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Sometimes I wake up, Vessel, without you.
Sometimes I woke up and found you beside me, other times I didn’t. You came with the warm fall breeze, with the changing of the trees. Sometimes you would come with the cold, or even if the blooming of flowers. I never knew if you’d stay, or if I’d wake up with a cold space beside me that I wished was warm.
When I first saw you, everything had seemed to go perfectly. You saved me, and you were beautiful and handsome and I knew I didn’t deserve you.
You, with your six golden-brown eyes. You, with your antlers and talons. You, with your gentle, easy going smile.
Me, with my past that I still refused to confront. Me, with the watery blue eyes that, when they held tears, I refused to tell you why. Me, with the frown on my face that never seemed to leave— never seemed to leave, until you were around.
And as you bandaged my bleeding wounds, I wished for you to stay. For you to live with me in the manor that held so many empty rooms. But you didn’t— you never came. When you did, it was brief. You checked in on me, you kissed me, and then you left. You had your duty— but I did not have mine.
It was a good day, the one where I knew you were coming. You had made sure to tell me you were coming in the letter you had delivered to me. I waited on my porch, all throughout the day. As the sun began its descent, I wondered if you were cross with me. I wondered why you did not come— until I noticed the stillness of the trees, the smell that had always reminded me of you- gone from my senses.
I, like the fool I was, ran into the dense forest. Something had happened to you, something I was sure of.
Trees flew past me— I did not stop, even when I fell into a pile of mud, not when a jutting piece of tree bark sliced my forearm and painted it in crimson. The entire way, I knew it was because I loved you.
When I had approached the clearing— the perfect, serene landscape of green grass and lilac flowers, the pine trees curling around you like birds of prey— I rushed to you.
You had your eyes fixed in the clouds like they held something for you. You had your hands clasped at your sides like you were ready to swing, like you were ready to fist fight god herself.
Your antlers were gone, your talons clipped. You bled, four of six of your eyes sewn shut. The middle pair released tears. Salty drops mixed with blood. The golden twinkle in your eyes had faded, a dull but still beautiful brown in its place. Your eyes had slowly moved to me, and your throat had been so dry you couldn’t manage but a word.
“…II?”
That was all you said as I curled over your body and held you like a precious jewel— because that’s what you were to me. Something priceless, something that exceeded the limits of love and care. Because I loved you.
“Vessel,” I had said back. “Vessel, your okay. What- we’re going home, Vess, okay?”
Your eyes held mine like you would go blind if you looked away. I had picked you up, and gods, you were lighter than you had ever been, and it brought tears to my eyes. I took you home— to my home— and treated you like you had treated me a decade before.
And now, you sit in my arms, and you’re real, and you’re mine. You hurt, so much, and you love, so strongly. And I will forever reciprocate that love to you, because there is nothing— and I mean it, truly, nothing— that I wouldn’t do for you, Vessel.
If you wished for the world, I would cut it into slices and serve it for you in pieces that were easy for you to consume.
Because I loved you.
Because I still do.
-Your husband,
II.