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«I should’ve held her tighter the last time I hugged her.»
That thought never leaves my mind. I want her back. I need her to come back. I need to hold her in my arms one more time. But I want to make sure that this time she’ll be safe. I want to grow up with her, I want to know her better, I want to love her more.
But now those are just things I want. Things that will never happen. I lost my last chance to protect her. Often I stare at myself in the mirror, just to think about everything, you know?
“I should’ve been stronger. Maybe I could’ve helped her.”
I repeat that to myself almost everyday ever since I last saw her.
“Don’t say that.”
A gentle voice is heard from behind me. I look back at the bed, only to be met with her once again. I know it isn’t real, this isn’t her, it’s just an illusion. My mind plays tricks on me a lot, often when I’m tired. Still, she looks so real, almost as if she’s really there.
That blonde girl, with the prettiest smile, those yellow eyes that are warm as summer, her uniform, intact, looking exactly as I remembered, or well, I hope that’s what it looked like.
It’s been a while since I last saw her clearly. But regardless of what she wore, she was there, in my room. All I could do was stare at her. I wanted to hold her. But that was impossible. She’s not there.
“I wish I had met you many years ago, not now.”
It’s true. If only I had met her back when we were kids, I could’ve helped her more. What would we have been if we had met before? “I’m sorry I didn’t have enough time to love you correctly. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
Her voice made my ears ring, I’m not sure if that was exactly how she sounded. Was her voice higher? Or was it neutral? I’m not sure, but it just filled me with nostalgia just hearing her.
“Don’t be sad about me, Ochako-chan.. I’m grateful to have met you! You looked at me like there was something in me worth looking at. I’m super happy you actually saw me as a person, not as a monster.”
Her voice sounded happy, and if she was happy, then so was I.
“Of course..”
I smiled at her, and she just smiled back. Of course, reality hit me, and my smile faltered a bit.
“I wish you were actually here, I miss you a lot. I wish my mind didn’t play so many tricks on me.”
A few tears fell down my face as I spoke, my head lowering down a bit.
“Don’t cry, please. I really miss you as well.”
I saw her get off the bed and walk over to me, and for a moment, just a brief moment, I could’ve sworn I felt her touch my face. Her hand was cold, and even tho it didn’t last long, I’m felt a wave of comfort just from that simple touch.
“Even if I was still here with you, you know we could never be anything. No matter what you do, I’m a villain, and you’re a hero. Our paths were never meant to cross. I want you to completely forget about me. I want you to live your life!!”
Her words were sad but correct. There was nothing I could’ve done to change the fact that we were two completely different people, with different personalities, different struggles, different ideas, but we still had the same feelings towards each other, and to me, that was enough.
“Don’t lie. You don’t want me to forget about you, and I won’t. I will remember you until my last day on earth. And even as I die you will stay in my thoughts.”
“Ochako!”
A voice, more specifically Mina, was heard from the other side of the door. I looked towards the door, wondering if I should open it or not.
“Girl. Are you in there??”
I looked back to where Toga was standing, but she was no longer there. Of course, it was just an illusion, she wasn’t going to stay there forever. But still, I didn’t get the chance to tell her that I loved her.
“Uraraka!!”
Mina yelled once again, knocking harder at the door. I quickly made my way towards it, unlocking it, letting her in.
“Girl, are you ok?? You’ve been talking to yourself for like 10 minutes.”
Ten minutes may seem like a lot, but it wasn’t enough for me. I wished time went by slower.
“I’m fine Mina! Don’t worry about it!”
I smiled, trying to look more convincing.
“Are you sure?? You’ve been acting weird lately..”
She sounded a bit skeptical about my answer, but I kept in reassuring her that everything was alright, nothing was wrong.
Few minutes passed by, Mina decided to leave it and head back to her dorm. I went back into my room, closing the door and locking it. I was feeling a bit tired so I just laid down on the bed.
“We weren’t anything yet it felt like we were everything all at the same time. I don’t understand why her leaving hurts so much.”
I talked to myself a lot, I didn’t like to flood people with my problems.
“It’s the idea of what we could’ve been. That’s what hurts.”
I swore I heard Himiko’s voice say that, I swore I heard her next to me. I couldn’t help but sadly smile. Yes, she was right, maybe I made myself believe too much on the idea of what me and her could’ve been.
“I love you, Himiko.”
I whispered into the air, my words disappearing to be heard by no one.
A love declaration towards the soul of my lovely Himiko, the cutest girl in the whole world. Someone who just wanted to be understood by others, who wanted to love someone in her own way.
I shifted a bit on my bed, now laying on my side, looking over at the mirror in which I was staring at myself earlier. In the fog that had appeared on my mirror, the clear display of a heart drawn on the mirror could be seen.
“I love you, Ochaco-Chan..”
I heard a voice gently whisper that next to me. A smile appeared on my lips and I chuckled a bit.
“Maybe you’re not completely gone..”
I laid my head down and closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep.
“It’s nice to hope…”
.
.
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