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March had thought that Planarcadia would be better.
All of them, the colorful characters on the Express, had come out of a fight with a Lord Ravager and won! That was something to celebrate, right? Surely they'd get the chance to take at least a little time off!
But, sitting quietly in Lodestar Tower and watching Nihilux scare off the furbos that had set up their office, knowing that Stelle was out there trying to save the world… she found it difficult to process everything that had happened. In hindsight, perhaps she'd been naïve to hope for a break, given what their Trailblazing had been like…
…but, well, considering who she was, perhaps naïveté was to be expected.
Her hands stilled from where her nails had been lightly tapping along the laquered surface of the desk. She'd been trying to do better about fighting off thoughts like that, after finally waking up from the nightmare that Amphoreus had been. Evernight had helped, to a certain extent — though their interactions were limited, with Evernight choosing to sleep a vast majority of the time, it was hard to hold any real disdain for yourself when you had a separate girl in your brain adoring you at every possible opportunity.
Not to mention… Stelle.
March's heart twisted unpleasantly in her chest at the thought of the Trailblazer, an unwelcome sensation compared to the butterflies that had once been in its place. Stelle had been remarkably sweet to her, telling her that she was good enough just the way she was. She cared for Stelle deeply, adored everything about her, and she was… reasonably certain that Stelle felt the same way, but… it filled her with a helpless sort of malaise, her lack of ability to help, to return that favor, to be as kind to her as she had once been to March.
The rest of the Express crew — the entire universe — was counting on them to help! If they couldn't pull this off, then… Planarcadia was doomed, and who knew what would happen to the rest of the universe? Whatever it was, March knew it wouldn't be good.
But, what was she supposed to do? Stelle was… amazing, running from place to place, helping out in ways that March hadn't even considered possible. There was a reason that Himeko made her acting Navigator, after all! But, well, compared to that… what could March really contribute? She'd said it herself, she wasn't very good at all this diplomacy stuff.
(Then again, once upon a time, Stelle hadn't been, either. What did that really say about March?)
In some ways, it hardly felt as though much had changed since they left Amphoreus. Looking back on it, she almost felt she'd done more there, even stuck in her camera as she was — at least there, she'd been able to offer Stelle and Dan Heng some measure of comfort merely by reminding them of what they had to fight for! But, here…
Her camera had fallen by the wayside, and her, with it.
She swallowed thickly at that thought, shutting her eyes tightly. She wasn't so selfish as to concern herself with what she could accomplish on her own, although it did sting a little, seeing how far everyone had journeyed on their own personal Trailblaze expeditions, compared to her own — no, what really hurt, the thorn that embedded itself deeper and deeper in her heart, was knowing that she wasn't able to help Stelle. Or… anyone else, really.
All she could do, the thing she could do to help things along, was to sit uselessly in this room and wait.
Clenching her jaw, she bit back the urge to tear up. She wasn't going to cry. She was stronger than that. There were more important matters at hand than her own feelings, and she knew it. Somewhere else, Stelle was arguing for the fate of the cosmos, and here she was, throwing a little pity party for herself.
(Get it together, March 7th.)
Slowly, she forced out a breath through clenched teeth, eyes sliding closed, and attempted to center herself, like she'd told Stelle all that time ago. Gathering her negative thoughts, crunching them up, and tossing them aside… well, she'd never really been very good at it. But, thankfully, she was snapped out of her thoughts by the soft buzz of her phone in her pocket.
She scrambled to retrieve it, blue-and-pink gaze fixated on the device held in her clutches, and she couldn't help the soft breath that escaped her at the words on the screen.
<Stelle> Good news
<Stelle> Anita voted for encanvasing
<Stelle> Headed back to the Keeping Up with Star Rail set for a bit
<Stelle> I'll check back in afterwards
<Stelle> <:StelleMelon:>
Her relief would be short-lived, however.
Nihilux was quick to discover the scheme at hand — there had been no summit to discuss Planarcadia, all of it merely being a diversion from Oswaldo Schneider to waste their time. Uncovering the details had been enough to leave March fuming, seconds away from kicking Asat Pramad's head merely to let off some steam. How dare the IPC give them the runaround like this! All they wanted to do was help!
So, naturally, she leapt at the chance to step in and save Stelle. When Nihilux turned to leave, presumably to go rescue the wayward Trailblazer, March was quick to fall into step alongside her.
"Where are we going? I'm coming with!" she piped up, blinking when Nihilux gently put a hand on her shoulder, stalling them from walking through the door.
"You should stay here, March," she said, and though the words were intended to be soothing, March felt her heart beginning to sink. "The Marketing Development Department might be keeping a close eye on anyone going in or out of this room right now. I'm not part of the Express crew, so I won't draw as much attention."
March was vaguely aware of Nihilux continuing to speak, though her focus had drifted enough that she couldn't make out the words.
She couldn't even do this, either? Was her fate really to just… sit by and watch while her best friend worked alongside someone they had, comparatively, just met? She grated against the thought — Stelle was out there, alone, and it was her duty as her best friend to help in whatever way she could!
…though, even with the short time she'd lost focus, Nihilux was already gone, as well as Asat Pramad's die. She looked around helplessly, eyes taking in the furbos bustling around the room, and… well, with nothing else to do, she let herself collapse into the closest desk chair.
Her stomach twisted and roiled with unpleasant emotion, fiery and noxious, as her hands gripped tightly at the hem of her skirt. She… supposed there was at least one bright side, now, though.
That is to say, she was used to being forced to stay on the sidelines, these days.
She forced out a weak little laugh to herself at the thought as she brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them tight and burying her face in them. Her only company may have been the furbos, but… still, she refused to let herself break. Not completely.
Even if she couldn't help Stelle directly, she could at least make sure she wasn't one of the problems she had to worry about.