimpressed. "Sure, Regulus, at least I don't have the fattest crush on a guy who barely tolerates my existence and—"
"Okay, ouch? I would not call it a crush, but still." Regulus scrunches up his face, putting a hand over his chest, wounded. But then again, he supposes he was asking for that. He's quite aware of the stupidity of the situation, alongside the fact of how cliche it is. Meeting his brother's best mate and falling for the guy immediately while the guy in question dislikes him and is already in love with this other girl?
Regulus and Pandora both love to joke about things that hurt.
If they were normal, then perhaps they wouldn't. But Regulus is a Black and Pandora is a Lovegood and being purebloods is already something they don't like to think about, if only because of the life that comes with it.
"Are you sure?" Pandora hums skeptically.
Before Regulus can answer, he hears laughter from outside the compartment. His eyes follows the sound, finding Sirius and friends walking past. Regulus looks away, adamant on not making eye contact with his brother. He doesn't know whether he hates his brother for leaving or feels hurt over it. Pandora's eyes remain on the glass until they leave, though the voice faded long before their footsteps did.
"He was looking at you, you know?"
"Who, Potter?" Regulus replies dryly, glancing over at Pandora. A guy can only hope. The look in her eyes tells him otherwise.
"Now don't be like that," she sighs, leaning back. "I'm sure he's just curious about your staring earlier."
Regulus hums absently.
Staring? No. They couldn't have noticed unless they had eyes on the back of their heads.
"On the station, remember?"
"Right," Regulus doesn't pay much attention to her, biting the inside of his cheek.
They were only alone for so long before the compartment door opened again.
"Morning," Rosier draws out, finding a seat on the empty berth opposite Regulus and Pandora. Beside him is Crouch. They're both Regulus' dorm mates, but frankly, Regulus neither trusts them nor cares for them. Much like plenty of other people, these two, too, attempt to talk to Regulus for his family name. Befriend him.
Not that they've made it obvious or that Regulus is sure of it, but he'd rather not risk it. Having doubts is better.
"Morning," Pandora gives them a half-smile without meaning it.
"Say, Regulus, we heard something the other day," Crouch muses, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His eyes gleam with interest.
Regulus' head hurts again. Too much focus. On him. On other things? He shakes his head.
"Is it true, then?" Crouch adds. His voice is loud, like the noise on King's Cross.
"What do you think, you prat? That's not a nice thing to joke about," Pandora huffs.
"Hey, now, Lovegood," Crouch chuckles, raising his hands in mock defense. "No one's joking. We were just curious."
"And worried," Rosier adds.
"Very worried." Crouch nods along. "Yes, it's just that our beloved Regulus is always so closed off, and we find out his blood traitor of a brother is causing him problems as well."
Rosier shushes Crouch, inching forward before he gets up and sits on Regulus' other side. Regulus feels Pandora's eyes fix on him long enough.
"You probably don't wanna hear it, Regulus, we understand—"
"So you do." Pandora mutters sarcastically. Rosier gives her no mind.
"Totally," Crouch hums, eyeing Rosier with an unreadable look before his eyes find Regulus again.
"Anyway, so, in case you wanted to get your mind off things, how about—" Rosier continues again, despite being cut off.
"How about you lot leave?" Pandora cuts him off again, staring through Rosier's soul, truly. Regulus will give it to him, the guy has some nerve not only staring back at Pandora but also with a similar intensity. If they weren't so different, Regulus feels they could be friends.
"You're no fun," Rosier huffs, at last, getting up to sit beside Crouch again with crossed arms.
"Neither are you," Pandora retorts.
"Don't be a bitch."
"Well, don't be a jerk."
"How about you don't be his babysitter, I doubt Black needs one."
"He also doesn't need your commentary."
"You must really care about your boyfriend, Lovegood."
Crouch snickers at that, giving Rosier a high-five. Pandora glares at them. Regulus' head still hurts. In fact, it's all so dizzy. He might as well ignore them.
—
Crouch and Rosier left.
When they left, Regulus doesn't know. He must've fallen asleep.
When he wakes, it's with his head back against the head of the berth and Pandora staring out the window beside him. The train is moving. He was probably asleep for a while considering it already seems to be the afternoon. He tries not to think about it.
"Good sleep?" Pandora asks, shifting her gaze from the window to him.
"Mm, how long have I been out for?" He asks, blinking at her.
Pandora stares at him momentarily. She has a habit of staring at people in general, but today she's been staring at him quite often. She's very perceptive.
"Not too long," she finally says.
"Right," Regulus mumbles, breaking the unspoken stare-off before standing up. "Be right back."
Pandora's eyes follow him.
Regulus really hates the weight of people's staring. Even if it's people he likes, which is mostly only Pandora.
———
Pandora watches the door shut behind Regulus and leans back with a sigh.
It's because of what happened, she tells herself. His brother just ran away. He's alone, and hurt, and...
"This is truly the beginning of the end," Pandora groans, brushing her waves away from her face.
When Pandora was young—like, really young, about five or six years old—she had this dream. In her dream, Pandora was a spectator. She saw a star, bright and blue, burning. And yet, it burned in water as it went deeper and deeper. Technically, that would be drowning, she supposes. So, the star drowned. There were claws tearing it apart, brainless creatures dragging it down in that dark place, where the star was the only light before it was buried under the depths of the waters. Over the years, she has had more dreams.
Visions.
Pandora has yet to tell anyone about it. Her parents didn't care for her childish nightmares, and people her age often found her unusual.
At eleven, on meeting Regulus Black, Pandora recognized him immediately. She had to befriend him. Had to save him.
He was the star.
If Pandora was having visions, and the most prominent one was of someone's death, then surely, she was here to help him.
In all honesty, Pandora didn't even know Regulus. Not personally, anyway. But something in her wanted to know him. Something claimed to know him either way. And when they met, it was like they were already friends.
By now, he's her dearest friend.
Why would anyone want their dearest friend to die?
It's tragedy, it is; the tale of Regulus Black. He can never know. He already looks so exhausted for a boy so young, and now this thing with his family issues growing worse. He doesn't need to know about his impending doom on top of that, and besides, if Pandora changes his fate, he won't have to face that either way.
He had been acting oddly too. It could just be his mental state being bad right now, but that doesn't make Pandora worry any less.
She'll just—keep an eye on him. For his sake.
———
Just my fucking luck.
"Could you move?" Regulus deadpans, standing as straight as he can with the most passive expression on his face.
"Could you?" Potter replies, not even looking at Regulus as he stands in the middle of the way.
Why did Regulus' stupid heart have to pick this one?
"Potter."
"Black," James glances over at him, uninterested. The usual brightness in his eyes or the grin on his lips is nowhere to be found. What was Regulus expecting anyway.
With a sigh, Regulus crosses his arms. He takes a look around, wondering why Potter was here without Si—the rest of them. He glances inside the compartment across which Potter stood. Before he can get a good look, the door opens.
"How long were you planning on standing here?" Lily Evans huffs, hands on her hips as she leans against the doorway. There's the faintest smile on her lips.
Oh.
Regulus exhales sharply, deciding to stare at her instead of Potter, who, from the corner of Regulus' eyes, is smiling somewhat. Jolly day for Regulus. Just great.
"As long as it would've taken for you to want to speak to me, Evans," James muses, entirely ignoring Regulus' existence now.
This is fine.
"Wow, how gentleman-ly of you, Potter," Evans hums, unimpressed and sarcastic.
At least Evans doesn't ignore Regulus' existence, even if all she gives him is a wary but curious glance.
"Afternoon," Regulus tips his head towards her. She carefully nods back.
"Could you move him from—" Regulus tries.
"So, I was thinking—" Potter begins at the same time. His smile twitches. Regulus' heart does that thing where it aches and, now, aside from having a headache, he has chest pain.
"Right," Evans says very slowly, looking from Regulus—glaring at Potter—to Potter—ignoring Regulus entirely—before nodding to herself. "James, how about you come inside, me and the girls are just sitting."
"Aw, thought you'd never ask, Evans," James grins at her with that signature brightness of his before brushing past.
Evans lingers by the door, looking at Regulus with an odd expression.
Does she know?
Regulus stares back before she eventually nods and leaves.
Okay, not weird at all.
Regulus should just move on. Not like the day can get any worse with his bloody headache and now this.
Whatever.
It's not like Regulus ever expected anything at all.