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She's 5, swimming along with her older sisters, when she sees it.
It's a glint in her vision, a spark in the darkness.
She stops mid tailstroke, glancing back at the shadowy cave.
"Lisa!"
There it is again, a flicker of light in the darkness.
"Lisa!"
She follows it.
"Lisa, where are you -!"
//
Maybe she shouldn't have rushed into a cave, but she can't bring herself to regret it now.
The light reflects off the walls, a soft glow that takes her down twists and turns, the last flap of a fin before it turns a corner.
"Come here!" She calls. "I won't hurt you!"
She follows up, catches the round, black shape of it in her vision, and suddenly -
She's beached.
Soft sand beneath her stomach, water still lapping at her tail.
She gasps when she looks at the wall. Bioluminescence sticks to the crevices and glows, reflecting off the rock in shimmering patterns in time with the water.
She flips onto her back, the jagged ceiling of cave system above her. Bioluminescence drips like vines, beautifully bright. It reminds her of the palace back home, glittering in the dark of the sea.
Something bobs up against her.
She looks down at her tail, and she can't help the delighted gasp that comes out her mouth.
"Oh, an anglerfish!"
The little fish nods, its light bobbing with it, mouth filled with sharp teeth. It's so cute!!
She slips back into the water, crowding it excitedly. It swims back a little, and Lisa watches herself.
"Sorry," she says politely. "I got really excited when I saw you! Your light is so pretty!"
The anglerfish dips a little under the waves, almost embarrassed with the motion.
"It's true! I couldn't help but follow it all the way here! And what a pretty place you've found!" She can't help but gush, so happy to have found the little light.
The anglerfish jiggles from side to side happily. Lisa giggles.
"Can I touch you? I'm sorry I scared you; I promise I'll be gentle."
The anglerfish tentatively swims closer, and Lisa beams with permission. She gently draws a finger over the top of its head, revelling at the soft-hard scales.
"Thank you," she whispers, like a little secret, and the anglerfish swims up into her touch.
---
The anglerfish becomes her best friend. It comes with her everywhere, her little light in the dark.
It shows her all sorts of cool places, little hideaways in kelp forests and cave systems that gleam with pretty rocks.
It likes dark places. Lisa only likes dark places when she's with them.
It's hard not to feel comforted with her anglerfish by her side, perfectly snug and content by her side.
Sometimes, when she gets tired of the castle and her sisters, she'll swim just with them, and they'll sit in the dim light of a cave or a forest and breathe together. Their gentle light always guides her, never too far away.
It's strange enjoying the darkness. They never used to be fond of it, but it's not really darkness with Kota, the nickname she gave her anglerfish. They make the darkness feel safe.
It's fun playing with them too, chasing them in the open ocean, playing hide and seek and tag and when they get excitable and butt up against her, delightfully fond and ticklish.
Even as she grows up, her anglerfish remains ever with her, cute light and adorable wide smile.
She doesn't know what she'd do without them.
---
"Kota," she calls, and her beloved anglerfish swims up to meet her, tilting their head.
"Lara's gone missing."
Her voice is thick, tears and worry clogging her throat.
Her anglerfish nuzzles her cheek, their light tapping against her mouth.
She brings her hand to them, gentle nuzzling them back, sighing.
"She'll be okay, right?"
Her anglerfish can't say a word.
---
"The human world, Kota!" She cries, swimming in circles.
"What was she thinking!?"
She looks to them desperately, and they take Lisa's break in pacing to snuggle up to her stomach.
She deflates, stroking their scales.
"You see it too, right?" She murmurs, exhausted. "The palace. Its light is dimming."
She looks down at her anglerfish, her beloved companion and best friend of all her life.
"Kota... We have to leave. My family and I and all the mer. We can't live without light."
She swims down to their level, looking into their big round eyes.
"I'll have to leave here. I'll have to leave you."
Kota swims around her alarmed, bubbles erupting from between their sharp teeth.
"I don't want to either, Kota! But I can't take you from your home either."
Kota comes back to her, gently taps their light to her forehead, bubbles through their teeth.
"Okay," Lisa says, thick with tears and warm with muted joy, "you can come with me."
Kota seems satisfied, swimming under her arm and nuzzling into her waist like they always used to as kids, back when they used to fit perfectly into that little dip of her arm.
She can almost imagine their answer.
Always with you.
---
Lisa really, really doesn't mean to separate from her family this time.
A current caught her, swept her in speeding waves far away from the concerned shouts of her family.
Something presses against her head, little nudges.
She groans, pulling her body out of the sand.
"I'm up... Wait - Laura! Luna! Dad!"
She looks around desperately, tail stirring up loose sand.
Kota bumps her elbow and she jumps.
"Kota! Where is everyone else?"
They shake their head.
Lisa looks around desperately, nothing but quiet sand for miles.
"What - okay," she breathes, takes a long, deep breath, calming herself down.
"Okay. We're okay, Kota. I have you, and you have me. We'll find my family together."
Kota bobs, their light following them. Thank god for that, otherwise the darkness of the sea would be far too oppressive right now.
She curls closer to them, trying to project an aura of calm as best she can.
"We'll be okay. We'll find them."
---
It's storming. She knows that because a wave is chasing her right now, thick and rolling with sand and warm water.
Kota swims desperately along with her, trying their best to outrun the growing swell, little light visible in the darkness of the sea, the only thing that tells her they're there.
She can't get caught. She can't she can't she can't - she's already so far from home, - she can't - it's different from a current, this could take her to land -
The wave thunders behind her, swirls of water catching her tail and -
---
She coughs up on a wooden deck, alone.
---
The tank is dark. Darker than even the deep sea.
It is not boundless. There are no soft swirls of ocean currents to brush against her scales.
It is frigid in the way it never was under the sea, scales smushed up against cold glass.
It is smooth, no bed of sand or crutch of coral. Nothing for her to rest on, weary body contorted uncomfortably, desperate and aching for rest.
No light to soothe her.
The water is stale, dead and half-eaten fish rotting on the bottom of her tank.
She feels as though she will join them soon.
---
It is bright. Searingly so. It burns her eyes, hidden away in the dark for so long.
It is everywhere, all encompassing, applause raucous. It is too bright. It hurts.
It is too loud, tank too small, agitation working under her gills.
People speak, but she is too far away to hear them. Not in distance, but her mind is so very far away.
She is used to it.
No longer does she desperately bang on the glass, cry out to people that won't hear her.
She sits, lets the murky water filter through her gills, lets the sound and sights pass her by in quiet detachment until it's over.
It is darkness once more.
---
She is an object to these people. Not a sapient life form, with words and wills and wants.
She is a pearl they hide away in too-tiny clamshell, dirt and debris clinging to her once pristine scales.
At first, she didn't eat out of sheer disobedience, to hurt herself to hurt them.
Now, she cannot muster the energy to eat at all.
She wraps her arms around herself, and clings to what little heat she still has.
It is dark.
---
Sometimes, she imagines them.
Her little anglerfish.
Their gentle light.
Bobbing with their soft glow as they swim in the water, playful around her hands.
What she would give to see it again.
---
Dark.
Light.
Dark.
Light.
---
She watches vacantly out of her tank, frigid to her bones.
She watches, only half present in her own mind.
There is light.
It is only a small slither through hastily drawn curtains.
It is gentle. The light doesn't hurt her eyes, still so dim.
It ramps up in intensity quickly, but she can't bring herself to look away.
The lights flicker, bright and powerful.
It brings a faint heat to her tank.
And then -
The curtains are torn apart. Her light blocked by a human figure.
"Lady Lisa!"
And oh, that name.
That name that rattles something deep in her frame, something she thought she was still far too numb for.
That human comes to her, cradles her -
Their hands are so gentle. Cool, slightly slippery. It reminds her of the skin of her beloved anglerfish.
They haul her out of the tank. The glass shatters with a crash, water surging and pooling all over the floor. She gasps with the switch to air, brought bodily to the floor to rest on someone's lap.
"Lady Lisa!"
She blinks blearily at them, clearing both exhaustion and murky water from her vision. "... Who are you?"
She looks up at the person who holds her, their grey hair and eyes, teeth sharp and uneven in their mouth, corners down turned.
The light halo's them gently, flickering amber strands of hair.
"Finding things is the only thing I'm good for," they murmur, voice raspy, an echo of times gone by.
Lisa is limp in their arms, and they only hold her tighter for it.
---
The sea is endless before her.
The sun is setting, the sky awash with dark pink and red. The clouds glow with golden light, sun sparkling on the water on the horizon.
It's peaceful here, the waves lapping at the shore, the white noise and fresh air soothing an ache deep in her bones.
Kota cradles her hand, her family ring gleaming.
They are ever so gentle with her.
"How did you find me?"
Her voice is hoarse with disuse, faintly trembling in the nippy sea air and the warmth of their hand bleeding into hers.
Kota tilts their other hand into view, vials of blue glowing in their palm. The witches potion. Her breath hitches.
"Why would you...?"
"As long as you're safe, I'm all good," they murmur.
They tilt their head towards the sea, the breeze gently blowing their dark hair away from their tired eyes.
"You once praised me for my ability to find things. But really, you found me first."
Lisa watches their eyes, the bright reflection of the setting sun in them. She had always wondered if her friend could speak, what kind of voice would they have. Beneath the rasp of a new voice, there's something gentle to their low tone.
"That made me really happy."
Lisa drops her gaze to Kota's hands, blue vials clutched loosely.
"...What are you going to do?" She asks.
Kota stands, human skin and scales scraping against the rocks.
Against her better judgement, her heart jumps into her throat, beating rapidly at such a simple movement, desperate for them to stay.
"My duty here is done," they say, thin voice carried away on the wind, white shirt ragged. "You're safe. You should go back to your family."
And Lisa -
She watches their figure, smaller than her, dirt and cuts and bruised smeared over pale human skin and dark scales scratched out of place.
- Lisa can't stand that.
Can't stand the voice of her oldest, dearest friend sounding like that.
So she grits her teeth and yanks one of the vials out their loose, unassuming hands, ignoring every shout and warning and downing the vile thing.
The bottle is warm from their hands.
"Lady Lisa!"
Kota comes to her, rushes to clutch her hands, voice desperate and wrecked.
"Why... Why would you do that?"
Lisa coughs, swallows down the revulsion in the back of her throat, grabs onto her anglerfish's soft hands desperately, pulling their warmth close to her chest, desperate to make them look at her.
And they do, grey eyes wide, that soft amber from the sun a guiding light in their eyes.
It's only them, close enough to share breath, their hair gently curling into one another with the breeze.
The sun is so far behind the horizon she can't see it anymore. It sets in her beloved anglerfish's gaze.
The only light she'll ever need.
"You're the one who found me deep in the darkness, so please, continue to be the light that shines on me."