Chapter Text
chapter one Orion pov
Mum’s playing with her necklace as we pull up to the building frantically rubbing her fingers over the cross. I leaning forwards and put my hand next to hers she grabs it and squeezes hard. I offer her a calm smile I know how frightened she is. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest because this…well this is everything all those sleeps less night all the doc…<br />
Dad: waits until Orion looking “well.. it certainly isn’t Harvard University”<br />
Mum: warning tone in her voice “Michael you agreed to support our son”
Dad: looking at Orion through the review mirror “well I just think it would have been nice if you could have carried on the family tradition and gone to University with your siblings.” Sighing heavily “I guess it will still be an option in the future, hopefully”
Orion: forcing on a smile “yes it will. Thank you for your support though it means a lot to me”.
Dad: “yes well just remember you can’t expect the people in there to sign for you your going to have to adapt to them”
Orion: storming a smile “I know dad I’m ready”.
I see Mum glaring at dad and open her mouth before quickly shutting it again and pasting on a smile. Astria rolls her eyes not looking away from her car window but I can see her automatically tracing her constellations on her wrist. I quickly trace over my own identical constellation as well as my extra one it’s in the same place it’s been for the last four years well as much as the same place as it could possibly be. I’m careful in case the ink still hasn’t dried from when my mum drew them this morning.
I wish you were here
I see Astria spot my extra constellation and quickly look away I don’t have to see her face to know she’ll look annoyed. Henry looks down at my wrist and I see his own hand hovering over his own wrist to. I know if I look mum will have an identical one on her wrist that I drew for her this morning. She cried afterwards and hugged me so tightly I thought I’d stop breathing. Lyra doesn’t because she’s still buried beside me wrapped around me like a koala I once again feels a stabbing pain to the heart am I really doing this am I really leaving my Lyra she’s only thirteen…
Mum: forcing a smile ”right have you got everything”
Orion: forcing a calming smile and pulling out the laminated list “check”
Mum: sighs “check”
Astria: smirking slightly “seventh times a charm”
Orion: I roll my eyes at her scrambling to check my folder “yep my ID, my acceptance letters and my passport, my last physical check up, my wallet, phone, water bottle, lunch, my hearing aid, and my spares fully charged, I took my medication this morning and I have my emergency medication and four pens”
Mum: still frantically rubbing her cross “hidden“
Orion: “yep same place as always” I wish there was something I could do to help her I know how scared she is
Mum: sigh of relief “remember to keep a tight hold of that folder you can’t let anyone else hold it and don’t put it down anywhere. And don’t let anyone touch your bag just in case”.
Dad: “Christ woman are we all going to have to sit through this entire lecture again, if we can’t trust him he shouldn’t be here”.
Mum: tense but forcing a calm smile “Michael, we do trust him but what in that folder is very important and you know that I just wanted to remind him”
I lean forward and force a calm smile looking down at the folder that’s slightly crinkled already because I’ve been holding onto it so tight even thought it’s brand new. My documents used to be in a different folder that’s now sitting at the very bottom of my wardrobe under all my blankets and old random clothes even though it’s empty now
O: “I promise to take really good care of it mum I know what to do you can trust me.”
Mum: “and remember only Mr Crawford and Mr Miller from management knows, not even your host family knows. The least amount of people who know the safer it is for you”.
A: look up from her phone and gently elbows me in the side “are we going in or not”
I bite my lip mentally running thought my check list and all my dates and medications all over again. We all clamber out the car Lyra’s still refusing to let me go. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this what if I mess it up what if I can’t fit in what if it’s just like last time. No last time was good it was me who didn’t adapt fast enough but I can now I’ve learnt a lot since then. I catch Astria staring warily at the building conflicting feeling crossing her face while tracing her constellations. I go up to her and hug her tightly she immediately fall into the hug and I gently move Lyra so she’s in the middle like always and drag Henry who pretends to be reluctant into the hug then it suddenly hits me that this is probably the last time we will all be in the same car or able to hug each other altogether. I feel the tell tale signs of tears but quickly force them back down I can’t afford to fall apart not here not with ever..
Mum: claps her hand twice “right family picture”. We all groan because we all know just how long this can take my mum set the record for twenty three minutes (yes I counted) but we all obediently move into positions it’s not worth the arguments something else we learnt the hard way.
Mum: “right grabs my arm and manoeuvres me into position right stand here so we can see the building teeth, oh hang on what happened to my camera, okay smile Lyra smile. Astria hair lyra hair honestly wait did that work it didn’t click it normally clicks okay it did. Right no teeth this time. SMILE. Okay say cheese. Right everyone arms in the middle let’s see the stars. Good why isn’t it making that clicking noise Orion”
O: I roll my eyes “honestly mum”
M: “Okay let’s take a picture in front of that sign. Orion go perfect Orion TEETH.”
Mum stares checking through her pictures so I go over to Astria and pull her in for a hug
Orion: I whisper into her ear “please try and remember you deserve your place on that course and you can call me anytime for anything. I love you to the moon and back”
I then pull Henry in for a hug “your going to do amazing okay call me whenever you need anything. I love you to the moon and back.
Finally I pull Lyra into a hug
Orion: “ I love you more than anything in the world I promise I’m still your big brother. I love you to the moon and back”.
Then mum drags him into a hug and whispers into my ear “you deserve to be here just as much as everyone else okay but you need to stay safe remember once you’ve said something you can’t take it back and not everyone will accept you for you. So keep all your cards close to your chest okay just like always”. “I trust you okay”
Orion: “i promise mum I know what to do we practised remember i promise I can handle this.” Looking sadly over at the idiots “will they be okay”
Mum: “I think they’ll have forgotten who you are by the time we’ve driving home, definitely by the end of the week. Course not you dafty your their older brother they’ll miss you sweetheart and I’ll miss you helping out around the house and stopping all the arguments but you deserve this sweetie you’ve tried so hard to get here.
Orion: “I’ll ring every night I promise and I’ll check my phone all the time just in case anyone needs me so you can text me any time”.
Mum: “that’s my good boy, you’ll phone tonight promise, and everyday.
Orion: “I promise mum I set up a reminder and everything”
Mum: let’s go of the hug and her fingers go back to running the cross anxiously “there’s my sweet, mature caring boy. my moons”.
I starts walking towards the building my head held high trying to show confidences to try and reassure my mum Meanwhile jacks family pulls up in their car
Jacks pov
As I see the building approach I make sure not to fiddle with my sleeves and count slowly to five and silently chant you are THE JACK HUGHES, FIRST OVERALL IN YOUR GENES. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve chanted this stupid thing in my head weeks ago but it seems to help probably something about visualisation or some other arty farty crap.
I feel Chloe gently squeeze my hand smiling proudly at me I squeeze back and smile I gently talk her hand out her mouth from where she’s biting her nails. I plaster a big smile on my face and wolf whistle it probably isn’t one of my best but I’m a bit distracted by the fact Chloe’s brushing my hair. Again.
Mum: beaming proudly “where here”
Quinn: gives the building a once over and turns to jack smirking and ruffles his hair roughly shoving his head down jack immediacy shoves back laughing “oh don’t worry Jackie. There’s always room on the bench. Anyway my training rinks still better than your crap heap of a training rink we just got the new rowing machines.”
Jack: smirking “oh I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the fact that I’m the first over all and you were only the seventh. Plus I’ve seen a video of you on them”. My stats are already way better than yours when you were drafted.
Mum: rolls her eyes “boys one day just one day”
Jack: “yeah didn’t you almost break one last time. Plus when you’ve got my natural talent you don’t need state of the art equipment”
I exaggerate showing of my muscles and catch mum’s eyes and sees her soft smile she’s seen right through me. Again.
Chloe: rolls her eyes while fixing her hair in the camera “well I mean it is true Quinny” Softly taking jack hand and squeezing “try and remember the interview responses we went over last week okay I sent you the documents didn’t I”. Frantically looking through her emails
J: “yeah yeah you did babe thank you”.
Jack looks out the car window and smile’s slightly when he sees a young girl clutching an older boy in the NJ DEVILS jumper he’s gently rubbing soothing circles into her back as a woman drags him and several others around for pictures in front of the NJ DEVILS sign meaning he misses his dads raised eyebrows and mum frown and the look Quinn and Luke share over his head.
Chloe: “right everyone stay here I’m going to get a video of you all leaving the car remember don’t look at the camera and have a slight smile that included you Quinn”
Mum: “how about we just leave the car”
Chloe: purses her lips and look to jack
I quickly drags my eyes away from the other family who are currently been told of for pulling stupid faces during a picture there all struggling not to laugh I quickly force on a smile remembering not to much teeth and not to cocky just like me and chlo practised
J: “one quick video won’t hurt mum.”
Mum: sighs and plasters on a smile “okay”
Chloe: “great. Right I’ll count down from five okay”
Luke: muttering “are you sure Jack‘ll manage that on his own.
I turns around to hit him in the stomach Luke immediately hits me back so i try to grab his arm and twist. Unfortunately he’s definitely got stronger since the last time I tried this which is a good thing for when he makes it to the NJ DEVILS but right now it’s just annoying. I’m definitely still bigger than him but he’s more flexible.
Quinn: “oh lady’s and gentleman welcome back to the Hughes brothers wrest…”
Mum: firmly “no. Last time you almost broke Luke’s wrist”
Jack: “it’s not my fault he’s such a weakling”
Luke: pointing annoyed “he hit me first”.
Mum: “boys I will turn this car around”
Chloe: knocks on the car window making Quinn jump slightly making Luke and jack laugh “right guys I’ll count down from five okay. films the video “sighs Quinn you look possessed.” Quinn looks away quickly looking annoyed
Chloe: “Okay that was perfect now we just need pictures at the sign.”
An insane amount of pictures later
Jack: looking nervous “right I need to head in”
Mum: pulls him in for a tight hug “have you got everything,
Jack: “yes mum”
Mum: “good luck baby, remember your manners, and your documents and you are the jack Hughes, your first overall, it is in your genes. Okay were so proud of you”
Dad: “well down champ you earned this”
Jack: I force an easy smile on my face while chanting my chant again “mum I’ll be fine I was the first overall after all”
Quinn: “remember what I said the worst thing a rookie can do is be over confident remember your a rookie. But don’t let them push you around either okay. If they do tell them I’m your brother and Ellen Hughes is your mum. Got it
Jack: “relax bro I got this, it won’t be long till I’m adding to the silver wear trust me”
Luke: looking nervously at the building and bitting his finger nails “remember I want to know everything”
Jack: grabs his hand and yanks him into a headlock laughing “you’ll be joining me in a few years bud don’t worry”.
Chloe: “have you got everything
Jack: “yeah”
Chloe: gently squeezing his hand “remember to eat and stretch and sleep and try and listen to you coach’s okay I know you find that hard but they are your coaches for a reason.
Jack: rolls his eyes softly “I know I will. How about a kiss for good luck not that I need it or anything.
Chloe: rolls her eyes but softly kisses him “I love you and you’re going to be amazing remember you deserve to be here”. Leans in to kiss him and both automatically melt into the kiss jack pulls away with a sweet smile and so does Chloe Quinn Luke and I all have one last group hug it takes several second for us to pull away then I hug my parents
Jack: whisper “I love you guys “ “Right well later losers”
Mum: smiles slightly “go on” I start walking toward the building doing my chant in my head
Chloe: turn to Ellen “thank you do much for inviting me”. Watching him walk towards the building “do you think he’ll be okay”
Ellen: gently puts an arm around her shoulder and smiling at her “of course he will it’s in the genes”.
I walk towards the building towards my future I keep my head up high and keep my shoulders back and keep my steps measured and a practises smile. Confidence is key after all. All this is so stupid really I mean its in the genes my mum played my dads coached and if Quinn can get picked (even if he was only seventh overall) than anyone can. I was first over all after all. I see that boy again at the door he’s holding it open to me smiling which totally ruins my smooth confident walk as I have to do that awkward half rush to get there (Quinn and Luke are probably laughing). I smile at him gratefully because first impressions count he looks shit scared as he’s nervously running his hands against his his sleeve I smile at him again and quickly scan the room to check who’s here most of the teams here they’ve all gathered around the NJ DEVILS logo in the middle of the floor as they all bend down to touch it. My team because they drafted me. They picked me. I scan the crowd quickly and spot the goalie who has an insane trick shot and has more ice time then anyone on the team last year”. Our goalie (the wall) who’s knowing for how insane he is in goal. And Nico Hischeif the captain unshakable. I walk over to the reception desk making sure my heads held high and my walk measured and calm and make sure to walk straight up to logo making sure ti make a big show of touching both the devil horns on the logo beside me the other guy lingers for a few seconds before hesitantly doing the same. I register at the desk I can’t find my pen so the other guy quietly holds one out.
Lady at the desk: “hi doll you just need to fill out this form I notice the other guy standing beside me he’s making small talk and smiling
Lady at the desk: “oh sweetie you still got your headphones in”
Orion: smiling apologetically “oh no I’m sorry these are my hearing aids I’m hard of hearing”
Lady at the desk: starts speaking loudly and slowly and smiling wildly personally I think it’s a bit creepy but Orion smiling back and looks slightly more relaxed so I just go back to my own paper work “oh okay honey. Have you signed in and have you checked over everything to make sure it’s right”. Oh shoot of forgot to check it
Orion: “yes thank you”
I stand with that guy and some of the other rookies of to the side I make sure to study all of them and evaluate them which it’s stupid although some of them look bigger and I’ve heard Orion’s great under pressure and has crazy skills I can’t help but wonder which one he is. Not that it matters i try and look confident well I am confident I just need ti make sure everyone else sees that. most of the other rookies are bigger than me but that’s okay I don’t need brute force like some other guys rely on I have skills to win I visualise. Although the reach of one of the other rookie is insane. No my stats are the best I’ll run rings around these guys in training just as soon as I can get on the ice or in the gym. I notice that guy looking around at the crowd carefully and the building he seems to be concentrating on something as he’s carefully going over every detail. I make sure to note he’s not very big and already looks panicked he’s a panicker whereas I’m confident under pressure.
Tour guide: claps his hand “right rookies and returning bastards is everyone ready”
The team cheers loudly. I notice Orion reach up to his left ear
Tour guide: “right shut it. First the tour. Turn around a starts talking as he leads us down a long corridor and the veterans all talk and hollers when certain players are mentioned .
Tour guide: “right down here is the picture of all the old bastards who were lucky enough to be good enough to earn a place of honour on the ego wall. Everyone laughs but Orion seems to laugh a beat late tour guide: “Include Mathew Robert’s who was the first Beta’s to make it to the NHL he’s retiring next year lucky bastard.” “Oh and of course we now got Orion Savoy the fourth Beta this team has. He’s also deaf so a real record breakers aye kid”. All the veterans decide to playfully shove him and yell. The guy who’s apparently Orion, weird name, forces a rather panicked smile and clutches a folder tightly. Weird. Hhhmmm maybe I will have competition after all on seconds thought the guy doesn’t look like he could hurt a fly and I was the first over all not him. Although he was the fourth. I take the chance to glance at the many trophy cabinets and imagining a trophy sitting in there with my name front and center it won’t be long now I’m sure. Hopefully. And of course the Stanly cup. Tour guide turns around and keeps walking while pointing out other random players. I see a space at the end of the cooridor and cant help but imagine my own picture sitting there, it’s only a matter of time after all. The beta guy frantically try’s to keep up with the tour guide. The veterans holler in the background and push and shove each other. This is the energy I love the energy I’ve been waiting for. Quinn says the bond between NHL teammates is even stronger than all my other teams in the past although I don’t think anything can top me and Z and the guys. The tour guide takes us around the building I get a measure of all the equipment and try and figure out the perfect space obviously as a rookie I go we’re I’m put but eventually I’ll get to pick. I also notice the empty space in some of the other trophy cabinets
Tour guide “right end of tour. These are the managers there gods to you rookies remember that. Now everyone hand in your folders and documents”. I see one if the rookies clutching his own folder tightly he seems nervous and his smiles definitely more frayed than before. He once again grabs his wrist. I confidently walk over to the table and place my folder down with an easy smile.
Orion’s pov
I hate echoey halls.
As if it wasn’t hard enough to hear already why did they have to combine echoey halls and loud veterans what next a band and a jumbo plane. No okay that’s not fair it’s my responsibility to adopt to the environment I just need to take a deep breath everything will be fine. I make sure to take a seat next to the crowd not that I can make out most of the conversations anyways. I wish I had bought a pen and paper but mum said it would look stupid and she’s right. There just so much information and I’m not sure I even heard half of it in the first place the noise doesn’t help. On the plus sides I didn’t expect everyone to be so nice about my hearing aid. I mean I knew there reputation as one of the more supportive teams that’s partly why I always hoped they’d pick me but it’s nice to know it wasn’t just rumours. Im exhausted by the time we sit down for lunch and my ears are ringing I’m very glad I took a pain killer this morning ti get ahead of my headaches. I take several deep breath and focus on what I can see and what I can feel. And making sure I have a positive grateful smile on my face. I want this I chose this all of this even the hard parts.
Tour guide: “right everyone put your folders on the desk here”
Orion: my stomach drops and I feel that familiar ringing in my head no no no please no suddenly my sandwich turn to dust in my mouth and there a low ringing in my ears. Okay I can do this.
It’s easy.
SMILE.
ADAPT.
OVERCOME.
Remember It’s going to be okay.
Here we go
Smile Stand up
One foot in front of the other
Mr Crawford: “Orion savoy I’ll take yours.”
Orion: oh thank god oh thank the hockey lords. I try not to let the relief show to clearly on my face as I hand my folder over
Mr Crawford: “yes Orion savoy our first deaf sorry hard of hearing player. is this.. Everything”
Orion: “yes Mr Crawford all of my medical information in there and signed by the relevant professional”
Mr Crawford: “good”
Sees jack looking curious
O: “I’m hard of hearing so they have to look through some different documents check everything’s in order”
My mums voice echos in my head good work It’s always best to not let people think about things on their own hide in plain sight and they won’t go looking deeper.
Tour guide: “ right you horrible lot go to your host family’s and get the fuck outta here”.
Paulo: holding up a thumbs up and talking slowly “hey kid how it’s going”.
O: plastering on a Smile “great”
Paulo: “good good come on Mary got the tea on”
Jacks pov later texting
Chloe: hey how did everything go.
Chloe: make sure to send me all the pictures first
Jack: rings her “hey yeah it went gre…
Chloe: “I knew it would baby your awesome my hot awesome talented boyfriend. So did you spot any competition”
Jack: “yeah I mean there some really great guys on the team you know some real talent
Chloe: “don’t worry about them your first over all and your stats prove that.”
A few miles away Orions lying down in the middle of his new bedroom staring absently at the blank ceiling longing for his own ceiling with the constellations The house is to quite To quite without Lyras stupid k-pop music and Henry and Astria playing football down the cooridor until mum yells at them. And dad yelling at people on the phone or mum and dad yelling in the background god I hope there all okay I hope they stick together and phone when they need me.
All I can hear is noise and the worlds made up of noise over lapping continuous strange predictable and unpredictable noise
but this house this house is new.
Or rather the silence is weird.
But silence itself is noise.
Instead it’s replaced with silence.
I mean the radiator makes a weird noise and I can hear Mary singing somewhere down the cooridor. It’s nice in a way the silence after today. I put in my headphones and turn on my favourite murder mystery episode safe predictable noise I can quote most of the episode off by heart by now.
Hesitantly I open my note app his notes are pinned at the top same as always. I slowly start typing “ I wish you’d been there today I’m sure you would have been so proud of me. I’m so scared I’ll mess this up that it will all end up been for nothing. I love you goodbye