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Flowey was bored. This was normal, but still frustrating. He sighed, standing by himself in a snowy clearing. He’s already lived through a hundred resets, and was running out of things to do in this one. In fact, he was almost certain he was close to exhausting all of Papyrus’s flavor text—and that’s not an easy feat. Maybe…the flower pondered, tapping his leaf against his chin. Maybe he could try something different this time. Something…against the mold. If it went badly, then he could just reset.
“Why, hello there!” His thoughts were interrupted by a cheerful skeleton entering the clearing. “You’re here earlier than usual!”
“Oh! I am, aren’t I?” Well, turned out Flowey was already doing things differently, maybe he didn’t need to—nope, he did. He was curious as to how Papyrus would react. He knew he already got flustered at mere compliments, so what would happened if he pushed a little more…? “And well,” Flowey said, his voice cracking slightly, “what’s a handsome skeleton like you doing here?”
Papyrus narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to flirt with me?”
“What?! I—uh—“ how the hell did he catch on that fast? He sprang up his vine, getting ready to slam that reset button.
Then, Papyrus laughed, “don’t worry! I know how irresistible I am! It doesn’t surprise me that my best friend would end up flirting with me.”
“Do you seriously not have a problem with this?”
“Of course not! Why would I? Wait—“ Papyrus turned to Flowey quizzically. “Do you have a crush on me?”
“No,” Flowey snapped a bit too quickly. “I’m just practicing, obviously!”
“Practicing flirting? With me?”
“Uh, yeah? Best friends do it all the time,” Flowey said condescendingly, quietly thanking himself for his quick thinking. “Isn’t that what Undyne and Alphys do?”
“They do do that,” Papyrus gasped, “and they’re the best of friends!”
“And so are we! So this—“ Flowey gestured between them, “is completely normal, and not weird.”
“Alrighty,” Papyrus sat next to him. “Then I suppose it’s my turn? To flirt with you?”
“Oh? Are you saying you want to practice too?”
“It wouldn’t be fair, otherwise! I mean—“ Red flushed Papyrus’s skeletal cheeks. “Not that I need the practice, but m-maybe I could give you some pointers. Like an ex-example.”
“Sure,” Flowey grinned, getting more and more amused. “Go right ahead, sugar.”
Papyrus awkwardly coughed for a few moments, leaned forward, then threw on an insultingly fake sexy voice as he said, “and what’s a pretty flower like you doing in a place like this?”
The pair stayed silent. Suddenly, Flowey bursted into laughter. “Come on,” Papyrus said, “that was a solid line!”
“That was practically the same thing I said!”
“You didn’t hear me laughing, did you? It’s a decent pickup line!” Flowey continued to laugh. Papyrus huffed, then pulled a book from his armor and furiously flipped through it. “Let’s see…’if the monster laughs at your joke, then continue making jokes.’ But what if it wasn’t a joke—“
“Uh, Papyrus?” The flower peeked over his shoulder. “What’s that?”
“Nothing,” he slammed the book shut.
“Is that—“ Before he could react, Flowey snatched the book from Papyrus and read the cover out loud. “Flirting 101: the Step before Dating— Papyrus, did you get a fucking book about flirting?!”
“It’s reference material,” Papyrus snatched it back, “I was just—uh—reminding myself—“
“Oh my god, Paps, you don’t need a book to flirt. Plus,” Flowey flipped through it, “whoever wrote this is pretty lousy at flirting, if you ask me.”
“It’s written by an expert!”
Flowey glanced at the author’s name, and scowled. Of course it was Mettaton. “You don’t need it,” he tossed it behind himself. “Trust me. Flirting by a formula is pretty lackluster, anyway.”
“And how would you know? Aren’t you the one that needed practice with it in the first place?”
“I—uh—I knew someone who was good at flirting.”
“Really? Who?”
The way Papyrus asked made it sound like he thought Flowey was lying. To be fair, normally that would be the case. However, he wasn’t lying. Despite Chara’s off-putting nature, and their lack of interest in forming any kind of romantic relationship, they were…surprisingly good at flirting. When the situation called for it. Hell, every human Flowey met had been pretty decent at it. Why were humans so good at flirting?
“Doesn’t matter,” he waved him off. “What matters is that good flirting comes from the heart, and you can only hone it by practicing. It’s like fighting, you know? You don’t get better at fighting by reading books, do ya?”
“Yes, I do.” Flowey glared at him. “I see what you mean, though,” Papyrus said as a bead of sweat went down his brow. “You can study fighting all you want, but you need to actually do it to perfect the moves.”
“Exactly,” Flowey smiled. “And the same goes for flirting! Flirting is basically a fight, in a sense.”
“I see, I see,” Papyrus said. “Well, in that case, how about you go? Hit me with your best shot.”
Shit. Flowey forgot they were actually flirting with each other. Man, he gulped, this was humiliating. Maybe he should reset now, while he was ahead. Or maybe he could…try it? At least? It’d be hilarious to see what else Papyrus could come up with.
The flower cleared his throat. “So,” he said, putting on a suave voice, “those are quite…uh…nice muscles, you have.” Why the hell was flirting so much harder than just praising him?!
“Thank you,” Papyrus beamed, flexing his arms. “I got these through hard, honest work.”
“Yeah,” Flowey smirked, “you certainly look like a guy who knows hard work.” He knew Papyrus really was a hard worker, but like…come on. He looked like a dork in his handmade costume.
“Was that sarcasm? That sounded like sarcasm.”
“Well, aren’t ya an observant fellow?” Flowey winked and stuck out his tongue, a common teasing gesture he showed Papyrus. He did this all the time, but this time felt different. The skeleton’s eyes widened for a moment before he turned his head away. “Okay,” he said as he craned his head, trying to see if Papyrus’s cheeks had changed color at all, “your turn.”
“You stink at this.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be complimenting me, not insulting! That’s what you do in flirting.”
“Oh?” Papyrus turned with a sly smile. “Who was it who said that flirting by a formula was lackluster?” Wait, what? Flowey gulped. The skeleton wasn’t usually this sassy…was he? “Maybe I can insult you all I want, and call that flirting.”
“I think that’s called negging.”
“What was that?”
“Flirting with insults? That’s called negging.” Flowey narrowed his eyes. “Are you even capable of insulting? Like, a good, proper insult?”
“Of course I am! I’m capable of anything!”
“Alright,” Flowey grinned, “then insult me.”
“I will! I…uh…” Papyrus pondered for a long time, then slapped his forehead. “Nyoo hoo hoo… I can’t insult you! You’re too amazing!”
“Hah, I knew you couldn’t! You’re sweeter than a goddamn Cinnamon Bunny!”
“Oh Flowey,” Papyrus chuckled nervously, “you don’t have to lie when flirting, you know.”
“Who said I was lying?” They froze. The air between them shifted. They simply stared at each other in silence. “When…uh…” Flowey scrambled for words, “when have I ever lied to you, buddy?”
“You haven’t,” Papyrus said. “And that’s why I like you so much. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”
A tinge of guilt went through infamous liar Flowey’s spine. “And I don’t understand how,” he laughed. “Not when you have so much potential…” He reached out a vine to Papyrus’s arm. He also did this several times, so it was out of habit at this point. However, a single touch from vine to bone sent an electrical shock through them. “The fu—“ Flowey screeched, “was that a goddamn magic attack?!”
“I didn’t do it,” Papyrus yelled back, rubbing his arm.
“Well, it sure as hell didn’t come from me!”
“Hold on,” Papyrus said, “I think I’ve read about this.” He got on his knees and looked through the bushes behind Flowey. “Where’d you throw my book?”
“I don’t think so.” Flowey wrapped a vine around his leg and yanked Papyrus backwards, positioning him so they were face to face. “You’re not about to use that Mettaton flirting book.”
“I read something about this in there,” Papyrus huffed, “that when two monsters were really attracted to each other, a literal spark will appear when they touch. It’s a sign the flirting is working.”
The pair stayed silent for an awkwardly long moment. After a while, they broke into increasingly nervous laughter. “Well then,” Flowey said, “good thing that’s definitely not what happened! That’d make things weird, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah, totally,” Papyrus laughed as he sat back up. They avoided each others gaze. “Sorry about the magic attack, by the way. I-I didn’t even realize I did one.”
“It’s okay, it was probably me, honestly. You can’t even do electrical attacks, can you?”
“Not on purpose. Only blue and bone attacks so far.” The laughter finally died down, and the pair sighed. “So…” Papyrus said, “what was that about me having potential?”
Flowey smiled. Of course he still wanted praise. Luckily for both of them, the flower was more than happy to oblige. “Well,” he purred as he curled his vines on Papyrus and climbed him until they were face-to-face, “you’re one of the strongest monsters I know.”
“Y-yeah,” Papyrus blushed. “You say that all the time.”
“And it’s the truth! You really are strong!” Flowey absentmindedly circled a vine on Papyrus’s chest. The skeleton could barely feel it through his armor—not that it mattered, anyway. He was far too focused on his friend’s dreamy gaze and honeyed voice. “Really,” the flower continued, “I have no idea why you haven’t found a partner yet. You’re so smart, and funny, and kind—god, you’re literally the kindest monster I met, which is ridiculous when the world is so unkind to you. You’re an enigma I can’t wait to crack.” He ended up rubbing his face against Papyrus’s—again, another common act they shared. This time, Papyrus leaned into the rubbing. They breathed deeply as one, almost as if sharing a single, shaky breath between them. Flowey heard the crunch of the snow as Papyrus dug his fingers in, and felt the skeleton tremble under his touch. Was he scared, or holding himself back? “Oh gods,” Flowey purred in a deep voice, “if I was alive, I’d stop at nothing to make you mine.”
“And I’d happily be yo—,” Papyrus replied in a shaky voice, but quickly snapped out of it. “Wait, what did you mean if you were alive?”
Flowey froze. “I…uh…I—“
“What was that about me having potential?”
“Uh…“ Flowey scrambled for words. He wished he gave himself a little more time before reloading his save file. “You’re…erm…like, super cool and stuff.” The hell?! Why’d he say that? He could have pulled from the million other things he said about the stupid skeleton. Then, he heard…chuckling?! He turned to find Papyrus snickering beside him. “What the hell are you laughing at?”
“Sorry,” Papyrus wiped a tear, “i just never noticed how cute you are when you’re flustered—“
“What was that about me having potential?”
“With the guard, dumbass,” Flowey snapped, his cheeks burning red. “With Undyne, and the royal guard, and—ugh! You have so much potential to be a royal guardsman, but never follow through cause you’re so weak! Geez,” he growled, “what else could I have meant?”
The air stood still. He glanced over to see Papyrus cowering mext to him. That was weird. He didn’t usually act like that during his outbursts. “I-I’m sorry for upsetting you,” the skeleton said meekly. “I thought we were still flirting, so I just—“
“What was that about me having potential?”
Flowey took a deep breath to collect himself, then shot Papyrus a grin. “With the guard, silly! If Undyne took you seriously as I did, then you’d be a guardsman in no time! Heck,” he winked, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up Captain one day!” The skeleton smiled for a moment, then looked away, clearly disappointed. “What’d you think I meant?”
“Nothing,” Papyrus nervously smiled. “I figured you meant that.” The pair stayed quiet. It was still awkward, but Flowey immensely preferred this over the previous saves. He breathed a sigh of relief. “You…uh…” Papyrus said under his breath, “you have potential too.”
“I do? How so?”
“I think that…uh…if everyone else met you, they’d love you as much as I do.”
Flowey’s smile faded. He knew for a fact that wasn’t true, thanks to previous runs, but the way Papyrus said that so earnestly…he sighed and looked away. “I don’t deserve you.”
“That’s not true! I think—“ Papyrus laid down, turning on his side so he could face Flowey. “I think everyone deserves a bit of kindness from the Great Papyrus, but you do most of all.”
“You’re sure a charitable soul, aren’t ya?”
“It’s not that,” he said, “I just…really like you. Like, really like you.”
Flowey’s eyes widened. “I’m not a monster, though. I’m just a flower.”
“And you’re the prettiest flower I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m a fucking Golden Flower, Papyrus. Asgore has a whole garden of them.”
“Do they talk?” Flowey scoffed. “Are they as witty as you?” Papyrus asked, “do they have your adorable grin? Your sexy accent? Your—“
“I’m sure if you injected one of those flowers with enough Determination,” Flowey snapped, “they would!” Dammit, he cursed to himself. He wasn’t supposed to reveal that.
He was about to load another save when Papyrus said, “I don’t think so.” The flower paused, and turned his head to meet his friend’s eyes. “I think that there’s only one Flowey, and that’s you.”
“Gee,” he sighed, “that’s…really nice of you to say.”
“It’s the truth! I don’t care if you’re a monster or a flower,” Papyrus said. “It’s not going to change how I feel about you.”
Flowey was speechless. His skeleton friend’s face was so close to his own, and he could barely think. “Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “Woowee, uhm, this flirting exercise was pretty fun.”
“It was.”
“Too bad it was a bust, right? Eh,” Flowey added a nervous chuckle, “something that definitely didn’t work, right?”
“Really? I mean…” Papyrus’s cheeks flushed slightly, “it worked on me. And seeing how nervous you are…is it safe to say it worked on you too?”
“I—I—“ Flowey did not want to admit it, but he was right. This whole thing sent him on an emotional rollercoaster that seemed to be driving straight for Papyrus’s heart. Why’d the hell he have to be so obsessed with this stupid, adorable, sweet skeleton?
Then, he noticed Papyrus slowly closing his eyes and inching closer, his mouth slightly agape. Was he seriously…? Flowey rolled his eyes. Of course he was. This was the logical next step to flirting, wasn’t it? He probably got that from that stupid book of his. Flowey couldn’t deny it though…it was a pretty good idea. He proceeded to shut his own eyes and rammed his lips against Papyrus’s teeth. The pair shared a passionate kiss. Papyrus reached his hand to the base of Flowey’s stem, earning himself a shiver from the flower. Flowey, in turn, reached a vine behind Papyrus’s head and pulled him even closer. They were locked in a messy, loud smacking. In retrospect, neither of them had any experience with this, but they didn’t care. All they could do was slobber over each other in desperate, wanton greed.
It took quite a while before they broke it up. They sat there, both heaving and gasping for air. “Wowie,” Papyrus sighed, “that was a dream come true.”
“Was it? How long have you wanted to do that?”
“A while,” Papyrus admitted. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was really attracted to you.”
“Wow, um…” Flowey would be lying if he said he hadn’t felt the same. Every single thing he said on that previous save was true, on top of Papyrus being extraordinarily fit and handsome. He couldn’t help but imagine how he’d feel as Asriel, the prince, catching the eye of a handsome skeletal guardsman and—“Actually,” Flowey said, “this was fun, but maybe we shouldn’t have done that.”
“W-what?”
“It completely messes up our dynamic, doesn’t it? Going from best friends to…” He shuddered. “Whatever the hell this is. I mean—I don’t even have a soul! Did you know that?”
“You don’t—what? What do you mean?”
“I can’t feel anything! I think? I don’t know. I thought I couldn’t, but—“ Flowey waved him off. “Nevermind. I’m not explaining this to you. I’m just gonna reload a save.”
“What are you talking abo—“
“I don’t care if you’re a monster or a flower,” Papyrus said. “It’s not going to change how I feel about you.”
Flowey took a deep breath, and sighed. Then, he plastered on a grin and said, “golly gee, Papy! You’re getting real good at this flirting thing, aren’t ya?”
“I-I am?”
“Yeah, it almost worked for a second there!” Papyrus’s eyes widened with horror, and he quickly sat up. “Can you imagine if we were flirting for real? Good thing we were just playing around, huh?”
“Uh, y-yeah,” Papyrus said meekly. “Thanks for helping me practice.”
“And thank you for helping me practice!” They shared another awkward laugh, and sat in silence. This was much preferable over the makeout session, believe it or not. At least Flowey wouldn’t have to grapple whatever this feeling in his being was.
“Uh, Flowey?”
“Yes, dear Papyrus?”
“Are we going to do this again?”
“Oh hell no.”
Papyrus’s face dropped. “Oh.”
“Like, how weird would that be? Best friends flirting with each other?”
“B-but we already said they do it all the time. Undyne and Alphys—“
“Puh-lease, you know they have a huge crush on each other, and are using the flirting practice as an excuse to not confront their feelings. They’re both cowards, Papyrus, and we’re—“ He stopped himself. Shit. “You know what?” Flowey scoffed. “We shouldn’t have done this in the first place.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I was the one who started it. I’ll just—“ Flowey flicked up a vine. “I’ll just reload another save.”
“Reload? What are you—“
Flowey was alone in the snowy clearing. Thank god he saved before this whole mess started. He growled to himself. What the hell was that?! Papyrus was supposed to shrivel up in an embarrassing mess! He wasn’t supposed to—he looked down at his leaves. How can Papyrus be attracted to…this? Did he have plant kink or something? He must have, because there was no way Papyrus was attracted to his charm alone—
“Why, hello there!” His thoughts were interrupted by a cheerful skeleton entering the clearing. “You’re here earlier than usual!”
“I am? I mean—“ Flowey scoffed, “no I’m not! You’re late!”
“Really? But I could have sworn—“
“Cavern Savings Time.”
Papyrus slapped his forehead. “Of course! How could I forget?!” Then, he narrowed his eyes. “Wait, doesn’t that start next week?”
“Anyway,” Flowey loudly announced, “I was so bored while waiting for you!”
“Aw, really?” Papyrus chuckled. “That’s adorable.”
“That’s what now?”
“You know,” Papyrus blushed, “it’s kind of cute that you sat here for so long waiting for me. I’m sorry you had to do so, but—“
“Why, hello there!” His thoughts were interrupted by a cheerful skeleton entering the clearing. “You’re here earlier than usual!”
Flowey took in a deep, long, shaky breath. Holy shit. Why was this so damn difficult? “Yeah,” he said haphazardly. “I guess I am.”
Papyrus frowned. “What’s the matter? Everything okay?”
“I’m fine, I’m just…” he sighed, “I’m cold, okay? I’m freezing and miserable, and a bit tired. Don’t mind me, I’m just having a bad d—“ He was interrupted by a sudden warmth around him.
Papyrus had taken off his scarf and wrapped it around the flower. The skeleton beamed and said, “there you go! Now you won’t be cold anymore!”
Flowey couldn’t lie, the scarf helped. He was definitely a lot warmer now, especially with the warm spreading to his cheeks and—“Oh no,” he said. “Oh hell no.”
“Is something wrong, Flowey?”
“I’m not doing this. I’m just gonna reset.”
“Reset? Wh—“
Once again, Flowey was alone. This time, he woke up in a dark, dreary room with cobwebs hanging from the mirrors surrounding him. Shit. He looked from side to side and, sure enough, he was surrounded by other Golden Flowers. It’s been a while. He forgot his saves started this far back. Oh well, he sighed. He’d just have to avoid Papyrus this time. Or maybe…he grumbled. It sucks. Papyrus was genuinely nice to talk to, so why’d he have to ruin it by…Flowey heard footsteps in the distance. He promptly sank into the dirt, going wherever his nonexistent soul felt like taking him. Hopefully not Papyrus. Again.