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Anxin’s days began earlier than they usually did for the other students at his school because he’d wake up before dawn and make his own breakfast and lunch for school. His parents worked away from home practically all day and couldn’t even rest at the weekends, and the boy had got used to cooking from a very young age so he could have something tasty to eat at school, because the cafeteria food, as well as being expensive, was bland rubbish most of the time, and Anxin had never liked it. However, that wasn’t the only reason why the boy woke up so early, because, if he got up an hour later, he could do all that without any problem, but Anxin did it this way because, that way, he could sit in the living room and have breakfast while watching the tv in peace.
His daily routine revolved around this because, for Anxin, watching the tv in the mornings before heading to the bus stop to go to school was incredibly important. The reason why he did this was because the exact time he sat down to have breakfast was when the morning weather forecast was broadcast, and Anxin didn’t want to miss it for anything in the world. The boy wasn’t a big fan of the weather; on the contrary, he didn’t care in the slightest what the weather would be like that day or that week… what he was really interested in seeing was the person presenting the weather forecast. If anyone were to ask him about it —no one had done so yet, because no one knew anything about his little routine— Anxin would have no problem at all admitting why he watched television so early in the morning; but as no one had asked him, the boy would take to his grave the huge crush he had on Lee Leo, the regional channel’s new weather guy and also his next-door neighbour.
Anxin had always admired Leo, he had always wanted to spend time with him, and had managed over the years to do so without anyone realising the exact reason why he was doing it. Anxin had always been a very clever boy and had taken advantage of the fact that his parents worked more hours than there were in a day to ensure that Leo was the one to take him by the hand to school before heading off to high school himself, a couple of streets away from his school; and, in the same way, when Leo had started university and Anxin was old enough to go to middle school on his own, he’d found another way to spend a few hours a week with Leo: failing maths so that his older friend could tutor him. His whole life had revolved around being with Leo, wanting hin to look after him and adore him just as much as he adored him; so now that Leo had finished university and, thanks to his impressive curriculum, had been hired by the regional TV channel to present the weather forecast on the morning news, Anxin had found another way to see him and spend a few minutes with him.
When the weather forecast ended, Anxin would switch off the television with a grin from ear to ear and set about tidying up the house a bit, especially the kitchen, before finishing getting ready for school, catching a bus whose stop was a little further from his school than another one that dropped him right at the front door, just so he could see Leo get off the bus taking him home after his brief morning TV appearance. Anxin only had time to spend a few minutes with Leo while waiting for his bus, but it was the only time of day he’d been able to see him lately, ever since Leo had been hired as the new weather forecaster guy, and Anxin did everything he could to make the most of it.
For a long time, the boy had thought that the reason he wanted to be with Leo all the time was because they’d grown up together and he looked up to him as he would have done if Leo were his older brother, given the age gap between them —almost six years— yet, over the years, Anxin had observed how his friends got along with their older or younger siblings and had gradually realised that what he felt for Leo wasn’t just admiration or affection because Leo had always treated him well, but that it was something completely different, something Anxin had only just discovered what it was a couple of years earlier, just as he started high school, at the moment when teenage hormones finally began to take their toll on him.
One afternoon, while he was shut away in his room with Leo, with the older pressed against his body, explaining how he should do one of the exercises that Anxin was struggling with —an exercise he actually knew how to do— the boy had felt his whole body grow hot as it had never done before, burning as if he had a fever, right where Leo’s skin touched his own. However, even though this contact was burning him, Anxin had felt the need to press himself much closer against Leo, wanting more and more of it throughout the entire tutoring session. The moment Leo had finally left, he’d left Anxin with a sudden chill in the very places where his skin had been burning, and Anxin had realised there was a bulge in his crotch that hadn’t been there before, a bulge that had only appeared when something had made him feel incredibly aroused. Feeling confused, yet at the same time incredibly hot, Anxin had locked himself in his room, even though he was home alone, and had masturbated over and over again thinking of Leo, until he could no longer come, completely exhausted.
After that first time, there had been many more over the years, and that had made him realise that what he really wanted with Leo wasn’t for him to be his older brother, and that what he truly felt for him was much more than admiration. However, Anxin had also realised that this was something he would never be able to have, due to the significant age gap between them and because he was a minor while Leo was a young adult just starting out in life… although that hadn’t stopped him from feeling upset when he’d seen Leo’s long string of boyfriends during his university years, wishing he could be the one in their place so he could kiss Leo and have Leo touch him the way he’d caught him doing once on the hallway between their houses, peering through the peephole after hearing some noises. After that day, after seeing Leo kiss his boyfriend of the moment, pressing him against the wall and touching his body until he trembled before going into his place, Anxin had decided that, one day, he would be the one Leo touched like that, and the only thing on his mind had been to grow up as quickly as possible so that it would happen as soon as possible.
However, even though he wanted to grow up quickly, Anxin was still a minor and Leo carried on with his life, drifting further and further away from him, with less and less time for him, and that frustrated him to an extent the boy wasn’t prepared to admit… but for the time being, all he could do was wait while continuing to try and spend as much time as possible with Leo, until he finally came of age and finished high school.
That day, however, the universe presented Anxin with an opportunity he simply couldn’t pass up, a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
As he did every day, Anxin had woken up early to make himself some breakfast and, after that, had sat down on the sofa, switched on the tv and used the remote to find the regional channel where Leo presented the weather forecast, tuning in just a few minutes before he was due to appear. The boy settled himself on the sofa and began his breakfast, his eyes glued to the screen just a couple of metres away from him, staring intently at it until Leo appeared on the screen. His heart began to beat very fast in his chest as he saw the older man with his black hair slicked back, leaving his forehead partially exposed, and in huge dark plastic-framed glasses that almost covered his entire face, giving him an attractively intellectual look that Anxin had never been able to see before because he had never worn glasses. His formal navy blue suit and matching striped tie contrasted against the screen directly behind him, which displayed a map of the Korean Peninsula, and the lights on the television set made him stand out and shine. Leo looked incredibly handsome that day —though he was always very handsome in Anxin’s eyes— but the moment he began to speak, in his deep husky voice, giving the weather forecast for the day, his appeal increased a thousandfold and Anxin could only stare at him in awe, absent-mindedly chewing the toast from his breakfast.
“The weather today is going to be quite changeable and variable,” said Leo, gesturing towards the screen, which showed thick clouds appearing out of nowhere, only to disappear just as quickly as they’d arrived. “During the morning, clouds are expected in the northern part of the country, bringing heavy rain and localised storms in the capital; while, around midday, the sun will shine brightly for a few hours before the storms return in the middle of the afternoon,” the map behind Leo continued to show the weather forecast and how it would develop hour by hour. “Given the intensity of the rain expected due to the storm, it is likely that, in the coming minutes, an alert will be issued in the areas of the capital likely to be most affected, advising people to limit their outings or cancelling school classes.”
Just as Leo said that, Anxin’s phone began ringing deafeningly on the table, startling him. The boy put his hand to his heart, which had started beating so fast because of the noise, and then simply sighed, realising that the noise was just the alert Leo had just mentioned. He picked up his phone after taking another bite of his toast and looked at the notification, seeing that the area where he lived had been placed on alert and that classes had been cancelled for the day. Immediately, his class group chat began to fill up with messages from his classmates celebrating the fact that they wouldn’t have to spend the day cooped up at school and that they’d be able to make the most of it by doing different things. For Anxin, however, that wasn’t good news because it meant he’d miss the part of his routine where he waited for Leo at the bus stop to see him for a few minutes. The boy sighed deeply just as a huge clap of thunder rang out, rumbling loudly through the house and making him jump again.
“If you receive the alert on your phones, please try to stay at home and do not go out unless it is absolutely necessary,” said Leo, speaking seriously on television. “As the day goes on, and given how unpredictable the weather will be today, there will be further weather reports updating the situation, so keep an eye on your phones. I wish you all a good day,” he concluded, bowing slightly to the viewers and again to the presenters of the morning news programme who were on set.
Once the camera cut away from Leo, Anxin simply picked up the TV remote and switched it off, finishing his breakfast in silence, thinking about what he could do to see Leo and perhaps spend the day with him. He had to find some sort of excuse to keep taking the same route he did every day to meet him at the bus stop, but with classes cancelled, that was something he couldn’t do… or perhaps he could… as he finished his cup of milk, Anxin had an idea. Perhaps he could do it after all; perhaps he could go to the bus stop just like every day.
Leo knew that Anxin woke up early every morning to prepare his lunch for school —what he didn’t know was that he’d adjusted his schedule so he could watch him give the weather forecast— and that, sometimes, instead of cooking, he’d pop down to the 24-hour shop a couple of streets away from the block where they lived to buy something, so he could use that as an excuse; he could tell Leo that he’d left his phone at home, charging, and that he’d gone down to the shop to buy something just as the alert had sounded, and that afterwards he’d been so busy getting ready that he hadn’t even looked at his phone, so he hadn’t realised about the alert or that classes had been cancelled, which was why he’d gone to the bus stop as he always did.
Anxin jumped up from the sofa, grinning from ear to ear at the brilliant plan he’d come up with, and continued with his morning routine so he could put his plan into action. The boy tidied up the kitchen, brushed his teeth and got dressed, putting on his school’s summer uniform, and grabbed his backpack, deliberately ignoring the fact that, outside, the storm was raging and the thunder was growing louder and closer, along with the rain that had started to fall. By the time he would normally have left the house, the boy had everything ready, and all he had to do was venture out into the storm to get to the bus stop and wait for Leo to arrive, so Anxin put on his shoes and simply walked out, without looking back and without taking an umbrella because, with the wind blowing so strongly and the rain falling at an angle as a result, it would have been stupid to do so as it would only have broken his umbrella.
When Anxin left the house, he realised he’d underestimated the weather warning and that the wind and rain were considerably stronger than they’d seemed while he was indoors; however, the boy couldn’t let his grand master plan come to nothing when he only had to endure the storm for a few minutes until he reached the bus stop; once there, he would take shelter as best he could under the roof of the bus stop and simply wait for Leo to arrive. With clear intentions and determination, Anxin stepped out of the building’s entrance and into the storm, beginning to feel the water gradually soaking through his clothes as he ran through the streets, trying to make his way forward, battling against the headwind. The five minutes it normally took him to reach the bus stop turned into nearly fifteen because he had to take short breaks under the eaves of the buildings, as the rain grew heavier and heavier with every passing minute and the storm grew ever stronger, with flashes of lightning splitting the overcast sky and illuminating it with an intense glow; however, Anxin did not stop and carried on until he finally reached the bus stop, finding it completely empty.
The boy hurried under the bus roof, realising that water had seeped in everywhere and he was completely soaked, so he shook himself off like a dog and took off his uniform jacket to wring it out and get as much water out of it as possible, doing the same with the bottom of his shirt and the hems of his trousers. His socks were also soaked and his shoes were full of water, so he braced himself against the shelter and took them off, first one and then the other, to empty the water out of them. Once he’d finished, Anxin sighed deeply, glancing at the watch on his wrist to see how long it would be before the bus Leo always took arrived, realising that it should be there in just a couple of minutes. Knowing this made him smile to himself despite the downpour and how soaked and uncomfortable he felt, because he’d soon be able to see Leo.
However, the minutes ticked by and the bus didn’t turn up; in fact, no bus had appeared at the stop in the time Anxin had been there. Confused, the boy decided to check his phone, tucking it between his body and the shelter to keep the rain off it, only to discover that the weather warning had also brought most public transport to a standstill, as there wouldn’t be as many people travelling in the area and the heavy downpour was making driving dangerous. Anxin let out a quiet curse, feeling incredibly disappointed and sad at how things had turned out, but at the same time annoyed with himself for not having thought things through properly, having simply let himself get carried away by the excitement of being able to spend a bit of time with Leo that day, despite the weather warning.
With a deep sigh, and after seeing that the bus line Leo usually took from work to get home was at a standstill and wouldn’t resume until the storm had eased off a bit, Anxin finally decided that the only thing he could do was go home, have a nice hot shower and crawl into bed, never to leave it for the rest of the day. The boy went out into the rain again, getting soaked once more and retracing the route he’d taken just half an hour earlier to get home, with the storm roaring in the sky ever louder and louder. Anxin tried to take shelter as best he could this time too, even though the rain had already soaked him to the bone —it was really getting on his nerves and making his clothes feel incredibly heavy— and it took him barely a few minutes to cover the distance that had taken him much longer on the way there, as the wind was now at his back; he reached the building’s entrance just as a taxi did. Anxin paid no attention whatsoever to the vehicle and walked past it, ducking under the building’s entrance porch and shaking the water off again like a dog, drying his hands as best he could before he could insert the password into the lock that opened the building’s main door.
“Anxinnie?” called a voice the boy would recognise in a heartbeat, and he spun round towards the sound, seeing Leo —now dressed in his own clothes rather than the suit he’d worn on the tv— shut the taxi door and run over to take shelter under the porch, right beside him. “Goodness, you’re soaking wet. What are you doing out here?” said the older, looking concerned for him and the state he was in. “Were you on your way to class? Didn’t you get the alert?” Anxin wanted to reply with the line he’d rehearsed and thought would be foolproof, but his voice failed him and he simply nodded, then shook his head, answering both questions that way. “Let’s go inside, Anxinnie. You need to get those wet clothes off and have a hot shower before you catch a cold.”
Leo quickly entered the passcode into the intercom that opened the door and then pushed it open with his shoulder so they could both step inside the building, walking towards the lift and stepping into it in just a few moments. Once inside the lift, Leo tried to wipe some of the water from Anxin’s jacket shoulders with his hand, looking him up and down intently and sighing, as if seeing his like that caused him indescribable pain. Anxin gave him a small smile and Leo ruffled his hair affectionately the moment the lift came to a halt.
“Are your parents at home today?” Leo asked his as they stepped out onto the landing where the two flats were located.
“They left early this morning, as usual,” he replied. “I’m sure they’ll stay at work until the weather alert is over so they don’t have to go out.”
“That’s the best thing to do in this situation,” murmured the older, nodding in agreement. “My parents have gone away for the weekend and won’t be back until the day after tomorrow,” he added. “Do you want to stay with me today? That way we won’t be on our own, and I’ll feel more at ease in case you develop a fever later.”
Leo’s suggestion brought a huge smile to Anxin’s face, and he nodded vigorously in agreement, over-excited that Leo had told him he wanted to spend the day with him because he was worried he might fall ill after being out in the rain. Seeing his enthusiastic response, Leo smiled at him and then opened the door to his home, letting Anxin into the hall and asking him to wait there for a few moments while he went to fetch a towel for him, so he wouldn’t make a mess with all the water. Anxin obediently did as he’d asked, waiting until he returned with a towel and a couple of buckets so he could shake off all the water.
“Thanks,” murmured Anxin, drying his hair with the towel Leo had just brought his.
“Put your backpack and shoes in this bucket,” he asked, pointing to one of the two buckets, “and your uniform in this other one,” he added, pointing to the other, “that way you won’t drip all over the house and I’ll just put it all in the wash along with my own clothes.”
Anxin nodded in agreement and quickly did as he was told so as not to cause him too much trouble, given that Leo had invited him into his home. The boy placed his soaking-wet backpack in the bucket Leo had indicated, then took off his shoes and did the same with them, immediately starting to undress right there in the entrance so as not to soak the floor in the rest of the house. Anxin took off his soaked socks and dried his feet a little with the towel Leo had given him so as not to leave wet footprints in his way; after that, he took off his uniform jacket and left it in the bucket with the socks. Anxin took his phone out of his trouser pocket, noticing that it was wet too, although it seemed to be working properly, and placed it on the small table in the entrance, sighing with some relief, but convinced that, if he wanted to make sure the phone was still working properly, he’d have to put it in rice to draw out all the dampness.
Anxin looked up at Leo to ask if he could prepare a bowl of rice for him to put the phone in, but he fell completely silent when he saw that the older was standing just a few steps away from him, staring intently, his dark eyes completely fixed on him, on the shape of his body, which was perfectly visible through the thin white shirt —now see-through— and which clung to his torso as if it were a second skin. Leo seemed to be in a trance as he looked at him, as if seeing his body like that was stirring up feelings in him too intense for him to even know how to hide them, and Anxin held his breath because Leo’s dark gaze sent a tingling sensation through his skin, a tingling he knew would only be soothed if the older touched him, as he’d long wanted him to.
The boy swallowed hard, feeling his throat going dry under that gaze, and decided he wanted to push his luck a little, to test whether Leo was truly interested in him in the same way that he had been for several years. For that reason, he brought his hands to the buttons of his shirt and began to undo them slowly, gradually revealing his skin and watching as Leo seemed to get nervous, swallowing and licking his lips while continuing to stare at his torso. Anxin noticed how the tingling sensation in his body caused by the older man’s gaze grew more pronounced as he revealed more skin, and when he finally finished unbuttoning his shirt and took it off, tossing it into the bucket with the rest of his things, he felt a shiver run down his spine because Leo’s eyes had darkened considerably, as if something intense and dark were passing through his mind.
Feeling aroused by the way Leo was looking at him, Anxin began to breathe a little more heavily, longing for the older’s hands to undress him, but knowing he wouldn’t be able to have them touching his body unless he played his cards right. He had to tempt him; he had to make him see that he was no longer a child and that his body was completely ready for him, so that Leo would do whatever he wanted with him. For that reason, Anxin unbuttoned the shorts of his summer uniform, sliding them down his slender legs until he’d taken them off completely, standing before Leo in just his underwear. On any other time, in front of anyone other than Leo, Anxin would have stopped there, keeping his underwear on out of modesty, because, even though they were dripping wet and clinging to his body like a second skin, revealing the shape of his dick and hugging his buttocks perfectly, it was always better to keep them on so as not to be completely naked; however, at that moment, with Leo’s gaze fixed on him, on his naked body, on his crotch, Anxin decided to go all out and pulled down his underwear as well, standing completely naked under Leo’s gaze.
And Leo didn’t hold back from looking at him, his mouth opening slightly as if he were surprised to see his cock between his legs —a rather decent size— throbbing under Leo’s watchful gaze. Anxin saw how the older fixed his gaze on his dick, how he unconsciously licked his full lips, and he wished that Leo would get down on his knees before him right then and there and suck his cock, because those lips enveloping his erection must feel incredible. However, Anxin also knew that, if he made any such move at that moment, the only thing it would achieve would be to drive Leo away from him, putting a wall between them so that Anxin could not get to him in any way. He had to think carefully about his next moves because he had to go about it in a way that Leo couldn’t resist him.
Anxin dropped his underwear into the bucket with the rest of his clothes and, after that, wrapped the lower half of his body in the towel Leo had given him to feign a modesty he didn’t feel, thus concealing how his dick had begun to react to Leo’s intense gaze and causing the older to finally snap out of his reverie and stop staring at him like that, looking dazed and embarrassed, if the red colour that tinged his ears was any indication. Anxin tried to pretend he hadn’t noticed a thing; he asked the older to put his phone in a bowl of rice to dry it out, and then dashed off to the house’s bathroom to slip under the hot water of the shower, wishing he could do so alongside Leo and that Leo would touch him as no one had ever touched him before.
Once in the bathroom, Anxin locked himself in and stepped into the shower, turning on the hot water tap and sighing under the stream pouring from the showerhead, feeling his muscles relax immediately and his body slowly warm up. The boy closed his eyes, losing himself in that sensation, and began to mull over how he might make a move on Leo that day and make him understand that he was no longer the same little boy he’d once led by the hand to school, but that that boy had grown up and was now an —almost — adult with very specific needs that only he would be able to satisfy, because Leo was the only person Anxin had ever felt attracted to, and the boy knew he would never feel attracted to anyone other than him. However, perhaps saying something like that would only scare Leo even more, because he seemed to have taken himself by surprise the moment Anxin had broken the spell that had kept him staring at his naked body, as he wrapped the towel around himself and hid his body from him. Perhaps, for Leo to look at him that way again and feel just as desperate for him as Anxin felt for him, all he had to do was reveal his body to him once more and tempt him in that way until Leo admitted that he was interested in his body, in seeing it, in touching it… in kissing it.
“Anxinnie,” Leo’s voice, followed by a few knocks on the bathroom door, distracted him from his thoughts. “I’m going to come in to leave you a dry towel and some clean clothes, OK?”
“OK!” replied Anxin.
Immediately, the bathroom door swung open and Leo rushed in, dropping everything he’d been carrying onto the toilet closed seat as if he didn’t want to spare Anxin, who was naked in the shower, a single glance, but since he was there, the boy took the opportunity before Leo left to turn off the tap and stop the water running, so that he could peer through the shower screen and make sure Leo could hear his voice clearly.
“Leo hyung,” he murmured, calling out to him and causing the older to turn towards him instinctively, watching as Leo’s dark eyes travelled over his naked body through the slightly misted glass screen. “Could you tell me which shower gel and shampoo I can use? I don’t want to use anything special or that belongs to your parents.”
It took Leo a few moments to react, to tear his eyes away from his body, as if he were doing so reluctantly, but when he refocused, he stepped closer to the shower and, from outside, pointed out which products he could use, because they were his and there was no problem with him taking them. Anxin thanked him with a huge smile and Leo practically ran out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him, his ears an even deeper shade of red than before. The moment had been short, but quite revealing for Anxin. Leo was clearly interested in him, in his body, and even if he’d only just begun to think of him in an impure way at that very moment, seeing him there before him, wet and naked, Anxin knew that if he pushed him a little further that day, he’d be able to get what he’d always wanted.
With a grin from ear to ear, Anxin took Leo’s shampoo and washed his hair so it wouldn’t go stiff from the rainwater, then grabbed the bottle of shower gel and squeezed a little into his hands to wash himself quickly, knowing that afterwards he would smell just like his hyung did, feeling a slight shiver of pleasure run through his body at the thought. Anxin rinsed off quickly after that, wanting to get out of the shower as soon as possible to set his new plan in motion, and, in just a few minutes, he finally stepped out of the shower and dried himself with the new towel Leo had left for him along with some clean clothes. As he stepped out, the boy realised that the clothes the older had left for him were his own, clothes Anxin had seen him wear a thousand times at home, and an underwear that looked brand new, from the brand he usually wore. Excited at the prospect of wearing Leo’s clothes, the boy put on his underwear and then slipped on the t-shirt, realising that it was far too big for him, revealing his collarbones and reaching down to the middle of his thighs.
Anxin looked at himself in the misted-up bathroom mirror, seeing only his silhouette, but deciding that was enough to tempt Leo in the way he wanted to, so he didn’t put on the trousers Leo had also left for him and stepped out of the bathroom, keen to put the older to the test as quickly as possible. The boy walked barefoot through the house, searching for Leo until he found him in his bedroom, completely changed out of his clothes, wearing a tank top and a pair of star-patterned shorts that Anxin had been seeing him wear since he was a teenager, sitting on his bed and struggling with the plug of the hairdryer he was holding. He was so focused on trying to plug it into the power strip at the foot of the bed that he didn’t even notice Anxin had appeared in front of him, but the boy cleared his throat from the bedroom door to get his attention.
Leo quickly looked up and stared at him, gazing as though he’d never seen him before and as though the sight before him was incredibly arousing, because Anxin was standing there, with wet hair and rosy cheeks after a hot shower, wearing one of his t-shirts that was far too big for him and showed quite a bit of skin, and with his legs completely bare because he hadn’t put on the trousers Leo had left for him. Anxin saw him visibly gasp for breath, just as he noticed his pupils dilate at the sight before him, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his neck, because his throat must have gone incredibly dry. The boy couldn’t stop a mischievous smile from playing on his lips, feeling that he could bet everything and win because Leo was completely spellbound by him.
Before the older man could snap out of his reverie, Anxin lifted the hem of the t-shirt slightly, revealing his crotch to Leo from the doorway, tempting him in this way, causing him to unconsciously lick his lips and fix his gaze entirely on his. Anxin felt a shiver run through his whole body at that look and quickly crossed the distance between them to throw himself straight at the older, sitting on top of him and causing him to fall onto his back on the mattress due to the unexpected move. This also caused Leo to finally snap out of his reverie and react quickly, trying to push Anxin off him.
“What are you doing, Anxinnie?” he said, trying to make his voice sound amused, but Anxin detected a note of panic in it. “Get off me, you’re not a kid anymore and you weigh a ton.”
A smile spread across Anxin’s face before he could stop it, because Leo’s words had just given him the excuse he needed to start doing what he’d been planning to do in the shower. The boy didn’t move away from him as the older had asked, but instead shifted his position slightly on top of him, deliberately bringing their groins into contact and feeling Leo’s body tense up completely beneath him at the touch. Without losing his smile, Anxin moved his hips against him once more and leaned in close to Leo’s ear to whisper:
“I stopped being a kid a long time ago,” he murmured, feeling Leo tremble slightly against his body. “Although I think it’s only today that you’ve fully realised it… from the way you’ve been looking at me while I was undressing.”
“Anxinnie…” Leo protested, but his voice sounded weak, like a gasp, and Anxin took the opportunity to move his hips again, noticing this time a hard bulge in Leo’s crotch. “Zhou Anxin!”
Leo struggled against him after he’d said his full name, as if it were burning him, and quickly overpowered him because he was much stronger than the boy, turning the tables on them and leaving Anxin with his back pressed against the mattress. Leo climbed on top of him and pinned his wrists, leaving him completely immobilised and at his mercy, causing a shiver to run through Anxin’s entire body; he liked this position much more than the previous one. However, for Leo, the position was surely just a way of keeping him still so he wouldn’t try anything new on him.
“I don’t know what you’re up to or if this is a joke to you,” Leo said, speaking in a serious tone. “But don’t do it again.”
“It’s no joke,” Anxin retorted quickly. “I saw it. I saw you watching me while I was undressing, and I could tell you liked what you were seeing, hyung.”
“Anxin,” Leo tried again, in a warning tone, narrowing his eyes and pressing his lips into a thin line. “Don’t go down that road.”
“Yes. I am going down that road because you were looking at me as if you liked my body, as if you wanted me,” he told him. Leo grimaced at that, as if his words had stirred something in him that he hadn’t realised was there. “I’m not a kid anymore; I’ve grown up. It’s normal that you might be interested in me.”
“It’s not normal, Anxinnie,” Leo replied, sighing deeply. “You’re still in high school; you’re still a kid.”
“In a few months I’ll be taking the CAST,” Anxin retorted. “And after that it’s my birthday and I’ll be a fully-fledged adult. I’ve only got a few months to go.”
“Anxin…”
“No, hyung, listen to me,” he cut him off, feeling desperate because he didn’t want to miss this chance. “I’ve been thinking of you as something more for a long time, wanting so much more from you than just your hand ruffling my hair or helping me with maths when I’m stuck,” he told him. “I’ve wanted you to look at me the way you’ve looked at me today for a long time, as if you wanted me, as if you wanted to devour me whole in a single bite, and I’m not going to let you treat me like a little kid because I’m not one.”
Anxin blurted it all out in one go, barely pausing to breathe, and when he’d finished, all he could do was stare intently at Leo while gasping for breath, trying to catch his breath, wanting to convey with his eyes and his serious expression that what he’d said was the truth and that all he wanted from him was for him to stop treating him like a child. Leo, for his part, returned his gaze and looked at him with the same serious expression, without saying a single word, as if he were still processing what Anxin had told him and thinking about how to respond. In the heavy silence that settled over the room, Anxin could hear the rapid pounding of his heart inside his chest and notice that the storm raging outside was no longer as intense as before, now only faintly audible in the distance. The boy didn’t know how long they’d spent like that, simply staring at one another while Leo remained on top of him, restricting his movements, but moments later, the older finally broke eye contact, lowering his head and letting out a deep sigh.
“Anxinnie,” he began, this time addressing him gently. “I know you think that because you’ll be turning eighteen in a few months, you’re an adult and that’s why you can do these things with a real adult… but it’s not that simple.”
“Why not?” he retorted. “I like you and you like me, what else matters?”
“Anxinnie… I’m twenty-four.”
“You say that as if you were fifty,” Anxin replied.
“It’s almost half that,” Leo retorted, looking frustrated. The older took a deep breath, as if he were struggling with an inner conflict that he didn’t know how to resolve. “Anxin, in my eyes you’re still the little boy I used to take by the hand to school.”
“That’s not true,” the boy said quickly. “I saw perfectly well how you were looking at me while I was undressing in the entrance and also when I was in the shower.” Anxin watched as Leo bit the inside of his cheek at his words. “It might have been the first time today that you’ve taken an interest in me in a completely different way, but don’t lie to me by saying you see me as a kid because I’ve seen the desire in your eyes, hyung.”
Leo stared at him, his dark eyes shining in a way they never had before —a dangerous way— and his hands tightened around Anxin’s wrists, as if he were holding himself back from doing something he both wanted and didn’t want to do. Anxin endured the pressure on his wrists for as long as he could, but the force Leo was applying was eventually too much, and the boy let out a small gasp of pain. This seemed to make the older finally realise what he was doing, and he quickly released Anxin’s wrists as if they were burning. The boy resisted the urge to touch his sore wrists because he knew that would only make Leo feel guilty about what he’d just done unconsciously; he simply took advantage of the fact that Leo had stopped holding him to push his body upwards and sit up on the bed, staring intently at the older for a few seconds before starting to speak again because he still had a lot to say, he still didn’t want to give up on Leo, even if he had to take a different approach to the whole thing.
“Hyung, I’m not asking you to fuck me right here and now,” he said. “I’d like that, of course, I’ve often fantasised about you touching me, but that’s not what I’m after.”
“Anxin…” Leo tried to warn him again, but Anxin cut him off once more.
“I just want you to realise that you can look at me with desire without any remorse, that you can stop thinking of me as a kid because I’m not one anymore, and that you can want to do things with me, even if you don’t do them just yet,” he said. “I’m not a child anymore, Leo.” Anxin tentatively said his name without any honorific, and seeing how the older man held his breath at that, he decided to continue. “I’m not a child; I’m practically an adult now who finds you incredibly attractive and who’d like to go out with you, taking things as slowly as we need to in order to get to know each other,” Anxin tried putting it that way, wanting to sound much more mature than he knew he was. “I want to go out with you because I know you’re interested in me too, and because I don’t want you to push me away by using the excuse that I’m just a kid.”
The moment Anxin finished speaking, silence fell between them once more, but this time it didn’t feel as heavy as before. It seemed that what he’d just said had provoked a different reaction in Leo, who was no longer staring at him intently, frustrated that the boy had brought his darkest desires to the fore, the ones that had come to light that day. Leo looked pensive, hesitant, as if the way Anxin had suggested they move forward didn’t shock him as much as his initial advances towards him had, and the boy couldn’t suppress the small smile that appeared on his face. Knowing that Leo might reject him for being too direct, and knowing too that he was rather stubborn, he should have started off more gently… but if he’d done so, Leo would have denied everything and shut himself off completely, refusing to discuss the matter any further. Perhaps confronting him so bluntly had worked in his favour after all, because Leo seemed on the verge of yielding to his will.
Faced with the older man’s hesitation, and the way his eyes darted about, probably trying to keep up with the speed of his own thoughts, Anxin decided he could push his luck a little and slowly moved closer to Leo’s face, kissing him on the cheek and pulling away quickly to gauge his reaction. His kiss seemed to have taken the older by surprise, but he didn’t appear angry with him, so Anxin dared to move closer once more, this time pressing his lips against Leo’s in a brief kiss, just a light brush of their mouths, pulling away immediately before he could anger him with his boldness. However, as he pulled away, Anxin realised that Leo still didn’t seem angry with him; nor did he seem surprised or confused, just lost in his thoughts in the same way he seemed lost in Anxin’s face, as if he were seeing him for the very first time, in a way he’d never seen him before.
Anxin felt his cheeks flush at Leo’s gaze and leaned forward again to capture his lips between his own, moving his mouth gently over Leo’s, expecting him to push him away, but what Leo did was move his lips against Anxin’s, sweetly, which took Anxin by surprise. Nevertheless, despite the surprise, the boy didn’t pull away; he kept moving his lips against Leo’s until he felt his whole body start to boil with the way Leo’s mouth made him feel, and he pulled away quickly, breathing in short gasps, gasping for the air the kiss had taken from him, all the while staring at the older’s face, who was looking at him tenderly. That look sent a shiver through Anxin’s whole body, and he wanted to kiss him again, but he’d already pushed his luck too far and didn’t want another kiss to finally make Leo irreparably angry with him. However, Leo didn’t seem angry with him at all.
“Anxinnie…” he called, and this time his voice wasn’t harsh. “I don’t know what to do with you…” Leo sighed deeply, as if the conflict within himself had intensified after their kisses, and Anxin held his breath, waiting for his final verdict. “You’re still just a kid to me…” he said. “I’m still six years older than you, and I’m still an adult with far more experience than you in everything,” Anxin opened his mouth to protest, but the look Leo gave his meant no words came out. “I don’t want to take advantage of you and, above all, I don’t want to hurt you because you’ve always been someone very special to me,” Leo sighed again. “Having said that, I’m not going to deny that when I saw you earlier I felt attracted to you; I should deny it and I should lie to you, but if I continue doing so, I know the only thing I’ll achieve is for you to keep putting more pressure on me, and that’s not a good idea” the older man didn’t say why it wasn’t a good idea, but given the way he’d held his wrists and how Anxin had once seen him practically devour one of his boyfriends on the hallway, the boy could understand that he had his reasons. “That’s why I want us to try something,” he suggested.
“What is it?” Anxin asked quickly, feeling his heart pounding wildly in his chest, full of anticipation.
“Let’s do what you said; let’s take things very slowly,” he told him. “We can go on a few dates and spend some time together” a broad smile spread across Anxin’s face, “but we won’t do anything more than that” the smile faded from his lips as quickly as it had appeared. “It’s strictly forbidden for you to do anything like what you did today, throwing yourself at me and rubbing up against me,” he said seriously. “Kisses will also be limited to something like what happened today, so they don’t turn into anything more.”
“It’s not fair…” Anxin murmured, unable to help himself.
“It is,” Leo replied immediately. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re still a kid, and I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you in any way, so we’re going to take it this slowly for now.”
“Will we go faster when I turn eighteen?” asked the boy, hopeful at hearing that ‘for now’; however, Leo shook his head at that, dashing all his hopes.
“We won’t speed things up just because you’re ‘legally’ an adult,” he told him, giving him a gentle tap on the forehead. “A relationship is much more than just sex, and we’ll only have sex when we’re both fully ready for it, understood?”
Anxin pretended to be annoyed by the tap for a few moments, pouting slightly, but then simply nodded in agreement, knowing he wouldn’t get much more out of Leo than that, and realising that, in fact, he’d already achieved far more than he’d expected to that day. At the very least, even though he’d drawn some fairly clear boundaries between them at the very start of their budding relationship, Leo had accepted that he was interested in him and that, at some point, he’d stop seeing him as a kid and start seeing him as an adult.
That’s why Anxin was happy, even though he wanted so much more from the older, because at least Leo had told him that one day he might get everything he wanted with him, even if that was a very long way off, once he’d finished growing up and maturing. Anxin knew that Leo was doing this so that he wouldn’t focus solely on them, on their relationship, on how much he wanted Leo to touch him and make him see stars, but would instead focus on what was really important to him at that moment: finishing growing up, completing high school and starting a new life at university. In this way, Leo was giving him time to enjoy being himself too, and to not feel the need to grow up so quickly; deep down, Anxin was grateful to him for that.
Leo moved closer to him to give him a quick kiss on the lips, a kiss that seemed meant to seal the small but significant promise they’d made to each other, and then pulled Anxin down onto the bed, lying down beside him and sighing deeply as he held him close against his body. Anxin sighed too as he felt held in Leo’s arms, but he let himself be carried away by the warmth they conveyed and closed his eyes, wanting to savour the moment. Outside, the storm had finally subsided, moving away from the city, and the clouds were no longer so thick, beginning to let through a few rays of sunshine, as if it were an allegory of what had happened inside that room.