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When Shane came home from grocery shopping, he immediately noticed something wasn't right. Anya wasn't there to greet him when he stepped into the house like she usually did, tail wagging, hoping one of her dads got some nice treat or another toy for her. Ilya also would have told him if he went outside with her for a walk - they always told each other when they left just to make sure nobody was worried.
He got rid of his shoes and jacket as quickly as possible, carrying the bag with the groceries to the living room. "Ilya?" he asked, the paper bag slightly rustling in his grip.
Ilya was sitting on the couch. Anya was lying next to him, her fluffy body pressed up against his thigh. Shane's chest tightened because Ilya was just… staring at nothing while tears were running down his cheeks. They rolled down to his chin and then dripped onto his arms and lap. Ilya's phone was lying on the carpet in front of the couch like he had dropped it.
Shane didn't even realize he had dropped the bag with the groceries when he was at Ilya's side within a few seconds, sitting down on the couch next to him carefully. "Baby?" he asked, voice quiet and soft. Shane placed his hand on his husband's shoulder. "What happened?" Anya whimpered quietly, not moving an inch where she was still pressed up against Ilya.
His husband still wasn't moving and Shane was really worried now. "Ilya?" he asked, moving his hand from Ilya's shoulder down to onto his arm and to his hand. Shane wrapped his fingers around Ilya's and gently squeezed. That seemed to pull Ilya out of his haze. He blinked - what caused a few more tears to fall - and then turned his head to look at Shane.
The expression in Ilya's eyes was hollow and unfocused and a raging storm of emotion at the same time. "Alexei," he said so quietly it was barely audible. Ilya grabbed Shane's fingers and held on to them as if he needed to anchor himself. "His wife called me. He-" Ilya exhaled loudly, shakily. Shane could see his adam's apple tremble. "He died." Ilya's eyes were widened in horror, as if he was just now realizing what he had been told.
"They found him in his apartment. My old apartment. He overdosed and-" Ilya's voice broke and he shook his head. He cursed softly in Russian and Shane wrapped his free arm around him, gently pulling him closer. Anya lifted her head and looked up at them before she climbed into Ilya's lap. It was obvious that she could feel Ilya's distress and so, she laid down on his lap, seemingly not willing to leave his side.
Ilya pressed his face against Shane's shoulder when the first sob rocked his whole body. Shane's eyes were prickling with tears now as well and his chest felt too tight because seeing Ilya like this felt like his his heart was being ripped to shreds. All Shane wanted was to see the man he loved more than his own life to be happy. "Ilya", Shane said in a trembling voice and he tightened his hug, holding his heartbroken husband close. "I am so incredibly sorry."
"Why?" Ilya asked after a few more moments of crying in Shane's arms. He sniffled loudly and then looked up at Shane, eyes full of tears and so much pain. "He hated me and we haven't spoken in years, so why does it hurt so much?" Ilya asked, his face wet with tears, lips trembling, and Shane's heart broke even further. He leaned his forehead against Ilya's.
"Because he's still your brother. And you never stopped loving him despite everything that happened," Shane said, his voice impossibly soft. Ilya had so much love to give and everything he ever wanted was to be loved back. He always wanted Alexei to love him, to be the big brother Ilya had always wanted to have. Needed to have. So now, Ilya was grieving a brother that had hated him, whose love he had always fought to win - but also a brother he could have had, who might have been there for him. Who might have loved him back, might have accepted him. Shane couldn't stop his tears from falling.
Ilya sobbed harder, his face contorted into a grimace of pain. Grief. Loss.
"I just wish-" Ilya started to say, but his body was shaking hard with his sobs and he was barely able to speak. "I just wish he would have given me the chance to love him. I just wanted him to be my family." Ilya curled up into himself, his free hand grabbing Shane's shirt while his other hand was still holding on to Shane's. Gently, Shane started caressing Ilya's back and leaned his head on Ilya's.
"I know, baby," he answered softly and his tears fell into Ilya's hair. "I know."