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His hands were warm and his eyes soft, so much love in them. All for her. The very thought made her throat close up. How could a man be so sincere, so gentle after everything they had been through. How could anyone stand to look at her with such admiration.
Unbidden tears pricked at her eyes. His calloused hands stayed wrapped softly around her wrists, pressure enough to feel but loose enough to break away if she wanted. He continued to stare into her eyes, patient and open, willing to wait for her. A sob rose in her throat, tears blurred her vision.
Just this once she wanted to be able to give in, to not need to be so strong. And…she knew he would hold her together if she asked, that he would let go if she asked. Her shoulders trembled slightly, the tremors running down her arms and into his.
Finally, finally she wrapped her fingers around his wrists and squeezed. She took in a shuddering breath as he squeezed back.
She felt herself list forward, head coming down to rest in the crook of his neck. His breath hitched once before he brought one hand up to rest at the nape of her neck, hand gentle and steady as he carded through her hair.
Oh…
Her chest always cold and empty felt…warm. The perpetual loneliness that permeated the air around her disappeared. The tears that had pooled in her eyes slipped free, soaking into his shirt.
The only thing she could focus on was the warmth surrounding her, keeping her grounded in reality as her chest spasmed with sobs.
At some point or another, her free hand had come up to grip his shirt, fingers twisted into the fabric.
Finally the last of her sobs petered out. Her whole face felt puffy and itchy, and her throat felt like sandpaper. Still feeling that inexplicable mix of misery and contentment, she kept her face buried in his shoulder. He was still holding onto her, fingers softly carding through her hair.
All at once the exhaustion of the whole day caught up to her. Her body slumped further against his as if her limbs were made of lead.She felt so goddamn tired.
Involuntarily she heard herself rasp out a quiet “ ‘m t’red”. Her own voice sounded as if she was underwater.
A soft garbled hum sounded by her ear. “You want me to get you to bed then ?”, she felt herself nod.
The voice then asked another question. This time she had no clue what it was saying, her thoughts felt like they were wading through syrup. The whole world felt like it was wading through syrup. Regardless she nodded her head again.
Suddenly the world spun and swam, dancing in a swirling pattern before her eyes. Two strong arms had lifted her up, one bracing her back and the other under her knees, her head securely tucked against a firm chest. With that final observation her world went black.