Work Text:
Groupchat: BATS ONLY
Cass:
What happened?
Character B:
Harley
Character B:
Something about an article
Character B:
looking into it now!
Steph:
lmao wait
this one? link
she's crashing out over that 😭
Jason:
wtf
Dick:
what is this
Jason:
wtFUCK
Bruce:
If this is relating to a case, please keep it to official channels. We have spoken about this.
Jason:
nah this shits PERSONAL
why's HE number 1???????
Dick:
😎🍑
Bruce:
What is the matter?
Steph:
just click the link bruce
Bruce:
The website is unsecured, none of you should be opening this link.
Cass:
screenshot attached
// Text marked as: Seen
The Gotham Gazette
GotHAM—the Best Butts in the city, voted by you!
The votes have been pouring in since we announced this competition last week, and we're pleased to announce the final round-up of the ten best rears in our fine city!
Let's start with number ten, and work our way to the number one spot.
10: Batgirl
Whether she's masked up or letting her hair down, this heroine just about made her way onto this list!
9: Harvey Dent
A controversial pick here on our list: He may be Two-Faced, but this former District Attorney is certainly double cheeked!
8: Red Hood
You certainly like your criminals, Gotham! I can't say I disagree with you, though! He makes those cargo pants work!
7: Batman
Our very own Caped Crusader! Even the dark Knight's cape can't hide those buns of steel.
6: Harley Quinn
She might have a rough history, but her rear is perfectly well-rounded
5:Bruce Wayne
Our favorite Billionaire! I never know which is more impressive: What he gives to our city, or the way he fills out those tuxedo pants
4: Poison Ivy
Have you seen her in a leotard?
3: Black Canary
More known for her Justice League exploits, this Gotham native certainly had the CHEEK to leave us behind
2:Catwoman
The only thing more impressive than her skills, is the way she looks in that catsuit. Meow!
1: Nightwing
He may have left us for Bludhaven, but there's still no competition for the top bottom! Drop the glute routine, Nightwing!
As part of an opinion piece, the views contained herein are neither endorsed nor condemned by The Gotham Gazette. The Gotham Gazette bears no responsibilty for any villainous activity which may occur as a result of this article.
You might also like . . .
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NEWS
Five things you should know about the new Mayor
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HEALTH
Scientists discover MIRACLE USE for Venom: read on for more!
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SPORT
Does FEAR TOXIN count as a performance enhancing drug?
To: BATS ONLY
Stephanie:
so wait
which of us do we think they meant at #10
Cass:
🤷
can be you
i dont mind
Stephanie:
🙄
no fun
well anyway congrats dick
Jay:
he doesnt even live in gotham!!!
Character B:
lmao Jason you're just salty Bruce beat you TWICE
Jay:
whatever
i dont even give a shit
selina shouldve won tbh
Dad:
This is all meaningless, please get back to work.
// Text marked as: Seen
To: Damian
Character A:
Father is muttering about some kind of list. Is this something to be concerned about?
Character B:
You've got to look at the group chat, buddy
nothing to worry about, just a gossip article
// Text marked as: Seen
To: BATS ONLY
Damian:
I concur with Father. This is meaningless.
Steph:
course you do lil buddy
Damian:
Do not call me that or there will be serious repercussions.
Steph:
sorry lil buddy
Jason:
sorry lil buddy
Duke:
sorry lil buddy
Character B:
sorry lil buddy
Dick:
sorry lil buddy
Damian:
I know a dozen ways to murder each and every one of you in your sleep.
Steph:
love you too 💜
// Text marked as: Seen
To: (Not so) Young Just-us
Bart:
lmaooooo tim link
Character B:
omg don't even start gotham is having a full meltdown
Character B:
batchat is going insane i'm barely even keeping up
Kon:
wait whats up
Cassie:
best butts in gotham results dropped!
They've been debating this online all week since the polls opened!
Bart:
still mad they only let you vote once a day :(
Kon:
how did i not know about this?
where did you get tim?
Character B:
oh no i'm not on it
Character B:
thank god
Kon:
WHAT??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHO DECIDED THIS SHIT??
Bart:
voted on by the people of gotham
also me with a vpn
Character B:
omg it's fine relaxxxx
Character B:
trust me i never wanted to be on the buttlist
Kon:
RED HOOD IS ON THE LIST AND YOU AREN'T??
TWO FACE????????
// Text marked as: Seen
To: Kon
Character B:
kon please chill it's NOT a big deal
Character A:
it's a travesty is what it is
Character A:
have they not SEEN your butt?
Character A:
like sure okay nightwing deserved #1
Character A:
and i understand catwoman #2 she's a babe
Character A:
but seriously
Character A:
you're top 5 AT LEAST
Character B:
um
Character B:
kon?
Character B:
kon why do you have such strong opinions about my ass
Character B:
kon
Character B:
Conner
Character B:
CONNER KENT
Character B:
why are you suddenly ignoring me
// Text marked as: Seen
To: (Not so) Young Just-us
Cassie:
Is it just me or did it suddenly get super quiet in here
Bart:
there's a disturbance in the force
Cassie:
wtf do you ever mean?
Bart:
idk
soooo
which batgirl do u think it was
// Text marked as: Seen
To: "New" Titans™️
Gar:
YOOOO OUR BOY IS #1
always knew you had it in you buddy
Donna:
oh jfc
He's going to be so insufferable about this
Wally:
a pain in the you-know-what
Character B:
hey don't be jealous!
Character B:
just bask in my glory
Wally:
shut up Dick
Donna:
shut up Dick
Gar:
shut up Dick
Kori:
shut up Dick
Vic:
shut up Dick
Raven:
shut up Dick
// Text marked as: Seen
To: New new new new new new new Titans
i will NOT shut up!
Vic:
Wrong chat, buddy
FUCK
Stephanie:
DUDE are you still gatekeeping multiple titans chats we TALKED ABOUT THIS
You know what actually i think i will shut up
shutting up now
Jon Kent:
What is he not shutting up about?
Vic:
He was getting a big head about the list
Jon Kent:
List? is that the same one Kon's been raging about? something about a rigged vote
Stephanie:
i don't know about it being rigged but yeah the butt vote
Yara Flor:
Butt...Vote?
Stephanie:
link
Jon Kent:
lmao
Red Devil (Eddie):
lmaooooo nightwing's on TOP
Jon Kent:
this is ridiculous 😭
THIS is what kon's losing his mind over?
Stephanie:
wait what's Kon's problem?
Jon Kent:
no comment 👀
Stephanie:
interesting 👀
Jon Kent:
👀
Yara Flor:
this is ridiculous
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: "New" Titans™️
Vic:
Dude you HAVE to stop doing that
Leave the other chats if you have to
Donna:
Oh my god did he go into the kids chat again?
Wally:
What a dumb***
Vic:
He's not even defending himself
Gar:
bro STAND UP
Raven:
he's not even typing
Wally:
wow
a guy gets voted best butt in gotham and suddenly we're all beneath him
Gar:
Sad 😔
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Dick
hey
Character A:
hey Tim!
you good?
Character B:
yeah
i'm good
list thing is weird though right?
is it?
Character B:
well yeah
i mean
Kon's being weird about me not being on it
That's weird right?
i mean him being weird about it idc about whether i'm on it or not
i meannnn
Character B:
hello??
dick?
dick are you there?
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Wally
Character A:
Dick are you good?
Character A:
You know it's no fun teasing you if you aren't gonna respond 😭
Character A:
Dick?
Character A:
Is something wrong?
Okay i'm a little worried now please answer
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: BATS ONLY
Character B:
Anyone hear from Dick lately?
Character B:
He just stopped replying a while ago
Steph:
He messaged the Titans chat a while ago but i think it was an accident
nothing in the last 20 minutes ish
// Text marked as: Seen
To: Damian
Grayson. Check in.
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Stephanie
You good?
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Jay
dude answer ur fuckin phone
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Cass
Are you alright?
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: Dad
Dick? If the article is an issue for you, I can have it removed.
Please call
Check in, Nightwing
// Text marked as: Delivered
To: BATS ONLY
Bruce:
I am going to his apartment to check in
Character B:
No need
Character B:
Fuck
Character B:
Turn on the news
Bruce:
On my way.
Damian, with me.
Duke:
I'm going back to bed
can't deal with this shit
// Text marked as: Seen
The Gotham Gazette
Nightwing Taken Hostage by Supervillains!
Video Transcript
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy stand on a Gotham City rooftop. Vines erupt from the ground, twisting up the sides of the building. The footage zooms in, and it becomes clear that the vines are wrapped around an individual. NIGHTWING stands, bound by the hands and feet. The audio quality of the footage is poor, but we were able to distinguish the following:
HARLEY QUINN: Come on, buddy! We don't wanna hurt you! We're pals, right?
POISON IVY: Harley, are you sure--
HARLEY QUINN:--Just wanna know your workout routine! It's self-improvement!
BATMAN and ROBIN arrive on scene, and swiftly take control. The kidnappers are subdued, and NIGHTWING is released from the vines. He appears unharmed.
As part of an opinion piece, the views contained herein are neither endorsed nor condemned by The Gotham Gazette. The Gotham Gazette bears no responsibilty for any villainous activity which may occur as a result of this article.
You might also like . . .
-
NEWS
Five things you should know about the new Mayor
-
HEALTH
Scientists discover MIRACLE USE for Venom: read on for more!
-
SPORT
Does FEAR TOXIN count as a performance enhancing drug?
To: BATS ONLY
Character B:
I'm good 👍
Thanks B and Dami for the save
and thanks Tim for noticing i was gone/checking the news
Dad:
Glad you're alright, son
Jay:
drop the glute routine 📢📢📢
// Text marked as: Seen
To: Jay
nah fr glad ur good bro 👍
probably in the top 10 weirdest kidnappings i've had
Just top 10?
yeah I mean I've been kidnapped a LOT
True
// Text marked as: Seen
To: "New" Titans™️
Just got kidnapped fyi but i'm good now 👍
// Text marked as: several people are typing
To: Steph
Character A:
I'd check in on Conner if I were you
Character B:
I'm TRYING
he won't reply???
and HE hasn't been kidnapped for his ass as far as i can tell
Character A:
lmao
Character A:
guilt trip?
// Text marked as: Seen
To: Kon
Character B:
hey kon?
look if you don't wanna acknowledge it that's fine i'm just worried
idek if you saw what happened with dick
if you could just send an emoji or sth so i know you're ok?
Character A:
...
Character A:
i saw
Character A:
maybe it's a good thing you weren't #1
maybe
idk
you seem to care about this more than I do
Character A:
i care about democracy i guess
democracy huh
specifically relating to my ass, it seems
I guess I just never knew you were paying attention
To democracy I mean
Character A:
ugh
Konnnnn
Say it
Admit you like looking at my ass
Character A:
it's OKAY
Character A:
I guess
Top 5 you said
That puts me ahead of Batman AND Bruce Wayne
Character A:
Please don't get a big head about this
Maybe you should come over
Double check
Character A:
Don't mock me Tim this is embarrassing enough
Not mocking you
if they made a Metropolis Butt Poll i'd put you #1
Character A:
Oh
Please come over
Character A:
I'm outside
// Text marked as: Seen
To: (Not so) Young Just-us
Bart:
Hey so I've been running the numbers
I think kon might be right??
Cassie:
Filed under: things nobody has said ever
Bart:
I'm serious!
about the list
I think there was a mistake
Cassie:
???
Bart:
Brb gonna go talk to Vicki Vale
// Text marked as: Seen
To: BATS ONLY
Duke:
omg
Just went to send the article to the We Are Robin crew
Did they change it? link
Jason:
wait really?
Why?
Cass:
screenshot attached
Steph:
oh FUCK YOU TIM 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
// Text marked as: Seen
The Gotham Gazette
GotHAM—the Best Butts in the city, voted by you!
*EDIT An earlier version of this article cited Batgirl in the tenth position. However, it has come to our attention the votes in this poll were divided between multiple heroes using this title. The list has been adjusted to account for this.*
The votes have been pouring in since we announced this competition last week, and we're pleased to announce the final round-up of the ten best rears in our fine city!
Let's start with number ten, and work our way to the number one spot.
10: Red Robin
A hero with a lot to prove, and lots of vocal fans! Coming in at tenth place is a young man who will no doubt move up the ranks in the years to come
9: Harvey Dent
A controversial pick here on our list: He may be Two-Faced, but this former District Attorney is certainly double cheeked!
8: Red Hood
You certainly like your criminals, Gotham! I can't say I disagree with you, though! He makes those cargo pants work!
7: Batman
Our very own Caped Crusader! Even the dark Knight's cape can't hide those buns of steel.
6: Harley Quinn
She might have a rough history, but her rear is perfectly well-rounded
5:Bruce Wayne
Our favorite Billionaire! I never know which is more impressive: What he gives to our city, or the way he fills out those tuxedo pants
4: Poison Ivy
Have you seen her in a leotard?
3: Black Canary
More known for her Justice League exploits, this Gotham native certainly had the CHEEK to leave us behind
2:Catwoman
The only thing more impressive than her skills, is the way she looks in that catsuit. Meow!
1: Nightwing
He may have left us for Bludhaven, but there's still no competition for the top bottom! Drop the glute routine, Nightwing!
As part of an opinion piece, the views contained herein are neither endorsed nor condemned by The Gotham Gazette. The Gotham Gazette bears no responsibilty for any villainous activity which may occur as a result of this article.
You might also like . . .
-
NEWS
Five things you should know about the new Mayor
-
HEALTH
Scientists discover MIRACLE USE for Venom: read on for more!
-
SPORT
Does FEAR TOXIN count as a performance enhancing drug?