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today marks the day sophomore seonghyeon is moving back into his university dorm after summer break. his university does this thing where they change their rooms and roommate every year so it’s basically like a fresh new start.
their room was just a standard dorm, nothing fancy. there are two single beds, two study tables, two lockers, four walls, a bathroom and enough space for two people to roam around comfortably.
seonghyeon arrives first, he chose the bed nearest to the window and plops his duffel bag and backpack onto the mattress, breathing a sigh of relief in the process. he drops himself onto the edge of the bed, trying to mentally prepare himself before unpacking everything.
well actually, he’s mentally preparing himself for his new roommate. why, you may ask. let’s just say freshman seonghyeon wasn’t very lucky.
seonghyeon’s old roommate— he who shall not be named, succeeded in making seonghyeon’s first year a living hell. he treated their dorm room as if it only belonged to him and not a shared property. he invited people over without seonghyeon’s permission, he almost never sleeps and is never quiet either so seonghyeon had to buy ear muffs and an eyemask to actually allow himself to fall asleep and get some rest. and that alone was only two out of the million things that seonghyeon had to put up with.
in fact, it was so bad that seonghyeon didn’t even bother checking the roommate assignment email because he did not want to go through the annoying traumatic flashbacks while he was on summer break.
while seonghyeon was lost in his thoughts, the door suddenly creaks open.
as if it was reflex, seonghyeon suddenly sits up straight, head turning towards the door with a “hi” ready at the back of his throat to greet whoever it was. he needs to make a good first impression, whoever his new roommate might be.
however, as soon as he saw who he was, everything stops.
standing there in the doorway was none other than Ahn Keonho, hair perfectly straightened. he’s wearing a blue adidas jacket zipped all the way to the top which clings perfectly to his broad shoulders, it’s paired with a black tracksuit, giving him that relaxed casual vibe.
seonghyeon blinks once, there’s absolutely no freaking way. ahn keonho?? THEE ahn keonho? the student council who is renowned for their good looks and friendly personality is his new roommate???
keonho’s bright eyes turns into crescents as soon as it met seonghyeon’s. “oh hello,” he says politely and gave a small bow, “you must be eom seonghyeon,”
he knows who i am? he knows i exist?? wait. of course he does he probably read the roommate assignment email that’s how he knows. stupid. stupid. stupid.
seonghyeon’s lips quirks up into a small smile, “yeah..hi and you’re ahn keonho..right?” he awkwardly laughs. god he wishes that a hole could randomly appear under him so that he could fall into it and disappear.
“yup” keonho replies casually, settling his bag on the floor before approaching seonghyeon to offer his hand, “it’s so nice to finally meet you, my roomie for the year”
seonghyeon takes the hand and shakes it awkwardly, “nice to finally meet you too.. roomie”
keonho grins, easy and bright, “we’re gonna have a blast, i can already feel it”
oh boy.
——
seonghyeon still can’t believe that he was fated (well that’s kinda a reach but it’s true) to be roommates with keonho. not that he’s complaining, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with keonho. at least not yet.
but the thing is, keonho is just so.. charming. he exists in this blinding way, like he immediately lights up every room he walks into and even belongs everywhere. seriously you could throw the guy in the jungle and even the monkeys there would enjoy his presence.
“your roommate is ahn keonho???” martin asks in disbelief and seonghyeon had to kick him under the table for being so goddamn loud.
“tone it down will you? the whole cafeteria does not need to know that” seonghyeon lowers his head, fork mindlessly poking his noodles.
martin and seonghyeon have known each other since they were 16, they randomly became deskmates and they’ve been inseparable ever since. martin knows everything about seonghyeon and vice versa, they don’t keep secrets from each other.
martin’s jaw dropped, hand over his mouth, “you’re roommates with the guy you’ve been eyeing all throughout freshman year??”
now when martin puts it like that, it makes seonghyeon sound like a lovesick loser. and ew, it is not like he is head over heels for the dude, it’s just that he kind of.. admires him, in a way.
“you’re making it sound like i have a crush on him or something,” seonghyeon mutters.
“i mean..”
seonghyeon glares, “i absolutely do NOT have a crush on him”
martin shruggs, “if you say so man” he stabs one of his meatballs and puts it in his mouth, “how is he like though? as a roommate”
seonghyeon pauses, mind rewinding back to yesterday’s events. they didn’t do much really, keonho initiated some small talk while they were both unpacking and arranging stuffs, they talked about things like where they live, what they’re majoring in. they also established some ground rules like their bed time and their chores distribution, which already makes him a better roommate than seonghyeon’s previous one.
“he’s fine i guess” seonghyeon finally answers, short.
martin tilts his head, “just fine?”
“i mean what do you expect me to say, it’s only been a day”
“fair point” martin hums, he turns his fork around to pick up his spaghetti, “well i’m convinced my roommate already hates me”
seonghyeon raises an eyebrow, “what makes you say that?”
“i don’t know man, everytime i asked him a question he only responds in like one word and he doesn’t ask me anything back, and whenever i tell him my side he doesn’t even comment on it, heck i don’t know if he was even listening to me”
seonghyeon snorts, “have you considered that maybe he’s just shy?”
“shy people usually warm up the longer someone else tries to talk to them and they would respond with maybe a hum or even a nod but no, not him” martin shakes his head dramatically, “it seriously felt like talking to a brick wall”
“maybe he’s tired bro, imagine him being from the countryside like busan or something, he had a long ass journey then suddenly yapatron 3000 here bombards him with questions and his lifestory”
“dude” martin puts down his fork on the table, “he literally told me he was from seoul”
“oh” seonghyeon raises his eyebrows and presses his lips to a straight line, “damn, maybe he does hate you”
——
three weeks has passed and seonghyeon and keonho has been getting along pretty well. they respected each other’s boundaries and they even became close to the point where they can gossip with each other about everyone and everything.
and get this, seonghyeon was never the type to sit through a 2 hour long movie, his attention span is way too short for that kind of commitment. but when keonho suggested to watch a movie together, he for some reason agrees to it.
keonho has a little portable projector, he usually sets it on his bedside table and the projection is on the wall above seonghyeon’s bed. so naturally, seonghyeon would have to sit on keonho’s bed beside him in order for them to watch the movie together.
but for some reason, seonghyeon still hesitates before settling next to keonho. he’s always so aware of their proximity no matter how hard he tries to brush it off. it doesn’t help that keonho likes to occasionally lean on his shoulder too.
tonight they’re watching the one genre that they never put on. keonho once told seonghyeon that he can’t handle horror very well, so for the past three weeks they’ve been watching every other genre except horror.
however, one thing keonho also has is severe fomo. so when the movie ‘obsession’ becomes the talk of town, he immediately suggested that they watch it together.
“are you sure you wanna watch this?” seonghyeon asks while tugging his blanket over his lap, “i mean, it’s not your typical ghost horror but it’s still horror”
“eyy i’m ahn keonho, i’ll be fine” he says smugly before taking his usual spot beside seonghyeon.
seonghyeon shruggs, “if you say so”
to no one’s surprise keonho is indeed a scaredy cat, but turns out he was also a liar. he was definitely not fine.
the first jump scare honestly doesn’t even count as a jump scare but it had keonho jumping and gripping onto seonghyeon’s arm like his life depended on it.
“YO” he screamed, hiding his face behind seonghyeon’s shoulder “what the fuck was that?”
seonghyeon stares at the screen for a second before slowly turning to the person clinging onto him, “she’s literally just standing there”
“in a creepy way!!” keonho defends, eyes only peeking enough to see whats on the screen before closing them again.
“you said you’d be fine”
“i AM fine” keonho mumbles, still very much hiding behind seonghyeon’s shoulder, “this is a temporary reaction”
seonghyeon snorts, “right”
seonghyeon should probably move away, but judging by how hard keonho is gripping him, he’s probably going to follow seonghyeon even if he stood up. so he stays exactly where he is, its fine seonghyeon, he’s just scared.
it was when keonho heard a whimsical, dreamy instrumental that he finally lets go of seonghyeon and return to his original place. his eyes watching the romantic scenes as if he wasn’t just scared shitless.
unfortunately for both of them, it gets worse as the movie goes on.
everytime the movie gets quieter, keonho would scoot closer to seonghyeon. every time nikki acts weirdly he would grab onto seonghyeon, by the time nikki started being crazy, keonho has practically given up pretending that he isn’t scared.
“god i hate this movie so much” keonho whines, hands covering his whole face.
“you were the one who insisted that we watch it”
“everyone kept on talking about it!! i can’t be the only one clueless”
seonghyeon rolls his eyes, of course.
the second nikki approaches sarah in the car, keonho immediately wraps both of his arms around seonghyeon’s waist, cheek pressed against seonghyeon’s back, using him as a human shield.
seonghyeon freezes. completely. he could not even hear what was happening on the screen, the volume somehow dissapating onto thin air as his brain short circuts at the sudden contact.
“keonho.” he calls.
“what the actual fuck. what the fuck is she doing??”
“keonho you’re literally hugging me”
“i know”
“like really hugging me”
“i know, hyeon”
as if the situation couldn’t get any worse, he props his chin up on seonghyeon’s shoulder, “can i just stay like this till the end of the movie”
“i guess” seonghyeon mutters, trying so hard to keep his composure with keonho’s face being inches away from his own, “whatever”
thank god it’s dark right now or else keonho would definitely see his ears turning red.
the movie continues playing in front of them, and seonghyeon is paying less and less attention to what was happening. all he can think about is keonho’s warm cheek against his body and the occasional tightening of his arms around his waist when an unsettling scene comes on.
——
to no one’s surprise, sophomore year is more challenging than freshman year. the first 7 weeks were fine but by week 8, seonghyeon is already chasing and battling datelines.
so there he is at 10 pm slouched at his study table, typing and deleting paragraphs on his laptop to try and write the perfect essay without the help of mindless robots. his brain is fogging and his eyes are already blurring.
he didn’t even hear their door unlocking and keonho returning to their dorm room, didn’t notice that keonho was standing right beside him so he almost jumped when he suddenly asked, “whatcha doing?”.
“gosh you scared me” seonghyeon holds his chest while looking at keonho who gave him a cheeky smile. “what does it look like i’m doing? i’m clearly dying”
“noo you can’t die yet, you promised we’d have a shrek movie marathon later this week” keonho says as he plops down on his bed.
“well too bad because if someone texts me one more time to ask me about my essay i am seriously jumping out of that window”
keonho laughs at that, and seonghyeon is annoyed because he finds the laugh adorable. seriously keonho is not helping seonghyeon deal with his weird feelings at all, if anything he’s just making things worse day by day.
martin’s voice suddenly rings in his head “i can’t wait for the day when you finally admit your obvious crush on him”
seonghyeon shakes his head as if that’s going to help him shake all those thoughts away. keonho, who noticed his strange demeanor, immediately says, “wow that essay is really getting to you huh”
wrong.
“shut up” seonghyeon plays along, “where have you been anyway? it’s already 11 pm and you just got back”
“you’re starting to sound like my sister” keonho rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling before continuing, “i had a date”
seonghyeon swears he can feel his heart drop to his stomach.
“wow” he swallows his weird discomfort and tried to sound as normal as possible, “how did it go?”
keonho shruggs, “eh it was fine, nothing special. kinda boring not gonna lie”
“why?”
“i dont know, we just dont really click with each other i guess” keonho blows his bangs out of his face, “seriously i dont know whats wrong with me but everytime i go on these dates i cant seem to see them as a partner ya’ know”
the words caught seonghyeon more off guard than before. so that means that keonho has been going on dates with a lot of people? not that it’s surprising of course, he’s popular so he probably gets asked out a lot.
seonghyeon just didn’t think he would actually go.
“so you basically have rejected tons of people” seonghyeon says, barely audible but keonho caught every single word.
keonho sits up, crossing both of his arms in front of his chest, “don’t act like you haven’t done the same”
“what the hell are you talking about?”
“oh come onn, i’m pretty sure you get asked out a lot too”
seonghyeon paused, digesting the statement before he turns his whole body to look at keonho on his bed, “i’ve never been asked out” he says, dead serious.
“what??” keonho asked in disbelief, “seriously?”
seonghyeon rolled his eyes, “well sorry to break it to you student council ahn keonho, not everyone is popular and gets love confessions everyday like you do”
“no no, i didn’t mean it like that!!” keonho rushes to defense, “it’s just that you’re..
..pretty”
the room suddenly went silent, seonghyeon swears he can hear the clock on the wall ticking.
“i’m.. what?”
“you’re pretty” keonho repeats, “and handsome, actually. you’re both at the same time.”
how the hell can he say all of this so casually?
“uh thanks? i guess” seonghyeon responds, “you didn’t have to say that though”
“I did,” keonho replies. “because you don’t act like you know it.”
seonghyeon huffs softly under his breath, not quite denying it, not quite accepting it either. “people do tell me that, sometimes.”
“good.” was the only thing keonho said before pulling out his phone and turning around to lay flat on his stomach.
——
“dude he totally likes you too”
seonghyeon groans as he drags his palms across his face, “i knew you’d say some bullshit like that, why do i even bother telling you“
“there’s literally no other possible explanation bro like i’m sorry but even though you are handsome i’d never tell you that to your face” martin has one hand on his chest and the other was raised as if he was pledging, two chopsticks between his fingers.
seonghyeon glares at him, “you literally just did”
“not directly!!” martin puts down his chopsticks and seonghyeon mentally prepares himself for whatever bullshit he’s going to spew next.
“plus, you guys watch movies together, walk to class together, eat dinner together, go shopping together-
“martin you and i do those things together too, since highschool. are you gonna tell me that you like me too??” seonghyeon cuts him off.
“it’s not. the. same!!” martin claps his hand after every word, emphasizing them. “if i see you fall asleep on your study table i won’t carry you to your bed”
seonghyeon’s face suddenly burns red, “that’s just cause you’re mean!!”
“and i won’t buy you coffee if you don’t ask for it”
“he’s just considerate like that-“
“and i would definitely not go up and hug you after a tiring day and say that i feel much better”
seonghyeon pauses for a bit, “okay that one was a little weird” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact with martin.
“THANK YOU”
“but that still does not mean that he likes me”
martin sighs, leaning back on his chair frustratingly, “you know what? fine. whatever helps you sleep at night”
“how about james?” seonghyeon suddenly brings that name up.
martin blinks, “what about him?”
seonghyeon shruggs, feigning casualness, “i’m just asking about your roommate since we have been talking about mine”
“you’ve literally never asked me about him”
“well i am now!!”
martin stares at him, knowing damn well that seonghyeon is trying to change the topic, “he’s fine i guess. still hard for me to read him at times but we get along well”
seonghyeon nods, “do you guys still do lego sets together?”
“no, he actually prefers to do it alone. especially after i accidentally stepped on his lego miles morales and murdered him”
“what??”
“andd i also kind of accidentally dropped his lego replica of new york while i was inspecting it, fully my fault.” martin adds hands to his chest admitting his mistake.
“dude you’re literally like, loki or something” seonghyeon laughs, “and that’s like the worst thing you could ever do to a lego collector”
martin groans, “urgh don’t remind me, you don’t know how painfully awkward it was for me to just sit on my bed while he puts new york back together”
seonghyeon shakes his head. even though he succesfully changed the topic, deep down he’s still thinking about what martin said. seriously why does this dude always give him something to overthink about.
——
by the time seonghyeon gets to the dorms, it was already late enough that most people has gone back to their own rooms. he unlocks and pushes the door open, expecting to find keonho laying on his bed and scrolling through his phone like he usually does.
instead, he stops.
keonho is indeed on his bed, but he was not on his phone, he was on his laptop, and he was not alone. beside him was none other than kim juhoon, also hunched over a laptop. there’s an unopened snack in between the narrow space that seperates them, keonho was laughing at something juhoon just said.
keonho looks up first, smiling when he sees seonghyeon, “oh, you’re finally back”
“yeah” seonghyeon closes the door, something sits heavily in his chest.
“where have you been? keonho was worried about you” juhoon suddenly asks, keonho immediately nudges him “i wasn’t” he denies.
seonghyeon shruggs as he walks towards his bed, “was just eating dinner with martin”
juhoon suddenly giggles, keonho nudges him again, index finger pressed on his lips asking him to shut up. seriously what’s so funny? were they even listening to what seonghyeon was saying?
seonghyeon looks at their direction after he sits on his bed, keonho was now playfully glaring at juhoon while the latter shruggs. both of them turned to their laptops right after.
“what are you guys doing?”
“student council stuff” keonho answers, turning his laptop towards seonghyeon, “we’re trying to finish a proposal before tomorrow”
“ahh i see” seonghyeon nods, he should’ve known that, of course. both of them are student councils and juhoon has been to their dorm before. during the first time, keonho asked seonghyeon beforehand if he was okay with it and seonghyeon said he was totally cool.
he was though, really. juhoon has sort of become his friend too. especially since they even gossiped together the second time juhoon was here.
but today feels kinda.. different. seonghyeon doesn’t know why but he felt like he was intruding on something. which is stupid, cause it’s his room too, duh. there’s absolutely no reason for him to feel like this.
after a while, seonghyeon decided that he was being an idiot and went into the bathroom to go and clean himself up. he brought the clothes he would change into along with him, not wanting to do it outside with juhoon being there.
when he got out, he can’t help but steal a glance at the both of them. he wished he didn’t.
they seem comfortable. too comfortable. keonho literally has his head on juhoon’s shoulder, pouting while complaining about something to him. juhoon on the other hand seems totally unbothered by it, probably because it had already happened way too many times for him to care.
juhoon says something in return and keonho laughs, the same laugh he would give to seonghyeon whenever he says something stupid. and for some reason, that bothers him.
suddenly, martin’s words earlier came rushing back to him, “dude he totally likes you too”
well clearly not.
keonho is just like this to everyone.
seonghyeon lays down on his bed and pulls his blanket on top of him, he takes out his phone and decides to doomscroll on twitter to get his mind off of whatever that was happening beside him.
“seonghyeon, you okay?”
keonho suddenly asks, voice as gentle as ever and seonghyeon’s eyes are still glued to his phone when he replies, “yeah i’m fine, why?”
“i don’t know you seem quieter than usual”
seonghyeon stops scrolling and turns his head towards him, oh wait, them. he tries not to stare at how their shoulders are practically glued together before looking back at his phone.
“i’m just kinda tired, don’t worry about me just finish your proposal before your beloved president explodes again” seonghyeon says lightheartedly.
he made juhoon laugh but he doesn’t hear keonho laughing along. its whatever honestly, its not like he intended it to be a joke anyway.
“we can take this to the library if you want to sleep now” keonho proposes. they have a 24-hour library on campus but it’s located on the opposite end of their dormitory building which would take about 20 minutes to walk there.
“no that’s not necessary, i’m not even sleepy yet” seonghyeon protests, shaking his head, he looks at them again to find keonho looking back at him with genuine concern in his eyes.
“keonho seriously, i’m fine. just carry on with whatever you’re doing or i’ll feel bad”
keonho stares at him for a second too long before responding with, “fine, if you insist” then he returns to typing.
juhoon looks at keonho, something unreadable in his feature before he turns to look at seonghyeon.
seonghyeon just gave him a small reassuring smile before turning his back towards them.
he tells himself he’s tired.
he tells himself he doesn’t care.
he definitely does not listen when keonho laughs again.
——
the clock shows 12:45 am, almost 1 in the morning. what a great time for eom seonghyeon to realise that he has absolutely nothing clean left to wear.
he stares at the pile of clothes in his laundry basket that is sitting on the corner of his room, trying to remember the last time he did laundry. judging by the emptiness of his locker, probably a long time ago.
seonghyeon was lifting the basket up to head to the laundry room when all of a sudden keonho, who just got back from god knows where says, “oh you’re gonna do laundry? wait for me i want to go too”
seonghyeon stares at him, “be quick”
“on it” keonho gets inside and starts gathering his used clothes and putting them in a basket, seonghyeon on the other hand is waiting for him just outside their room.
“lets goo” keonho says before they walk together down the hallway to the laundry room.
they ended up sitting on the counter while the washing machine runs, sharing a packet of chips keonho bought from the vending machine nearby.
for once, neither of them is doing anything. no assignment, no student council work, no gossip and definitely no movie to watch together. just the two of them sitting beside each other in the middle of the night, waiting.
“you know,” keonho says suddenly, “you’ve been kinda weird lately,”
seonghyeon nearly chokes on the chips, “what?”
“i don’t know these past few days you’ve been quiet”
“i’m always quiet”
“no you’re not”
seonghyeon looks at him and keonho is staring right ahead, scrunching the empty chip bag in his hands.
“maybe i’m tired,” seonghyeon turns back to look at his clothes spinning in the machine, “in my defense, you’ve also been coming back late so,”
“student council is kicking my ass,” keonho explains, “i’ve been staying back at the office doing work,”
oh so that’s where he’s been. seonghyeon noticed that ever since that night with juhoon, keonho hasn’t been opening his laptop in the room anymore.
“well why don’t you do it at the dorms like you used to?”
keonho just shruggs, “nah, i’d rather seperate my work and my resting place”
the answer makes sense so seonghyeon nods. they’re back to sitting in silence for a while before seonghyeon notices something sticking out from the sleeve of keonho’s hoodie.
seonghyeon points at it, “you have a loose thread”
keonho looks down but he can’t seem to find it, “where??”
“hold on” seonghyeon reaches over, trying to pull it loose but the thread only gets caught further. “stop moving”
“i’m not!!”
“you literally just did”
“no? i only breathed,” keonho defends.
“then stop breathing” seonghyeon says and that makes keonho laugh.
“you’re bossy”
seonghyeon rolls his eyes, then he finally manages to untangle the thread. except instead of simply pulling his hand away, he finds himself fixing the loose stitching along the edge of keonho’s sleeve.
he doesn’t really think much about it, not until he realise how close they currently are.
keonho is closely beside him, their knees are already pressed together and keonho’s arm are resting between them. seonghyeon decided to not care and carefully fixes the loose thread.
“there,” he says as he smoothes the fabric down, “all fixed.”
keonho looks at his sleeve before looking at him, “thanks”
“don’t mention it”
neither of them moved back to their original position, knees still pressed together. seonghyeon is trying so hard to act like it doesn’t bother him. he stares at the washing machine, rethinking what he did.
it’s nothing, friends fix each other’s hoodie. it’s basic human decency.
the washing machine beeps and both of them gets off the counter to transfer their clothes to the dryer. after the dryer starts, they return to their position on the counter once again.
only this time, keonho shifts even closer and without any warning, he lowers his head on to seonghyeon’s lap. his whole body is currently laying on the counter.
seonghyeon freezes, “uhh what are you doing?”
“i’m sleepy” keonho answers, short. his eyes are closed, arms crossed as his knees are folded.
“you can go back to the room, i’ll bring back your clothes for you” seonghyeon offers. he would have to take two trips if that was the case but he doesn’t mind, anything is better than whatever the fuck this is.
“nah, just wake me up when the dryer’s done” keonho rejects, eyes still closed.
seonghyeon scoffs but he doesn’t argue further, his hand hovering awkwardly on top of keonho’s arm. keonho looks way too comfortable for someone who randomly decided that his roommate’s lap was the perfect pillow.
seonghyeon takes out his phone, mindlessly scrolling through it. although his eyes are on the screen, his mind is elsewhere.
keonho’s breathing slowly evens out, his head becoming heavier on seonghyeon’s lap and that’s how he can tell that keonho had fallen asleep.
he looks down at keonho, his hair is slightly messy and there’s something strangely peaceful about seeing him like this. without the usual teasings, or stupid comments.
seonghyeon hesitates before reaching down and carefully brushing a strand away from keonho’s forehead. then, he immediately pulls his hand back.
what the hell am i doing??
he immediately stares back at his phone, that didn’t happen, nope. nothing happened. seonghyeon was just fixing his hair, because it was in his face. normal. completely normal.
a few minutes later, keonho shifts in his sleep, his hand lazily finding seonghyeon’s wrist that is on his arm.
seonghyeon frowns before looking down again, “seriously?”
keonho doesn’t answer, still in his slumber while his fingers remain loosely wrapped around seonghyeon’s wrist. the thing is, seonghyeon could easily pull away. but he doesn’t.
instead, he leans back against the wall, letting out a quiet sigh.
even when his legs were getting numb and the dryer has 10 more minutes, he still doesn’t move, doesn’t wake keonho up.
because apparently, somewhere along the way, his roommate has become someone he didn’t mind sitting completely still for.
and that thought is something that seonghyeon decides he absolutely does not need to ponder upon. not tonight, not ever.
——
it’s friday evening and seonghyeon is standing in the snack aisle, he’s debating between two snacks for their weekly movie night— a classic caramel popcorn, or nerds gummy clusters.
yeah their random movie sessions has become a weekly thing, they’d pick either friday or saturday night to watch a movie together and they’ve been doing it consistently for the past 4 months.
if it were up to seonghyeon alone, he’d definitely choose the popcorn, but he was reminded of the one time keonho said that popcorn was overrated and boring for a movie and that chewing on nerds definitely made it more fun to concentrate on the movie. plus, they wont make him satiated.
eh, he’ll just get both of them. he was queuing to pay at the counter when he heard a familiar name being mentioned behind him.
“did you see how hot ahn keonho looks today??” a girl says, her tone was unmistakably excitement.
“girl he’s always hot, it’s nothing new” her friend’s voice follows, “too bad he already has a boyfriend now though”
seonghyeon freezes, heartbeat suddenly loud in his ears. boyfriend? the word clings to him, and without even realising, he’s listening closer.
“wait, really?” the first girl asks, shock laced in her tone.
“yeah girl, where have you been? he’s always with his boyfriend. I don’t think they’re super obvious about it, but it’s pretty known that he’s taken.”
taken?? seonghyeon’s mind scrambles to catch up, where has he been? why is he not aware of the fact that his roommate was literally taken??
before he could listen to the conversation any further, to hopefully get the name of said boyfriend, the cashier calls, it was his turn to pay. naturally the conversation behind him dissipates into thin air.
its weird that keonho didn’t tell him. but then again, why would he? they’re just roommates anyway, they wouldn’t even be friends if it weren’t for that arrangement.
after paying, seonghyeon started walking towards their dormitory building. for some reason, every step he takes feels heavy and instead of wishing he’d arrive faster, he kind of wish he never arrives at all.
maybe there’s a reason why keonho hasn’t tell him anything about his partner. otherwise seonghyeon would have definitely known about this. keonho wasn’t a private person, they’ve shared enough deep talk sessions for the past 4 months for seonghyeon to know almost everything about him.
well clearly not everything if seonghyeon had to find out about the existence of his boyfriend through two girls whom he did not even bother to turn around to know their identity.
but why though? why would keonho hide that from him? is it because he thought seonghyeon is not the type of person to talk about relationship stuff with? or is it because the relationship is painfully obvious that keonho thought seonghyeon had already knew?
if the second one was the case then seonghyeon minds goes to one person and one person only.
kim juhoon.
oh he had been so fucking dumb, blind, and oblivious all this time. the weight of his realisation presses down on him, cold and unyielding until it’s almost too much to bear.
seonghyeon has been holding onto nothing but a fantasy, a lie he’s told himself for too long. he never dared to admit that he in fact likes keonho more than just a friend, more than just a roommate, burying his feelings away in hopes that it’s just a silly little crush that will go away.
and deep down, a tiny seed of hope even grew in his chest, a hope that keonho feels the same way about him. but here he is, left with the hollowness of his feelings.
what’s worse is that he can’t do anything about it. all this time he couldn’t take a step futher, just staying in the same position that he’s been for months.
and right now, seonghyeon realises that the spot is becoming permanent.
when seonghyeon finally got back to the dorm, their room was empty, thank god. he doesn’t think that he can face keonho right now. he drops the plastic bag containing the snacks on keonho’s study table, just looking at them makes him lose his appetite.
now all he felt was dread and a stronger desire for a hole to appear underneath him for him to just crawl into it and die.
since that’s never going to happen (allegedly), seonghyeon just does the thing closest to that which is laying down in his bed, draping his blanket all over his body including his head and hoping that he can convince his mind to shut the fuck up and go to sleep.
fortunately he succeeds in doing so, but unfortunately he is a light sleeper so when the door opens he was already half-awake.
“hyeon i’m backkk” keonho announces before noticing that seonghyeon was on his bed basically all covered up like a dead person.
“oh, you’re asleep already? it’s only like 7pm though” keonho puts his shoes away and walked towards seonghyeon’s bed.
don’t pull down the blanket, don’t pull down the blanket.
keonho pulls down the blanket off his face. of course. thankfully 10 year old seonghyeon prepared him for this moment. he’s already a professional at pretending to be asleep, his eye doesn’t even twitch, his breath steady.
what almost broke his character though, was the feeling of keonho’s hand on his forehead. what the hell? is he checking my temprature?? can someone tell if someone’s asleep by feeling their forehead???
keonho takes his palm off, “well, sweet dreams eom seonghyeon,” he pats seonghyeon’s hair before draping his blanket back over him.
——
the next monday afternoon, seonghyeon has lunch with martin. martin is unwrapping his kebab and seonghyeon is trying so hard not to stare at it in disgust, its food, we have to respect food.
“so how was daejeon?”
it was a last minute decision, he didn’t even tell martin about it, at 10 am on saturday he just went to seoul station and took the ktx all the way to daejeon station. even his parents were surprised to see him.
seonghyeon shrugs, staring emptily at his food, “it was fine, just good old daejeon”
martin glances over, staring at him for a while before saying, “okay good, now tell me what the hell’s going on with you”
seonghyeon frowns, “what do you mean?”
“dude you never go home on the weekends unless we have a long holiday. you suddenly went back without even telling me beforehand and you expect me to just brush it off?”
seonghyeon sighs, debating whether or not just to tell martin the truth or make an excuse. martin was busy with his play anyway so he could use that as an excuse. right, genius.
seonghyeon looks at martin before opening his mouth to say it but martin’s dead stare reminded him that he could immediately call bullshit when seonghyeon tries to lie, they’ve known each other for 5 years for god’s sake.
so instead of lying, he says “i just needed to get away from being in the same room with keonho”
martin stops mid-bite, “what?? what did he even do?”
“well it’s not really about what he did.. it’s more about what he didn’t do”
is he the fucking riddler or what?? martin continues taking a bite before asking “what the fuck are you talking about?”
seonghyeon picks at the sliced strawberries on his acai, “well i just found out that.. he has a partner”
“huh?”
“keonho has a boyfriend”
“what? did he tell you that?”
“well, no. i overheard these two girls talking at the convenience store while i was buying some snacks. they said that keonho has a boyfriend”
martin stares at him, “and who is that supposed to be?”
“oh come on isn’t it obvious?” seonghyeon almost roll his eyes. although it’s so ironic coming from him, he also didn’t clock who it was until he overheard the two girls’ conversation and connected the dots.
but martin doesn’t need to know that.
martin tries to think, “no, its not obvious. literally no one comes to mind”
“seriously?? martin it’s obviously juhoon!!”
“what??”
does this dude have a hearing problem?
“i’m telling you it’s juhoon. i never brought this up but you know he comes over to our dorm and he and keonho would do like student council stuff but i swear they’re just using that as an excuse to-“
“you mean juhoon like kim juhoon??”
“oh my god yes, keep up dude” seriously is he slow??
“seonghyeon,” martin suddenly holds both of seonghyeon’s shoulder, “you’re never going to believe what i’m going to say”
??
“hyeon, juhoon is dating james”
“WHAT?”
“yeah, they’ve been dating since the middle of freshmen year. they’ve been private about it but it’s not really a secret, everybody knows”
everybody except seonghyeon apparently.
“you’re joking”
martin frowns, “why would i be joking? james is my roommate, juhoon comes over a lot at my dorm. they’ve even kissed each other goodbye in front of my face,”
“WHAT?”
“yeah seonghyeon, they’re dating”
seonghyeon stares at martin, his brain desperately trying to process the fact that he’s been living under a rock for the past year.
“okay well if it’s not juhoon, then it must be somebody else”
“you’re seriously going to believe two randos from the convenience store?”
“i mean yeah? they sounded convincing and they also mentioned that apparently everyone knows”
“well count me out then because i’ve never even heard of the rumour,” martin says, pointing his kebab at seonghyeon, “AND if he does, wouldn’t you have known about it? i mean yall are roommates it would have been obvious if he has a boyfriend”
all of the moments in seonghyeon’s head are only pointing to one person, kim juhoon. so if juhoon wasn’t the one then seonghyeon really has no idea who it could be.
“well i really REALLY thought it was juhoon” seonghyeon still can’t seem to let it go, quite frankly he might have to see james and juhoon side by side first for it to make sense.
“it’s definitely not you idiot. unless the three of them are very open-minded, which i highly doubt, then yeah maybe”
this is so ridiculous.
then as if something has struck martin, he suddenly puts his kebab down, well what’s left of it. “wait a minute…” he says before crossing both of his arms, eyes narrowly looking at seonghyeon, suspicious.
“even if he DOES have someone that he’s keeping a secret, why is it such a big deal that you felt the need to distance yourself from him?”
seonghyeon chuckles awkwardly, “uh.. you know it’s just that we’ve told each other a lot of things so i felt kinda betrayed when-“
“no. no. no. shush, shut it” martin waves his hand in front seonghyeon’s face to shut him up, “i think i know what’s going on”
oh no, brace for impact.
“eom seonghyeon you are totally head over heels for ahn keonho”
“what? martin that is so-“ seonghyeon scoffs, looking everywhere except martin’s face, “i’m not having this conversation ag-“
“oh YOU’RE not having this conversation?? imagine how tired I am of this,” martin interrupts,“seonghyeon i swear denying it wont change the fact that you like him”
seonghyeon exhales slowly, running his fingers through his hair, “i know”
martin goes quiet for the first time this afternoon, the answer seem to catch him off guard after all the denials he did.
seonghyeon continues “but i also don’t know”
“what do you mean?”
seonghyeon stares at the table, his fingers picking at the corner of his napkin, “i just.. i dont know what i’m supposed to do with it,”
“with what?”
“this-“ he gestures between himself and absolutely nothing, “-whatever this is,”
martin’s expression softens slightly, “so that’s why you ran away to daejeon?”
seonghyeon just shruggs, not denying it, not confirming it either.
martin watches him for a moment before sighing, “why do you always run away from your feelings?”
yup. there it is, another thing seonghyeon would never admit about himself.
the first time seonghyeon liked someone he kept it a secret. martin didn’t know about it, they haven’t met yet.
her name was ian, and it started when she sat beside him in chemistry. they had a conversation and immediately hit it off, after that day seonghyeon has always looked forward to chemistry class, saving her a seat. sometimes, they even walk home together.
in a playful game of truth or dare between them, ian asks him if he liked her, seonghyeon panicked but immediately brushed it off “are you crazy? i wouldn’t even like you if you were the last girl on the planet”
ian laughed and said “well me too!!” that kinda hurts, but seonghyeon brushed it off and that was the end of it.
the second time seonghyeon harboured feelings for someone, it was a guy named minjae. this was different because seonghyeon can tell that minjae likes him back.
they would text every night, stay behind after class just to talk with each other, and seonghyeon would even ditch martin to have lunch with him. but when minjae asked him out on a proper date, seonghyeon refused.
seonghyeon said he was busy, but he wasn’t. he had a feeling that minjae was going to confess to him so he backed out. he never replied when minjae asked him the second time.
and then there was yihyun. she was probably the closest seonghyeon has ever gotten to actually admitting that he likes someone. they were friends because they got assigned as groupmates where they spent a lot of time together.
even after the project was submitted, they never stopped hanging out. eventually, everyone around them started assuming that they were together, that includes martin.
heck, even seonghyeon started to believe it.
that was, until one day yihyun asked him what they were, that she wasn’t sure if seonghyeon likes him more than a friend.
seonghyeon had stared at her for a good 10 seconds before deciding to say, “no, i think we’re better off as friends,”
he went home that day feeling relieved, relieved that he did not sign himself up for something he considers as an unecessary commitment. however, he spent the next two weeks wondering why he felt like shit whenever he saw yihyun.
after seonghyeon stops rethinking the past 4 years of his life, he found martin staring at him, as if he also saw the flashbacks in seonghyeon’s mind.
seonghyeon starts, “you know how i am tin, i don’t like making things complicated. i like it when things are simple. i like being able to talk to someone without wondering if every little things means something. i don’t wanna start overthinking every conversation just because i admitted that i like them,”
“well too late, it started being complicated the second you step foot in the train back to daejeon” martin gave him a small smile, his hands propping up his chin on the table. “plus, you already overthink every conversation, if not we wont be having this keonho talk every lunchtime”
“we don’t have the keonho talk every lunch”
martin tilts his head, “we kinda do seonghyeon”
they do. if it’s not about how their day is going, they would talk about keonho. well who can blame seonghyeon, there’s not really much interesting thing that happens in his life.
martin picks up the last piece of his kebab before pointing it at seonghyeon, “just go back to your room bro”
seonghyeon frowns, “why?”
“because you’ve been avoiding your roommate since friday and i think he deserves an explanation for your disappearance” martin shoves in the rest of the kebab in his mouth before scrunching the wrapper.
seonghyeon groans, dropping his forehead onto the table, “i hate this”
“i know buddy, i know” martin pats him on the shoulder, “but for once in your life just try to be honest about how you feel. i swear it won’t be the end of the world,”
——
seonghyeon takes one deep breath before inserting his key into the slot. he turns it once, twice, before pushing his room door open.
“there you are!” keonho immediately says, practically jumping out of his bed to greet seonghyeon at the door. “where have you been?? I haven’t seen you since saturday morning”
“oh uh..” seonghyeon mutters, “sorry i had to go back home”
“why?”
“just- family stuff”
keonho bites his lip uneasily, “you haven’t been replying to my texts, or answer my calls” his eyes scans seonghyeon’s face, “was it an emergency?”
seonghyeon lowers his head, “kinda” you know what, fuck it. “actually keonho i need to talk to you about something,”
“o-kay? what is it?” keonho asks slowly, his voice hesitant but still curious.
seonghyeon’s eyes wanders all around their room, reliving back all the moments that they had together, those moments that made seonghyeon question himself more than he likes to.
then finally, his eyes lock on keonho’s, who still has that confusion mixed with concern look in his eyes.
“are you seeing someone?”
keonho immediately shoots him a confused look, eyebrows knitted together, “what?? no. where did you get that from?”
fuck. one thing martin’s right about.
“just.. the grape vine” seonghyeon shruggs, trying to be casual about it, “well that’s all i needed to ask, thanks,”
he tried to walk past keonho to go to his bed but keonho immediately catches his arm before he can move any further.
“wait, i’m confused.” he steps closer to seonghyeon, “what does that have to do with anything?”
seonghyeon’s bit his bottom lip, he turns to look at keonho before letting out a forced laugh and shrugging, “it’s nothing. it was just random”
“bullshit” keonho’s brows furrows, “tell me the truth, seonghyeon” he demands, letting go of seonghyeon’s arm but remains stagnant beside him.
seonghyeon doesn’t respond right away and the silence stretches long enough for seonghyeon to notice the impatience growing in keonho’s expression.
“okay.. something’s happening” seonghyeon mutters, voice barely audible.
that made keonho frown further, his confusion deepening, “what is it seonghyeon? what is happening?”
“it’s stupid” seonghyeon says, voice steady despite his stomach violently twisting, “it’s so stupid”
“i don’t care how stupid it is, just tell me what’s going on” keonho presses gently, he’s still calm or atleast he’s pretending to be.
“i have feelings for you”
there it is, the words finally out in the open. seonghyeon also cant believe that he’s admitting it out loud in front of keonho, martin would be so proud of him right now but god the floor looks so interesting right at this second.
silence engulfs the both of them once again. seriously at this point seonghyeon should drill a hole under his bed for him to fall into whenever he feels like it.
seonghyeon doesn’t notice but keonho actually smiles, he smiles before reaching for both of seonghyeon’s hands, holding them like they’re about to exchange serious vows.
“hyeon look at me,” keonho says softly.
“i’d rather not actually,” seonghyeon says, still glaring at the floor, “this is so embarassing”
keonho tightens his hold fingers curling into seonghyeon’s hands, “look at me eom seonghyeon”
seonghyeon finally does, big mistake though. huge mistake because keonho’s face is right there, his stupidly charming smile plastered on his face.
“I like you too” he confesses.
oh.
oh shit.
“I never said i like you though?” seonghyeon says, his cheeks flushed despite the denial.
“really? so the feelings you had for me was what? hate??” keonho almost rolls his eyes, the outer corners of his lips were still upturned though.
“exactly that, yes”
keonho scoffs playfully, “okay then, i guess you’d hate me more if i do this,” keonho doesn’t let seonghyeon process his words, he steps even closer, invading seonghyeon’s space completely.
keonho’s hands moves up to cradle seonghyeon’s jaw as he presses his lips against seonghyeon’s. his lips are warm, and soft, just like the kiss itself.
seonghyeon’s eyes widen for a moment before melting into the kiss, this was not what he was expecting at all but it is definitely not unwelcomed. without thinking, he kisses keonho back.
the moment feels right, kissing keonho feels right. it’s as if the last piece of the puzzle in seonghyeon’s heart is finally in place, the weird butterflies he felt in his stomach around keonho all this time was definitely not anxiety.
after a while, keonho pulls away and smiles in amusement, “so do you always kiss the people you hate?”
“shut up.”
——
there’s a knock on the door. it was already 2 am, way past curfew so who the hell could it be? seonghyeon wanted to get out from under the blanket that was draped over both him and keonho’s shoulder but the latter stopped him.
“what if it’s a serial killer?” keonho whispers, eyes looking at the door.
“why would a serial killer knock on the door?”
keonho shruggs, “i don’t know but we just got together like 5 hours ago so you dying right now would not be such a good idea”
the door was knocked again but before seonghyeon could escape from keonho, it opened. oh, so they didn’t lock the door. maybe seonghyeon was too focused on “confessing” to remember about their safety.
a 6 foot 3 martin edwards pops his head in before welcoming himself in the dorm. “hey” he casually says like its a normal tuesday, “so how’d it go?”
considering the fact that both seonghyeon and keonho are on keonho’s bed, watching shrek 3 at 2 am on a tuesday while snuggling under the blanket together, seonghyeon could hypothetically say that it’s going great.
“dude what the fuck” seonghyeon seethes, moving towards the door, “you’ve never even came over so what the hell are you doing here at 2 in the morning”
martin closes the door behind him, he leans his back on the door with his arms crossed, “i was just trying to see if you and loverboy have got it all sorted out, because if you haven’t then i was going to be the one to confess for you”
seonghyeon’s whole face scrunches, keonho on the other hand was holding back laughter.
“but seeing that you guys were basically canoodling, i guess i’ll just head back to my room,” martin continues, “don’t break his heart ahn keonho, this is the first time he actually opened it for someone”
seonghyeon’s cheeks and ears immediately turns red upon that statement “get the hell out.” seonghyeon pulled martin away from the door, who just laughs and didn’t even protest.
“i won’t, i promise” keonho, who was just on the bed was suddenly behind seonghyeon, one hand dramatically placed on his heart.
“okay goodbye now!!” seonghyeon pulls the door open and pushes martin out, unfortunately for him, martin was much stronger so he was only halfway out.
“do i get to be the best man at the wedding though?” he asks, all 32 teeth on display, clearly enjoying this.
“OUT.”