Work Text:
Okay so basically I don't know how this happened.
Nobody knows how this happened.
I'm pretty sure the multiverse itself just got bored.
It started with Tim Bradford waking up in a field.
He immediately stood up.
Looked around.
Saw a giant purple horse.
Then a yellow chicken wearing a bow.
Then Naruto Uzumaki.
Then Freddy Fazbear.
Tim stared for about ten seconds.
"...Nope."
He turned around and started walking away.
"Tim!"
He stopped.
Lucy Chen was standing behind him.
Tim looked relieved.
"Lucy."
"Do you know where we are?"
"No."
"Do you know why we're here?"
"No."
"Do you know why Freddy Fazbear is over there?"
Tim looked at Freddy.
Freddy waved.
"No."
Lucy sighed.
"Okay."
"Coffee?"
"Absolutely."
Unfortunately, they never got to the coffee.
Because that's when a spaceship appeared.
---
Meanwhile, literally three feet away, everyone else was having an even worse day.
Naruto was arguing with Sasuke.
Sasuke was arguing with Sakura.
Sakura was arguing with Kakashi.
Kakashi was reading his book.
Nobody knew where Shikamaru was.
He was probably asleep somewhere.
Hinata was trying to keep Naruto from running directly into the spaceship.
Rock Lee was doing push-ups.
Gaara was staring at the sky like he'd already accepted that this was his life now.
And then—
"GUYS!"
Anya Forger ran toward them.
Behind her were Loid, Yor, Bond, Becky, and Damian.
Anya pointed at the sky.
"THE SPACE PRINCESS IS HERE."
Loid looked up.
"Space princess?"
Yor looked excited.
"Is she dangerous?"
Anya nodded.
"Very."
Loid immediately became suspicious.
Yor immediately became enthusiastic.
Damian looked embarrassed.
Becky was just happy to be there.
Bond barked.
---
On the other side of the field, Twilight Sparkle was trying to organize everyone.
"Okay! We need to stay calm!"
Pinkie Pie raised her hoof.
"I'M CALM!"
"You are literally bouncing."
"I bounce when I'm calm!"
Rainbow Dash flew overhead.
"What's the plan?"
Twilight opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
"...I don't have one."
Applejack nodded.
"Honesty's a good start."
Rarity looked at the approaching spaceship.
"At least we're all dressed appropriately."
Fluttershy was hiding behind a tree.
---
Then another portal opened.
Pomni fell out.
"AAAAAAAH!"
Jax stepped out behind her.
"Wow."
Ragatha followed.
"Where are we?"
Gangle was crying.
Zooble looked annoyed.
Kinger was staring at a bush.
Caine appeared dramatically in the sky.
"HELLO, NEW FRIENDS!"
Everyone stared.
Caine grinned.
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!"
Pomni screamed louder.
---
Another portal opened.
Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk and Niffty came through.
Angel looked around.
"So this is where we're doing the crossover?"
Husk sighed.
"I want a drink."
Charlie smiled.
"Let's focus on the positives!"
Vaggie pointed at the giant spaceship.
"What's positive about that?"
Charlie thought.
"...It's pink?"
"Charlie."
"Sorry."
Alastor appeared behind them.
"Well, well, well."
Husk groaned.
"Oh great."
---
Then the DDLC girls arrived.
Sayori immediately looked around.
"Wow! This place is huge!"
Yuri was trying to figure out what was happening.
Natsuki was already complaining.
Monika just stared at the camera.
Because, obviously, she knew there was a camera.
She smiled.
"Interesting."
Natsuki looked at her.
"Don't do the creepy fourth-wall thing."
Monika smiled wider.
"No promises."
---
Then came Nicole, Jecka, Megan, Ari and Kelly from Class of '09.
Nicole looked at the enormous crowd.
"Why are we here?"
Jecka shrugged.
"I don't know."
Nicole pointed at the sky.
"Is that a lesbian space princess?"
Jecka squinted.
"Apparently."
Nicole nodded.
"Okay."
She looked around again.
"This is somehow still not the weirdest Tuesday I've had."
---
Then Ayano appeared.
Then Taro.
Then Osana.
Then Kokona.
Then several other Yandere Simulator characters.
Ayano looked at the crowd.
She looked at the spaceship.
She looked at everyone else.
"...I don't think this is school."
Osana crossed her arms.
"Obviously."
---
Then the FNAF characters showed up.
Freddy.
Bonnie.
Chica.
Foxy.
Mangle.
The Puppet.
Springtrap.
And several others who absolutely should not have been allowed anywhere near a children's cartoon pony town.
Twilight stared.
"Are they friendly?"
Freddy waved.
Bonnie waved.
Chica waved.
Foxy gave a thumbs-up.
Springtrap just stood there.
Twilight slowly nodded.
"Okay."
---
Then the Warrior cats arrived.
Firestar.
Bluestar.
Graystripe.
Ravenpaw.
Sandstorm.
Scourge.
And approximately seventeen other cats who had somehow survived enough books to still be here.
Firestar looked at the enormous crowd.
"I believe we should work together."
Graystripe nodded.
"Agreed."
Scourge looked at the spaceship.
"I want to fight it."
Firestar sighed.
"Of course you do."
---
Finally, Poppy Playtime characters appeared.
Poppy.
Huggy Wuggy.
Mommy Long Legs.
CatNap.
Everyone screamed.
Huggy waved.
Everyone screamed louder.
Mommy Long Legs waved.
Everyone screamed even louder.
CatNap just stood there.
Anya pointed.
"That one is suspicious."
CatNap slowly turned his head.
Anya hid behind Loid.
"VERY suspicious."
---
Then the spaceship speakers turned on.
A dramatic voice echoed across the entire field.
"PEOPLE OF THE MULTIVERSE."
Everyone looked up.
The Lesbian Space Princess stood on the ship.
She had an enormous cape.
A sword.
Sunglasses.
And approximately twelve people standing behind her who looked like they had also been told to dress dramatically.
"I HAVE COME TO CLAIM THE TIKTOK ALGORITHM."
Silence.
Tim looked at Lucy.
Lucy looked at Tim.
Tim whispered:
"What is the TikTok algorithm?"
Lucy shrugged.
"Honestly? I don't know."
Monika raised her hand.
"I do."
Everyone turned.
Monika smiled.
"It's complicated."
Nicole nodded.
"Yeah, that's not helping."
The Princess continued.
"For too long, the fandoms of this multiverse have fought for the title of most popular!"
Naruto pointed at himself.
"I have millions of fans!"
Freddy made a noise.
Naruto looked at him.
"Don't start."
The Princess pointed dramatically.
"YOU SHALL BATTLE!"
Tim sighed.
"Why?"
Nobody answered.
---
Cartman suddenly walked forward.
"I accept."
Kyle grabbed him.
"No!"
"LET ME GO, KYLE!"
"You are NOT in charge!"
"I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH A PHONE!"
Everyone froze.
Kyle slowly looked at the phone in Cartman's hand.
"...Where did you get that?"
Cartman smiled.
"I found it."
Stan stared.
"You stole it."
"I found it with my hands."
"That's stealing."
"Prove it."
---
The battle began.
Naruto created shadow clones.
Sasuke activated his abilities.
Rock Lee started kicking things.
Gaara created a giant sand wall.
Rainbow Dash flew around at approximately a million miles per hour.
Pinkie Pie somehow produced a cannon.
Twilight used magic.
Rarity screamed because somebody had stepped on her outfit.
Applejack tried to keep everyone organized.
Fluttershy was somehow convincing Huggy Wuggy to calm down.
Charlie was trying to establish peace.
Vaggie was trying to stop Charlie from getting hit by anything.
Angel was taking selfies.
Husk was sitting under a tree.
Alastor was enjoying himself way too much.
and of course they killed Kenny. bastards.
---
Meanwhile, the Digital Circus crew had absolutely no idea what they were doing.
Caine was yelling:
"EVERYONE! FORM A LINE!"
Nobody listened.
"FORM A CIRCLE!"
Nobody listened.
"FORM A TRIANGLE!"
Jax walked up.
"Can I form a lawsuit?"
"No!"
Pomni ran away.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!"
Ragatha chased after her.
"Pomni, come back!"
Gangle was still crying.
Zooble had simply sat down.
Kinger was talking to a mushroom.
---
Then the Princess launched her ultimate weapon.
A gigantic TikTok appeared in the sky.
It showed the Princess dramatically turning toward the camera.
Text appeared:
**POV: YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET DESTROYED BY THE BEST FANDOM**
The crowd gasped.
Monika looked horrified.
"She's good."
Twilight looked at her.
"Can we beat it?"
Monika nodded.
"We need something stronger."
Naruto walked over.
"Like what?"
Monika looked at everyone.
"We need..."
She paused dramatically.
"...the most ridiculous crossover edit ever made."
Everyone stared.
Then Naruto smiled.
"I'm listening."
---
The plan was insane.
Tim and Lucy would stand in the center.
Naruto would jump behind them.
Twilight would cast a spell.
Rainbow Dash would fly past.
Pinkie Pie would explode confetti.
The Warrior cats would stand dramatically on a cliff.
Freddy, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy would dance.
The Hazbin crew would pose.
The DDLC girls would stare dramatically into the camera.
The Digital Circus cast would scream.
The FNAF characters would do the jump scares
The SPY x FAMILY family would stand together.
Poppy would wave.
Huggy would wave.
Cartman would NOT be allowed to touch the phone.
This was very important.
---
Tim looked at Lucy.
"So we're really doing this?"
Lucy smiled.
"Apparently."
Tim sighed.
"After this, coffee."
Lucy nodded.
"Definitely."
Anya gasped from nearby.
She could read both their thoughts.
She looked at Becky.
"They like each other."
Becky immediately grabbed Anya's shoulders.
"I KNEW IT."
Loid looked over.
"Who likes who?"
"THE POLICE OFFICERS."
Loid looked at Tim and Lucy.
"Oh."
Yor smiled.
"That's sweet."
Tim turned around.
"Can everyone stop discussing us?"
Lucy laughed.
"This is probably the least weird thing happening right now."
Behind them, Freddy Fazbear was breakdancing.
har har har!
Lucy paused.
"...Okay, maybe not."
---
Monika raised the phone.
"Three."
Everyone got ready.
"Two."
Naruto crouched.
"One."
"GO!"
Naruto launched into the air.
Rainbow Dash flew across the screen.
Twilight's magic exploded behind them.
Pinkie Pie fired confetti.
Freddy Fazbear danced.
Bonnie danced.
Chica danced.
Foxy danced.
Nobody knew why.
The Warrior cats posed dramatically.
Charlie smiled.
Vaggie crossed her arms.
Alastor grinned.
Husk looked annoyed.
Niffty ran across the screen.
Pomni screamed.
Jax photobombed her.
Caine appeared upside down.
Anya gave a peace sign.
Bond barked.
Yor posed dramatically.
Loid looked confused.
Damian tried to look cool.
Becky was having the time of her life.
The DDLC girls posed.
Nicole looked bored.
Jecka laughed.
Ayano stared at the camera.
Poppy waved.
Huggy waved.
CatNap stared into the camera in the creepiest way possible.
And Tim and Lucy simply stood there.
Lucy looked at Tim.
Tim looked at Lucy.
They both smiled.
The video ended.
Monika uploaded it.
Everyone waited.
**1 view.**
**10 views.**
**100.**
**10,000.**
**1,000,000.**
**10,000,000.**
**50,000,000.**
The Princess looked horrified.
"No."
**100,000,000.**
"No."
**200,000,000.**
"NO!"
The Princess dropped her phone.
Naruto jumped into the air.
"WE WON!"
Everyone celebrated.
Pinkie Pie threw more confetti.
Freddy did another dance.
Cartman tried to take credit.
Nobody let him.
---
Then Monika looked at the screen.
"...Uh."
Everyone stopped.
"What?"
She pointed.
The video had been reposted.
Then reposted again.
Then again.
And again.
The title had changed.
**EVERY FICTIONAL CHARACTER EVER FIGHTS LESBIAN SPACE PRINCESS**
Twilight gasped.
"We're famous!"
Nicole shrugged.
"Cool."
Jax looked at the screen.
"Wait."
He pointed.
"Why does Freddy have more views than everyone?"
Everyone looked at Freddy.
Freddy slowly raised one paw.
Nobody had an answer.
The Princess sighed.
"I concede."
Naruto cheered.
The Warrior cats cheered.
The ponies cheered.
The Hazbin characters cheered.
The FNAF characters cheered.
The Digital Circus characters cheered.
Everyone cheered.
Except Cartman.
"This is unfair!"
Kyle punched him in the arm.
"You literally stole the phone."
"I WAS CONTRIBUTING!"
"No you weren't."
---
Eventually, everyone started going home.
The portals reopened.
The spaceships disappeared.
The Warrior cats returned to their forest.
The ponies returned to Ponyville.
The Naruto characters went back to their world.
The Digital Circus crew disappeared.
The FNAF characters vanished.
Everyone went back where they belonged.
Tim and Lucy stood alone in the field.
Finally.
Silence.
Lucy smiled.
"So..."
Tim nodded.
"Coffee?"
"Coffee."
They started walking away.
Then Anya's voice came from behind them.
"THEY'RE GOING ON A DATE!"
Tim stopped.
Lucy covered her face.
Anya ran away laughing.
Tim sighed.
Lucy laughed.
And somewhere in the distance, Freddy Fazbear was still dancing.
Honestly, nobody was ever going to recover from this. (including me idk why tf im writing this)
the end!!
*author's note: I have absolutely no idea what I just wrote. but it took me 47 minutes and I don't regret a single one.*