Chapter Text
"No I don't need you, but I miss you come here" -Love me not, Ravyn Lenae
---
“So like, friends…with benefits?”
“That's a very cringey way of putting it”
“Shut up - do you want the benefits of not?”
Adam shrugged and grinned at Fergus, conceding defeat.
—
Adam and Fergus were fine with the situation they had gotten themselves into. Honestly. Sure, there were points that got a bit awkward, like when one wanted to meet up but the other had someone over. And sure, the other was almost always Adam, because Fergus wasn't a fan of one night stands and was too insecure to go on dating apps or out to bars. Especially since he was a minister, and a minister having a Grindr profile definitely wasn't a good look. Or a minister in a gay bar. It was a convenient excuse for perhaps not wanting to see anyone other than Adam Adam, however, had lived a life of hooking up and forgetting the face the next day. Ever since his parents’ messier than usual divorce, he'd virtually sworn off commitment. Fergus knew this, and understood. So they had their… arrangement.
Which worked very well, thanks.
—
Adam stared down at his phone
?U up
No sorry
See u at work tmrw
Huh. It wasn't very often that Fergus was busy, without Adam. If it was something to do with his mum, then Adam would know, because Fergus told him stuff like that. And on a Tuesday night? If it was anyone other than Fergus, he would assume a hookup, but Fergus was like a mix between a toddler and an old man. Early bedtimes, never goes out on a “school” night. Well, obviously Adam didn't mind if Fergus was hooking up with someone, because they weren't boyfriends or anything. And obviously Adam had random one night stands all the time, so Fergus could too.
No, he didn't feel jealous at all. Don't mistake curiosity for pathetic feelings of attachment and monogamy. If anything he was proud that his best mate was finally getting some.
He wasn't jealous. Not even a little. That fluttery, gnawing feeling in his chest was just hunger. He just needed some dinner. That's all.
—
He was nice, this guy. He was handsome, in a soft, dorky way. He had a nice smile. He was a good kisser. He wasn't looking for commitment. There was only one slight issue: he wasn't Adam. Oh, and also, he was in Fergus' bed and Fergus would rather he could disappear into the graveyard of random guys Fergus had slept with because sex is the best way to cure depression, right? If you ignore how shit Fergus feels the morning after, with a stranger in his space, then yeah, best cure ever.
But that's beside the point. The point was Fergus was struggling to choke down his feelings anymore. He only wanted Adam, and Adam wanted him, but never for long. It was starting to affect all areas of his life. At work, he stared at Adam more than he should, and he lived for the occasional touch on the arm or shoulder or back. At home, his thoughts always circled back to Adam. Even at Adam's, all he thought about was Adam, and how horrible it would be when he had to leave. He could never focus his mind - or at least he could never focus on the right things. It was as though Adam had consumed everything around him, without even trying.
—
“You look like shit” And it was true, Fergus did look like shit. His almost ginger hair was sticking up at weird angles, and there were dark circles underneath his eyes. One side of his collar was upturned, giving him the appearance of a secondary school student who overslept.
“Good morning to you too” he replied, his typing becoming more aggressive with each tap.
“Late night?”
Stopping abruptly, he turned to stare at Adam, who was smirking, clearly enjoying himself. He shook his head, frowning,
“It wasn't what you think”
“If it was anything other than what I think then you would've told me”
Stupid Adam. He knew Fergus, really knew him, the good and the bad and the ugly and all that stupid stuff you know about your partner. But they weren't partners, they were just … something. And yet nothing at the same time.
“You can't be mad. You do it all the time. We're not, uh, we're not exclusive or anything.” His shoulders were tense, and he was determinedly staring at Adam's shoulder in order to avoid being crippled by eye contact. It made him feel too exposed, like he was seeing something he shouldn't, looking into anyone's eyes like that, not just Adam's.
“I'm not mad. That would be hypocritical. It's just unusual, that's all.”
“Okay. Good. Yeah, that's good. Fine. Kay.” Fergus flapped his hands in what he hoped was a dismissive manner. He could feel Adam's eyebrows raise, but it must have worked, because he dropped the conversation and finally started working.
—
U alone?
I need to call u
Fergus never wanted to call, and he actually was alone, eating takeaway in his pants and watching Gavin and Stacey.
Yeah
Everything okay?
“Is everything okay? You never phone me.”
A muffled sigh came through the speaker. Fergus always sounded tinny on the phone, more so than other people. But maybe Adam just paid more attention to his voice than other people.
Well, nothing bad has happened, not really, but I just … it's just…
He trailed off. Whatever it was it was worrying him, and it was Adam's job to fix things for him. So he should just spit it out, so Adam could help him. That's what he was there for.
“Come on Fergus, just tell me”
Fergus took a deep, shaky breath, before finally telling him
Right, so, my parents are coming down to visit. From Edinburgh. And I might have maybe lied to them a couple of months ago.
“Lied to them how?”
Uh, basically I told them that I was seeing someone. And now they want to meet that person. And it was already going to be really awkward because my dad's a fucking judgemental … homophobe. And, like, if I tell them that I broke up with this person, it would be worse, because my dad seems to think I can't find anyone because… because I like men. And you can say no, but I guess I just thought you could pretend to be dating me, just for the weekend. I thought you would be the best, because we already…you know. And everyone at work thinks we're a couple or whatever, so I reckon we'd be quite convincing. Uh, yeah. That's what I wanted to ask. And you can say no. Obviously.
Adam could hardly believe that a) Fergus had done something so stupid and b) that he gave a response so quickly.
“Yeah. Fine. Just this once though, we're not actually a couple or anything”
No. No. Just this once. It's just pretend.
Which is how they both wanted it. Just pretend.