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Will wasn’t sure he’d ever been quite so close to throwing up without having done so. It felt like every time he even breathed he was risking the contents of his stomach spilling on the floor. The only things helping at the moment were the slow, steadying breaths he’d been taking, as well as his boyfriend’s hand rubbing slow circles on his back. At least they’d found a secluded corner where no one could really see them. Will was pretty sure he’d fall apart if he had to pretend they weren’t dating at the moment.
The low murmuring from Macklin talking on the phone was nothing more than white noise in Will’s head.
“No, yeah, we’re gonna be boarding the flight pretty soon. In like, maybe ten minutes? We should be landing around 4:15, I think. Sure. Sounds good, thank you, Grace.”
With that Macklin ended the call with Will’s older sister, and gave Will his undivided attention. Will was counting the loose threads on his San Jose Sharks branded backpack. The “2” was fraying the worst, barely distinguishable, but the logo wasn’t far behind. It was probably time to get another bag.
“Hey, Will, wanna drink some water?” Macklin asked, handing him a water bottle they’d picked up from an overpriced airport gift shop. Seriously, they may have been millionaires, but paying that much for water was extreme.
Silently, Will took the water from Mack and took a few small sips until it felt like too big an ask to drink any more.
“Thanks, baby.” Macklin said with both fondness and concern evident on his face. Will just wished this nervousness would get the fuck out of his head.
The cause for all of this anxiety was because Macklin and Will were headed to Boston for a week, and for the very first time as a couple. After a lot of thought (and a few fights), Will decided to come out to his parents on this trip.
Macklin had come out to his family months prior, nervous yes, but in the same way anyone would be introducing their partner to their family. He knew that although his family was intense, they’d accept him with no second thought.
Will’s family… that was a different story. Growing up religious gave Will something to fall back on during hard times, and he was grateful for it. There was no way he’d have made it through NTDP without the faith he had that God was watching him, making sure Will was on the path he was meant for. Truthfully, religion just made Will feel less alone. He didn’t go to church or anything unless he was home, but he prayed before every game, and then whenever something urged him to. Perhaps when feeling extra thankful for the boyfriend he woke up beside every morning, or when something was weighing on him and he didn’t quite have the words to speak it out loud.
Will even gets this weird sinking feeling in his gut when someone is talking about God or Jesus and doesn’t capitalize the “h” in He and Him.
All in all, Will didn’t hate religion or anything, and in fact quite appreciated it. Except for when it came to this. His parents had made it somewhat obvious that they didn’t adore the idea of gay people. They’d be nice to everyone because that’s what God called them to do, but behind closed doors it was a lot of “Lord, please save them from their sin.” It wasn’t looking great for Will’s acceptance, but he hoped that because he was Will, their son, possibly they’d be willing to rethink their ways. That hope was the only way he’d be able to do this.
Grace knew, and Will cringed a little every time he thought about how she found out. It was one day mid season, and Will and Mack had spent all day out and about. Between training, sponsorships, and then also just previous commitments with friends and teammates, they’d both just wanted some time together. Too bad Will forgot Grace was coming for the next few days to watch the next home game. The only saving grace was the fact Macklin and Will hadn’t gone past an intense makeout, even if it was going further pretty quick.
Will had literally pushed Macklin off the bed, just for Grace to start laughing so hard she cried. Once she calmed down she reassured Will that she still loved him, but she’d rather stab her eyes out than ever see her younger brother in that situation again. A lot of tears were shed that night, but a weight was lifted off of Will’s chest.
He’d been too nervous to tell his parents about it for months. What got him to actually lock the fuck in and man up was what Will thought may have been his last conversation with Macklin.
“I can’t come out, Mack! My life would fucking fall apart!”
“Jesus Christ, Will, I’m not asking you to do a whole fucking hard launch on Insta, I’m asking you to tell your family that you’re dating me.”
“My life is still pretty likely to fall apart if I were to do that. We’re fine as we are. Grace knows!”
“We aren’t fine though, Will! I’m drowning here and I don’t think you get that. Grace knows and that’s great and all, but that doesn’t exactly mean we can be celebrating Christmas together, now does it? If this is gonna be a forever thing like we’ve talked about, we can’t keep this up. I get it if I’m not worth this, but just be honest with me, and we can both move on. If you don’t love me enough to risk something then how can I know I’m worth anything to you? I’ve been so patient but I feel like I’m being dragged along and that I love you more than you love me. Just tell me if we’re gonna break up or not, I can’t keep doing this.” That stunned Will enough to make him shut his mouth for once and actually think about what was going on.
Not worth it? Fuck, Macklin might as well have been the reason Will’s sun rose and fell every day. And for loving him? Will doesn’t think he knows anything else. He may have loved him since dev camp, or even before then, when they faced off against one another in college and Will couldn’t help but admire the intensity in his opponent’s eyes. And how enticing those eyes were. Breaking up? Not until hell freezes over.
“Mack, no, please, baby. I love you so much sometimes it gets hard to breathe. I promise you’re worth everything I can give you and more. I wish you’d said something sooner, I’ll come out to them. I’ll do anything for you, I can’t lose you. We’re forever and a half, you and I. If I’d known this was eating at you I would’ve done something sooner. You’re it for me, I promise. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else, I’d risk it all for you. Please, come here.” Will opened his arms and Macklin fell into them, sobs wracking his body. Tears fell down Will’s face as well. The rest of the night felt somber but the air was lighter than it had been in a while. Will vowed to himself to never not notice the change in atmosphere again.
He wasn’t lying when he said he’d risk it all for Macklin, but that doesn’t mean it makes it easier. Especially when he knows how much Will really is risking. Family has been so dear to Will for as long as he could remember, it was drilled into his brain that those were the people he could rely on if all else failed.
Will wasn’t sure he’d have that family to rely on after this.
He took a deep breath and interlocked his pinky with Macklin’s free hand, his other arm still rubbing Will’s back. “We’ll be okay, Mackie.”
If Mack was startled at his rather sudden words, he doesn’t show it. “We will.” With the amount of absolution in Macklin’s voice, Will can’t help but think any other outcome is possible.
Boarding began soon after, and Will somehow ended up falling asleep almost as soon as he put on a romcom he’d seen a million times. He hadn’t slept much the last few nights, though, so maybe it makes sense.
Will only wakes up briefly a few times, once to get the drink the flight attendants serve (which he just ended up giving to Mack) and a few times from some turbulence. The whole time Macklin seems to be locked in on some action movie he put on his phone after Will fell asleep.
Too soon for Will’s liking, they land in Boston and the sinking feeling in Will’s stomach increases in anticipation. At least Grace was picking them up, and not his parents or something.
Speaking of.
William:
yo we landed
just gotta get our bags
Graciam:
Okay awesome! I’ll be there soon :)
I’m excited to see you!!!!!
William:
ya, me to
Graciam:
Too*
William:
genuinely fuck all the way off, u KNOW that was a typo
Graciam:
Should’ve checked your message before you sent it
Will scoffed at his sister, but turned to Mack to let him know Grace was on the way. Macklin smiled and bumped Will’s shoulder. Now, in the midst of a crowd, they weren’t able to be so freely touchy. Most people—teammates and random people online—would say they’re overly touchy, but they don’t know how much Will and Macklin actually do make an effort to keep their hands to themselves. If they kept in contact as much as they truly wanted, their secret would be out in the matter of a few minutes.
The luggage carousel eventually spat out their bags, and it didn’t take long for Grace to find them sitting under the “Arrivals” sign outside. Grace immediately pulled Will in, and he stood there for what felt like hours, now desperate for the comfort of the one family member who would never let him go.
“Hey, you’re gonna be okay.” Grace murmured into Will’s ear as he pressed his forehead to her shoulder. He was taller than her, but something about his older sister made him feel small again in a way that felt safe. It didn’t take long for a few tears to soak into the sweater she had on. Will clutched at the material as though if he let go then she’d vanish.
Throughout it all Macklin stayed patiently nearby, loading their things into Grace’s car to give the Smith siblings some space, but remaining close in case his boyfriend needed him.
The drive to Grace’s apartment was pretty quiet aside from some music playing softly from the radio and a bit of small talk from Macklin and Grace. It wasn’t anything substantial, not in the usual way that all three of them would typically be in high spirits and making a bit of a scene—even though Grace always argued it was just the two boys who were loud enough to do so. Macklin had quietly led Will to the back seats of the car so that they would be able to more comfortably hold hands. God, how Will loved Mack. Will even said a short prayer in his head, thanking Him for bringing Mack into his life.
Will was glad that they had the foresight to plan to stay at Grace’s rather than their parents’ house. It got kind of tricky trying to explain why they’d stay with Grace instead of Bill and Colleen, but eventually they accepted the excuse of “I haven’t stayed at Grace’s yet, I need to see what kind of host she is.” It was a lame excuse, but it got Will’s parents to agree so he really didn’t care.
By the time they actually got to Grace’s place, they couldn’t really do much more than drop their bags and give Mack a quick tour, then they were off to the Smith household.
Well, Will did end up throwing up in that timeframe of being at Grace’s, so there was enough time for that as well. It was made worse with the fact it was mostly just bile on account of Will being too nervous to eat much of anything all day.
The drive there was pretty much the same as before, but instead of Will and Mack sitting together in the back, Will moved up to the passenger seat. He didn’t want his parents to be watching through the window and see them both in the back, Will was sure that would raise questions he didn’t want to have to answer so soon.
When they finally arrived, Will didn’t know if he was still breathing. Who even needs oxygen, right? Everything was absolutely fine.
Okay, so maybe everything wasn’t fine. He was sitting at the dining table ready to keel over and die. The food on his plate—his favourite dinner his mom makes when he’s home—was being pushed around with his fork, nothing actually being eaten. When his parents had said grace earlier, each word just felt like the knife in his heart was getting pushed in deeper and deeper. It was tough, since he used to always beg his parents to be the one to say grace; he was always so excited to do so. Now he felt hollow as he listened to the words.
Mack was beside him, and seemed to see the internal battle going on in Will’s head. As the only real comfort he was able to give at the moment, Macklin hooked his ankle around Will’s, a silent gesture that said I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It helped Will a little bit, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to even fractionally calm down until he confessed his secret.
The only thing that had felt normal so far from the night was the fact that Rigney had barked and practically attacked him when he walked through the door. At least his dog would still love him either way. Especially with the way he kept feeding Rigney treats under the table.
“Will, you alright?” Asked his father. Will startled at the sudden question directed towards him, having gotten used to the conversation that was flowing around him.
“Uh, yeah, yeah I’m good. Thanks though, Dad.”
“Are you sure, Will? You’ve been rather quiet all night.” His mom spoke this time. There was worry evident on her face, but Will couldn’t find it in himself to even attempt to make sure all of her worries were put to rest.
“I’m fine. Just have something I wanna talk to you guys about, but like, after dinner probably.”
Both of his parents clearly wanted to say more, ask questions, but they must’ve seen the way that one sentence took everything Will had to even speak aloud.
Dinner passed in relative silence, Mack carrying the conversation for both Will and him. Will wanted to step in and help, knowing how much Macklin hated small talk, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Maybe this entire situation is what it means to love someone. To do something that makes you uncomfortable just so that the person you love can have at least a little more comfort. The thought brought Will a little peace.
By the time dinner ended and was cleaned and packed away, Will prayed for a meteor to strike Earth. Or maybe just him. But then Mack would have to go through that grief silently, not able to publicly express how much it really affected him.
Fuck, maybe Will should just grow a pair and man up at this point. Seemed like the best course of action, it was too late to back out the minute they got on that plane.
“Let’s uh, let’s go sit in the living room?” Will asked, Grace giving him a soft but reassuring smile. He couldn’t help but see the fear in her eyes.
Will couldn’t remember the last time he willingly went against his parents’ wishes. Sure, he wasn’t a well behaved kid per se, but he never went out of his way to upset his parents. Not this time.
Once they were all seated, his mom and Grace on one couch, him and Mack on the other, and his dad in the recliner, Will felt the blood drain from his face. Okay, so he was really doing this. Perfect, perfect.
His mom made a motion with her hands as if to say go on, we’re listening.
“So, uh. Umm. Okay. Well, y’know how the past year and a half whenever you wanted to set me up with a girl from church or whatever, I kinda just…like, waved you off? Uh, the truth is, umm, I am dating someone–” Will’s mom cut him off.
“Honey that’s great, why wouldn’t you tell us? We’d love to meet her!” Will grimaced, his face surely looking like he just ate a lemon.
“That’s kinda the problem. You have met her, but she’s not…she’s not a she. It’s—I’m dating a guy. Umm, and…you like him, a lot. You’ve told me before. The guy, it’s—it’s Mack. I’m dating Macklin and I really, really love him and he’s like it for me, like we’re gonna get married and adopt kids at some point.” It was out there, and Will desperately wanted to grab the words out of the air but he knew there was no way to come back from what he just said. At least now Mack grabbed his hand, tracing slow circles on the back of it with his thumb.
The silence sat for a long while, so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Will knew he must’ve stopped breathing, if the frantic taps of Mack’s hand on his were any indication. He tried his best to do the breathing exercises one coach had taught him, it only helped to get enough air to speak one more sentence.
“Can you, umm, can you say something, please?” It was getting hard to see with how many tears he was trying to keep from falling.
“Oh, Will,” his mom started, and for a second, Will had a glimmer of hope, that she’d say we could never love you less, you're our son, but that wasn’t how his life went. “I want to accept you Will, I really do, but…it’s not right in the eyes of God. We’re called to serve Him, and this…isn’t that. We love you so, so much, I just hope you get the help you need.”
His stomach dropped out of his body at that. “No—Mom, please. I can’t—I can’t do this without you. I love you, don't do this please.”
Will looked at his dad, but his dad stayed eerily silent, not an emotion displayed on his face. He wouldn’t even make eye contact with Will.
“I think it’s best if you head out, dear.” And that was the final twist of the knife that got him to shakily stand up, lump in his throat, and pull Macklin throughout the house and to the front door. There was no doubt in his mind that Mack wanted to say some pretty choice words to his parents, but thankfully, despite popular belief, he did understand time and place.
Rigney chased Will and Mack as they made their way to the door, unaware that this was very likely the last time they’d meet.
After Macklin had put his own shoes on, he helped Will with his, seemingly aware of the completely numb and unmoving state he was in. The only thing Will was able to do was give Rigney a few pets, say “I love you, gonna miss you,” and then he was back to his catatonic state. Mack slipped a hand around his waist, helping to hold them up as they stepped outside onto the driveway. Grace was only a few minutes behind them, and in the short timeframe Macklin had gathered up Will in his arms and whispered sweet nothings to Will, intermittently softly kissing the crown of his head.
She unlocked her car and gave them the space to exist as just the two of them, trusting Macklin to take care of her little brother while she drove.
Back at Grace’s, Macklin thanked her for her help with everything, then helped Will get ready for bed. On a typical night, the pair would stay up later, scrolling on TikTok or watching a movie together, sometimes even baking. Tonight wasn’t the night for that.
As soon as Will was in bed, laying in one of Mack’s old shirts and Will’s favourite pair of sweats, he broke. A sound escaped him, it sounded like it belonged to a wounded or dying animal. Will felt like he was. Dying, that is. He was expecting it to hurt, but he thinks that this was worse than anything his imagination could’ve conjured up. It would’ve been preferable if his mom had started yelling at him, telling him he was doomed for hell, saying she didn’t love him anymore. This, though? The love in her eyes as she told Will that who he loved was against God’s word, that he needed help? That was so, infinitely worse. She loved him, Will knew she did, but she wasn’t willing to look past his ‘sins’ and just love her son.
As he thought about this, a text came through on his phone.
Mom:
Will, Dad and I really do care about you, and we hope that once you are over this temptation we are able to have our son back.
I know we raised you better than this, we raised you in God’s image.
Will shut off his phone and threw it across the room.
A sob shook his body as he cried out. “Mack,” was the only word Will could manage. Macklin ran out of the bathroom attached to the guest room, toothbrush in his mouth and lacking a shirt. When he saw the state Will was in, he hurried to spit out the toothpaste in the sink and was midway through yanking on a shirt when he got to Will. He didn’t hesitate to pull Will into his chest as Mack sat against the headboard of the bed.
“I got you, I got you. It’s gonna be okay.” Mack said it more like a plea, than a consolation.
“No, no it’s not, I want my mom but I can’t have her, she’s supposed to love me, Mack, why won’t she love me like she’s supposed to?” Will heard a hitch in Mack’s breath. Tears fell in steady rivers down Will’s cheeks, one replacing the other before it even fell from his face.
“I don’t know, baby, I just really don’t know. But I love you, I’ll love you forever, yeah? You’re so easy to love, Will. One day we’re gonna win the Stanley Cup, we’re gonna get married, and we’ll have kids. We can get a dog or two as well; anything for you. You deserve everything. You were so brave tonight, you did so well. I love you so much.”
They sat like that for a while, Mack rocking Will while he was tucked into his chest. The quiet encouragement didn’t stop from Mack.
Will sniffed, suddenly trained of energy, although tears still lingered. It had probably been at least two hours of steady crying, that took a lot out of a person. His breath slowed, and before he knew it, he was falling asleep in Mack’s arms.
The sun was shining through a crack in the curtains when Will woke the next morning. He was usually the first one up, but he woke to Mack looking at him carefully, tracing the lines of his face. “Hey, Will.” Macklin breathed, quiet in a way that only the morning could bring.
“Hi.” Will’s voice was rough and scratchy from the crying the night before. It felt a bit like sandpaper, too.
“I’m gonna grab a drink and a snack each, alright? I won’t be gone long.” Will nodded, but felt a bit pathetic at needing this kind of reassurance. Obviously Mack wouldn’t be gone long, he was only walking down the hall, filling up two glasses, and probably grabbing protein bars. Still, it was nice to be told while in this fragile state. At least one person wasn’t trying to leave Will’s life.
True to his word, after Mack untangled his limbs from Will’s, he was gone for maybe three minutes before reappearing in the guest room. His breathing was a little bit laboured, and it warmed Will’s heart to know Mack cared enough to rush that much getting something as simple as a glass of water.
The rest of the day passed similarly, with Mack having to coax Will into taking care of himself. A gentle press on his back to guide him towards the bathroom, a hand helping to bring the water glass to his mouth, the refusal of allowing Will to look at his phone—especially his messages.
Somewhere in the apartment, Will can hear Grace moving about, probably getting ready for a shift at work. Well, at least one of us is doing what our parents wanted.
The next two days pass with the constant coddling from Mack. Every now and then Grace will check in with them, sometimes bringing snacks, sometimes just her company for a little while. She doesn’t say anything about their parents, about whether or not they’ve texted her.
On the third day after his disastrous coming out, Will is forced from his funk. “Will.”
“Macklin.”
“Guess what’s tonight?”
For a moment, whatever had made Mack so excited seemed to have slipped his mind. It had to be something big, as Macklin wouldn’t get this riled up about something small if it weren’t somehow related to hockey. And Will knew it wasn’t, because they’d already decided before coming here that they wouldn’t do anything to do with hockey, instead they’d save that for when they got back. That’s when it hit him. The main fucking purpose of why they planned this specific trip. “Oh shit—the concert.” They were going to the final night of his time in Fenway.
“Yeah, bro! It’s gonna be so good, I swear.” Will believed Mack when he said it. It would be Will, Mack, Grace, and Grace’s best friend. Initially when Grace had first snagged tickets, it was gonna be a best friends trip, but in the time between February and July, Will and Mack had officially become Willmack. It actually happened because of the tickets. That, and Mack roping Will into listening to the entirety of the artist’s discography, because “I can’t not know all the songs he’s gonna play, Will, that’d be so fucking embarrassing. And also I can’t be the only one to know all the words, so you do too.”
“Okay, Mack.” With the concert in mind, Will forced himself to get up and go through the motions. He could do this. It was just a few hours, then he could hide away again, and it would be okay. He only had this day, the next, and then like, half a day after. Then he’d be going back home to San Jose with Macklin, where they’d be house hunting for the upcoming season.
Everything he ate tasted a bit like cardboard, his melancholy mood apparently affecting his tastebuds. Will couldn’t even cry anymore, he just had a stony look on his face and red rimmed eyes. His eyes had never been so puffy. He mostly knew that because Grace had thrown him some eye patches and told him to “not look like you packed all your clothes for this trip with your eyebags.”
Sometimes the tough love of siblings really forces you to put life into perspective. Maybe if Grace still loved him enough to mock him like that, he wasn’t all that damned like his parents seemed to believe.
Grace’s friend got to their place an hour before they headed out, the girls doing their final touches together in Grace’s room. Will and Mack laid around waiting for them to be ready, Mack allowing Will to scroll through his phone only while under his watchful eye. It didn’t escape Will’s notice that his phone was on Do Not Disturb, hiding any messages he got or could be getting. Will didn’t turn it off.
At the concert venue, Grace demanded that Will and/or Macklin pay for her and her friend’s merch as well as their own. “What, you’re a pro athlete but can’t spend a few dollars on your sister and her best friend who she’d be lost without?”
When she put it like that, what was Will meant to do? He paid with minimal complaints.
Mack and Will got some merch too, just a t-shirt each, that would undoubtedly be shared with the other.
Finding their seats passed with little fanfare, and their tickets weren’t too shabby either. A bit far to the side, but honestly, they were just glad they got tickets anyways.
When the first notes began, Will saw everyone staring straight ahead, entranced. Will could admit, he was too, but the man to his right happened to catch his eye in a way no one else could.
“What’re you looking at?” Mack asked during a pause in the song.
“Not much with your ugly mug.” Will joked, allowing himself to lose himself in the moment. There was simply just the music deafening any other thoughts he could muster.
“Hey! I have it on pretty good authority you happen to love this ugly mug.” His indignant expression brought a small laugh to Will.
“Just listen to the music.”
Then The Song came on. Their Song. It wasn’t even a part of the usual setlist.
The opening lyrics caused Will to gasp, and Mack screamed “fuck yeah,” then looked over to Will, ecstatic. “Will, Will! It’s our song!”
“It is, Mack. He must’ve known we were coming.”
“He must’ve, man.” Will just laughed, thinking back to the evening they officially started dating.
The pair were listening to Noah Kahan’s discography at Mack’s request, not wanting to look like a “fake fan.” Will was in the middle of baking his latest TikTok recipe when Mack rewound a song, demanding Will pause his baking to listen to the lyrics. Typically, Will would roll his eyes, but there was something in Mack’s expression that told Will there was more to it than just liking the song. And so, he listened.
Brows furrowed, he allowed his mind to make any connections it could.
Let’s drive for no reason, let’s see where the wheels land.
With the opening line, he couldn’t help but think of all of those drives with Mack when they were bored but didn’t have a real plan of where they were going.
Oh, when you were a running tear, I was a drop of sweat
It seemed like every time one of the two boys were upset, the other would bend over backward just to make the other smile, sometimes overworking themselves in an attempt to rectify any problems. They were two sides of the same coin, similar in the ways that mattered, but differing in ways that allowed them to compliment one another.
That I broke a bone that never healed in my hand
So, when I hold her close, I might loosen my grip
But I won’t ever let her go
Hockey came with a lot of injuries, some physical like Will’s shoulder that would always have that looming threat of being reinjured, or mental like Mack’s hesitance to allow himself to indulge in the frivolities that life offers. Together they came with some baggage, but they’d make it work in whatever way they could.
Now I’m glad I get forever to see where you end
Basically since they became friends they’d talked about forever, and something in Will’s soul said that he would spend forever learning every single intricacy that Macklin Celebrini offered. He couldn’t think of a better fate to be given.
When the song ended, Macklin made a gesture as if to say “do you understand?” And Will did.
Slowly, he approached Macklin, who was sitting at the kitchen counter. Macklin turned in his chair, and soon they were face to face.
Will whispered “can I?” All it took was Macklin’s gaze dropping to his lips, and the smallest nod, and then they were kissing.
It took a minute for Will to get back to baking.
There was no big deal made of it, rather a simple question of “let’s be together?” And that was that. From that day on they were boyfriends.
That day, Forever by Noah Kahan became their own, and whenever it came on their shared playlist, they’d stop what they were doing and just bask in it together. This concert was no different.
Will held his arm around Mack’s waist while Macklin laid his head on Will’s shoulder, tucking himself into Will’s side. They swayed in time with the song, and out of the corner of his eye, Will could’ve sworn Grace took a photo of them.
Three songs to recover from that emotional experience was not enough for the song that began playing next. Most of the time while listening to the album, Will wouldn’t really give it a second thought, maybe a small acknowledgement of good lyrics but nothing more. After everything that happened in the past few days, suddenly the message became much more personal.
His heart dropped as the first line was sung.
Oh, when the weight left the room, did you take a deep breath?
Did Will’s parents finally breathe once their homo son was gone? How did Grace feel, staying the extra few moments with them, to leave behind everything she’s known just to stand in solidarity with Will?
Grace, God, Grace. What would Will do without her?
And we stay up and fight about the the childhood lie
That we both had the courage to leave
They fight and argue and scream, but at the end of the day, Will knows that no one has his back like Grace always has. Not even Mack, in some ways. Mack tried his best to be understanding, and he does such a good job, but there’s something to be said about the way a person understands you when they’ve gone through life with you, experiencing the same things.
And I wish I could know you much more sometimes
Wish I could do nothing with you
Will thinks the way his parents stared at him after admitting his love for Mack will stick with him forever. The way they looked like they wished he’d never spoken, wished they could keep pretending to be a happy family, the picture perfect idea of a God-fearing household. Will refuses to accept that the God he learned about in church, the one who is love, would ever hate him for who he’s destined to love. He kind of wishes he weren’t ever religious, that way he’d maybe still have his parents. But also, Will and religion are so intertwined he doesn’t know where one ends and the other begins. He doubts he’d be half the man he was without it.
If you’re willing, I’m able
Will just wants his parents to love him, and love who he loves. He’s more than able to forgive them for everything—even if he knows he probably shouldn’t. It’s not something that Will can help, he just misses his mom and dad and wants to get those bone crushing hugs his dad gives him and the cookies his mom makes like no one else. He wants his parents to love him again. Why was that so much to ask for? It didn’t feel like a lot to ask.
Dear God, just…just please.
Doubt crept into Will’s mind about what good his short prayer would really do, here in this loud concert. Other people’s prayers were undoubtedly more important. The sound of the music probably drowned out the voice inside Will’s head, anyway.
The only thing keeping Will steadying throughout this all was Mack, his arm around Will’s waist as it always was. Even when taking photos of fans, Mack would instinctively wrap his arm around Will’s middle, leaving Will to drape his arm across his shoulders.
They swayed and jumped in time to the music, the nonstop listening to Noah Kahan paying off with the way Macklin was able to sing along to each song.
By the end, not one of their voices fully worked, all at varying levels of hoarse.
Mack and Will giggled as they elbowed one another, giddy and riding out the high of live music. Grace and her friend just rolled their eyes, but the soft smile of Grace’s face revealed her happiness at seeing Will happy.
It wasn’t until they were in the Uber headed back to Grace’s that she demanded he accept her airdrop. Will did so, albeit a little hesitant about whatever it was she was about to send. To his surprise, there weren't any awful photos of him. Actually, they were all quite nice. Some photos were just him, others included Mack. He was going to keep looking through them, but a sudden wave of nausea stemming from the motion of the car hit him.
Will took measured breaths the rest of the ride. The cleaning cost of an Uber was so not worth it. And throwing up just wasn’t fun.
“Yo, Mack,” they’d all gotten back to Grace’s at this point, and Will had finally gotten a chance to lay down for a minute. “Come look at these photos Grace took of us.”
Curiosity piqued, Macklin wandered over from where he was fiddling with his white noise machine that he forgot to plug in during the day. It was dead now, so Mack had to charge it for a little bit before they’d be able to go to bed. They, because Mack wouldn’t allow Will to fall asleep without him. Dick.
“Hmm. That one’s pretty sick. The lights are glowy and shit. Makes us look all cute or whatever.” Despite Mack’s rather…subpar description, he wasn’t really wrong about the photo. Only their backs were visible, including Mack’s arm around Will’s waist. The lights and fans were going crazy in front of them, but they were looking at each other. Their faces were hidden from the angle, but the hair and their builds made it undoubtedly them. It was obvious how in love they were from the photo, but Will couldn’t really say why it was. Just that it was there.
“Should I post it on my Insta?” His private account, of course. He had his public one, where he’d make impersonal posts every now and then, but his private one was like a scrapbook of his life. There, Will posted at least three times a month. It was a way to update his friends and family about his life and everything personal without the whole world getting to see it.
“Sure, I like the photo. But I’m watching you do it, Will. Can’t have you looking at anything that could be…distasteful.”
“Oooh big word from you. Finally pick up a book?”
Mack’s eyes narrowed at the chirp. “You know I don’t read, asshole. I’ll show you something big you fucking—” With that, Mack jumped at Will.
“What the fuck?! Mack, that's absolutely wild to say.” Will said between the few puffs of breath he managed to get during the wrestling match.
“No—I meant that it was a big attack, you’re the one making it dirty, you pervert!” Mack’s face was growing red, whether from the accidental innuendo or the fight, Will wasn’t sure. They just laughed as they fought on the bed, neither one wanting to give in.
Eventually, they managed to come to a truce, and Will pulled up his Instagram account. The first thing he did was adamantly avoid even looking at the messages he could’ve gotten, but it didn’t help that the first post he saw was a bible quote. To top it off, it was one of, if not Will’s favourite quote.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another (John 13:34–35).”
Fuck. It broke something inside Will. Knowing this rule was one of God’s most important, but Will’s parents seemed to care more about sin than loving people unconditionally. It was a little ironic, seeing as though they don’t care about all of the other sins they commit. What about the way his mom gossips at church? The greed his dad displays when he’s merciless at the newest board meeting? Their anger?
Just his one sin, one he can’t control, is the one that condemns him.
Will goes to the plus sign on his profile, and begins making a story.
The background is the picture of him and Mack. Music plays, Willing and Able by Noah Kahan, starting at:
And I wish I could know you much more sometimes
And ending at:
If we found a way to the other side
I’d be willing and able
Finally, Will adds a bible verse. He doesn’t type the whole thing, only the verse. 1 John 4:11.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another.
For a moment, Will fiddled with his chain, with the cross that hung from it. He looked towards Mack, who watched tiredly, not fully understanding the significance of each piece of the puzzle he’s laid out as a simple Instagram story. That’s okay. Will would rather Macklin not have to go through these kinds of things, these silent pleas for the people he cares about to change their ways.
Will hits post.
Then, he goes the fuck to bed.
(Well, he tries. Macklin refuses until his white noise machine is charged enough for him to sleep as well, then he demands Will run his fingers through his hair. Apparently now that Will isn’t crying his eyes out, Mack has decided to go back to being a brat. Figures.)
A banging on the door wakes Will from his sleep at—he glances at the clock—8:37 in the morning. Not super early but still, Will would prefer he got the chance to sleep in. The past few days have been a lot.
Mack is still passed out like a light, his white noise still blasting on the side table next to his head.
Will carefully untangles Macklin’s limbs from around his torso.
Standing at the door is Grace, holding her phone which displays his story from the night before. The two look at each other, and then Grace says “oh, Will,” and wraps her arms around her brother. He stands there, breathing her in.
“You think they understood?” Will asks timidly.
“I can’t guarantee anything, but you’ve put yourself out there in such an unnecessarily humble and vulnerable way, Will. I’m proud of you.”
It takes three hours, forty-six minutes, and seventeen seconds for Will’s parents to show they saw the story. Of course, Will saw that they had viewed his story about one hour, twenty-three minutes, and five seconds ago. But who’s counting?
Surprisingly, it comes from Mack’s phone.
Throughout this entire process, Macklin was one person his parents hadn’t even attempted to contact. It made sense, in a very miserable way. Mack was the boy Will was gay for, why would Will’s parents want anything to do with the man? The first message was intriguing enough, but the entire exchange that followed made Will dizzy. With hope or fear, he wasn’t sure. Maybe both. Probably both.
Colleen & Bill Smith:
Colleen:
We understand you may not want to hear from us, but we believe that you are the only way this message will get to Will.
Macklin:
?
Bill:
We would like a chance to speak to our son, if you would allow it.
Macklin:
Will’s his own person, he can choose. I’ll let him know what you said.
If Mack was typing in proper sentences, with proper capitalization and everything, he was basically saying you barely deserve his time of day. Tough break for Will’s parents. But…a talk? What the fuck could they want? They already disowned him if Will didn’t break up with Mack, but they’d have to rip their relationship out of Will’s cold dead hands.
Or maybe he wouldn’t even be cold, seeing as though he was destined for Hell.
Macklin looked at Will carefully after he’d read the text thread. “Well, what do you wanna do? I’m with you no matter what you choose.”
“I think…I want to talk to them again. I know they don’t really deserve a second chance after what they did but I just—they’re my parents, Mack, I don’t know how to not love them. I can’t pass up an opportunity to have them back, I don’t think I could live with myself knowing I could maybe have them back, and I didn’t go for it.”
“Alright, Will, I understand. They’re important to you, so this is important to me, yeah? Whatever you want.”
“Yeah…would—would you come with me? I get it if you don’t want to see my parents again after the way they treated us—me—but I think I need you there.”
“Bro, I just said I’m down with whatever you want, holy shit get your hearing checked.” Right, asshole.
“You’re right, Bratlin, my apologies.” Will says and Mack rolls his eyes in response, however the gesture was rather fond.
“Me and you, right?” Macklin asked imploringly.
“You and I, technically, but of course.”
“Y’know what, forget I said anything at all. I hate you, you’re insufferable.”
“No, you love me.” Teased Will.
“Yeah, I really do. I do love you.” Mack replied.
“I love you too.” Macklin’s eyes softened at the sincerity in Will’s voice.
They had said the words so many times now it should have lost its charm, but Will doesn’t think he’ll ever get over it. Macklin Celebrini loves him, Will Smith. Out of everyone in the world, Mack chose Will. It made him feel quite special.
After a quick text exchange between Macklin and his parents (Mack felt it was good to have a middle man in this conversation, just in case—Will was inclined to agree), they agreed to meet in a few days. Will wanted to build up his courage again. And also give his parents time to take back the offer. Maybe if they had time to really think it over they’d decide to fully cut him off before seeing him in person and deciding then and there.
The following days passed with Macklin finding anything he could to get Will’s mind off things. He took Will to some of his favourite spots he found while living here for university, although Will knew a decent portion of the places on account of him living there most of his life. The thought that Macklin put into it made it worth it, though.
The days came and went, and suddenly Will was on his way to his childhood home once more.
It was yet another tense and quiet car ride. Wil had borrowed Grace’s car after a lot of back and forth of “are you sure you don’t need me there?” And “yes, I promise I’ll be okay with Macklin.”
Since Will was apparently in a right enough mindset, Macklin oh—so—graciously allowed Will the pleasure of being the driver, once again allowing Macklin to be the passenger princess.
Will’s front door once filled him with an overwhelming sense of comfort and nostalgia. Now it filled him with a sense of dread. However, there was something else. A flickering spark of hope that Will desperately attempted to stamp out. He knew how his last visit to this house ended, and he’d be damned (more than he already was) if he allowed his spirits to be crushed yet again. What was that saying? Expect disappointment and you will never be disappointed? Yeah, Will was trying that mentality at the moment. He wasn’t sure how well it was working.
Taking a deep breath, Will opened the door with Macklin following closely, a hand giving a gentle squeeze to Will’s shoulder before dropping it. Rigney was immediately at Will’s feet, causing a small smile to form on his face.
At least he saw Rigney again.
Looking further into the house, Will saw his mom making her way from the living room, a tentative look on her face. She’s holding herself stiffly, and a part of Will aches knowing he’s the cause of it. He was a mama’s boy through and through, sue him. Will tried not to feel too bad, repeating to himself that it was her reaction, not his actions, that caused it all. It only partially worked.
“Will, please, come in. It’s your house, too.”
Only at that moment did Will realize he’d been waiting for permission to enter. That realization made his chest feel tight, but the second part of what his mom said loosened the feeling. Maybe.
“Macklin as well, of course.”
It was silent as Will and Mack took off their shoes and followed Colleen to the living room. His father was once again in his chair, and everyone else sat in the same spots they’d taken a week ago. A feeling of déjà vu hit Will, but he just hoped that this night would end up differently.
There was a long pause in the tense air.
Will opened his mouth to speak, needing to break the silence, but his dad beat him to it.
“No, Will, you’ve been so strong in guiding and maintaining this conversation, but we believe it’s our turn to do so.” Bill said, voice stern yet not unkind. Colleen nodded, then began speaking, her eyes growing misty.
“Will, I think, no I know, I need to start by apologizing to you. Our reactions were ones based on unfounded fear and hatred for something we did not truly understand.” What? Please, please Lord, say they are serious. Please say his parents were maybe gonna love him still. Please. “That doesn’t excuse the fact that what we said and did, and what we didn’t say and do, hurt you immensely. You’re our son, Will. We love you so much and always want what is best for you. In our minds, at the time, we believed that loving another man wasn’t what was best, and it was scary. When you’re a parent, you want to protect your child with everything you have, but then they grow up and make their own decisions and you don’t agree, but being the parent doesn’t always make you right. We’re—I’m—learning that now. All of that to say, I’m so incredibly sorry that I couldn’t see the error in my ways before.”
Colleen looked towards Bill, giving him the space to speak as well. “I apologize as well, Will. You’ve always been strong, and have always had a strong sense of right and wrong, one that surpasses many which is shown in your actions. I see now that you loving Macklin is yet another way your moral compass transcends most. I was wrong to send you away when you were doing what you’ve always done best, not allowing any outside factors to stop you from giving so many people the immeasurable amount of love you have inside.”
Will was too choked up to get any words out, tears rapidly falling, but for once in what felt like forever, it was for nothing but pure happiness.
Macklin, however, had some qualms. “We both thank you for those kind words, but as someone who had to hold Will and he cried for hours on end, begging God to get his parents to love him, I need to know some things. What changed? Why the change of heart? Are you gonna eventually gonna tell us that we’re damned for eternity when you see us hold hands, kiss?” Will kind of wanted to strangle Macklin for bringing up such a depressing but possible reality. His parents could be okay with it in theory, but in practice is a whole other story.
Colleen took these questions in stride. “Well, one thing that helped was Grace chewing us out every day since that night. Goodness, I’ve never heard such profanity out of her. She really does love you. But it was what Will posted on Instagram that made us realize how wrong we were. You two looked so comfortable with one another, and so undeniably at peace, it was hard to reconcile it with being such a sin. And then the bible quote, one I remember hearing for the first time. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. And that’s true. And I love my son so much. That’s why we searched around for a pro LGBTQ church. There were many conversations with the pastor about this entire situation, about how we wanted to be better, and how we wanted to support you. He helped us to understand so many things. The pastor told us, ‘We must love one another, for that’s what God calls us to do above all else. We are all God’s children, and we are all sinners. If being part of the LGBTQ community is a sin that is so damnable, would you rather go to hell for love or for hate? Because I can assure you that this hatred will get you into hell much faster than their love or your support.’”
Not being able to sit there any longer, Will ran to his mother, and she readily accepted him with open arms. She wrapped them tightly around her son, and Will breathed her in. There was a second pair of arms around him soon, undoubtedly Will’s father. Will felt small again, but in a way that felt so comforting he couldn’t help but hold on tighter to his parents. His cries would have shaken his body if Will’s parents weren’t holding him just as tightly.
They stood there together for a long while, the only way to mark the passage of time was Mack’s quiet shuffles from petting Rigney.
Eventually, the three broke apart, sitting back down. Will fell into Macklin’s side, emotionally exhausted. There was obviously some uneasiness in Will’s parents, but more from a lack of exposure than a discomfort about the gayness of it all.
A thought seemed to strike Macklin—for the first time ever, Will thinks to himself. “So, what did you do to get used to stuff like us,” Mack questioned, gesturing vaguely to Will laying practically on top of Mack at this point.
Bill was eager to answer.
“Oh! Colleen and I watched Heated Rivalry. We thought it would be beneficial since you two are also hockey players, so you’d have a similar enough situation.”
Will felt his face immediately heat at the thought of his parents watching gay sex in an attempt to understand their son, but he appreciated the thought. Looking at Mack, it was clear that he was thinking the same thing, although he was just trying to stop himself from bursting into laughter. The thought really was sweet, but couldn’t they have watched something without sex scenes?
“I…see. That’s nice.” Macklin managed to get out when he finally calmed down enough to get a few words out.
Luckily, Bill and Colleen seemed too pleased with their solidarity to see the young couple struggle to conceal their feelings at this revelation. “Thank you, really. I appreciate you guys wanting to…understand me.” Will’s mom smiled gently.
“Of course, Will. I’m only sorry we didn’t try sooner. We’ll never be able to make up for the pain we’ve caused, but we hope this can be a start. Oh! And look what we got from Amazon!”
At that Colleen grabbed something from a box beside the couch that Will had somehow missed in all the commotion. From it, Colleen grabbed a giant progressive pride flag. It was probably about five feet long. What the fuck.
“We were going to hang it up somewhere inside, or maybe on the porch! People should know this is a safe space.”
“Right…that’s great, thanks.” Will and Mack didn’t even own one of those small flags people put in their pencil cups, let alone that giant thing.
The rest of the evening fell into the familiar routine Will had feared he’d lost forever mere hours ago. The only change was that Macklin held his hands through it all, and if he wasn’t holding his hand, he was holding his waist, or holding his thigh, or just doing anything in his power to keep constant contact with Will. It felt a bit like Macklin was testing Will’s parents, and Will really should tell him off for that, but he was soft when it came to Mack. The guy had broken his car window and Will just laughed. Will was pretty sure if Mack murdered someone Will would just be upset the person got their blood on Mack’s hands.
Near the end of the night, Will wandered onto the back porch, where Mack found him gazing at the sky. There were a few stars out already.
“You okay?” Macklin asked as he walked through the back door.
“Yeah, better than okay.”
“That’s good.”
“Mhm.”
They let the conversation stop for a moment, the sounds that night brings playing in their ears.
Mack broke the peace, shocker to no one.
“I think your mom bought us one of those huge pride flags.”
“Fuck. Let’s just hide it until she comes over, yeah? It so doesn't go with the decor.”
“Oh yeah, I already have a plan for where to put it up when she comes over and where to store it.” Mack huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “I’m happy for you, though. For a second, I thought I’d never see you smile again. It sucked, seeing you so broken, knowing I couldn’t really fix it. You deserve everything and more, Smitty. I’m glad they’re understanding that.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. But like, as in two like your number.” The smug grin on Macklin’s face for that awful joke might’ve made Will fall even harder for him.
“Fuck right off, actually bro.”
“You cannot be calling me bro when we just went through everything this past week because you’re my boyfriend.”
“You just called me ‘Smitty’ but ‘bro’ is too far?”
“Yes, I’m glad you understand.”
Will scoffed but couldn’t stop the lovesick look on his face. He turned toward Mack and gently kissed him. Macklin gladly reciprocated. Will was just happy he shut up for a moment.