Chapter Text
Nagisa likes watching people.
Not in a creepy way.
At least, Nagisa doesn't think it is creepy.
People are simply interesting.
They make strange faces when they are embarrassed. They say one thing while obviously meaning another. They become angry when they are worried and laugh when they are nervous and sometimes cry when they are happy.
It is all very confusing, but it is also fun.
Today, Nagisa is watching Akemi-san.
More specifically, she is watching Akemi-san watching Kaname-san.
It happens while Mami is making tea.
Kaname-san is sitting at the kitchen table with Miki-san, talking about something that happened at school. Miki-san is eating a piece of cake that Mami specifically told her not to eat yet.
Akemi-san is standing by the counter.
She is pretending not to listen.
Nagisa knows she is pretending.
Every time Kaname-san laughs, Akemi-san looks over.
Every time Kaname-san says something, Akemi-san looks over.
When Kaname-san reaches for her cup and knocks it over, Akemi-san catches it before it falls.
She does it so quickly that Kaname-san barely notices.
"Thank you, Homura-chan."
"Be careful."
"I will."
Kaname-san smiles.
Akemi-san looks away.
Nagisa narrows her eyes.
Interesting.
She puts another piece of cheese into her mouth.
Gouda.
A good cheese for thinking.
"Nagisa."
She looks up.
Mami-san is holding a teacup in front of her.
"You've been staring at Homura-san for quite a while."
Nagisa swallows.
"She is doing something strange."
Mami glances toward Homura.
"Is she?"
"Yes."
"What is she doing?"
Nagisa points.
"That."
Mami looks.
Homura is doing absolutely nothing.
"Nagisa, I don't see—"
"She keeps looking at Kaname-san."
Mami pauses.
Then she smiles.
"Ah."
Nagisa looks at her.
"You know?"
"I know what?"
"Why she does it."
Mami's smile becomes slightly more awkward.
"Perhaps."
"Why?"
Mami takes a sip of tea.
"I think that might be something you should ask Homura herself."
Nagisa considers this.
She looks back at Homura.
Homura is now pretending very hard not to look at Madoka.
Nagisa decides she will ask later.
Probably.
She has cake to eat first.
٭☆٭
She forgets about it for approximately twenty minutes.
Then Kaname-san gives Akemi-san the last strawberry.
Nagisa remembers.
"Thank you," Homura says.
Homura looks at the strawberry.
Then at Madoka.
Her expression becomes very soft.
Nagisa stops chewing.
There it is again: That face.
She has seen Miki-san make it when Sakura-san isn't looking.
She has even seen Sakura-san make it when Miki-san is asleep.
Nagisa doesn't know what the face is called.
She decides she needs to find out.
"Kaname-san?"
"Mm?"
"Why did you give Akemi-san your strawberry?"
Madoka blinks.
"Because she likes them."
"Do you like strawberries?"
"Of course!"
"Then why didn't you eat it?"
Madoka laughs.
"Because I wanted her to have it."
Nagisa looks at Homura.
Homura is eating the strawberry very carefully.
"Oh."
Nagisa looks at the cake.
Then at her own plate.
There is one tiny chocolate curl left.
She doesn't want to give it away.
She thinks about it anyway.
She gives it to Mami.
Mami looks surprised.
"For me?"
Nagisa nods.
"You are making tea."
Mami smiles.
"Thank you."
Nagisa watches her smile.
That feels good.
Giving someone something because you want them to have it.
Maybe that is important.
She makes a note of it in her head.
Then she looks back at Homura and Madoka.
They are talking quietly now.
Homura reaches over and brushes a crumb from Madoka's cheek.
Madoka laughs.
Nagisa's eyes widen.
"Why did you do that?"
Homura freezes.
Madoka turns red.
"I—"
Homura looks at Nagisa.
"There was something on her face."
Nagisa looks at Madoka.
Then at Homura.
Then at the crumb on the napkin.
"Aaaah."
She accepts this explanation.
Mostly.
But something still feels strange.
٭☆٭
Later, Nagisa finds Sayaka in the hallway.
Sayaka is carrying two books and looking increasingly annoyed.
"Miki-san."
"What?"
"Can Nagisa ask something?"
"...Sure."
"Why do people touch each other's faces?"
Sayaka almost walks into the wall.
"What?"
"Akemi-san touched Kaname-san's face."
"Oh."
Sayaka keeps walking.
Nagisa follows.
"Why?"
"Because they're close?"
Nagisa thinks about this.
"Nagisa touches Mami's hair sometimes."
"Yeah."
"Is that the same?"
"Kind of."
"But you don't touch Sakura-san's face."
Sayaka stops.
Nagisa walks a few steps before realizing she is no longer beside her.
Sayaka's face is red.
"Why are we talking about this?"
"Nagisa is curious."
Sayaka exhales.
"Look, sometimes people just like being close to each other."
"Why?"
"Because it feels nice."
Nagisa nods.
That makes sense.
She likes sitting next to Mami when they watch television.
She likes when Mami brushes her hair.
She likes holding Mami's hand when they walk.
That feels nice too.
"So being close to someone doesn't always mean you like them in a special way?"
"No."
"What is a special way?"
Sayaka hesitates.
Nagisa waits.
"It's..."
She looks toward the ceiling.
"Romantic."
Nagisa repeats the unfamiliar word.
"Romantic."
"Yeah."
"What does that mean?"
Sayaka looks like she has suddenly realized she has made a mistake.
"It's when you..."
She stops.
Nagisa waits.
"...have feelings for someone."
"I have feelings for Mami!"
"Not like that."
"How?"
Sayaka groans.
"Nagisa, you're making this really difficult."
Nagisa smiles.
"Sorry."
She isn't very sorry.
"Romantic feelings are different from friendship," Sayaka finally explains. "Sometimes you want to be with someone in a way that's more than just being friends."
Nagisa thinks about it.
"Like Sakura-san?"
Sayaka turns red again.
"What about Kyoko?"
"You like being with her."
"She's my friend!"
Nagisa nods solemnly.
"I see."
"Do you?"
"Not really."
Sayaka sighs.
Nagisa smiles.
She likes Miki-san.
Miki-san gets very funny when she is embarrassed.
٭☆٭
Nagisa finds Sakura-san later.
She is sitting on the floor, eating something she definitely didn't pay for.
Nagisa sits beside her.
"Sakura-san."
"Yeah?"
"Do you like Miki-san?"
Kyoko nearly chokes.
"Where did that come from?!"
"She was talking about you."
"She talks about me all the time."
"Yes."
Kyoko looks suspicious.
"...What did she say?"
"That you are her friend."
"That's right."
Nagisa nods.
Then she notices Kyoko has stopped eating.
"You look worried."
"I'm not worried."
Kyoko stares at her.
Nagisa stares back.
Finally, Kyoko sighs.
"She's important to me, okay?"
Nagisa smiles.
"That's nice."
Nagisa takes a piece of cheese from her pocket.
Cheddar.
She offers it to Kyoko.
Kyoko takes it.
"Thanks, kid."
Nagisa watches her.
Miki-san and Sakura-san are strange.
٭☆٭
That night, Nagisa sits on Mami's bed while Mami brushes her hair.
The room is quiet.
Nagisa has been unusually quiet too.
Mami notices.
"You're thinking about something."
Nagisa looks at her reflection in the mirror.
"Yes."
"Something important?"
"I'm not sure..."
Mami smiles.
"Then, what are you thinking about?"
Nagisa swings her legs.
"Akemi-san."
Nagisa looks down.
"And Kaname-san."
"Ah."
"They are strange."
Mami laughs softly.
"They can be."
"No."
Nagisa shakes her head.
"Not like that."
She thinks for a moment.
"They act differently when they're together."
Mami continues brushing her hair.
"How so?"
"Akemi-san looks at Kaname-san a lot."
"She does."
"And she remembers everything Kaname-san likes."
"She does."
"And when Kaname-san is cold, Akemi-san notices before anyone else."
Mami smiles.
"She's very attentive."
"Yes."
Nagisa frowns.
"But Miki-san and Sakura-san are like that too."
Mami's eyebrows rise slightly.
"They are?"
"Sakura-san always notices when Miki-san is upset."
Nagisa pauses.
"And Miki-san gets very angry when Sakura-san gets hurt."
Mami nods.
"That's true."
"So..."
Nagisa looks at Mami through the mirror.
"Why does it look different?"
Mami doesn't answer immediately.
She gently brushes another section of Nagisa's hair.
"I think people can care about each other in many different ways."
"Different ways?"
"Yes."
"How many?"
Mami laughs.
"More than I could count."
Nagisa looks dissatisfied.
"That's too many!"
"Perhaps."
Nagisa thinks about it.
"So how do you know which one it is?"
Mami smiles.
"Sometimes you don't."
Nagisa's face scrunches up.
"That's inconvenient."
Mami laughs.
"Very."
There is a brief silence.
Nagisa watches Mami's reflection.
"Can two people care about each other the same way?"
"They can."
"And differently?"
"They can."
Nagisa nods.
"Can they both think they're doing the same thing when they aren't?"
Mami pauses.
"Yes."
Nagisa thinks about this very seriously.
"That's even more inconvenient…"
Mami laughs again.
"You're right."
Nagisa leans back slightly.
She isn't frustrated anymore.
Just curious.
She looks toward the door.
Earlier, Kaname-san and Akemi-san had been standing there together. Kaname-san had been smiling. Akemi-san had been pretending not to smile.
Nagisa still doesn't understand what that means.
But now she knows something.
There isn't only one kind of closeness.
She just doesn't know all the kinds yet.
"Mami?"
"Yes?"
"How do people figure it out?"
"Figure what out?"
"How they feel about each other."
Mami looks at her reflection.
"I suppose they spend time together."
"That's all?"
"Not always."
Mami puts the brush down.
"Sometimes you just know. Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes you think you know and then realize you were wrong."
Nagisa considers this.
"Have you ever been wrong?"
Mami smiles.
"Many times."
Nagisa nods solemnly.
"Then Nagisa will have to be careful."
"About what?"
"Watching."
Mami blinks.
Nagisa turns toward her.
"Nagisa will watch them more."
Mami stares for a second.
Then she laughs.
"I was afraid you'd say that."
Nagisa smiles.
There is still something she doesn't understand.
Something about the way Kaname-san looks at Akemi-san.
Something about the way Miki-san and Sakura-san always end up sitting beside each other even after arguing.
Something about the way people become different when someone special walks into the room.
Nagisa doesn't know what to call any of it.
Yet.
She reaches for the little piece of cheese waiting on the nightstand.
Camembert.
She takes a bite.
"Mami?"
"Yes?"
"Tomorrow, Nagisa has more questions."
Mami smiles.
"I suspected you might."
Nagisa nods happily.
"Good."
She takes another bite.
Tomorrow, she will ask Miki-san.
Maybe Sakura-san too.
And perhaps Kaname-san.
She isn't sure what she's looking for yet.
But she knows she wants to find it.
Whatever it is.