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"What'd you say? S—Sorry, I thought I heard something..." Sword spoke nervously, gazing at the corner of her room, seeing the lit hallway empty. It was empty. It had to be.
"You heard something?" Rocket's voice called out from the other end, though Sword couldn't pay attention to his words, her attention was paid to the open door. She heard a step, then another, slowly but surely.
Then it happened. Someone ran into her room quickly, quickly attempting to take Sword's phone from her. Terror overcame the swordswoman, and her blood ran cold. She felt like she was going to die.
"Stop—Wait!" Sword cried, her brain short circuiting as she began to lose grip. Someone sunk their teeth into the swordswoman's forearm, causing her to wince and accidentally let go.
His fingers slipped loose from the phone and he froze. Sword was frozen. He didn't know what to do. He sat on his bed in terror, watching as someone went through his phone. He read everything in that someone's face, watching as they grinned like someone they trusted had ripped their heart out.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Someone yelled at the swordsman, glaring at him, dead in the eyes. Sword could do nothing but stare in horror as that someone went back to scroll through his messages, his profile, his everything. Sword began to shake uncontrollably, his heart feeling as if he was going through a heart attack.
Dread towered over him. Fear towered over him. Someone towered over him. "In my room. Now." they growled, and pathetically, the swordsman could only do as he was instructed. He got off of his bed, thinking his life was over—thinking the worst would happen to him. Someone exhaled through their nose angrily, stomping on the way to their room.
"Can we please keep this between us? Maybe dad doesn't have to—"
"Get in here!" Someone screamed to another person, Sword feeling even more overwhelmed and scared than before. The doorknob rattled soon enough, and someone looked at the swordsman, prompting him to fearfully unlock the door. Another person came in the room, shutting the door and locking it behind him.
Their dialogue faded into her memory. Every single time it happened from there onward. Countless times, it happened. Every time engraved something into this girl's—this biologically male's cranium. The message is unclear in his head. All he knows is he cannot speak up or feel like he is free to be herself. For if she speaks up, protective services will get involved, taking her siblings away.
If she tells a friend, they will cut him off. Hate him forever. All of her friends, not knowing the mask she wears, would never want to see he, who is the mask, ever again. Everyone would rather see a dead zombie because that's the norm. Everyone would rather see someone kill themself than be who they are inside.
Is his identity a fetish? Is he a predator? An incel? A man? Or is she the 14 year old girl who has lost ability to feel loved? The girl who has red chains pierced through every single one of her limbs, forcing her to abide by what everyone percieves as normal? The girl who feels like she wants to get worse, but really just wants to be gently and lovingly adored by someone?
Who... is this girl? Who am I? My red horns, my body, the scar across my cheek, my disgusting physique—Who am I? Does a body part really define who I am?—
"Sword." Rocket's voice cut through Sword's trance, a hand resting on the swordsman's shoulder. The rocketeer tilted his head, a concerned expression painted on his face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah! Just zoned out." Sword chirped, his lifeless eyes combined with his forced smile not contributing to the believability of his lie. "What about you? You okay?"
"I'm serious. Sword, if something is on your mind, please reach out. I'm shit at reading people, but you're seriously bad at hiding that you're struggling."
"..."
"Come on, how was your day at school today?" Someone asked, laying on Sword's bed. She now resided in the room all of her countless past traumatic experiences had happened in, which totally made her feel safe in her own skin.
"I dunno." Sword replied, wanting the conversation to be done with already. Someone frowned, though Sword couldn't bear to look anyone in the eyes when she was talking to them anymore. Eye contact made the swordswoman feel like she was going to be beat to death. Like adults were mad at her.
She swore it was just adults, but a few days earlier, she found she wasn't looking at Rocket when she was talking to him either... And she loved that rocketeer. She loved him deeply.
"Well there's sure to be something on your phone, right?" Someone replied, quickly reaching for the swordswoman's phone.
Sword's heart dropped and he watched as someone began to go through his phone. It's fine, he thought to himself. Everything should be hidden. Everything should just be hidden. Please be hidden, dear god...
It felt like he was going to die. He was going to be brutually pierced through the heart right there. Fucking decapitated. It'd been almost a year since it last happened, and he didn't want it to happen again. He was terrified, shaking. God, please spare me. I don't want to go through that again, Sword thought to himself.
...But nothing happened. Sword watched as someone placed his phone down on the bed, and headed off to go somewhere. The swordswoman began to hyperventilate, though she tried her hardest not to make too loud of a noise. She knew that someone would come running back, for a reason she could not explain.
Sword and Rocket were talking outside during their school lunch time, and they stood near a flowing creek. "Well, yeah, obviously you can't just—"
Sword's eyes trailed off. In the distance was a car that looked just like someone else's car. The swordswoman froze, her body stiffening as her breath hitched. Rocket caught a glimpse of his seemingly scared friend, and looked where he was looking.
"What's wrong?" Rocket questioned, not understanding what the swordsman was looking at. Sword began to breathe heavily, and he shook his head, his eyes welling up with tears. Rocket looked back as he heard a sniffle, his eyes widening. "Hey—Sword?..."
Sword speedwalked inside the cafeteria, which thankfully was almost fully empty. Rocket followed him in quickly, concerned and confused. Sword sat down at a table, trying to steady her breathing. How long were you watching me? Was that even you? The swordswoman thought to herself, trying her hardest to steady her breathing.
I feel faint.
I feel unreal.
I'm not here. I can't feel my fingers. What is happening to me? This isn't real, is it? It doesn't feel real. I'm slipping out of my body. I'm slipping out of my body. I'm slipping out of my—
Rocket threw his arms around Sword, squeezing them tightly. Sword looked around frantically, seeing how the rocketeer's prosthetic hand kneaded the swordsman's own skin. Sword's breath caught in their throat, and they buried their head into Rocket's arms. "Snap out of it. Please. You're fine."
"What are you—"
"Shut up. Just breathe." Rocket whispered sternly into Sword's ear. Dazed, Sword froze again, but she eased into the rocketeer's touch. This is embarrassing, Rocket thought to himself, though he didn't exactly hate this as long as it was with someone he held dear to him.
"Well? You ready to tell me now?" Rocket scratched the back of his neck, Sword standing with him under a tree. The swordsman shook nervously, handing him a notecard. Rocket took it in between his fingers, unfolding it and reading it.
Would you be mad if I came out to you as trans?
Sword searched. Searched for any muscular movement in Rocket's face that showed disgust. He was terrified again. He's going to hate me, Sword thought to himself, feeling that same sense of dread. Please don't be mad...
Rocket chuckled uncomfortably, flashing the swordsman an unnerved grin before walking quickly walking away, not without glancing over his shoulder a few times. Sword was left standing there, alone. Alone with only himself. You were a fool to think anybody would actually accept you, Sword thought to himself, a silent sob escaping his throat.
Covering his eyes and wiping the tears that flowed out of his eyes, he shook his head. You IDIOT. Sword thought to himself, fighting the urge to slap himself right there. Why would you do that? You couldn't have just waited until after highschool?! What the hell is wrong with your brain?!—
"Sword?" Rocket's voice cut through the swordsman's fake scenario, his hands shaking his tensed up shoulders back and forth. "Hey—Seriously, are you okay?!" The rocketeer sputtered, looking up at Sword, eyes full of concern.
It didn't happen. Rocket was still there with him. Okay, Sword thought, fearfully looking Rocket in the eyes before looking down at the floor again. I got lost in thought. "I—..." The swordsman tried to speak, but he couldn't think of anything to say but a set of three words that would give him a clear answer. Hopefully.
"...Are you mad?" she asked, a fearful look on her face again. Rocket grumbled and shook his head.
"You idiot!" Rocket whacked the swordswoman, earning a few yelps from her. "Am I mad? No! Mad at you? Yes!"
Sword shielded herself with her hands, eyes closed, braced for impact. She opened them when the rocketeer was done hitting her, confused by his remark. "What?..."
"Okay, maybe I over exaggerated... How long have you been going through that?"
"..."
"I swear to god, Sword, if it's been more than a few days—"
"I've—...I've been hiding that from everybody for about—..." Sword paused, and not wanting to get whacked again, she looked away as she answered. "Two years now?..."
She braced herself again, but instead of Rocket's hits to areas he knew she wouldn't get hurt in, she felt nothing.
"Are... you... fucking... kidding me?!" Rocket caught himself before slapping the swordswoman, and instead reached up to grab her cheeks, making her look him in the eyes.
"I'm—I'm sorry! I'm sorry—" Sword blushed, squirming to escape the grip of Rocket's prosthetic hand.
"It's not you I'm mad at!" Rocket admitted, softening his grip on her face to show he was infact not mad at her. "...Someone's making you feel like you have to hide it, aren't they?"
"..." Sword nodded sadly, though now she felt safe enough to keep eye contact with the rocketeer. Rocket frowned and let go of her face, brushing his thumb against her chin.
"...You don't have to hide it with me." Rocket spoke softly, earning a quiet, almost nonexistent hitch in Sword's breath. "In fact, you don't hide it at all, already."
"What? What do you..."
"You're a very pretty girl, Sword." Rocket smiled, watching as blush painted Sword's face like a blank canvas. She averted her gaze embarrassedly, her brain short-circuiting. There was now a huge lump in her throat that made her feel like she needed to puke, and her eyes instantaneously welled up with tears.
But for the first time in ages, these weren't tears of pain or agony.
They were tears of joy. Happiness, if she wanted to go that far. She lunged at Rocket, throwing her arms around his body, embracing him and fighting her tears.
"Ack—Hey! Easy!" Rocket yelped, blushing and scrambling to get her off of him. After a few 'thank you's from the swordswoman, she backed up and apologized.
"Sorry—I got carried away..." Sword chuckled nervously, though her eyes widened a bit, when she saw Rocket flustered and blushing. "A—...Rocket, you okay?"
"I'm fine, jeez!" Rocket stammered, his face tinted a blue that matched his horns. Sword nodded and stepped closer to the rocketeer, ruffling his hair.
"You're the best, Rocket! Seriously, I—...I'm so grateful to have someone like you in my life...!" Sword chirped, resisting the urge to hug him again.
"I get it! You're so... mushy!..." Rocket grumbled, crossing his arms embarrassedly.
"Hehe, sorry about that...—" Sword chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck.
"...Well, I'm not exactly compla—"
RIING!
"Ah—That's the bell!" Sword exclaimed, snapping Rocket out of whatever the hell was going on with him. "I'll—I'll see you after school, okay?"
"...Oh—right!" Rocket replied, waving goodbye as he turned his back and walked away to his next class. "Uh—I—See ya later, Sword!"
"Bye!" Sword beamed, her smile feeling... real. Rocket knew something was off about her smile all this time. And now he finally knew it was because that smile was strained—fake, even. But now... her smile felt like it could light up the entire world. She actually looked happy now.
It drove the rocketeer crazy. But he obviously couldn't tell Sword that to her face. He didn't want to ruin what the two of them had. So maybe he'd just admire her in secret until he was ready to make something that resembled a move—Wait, Rocket thought to himself. I totally blew my cover! Why did I get so flustered about a hug, of all things?!
The way Rocket blushed—the way he was so flustered after Sword had just hugged him—that in itself was like an arrow from Cupid himself. But Rocket was just so attractive, just thinking about him made the swordwoman's heart flip wildly. Looking into his eyes after so long of being afraid made her realize what she had been missing out on.
...She'd been standing in the same spot for a little too long. The swordswoman hurried off to her next class, her heart still flipping and hammering in her chest.