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Tim had imagined his first kiss with Jon going several different ways before this.
He’d daydreamed about it a few times back when they both still worked in research; back when he could still confidently call Jon a friend. It’d be after a few pints at a bar near the institute, as he’d lean in close to whisper something stupid to Jon and let his lips just barely brush up against his ear. Or maybe it’d be a quick peck on the cheek as they both made their coffees in the break room, standing by the small countertop as they chatted away about their recent assignments.
After Jon’s promotion however, he’d started thinking about what it’d be like to steal a kiss from Jon between the file drawers, his hand on the small of Jon’s back; Jon’s hands firmly splayed across his own chest. A short, passionate kiss that’d leave his boss flustered for the rest of the day, that’s the kind of kiss he’d give him.
He never ended up doing that though. Maybe if he did, Jon wouldn’t have turned into some stalker freak who couldn’t trust that he wasn’t responsible for Gertrude’s murder. He'd thought about it the few times he noticed Jon following him home however, about how he’d turn around and walk right up to him, dragging him into some dark secluded alleyway. He’d pin Jon to a wall and kiss him fiercely then, all tongue and teeth as Jon squirmed beneath him, almost as if he was trying to break away from the kiss despite his hands clutching tightly onto the taller man’s shirt collar.
Now it was the night before The Unknowing, and in a cold, musty motel room up in Yarmouth he’d finally done it. He tugged on Jon’s sleeve from behind, spun him around and pulled his face right up to his, before gently pressing their lips together. Hardly a kiss really, seeing as Jon made no attempt to kiss him back, but he didn’t pull away either, so he let himself linger for just a few more moments before he pulled away, feeling an emptiness take hold where a warm anger once sat. He’d heard Jon whisper something like an apology against his lips when he drew back, his eyes growing wet with tears and filled with something that almost looked like regret, but it was all a little too late wasn’t it ? He'd held Jon in his arms then, letting him sob into his chest about all the wrong he's done and how he never meant to hurt him. Tim, without responding, rested his chin on top of Jon's head and murmured something comforting like "It'll be fine" against it.
Come tomorrow they’d march into the lion’s den to bring an end to The Unknowing, Nikola, The Circus, and without them knowing just yet, Tim, along with them.
Tonight however ? Tonight, for the very first time, Tim kisses Jon. And for the very last time, Jon trusts Tim when he says "It'll all be fine".