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Applejack tried to wash the words down with something strong, tried to drown every argument, every apology, every I’m sorry that never seemed to mean anything anymore.
But the taste of blood remained.
Some things left a metallic taste in your mouth long after the wound had closed.
Some things made you choke, like the word “no” for example. Which is why she was now driving a tipsy Rainbow Dash back from another party.
She had both her hands tightly wrapped around the steering wheel, her knuckles white. Green eyes fixed on the road ahead.
The radio played faintly, the low hum filling the car alongside Dash’s rambling. Applejack had tuned her out a while ago, though.
Applejack’s gaze dropped to the dashboard. The words “Low gas” flashed across the screen, drawing a low grumble from her.
“What’s wrong?” Dash asked, her words slightly slurred.
“Low gas,” Applejack replied flatly.
Dash tilted her head slightly, colourful strands of hair falling into her face. She shrugged. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” Her hands started tapping against the steering wheel. She racked her brains, trying to remember if there was a gas station on this route, or at least one she could make it to before her truck broke down.
“There’s probably a gas station nearby.” Dash’s tone was annoyingly optimistic. Applejack let out a quiet sigh.
“Better be.”
“Oh! There is one, you just gotta take a left at the next exit. You know, the one with the ice cream shop?” Rainbow’s voice filled the car, making AJ’s face scrunch up.
“Right.” And with that, the car filled with silence again. After a few seconds, Applejack quickly glanced at Rainbow.
Rainbow was staring out the window, her face illuminated every few seconds by the headlights of passing cars. Her hair was a mess. It usually was.
Applejack looked back at the road. She was getting tired of looking at her. Getting real fucking tired of always picking her drunk girlfriend up from parties.
Tired of coming home to cold mattresses. Empty rooms. Tired of falling stars she’d stopped bothering to wish on. Somehow, they were all starting to look the same.
But despite all of it, Rainbow had a way of energizing her, waking her up like a shot of espresso and making Applejack forget why she was so tired in the first place.
She could make her smile when she didn’t want to. Still crawl into her life and fill every empty space she’d spent so long trying to make peace with.
Rainbow kept her happy. But she tortured her at the same time.
The thought made AJ grimace. Her hand slid down the wheel and turned her turning signal on. The sound filled the truck, making AJ more frustrated with each click.
She turned left, and not long after she turned into the parking lot of the gas station. Parking next to the gas pump, she reached to unbuckle her seat belt, but the rainbow-haired girl beside her beat her to it.
“I need some air, I can do it.” She said.
Applejack raised her eyebrows, internally debating whether or not this was a horrible idea. “Ya sure? You’re a bit.. tipsy.”
“Fresh air could help me sober up.” Rainbow replied, making AJ snort.
“That’s a load of bullshit. But go ahead.” A smile crossed Dash’s face. The second the passenger door opened, the cold night breeze entered the car.
There always seemed to be another hook waiting for Rainbow. Another reason to leave, another place to be, another reckless decision waiting around the corner.
A million ways to die, to make AJ’s heart break, to leave her numb and empty.
Applejack’s gaze lingered on rainbows bare arms. “Err— Darlin’, it’s cold outside.” The word of endearment slipped past her lips, like it was a normal thing she said in passing, but her mouth stretched strangely around the word.
“So?” The alcohol had made Dash’s voice more squeaky, filled with that rasp AJ used to love.
Applejack shook her head and slipped the jacket she was wearing off. She held it up for Dash to take. “Let’s go in style.” Applejack joked.
Dash took the jacket and put it on. “I’ll be back, Jackie.”
The sound of the car door shutting filled the silence, darkness filled the car as AJ pulled the keys out of the ignition.
No more eyes to see the sun, she thought.
She leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes.
She hated how easily her mind wandered when Rainbow wasn’t around to fill the silence.
There had been so many nights like this.
Rainbow would slide into bed beside her while Applejack stayed awake, staring at the ceiling.
She’d get drunk off her ass because nighttime was the only time she could afford to. She had shit to do during the day, unlike a certain rainbow-haired someone.
Sometimes Rainbow would talk, sometimes they would say nothing at all.
But the nights Rainbow would slide into bed drunk were the nights they could talk for hours about everything.
Applejack had told Rainbow things she’d never managed to say sober, staring into the darkness beside her instead of looking her in the eyes.
Slow conversations with a gun mean more than I've ever said to anyone, she thought, huffing out a quiet laugh.
She missed the old Rainbow, the one who held a crying Applejack and sat on the porch stairs all night.
The one who’d whisper “Darling, let's go inside. It'll be alright.”
The sound of the passenger door opening snapped AJ out of her thoughts. Dash climbed into her seat holding a bunch of gas station snacks.
Applejack raised her eyebrow at her. The door closed and Dash looked at AJ’s expression. “What? I was hungry.”
She rolled her eyes as Dash opened a bag of cheese puffs, coating her fingers in the orange dust before popping one into her mouth.
Applejack put the keys back into the ignition and started her truck up once again. “Oh! I forgot to tell you what happened to me,” Dash said, crunching down on another cheese puff.
“Have at it.” Applejack said as she pulled out of the gas station. Dash placed the bag down and wiped her fingers on her pants.
“So, last night I ended up in Palm Springs,—“
“Fuckin’ Palm Springs? Jesus, Dash.” AJ cut in.
“Anyway,” She continued, ignoring Applejack’s interruption. “I was dancin’ on tables, and it was totally awesome.”
AJ’s knuckles went white from how firmly she was holding the steering wheel. “But I almost fought some bitch at the club because she was giving me a nasty look and tryna start some shit.”
“Rainbow!— how fuckin’ reckless do you gotta be to almost start a fight.”
“Almost. I almost did. It’s not a big deal.” Dash tried to justify, but all it did was make AJ pissed.
“After that, I got a room at a nearby hotel, and it was going fine.. until someone filed a noise complaint and I got kicked out of my hotel.” She grumbled. “Even lost my shoes.”
“Well, fuck, what, am I supposed to be impressed?” Some of that quiet resentment that had settled somewhere deep within Applejack bubbled to the top.
“Ugh, you always take everything so seriously.” Rainbow crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat.
The problem was, she always thought everything was a fucking joke. Some part of AJ wondered if their relationship was just another joke to her too.
Once, they were lying in bed together. Dash had rolled over and said, “You’re just another set of bones to lay to rest.”
Applejack had blamed it on Rainbow being tired. She replied, “I guess it's time to say goodnight.”
Applejack was fucking done. There was nothing else for her to say. “Hope you had a really good time.”
“Why are you so angry, Jackie?” Dash said. “I will soon forget the color of your eyes. And you'll forget mine.” She shrugged.
“You’re drunk, Dash. I think you should stop talkin’ before you say some other bullshit.”
Rainbow stared out the windshield.
Once, Applejack would’ve told her to come outside. She would’ve wrapped an arm around her and promised everything would be alright.
Now, she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d believed that herself.
“But last night…” Rainbow said.
Applejack tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “Y’already told me ‘bout Palm Springs.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t let me finish.”
Applejack didn’t answer. Rainbow shifted in her seat, staring down at the crumpled bag of cheese puffs in her lap. “I almost forgot to tell you something else.”
“What?”
Rainbow turned toward her, studying Applejack’s face for a moment. “You have pretty eyes, Jackie.”
Applejack’s heart began to hammer. Once, that would’ve been enough to make her smile.
Now, all she could think about was how Rainbow had said she would forget the colour of them.
Maybe she already had.
The rest of the drive passed in silence.
By the time they reached Dash’s apartment, Dash was asleep in the passenger seat, still wearing AJ’s jacket.
Applejack sat there for a while, staring at her.
She tried to remember the last time she’d looked at Rainbow and felt nothing but love.
She couldn’t.
And somehow, that hurt more than anything Rainbow had said all night. Applejack looked away.
She couldn’t remember the color of Rainbow’s eyes anymore, either.