Archive of Our Own

Taeyang loved his job.

He loved singing, he loved playing the guitar—he loved performing in general. His band formed by chance, consisting of guys he’d encountered in live bars, and yet they had been talked about enough over the years to be offered opportunities Taeyang had only dreamed of. When they reached success overseas, he was completely blindsided by it. He’d never stop being thankful.

He’d been singing ever since he was a toddler and would always strive to do more, to do better. His passion kept him motivated, and the fondness he held for his band members and their fans encouraged him every day. Despite their popularity, he still preferred music clubs and concert halls over arenas. Nothing could replace the intimate and friendly atmosphere. Though it came at the expense of their time since alternating between smaller and bigger venues meant their tours took forever.

Taeyang didn’t mind at first.

Not until he met Intak.

He sighed. His mind always drifted to Intak one way or another. There wasn’t much to do but sleep and be introspective on his flight to Seoul. He travelled with security more often than not, but another person following him around was the last thing he wanted on this trip. He hoped it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass.

He slept through half of it, listening to music and trying his best not to think about his evening flight back. He’d have maybe twelve hours with Intak. He tapped his head against the seat a few times in frustration. Even the flight took longer than that.

Taeyang wouldn’t normally bother, but it was Intak’s birthday. They’d been together for almost two years, and he wasn’t going to miss it again.

Neither of them was the type to put much weight on that day, but Taeyang thought it was stupid not to spend one birthday together since they met. Their summer tours were always the most successful, so Taeyang couldn’t help it. It was a miracle they had a few days off between stops around Intak’s birthday. He tried his best to arrange it, but he still thought it was more of a coincidence than anything.

He called Keeho a few weeks ago to make sure Intak would stay home on his birthday so Taeyang could surprise him. Keeho only said ‘Done,’ and Taeyang mentally sighed over what ridiculous reason he’d probably make up for Intak to take a day off. Taeyang couldn’t do much about it since Keeho was the one who introduced them, which Keeho loved reminding him. It basically meant ‘I can do whatever I want because you met the love of your life because of me,’ which were the exact words Keeho had used before. Intak was Jiung’s friend first, but since Jiung wasn’t in the bar the night they met, Keeho took full credit. Taeyang didn’t even care, already used to Keeho’s antics by then. 

He texted Intak goodnight before he boarded the plane and hoped there would be no delays. He was wide awake now, swiping through photos on his new camera.

Only two more hours until they landed.

He didn’t really have a plan. He had a backpack, presents for Intak, and sore muscles. Ideally, he’d lie in bed with Intak all day, maybe go out for lunch at most. But he knew that if Intak asked, Taeyang would do or go anywhere. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t complain, though.

He got off the plane around five in the morning and arrived at their apartment half an hour later. After he got out of the taxi, he stood before the apartment building and stared. It had been a few months, and there was nothing new to admire. Still, a wave of melancholy washed over him. He’d moved to Intak’s apartment in spring and left shortly after he unpacked. There was no time to enjoy the new domesticity. Taeyang couldn’t wait to return home. Only one more month until the tour ended.

He carefully entered the apartment and quickly shed his jacket. It was warm outside, but he had nowhere to pack it. It was one of his presents for Intak, but Taeyang grew fond of wearing it on cloudy summer days. It suited him. He might steal it from Intak sometimes, which Intak might like even more than wearing it himself. He hung it by the door and took out the second present from his bag.

It was a set of personalised drumsticks that Taeyang commissioned months ago. It was annoying to pick up with the constant travel, but once they were safely in his hands, he was proud of himself. He knew Intak would love them. Even though Intak was preoccupied with holding dance classes and teaching choreography these days, he kept saying how much he wanted to improve on the drums. He was still attending lessons, and Taeyang could only send encouraging messages and praise. He wanted something material to motivate Intak, too.

He researched the best materials and measured the length of Intak’s plain drumsticks before he left. The new ones were covered in handmade engravings which combined flower and musical note patterns. Taeyang specifically requested to include sunflowers and a little crown, too. He drew an amateur pattern and wrote down notes, hoping the artist could make sense of it and replicate it better. It was the best money Taeyang spent right after his guitar collection.

Staring at them, he felt slightly self-centred, but he wanted Intak to have something reminding him of Taeyang.

He set the box on the coffee table and headed to the bedroom. After confirming Intak was fast asleep, he quietly grabbed some comfortable clothes and went to take a shower.

He studied himself in the mirror afterwards, frowning at his weary expression. He was in his early thirties but felt much older, with faint dark circles under his eyes and a stiff back. He ruffled his hair with a towel, not bothering to dry it. It was short and freshly cut because his dry ends looked terrible. He was already missing the length. He kind of wished he hadn’t sent Intak a photo so he could see his reaction in person, but he was feeling a little self-conscious after the haircut. Intak told him that he looked gorgeous. He always said that.

Taeyang crept back into the room, happy to see Intak hadn’t moved. Light seeped in through the blinds, and Taeyang stared fondly at how it reflected on Intak’s honey skin. He was lying on the left side of the bed as if the right side was reserved for Taeyang even in his absence. It made crawling in it and cuddling up to him much easier. Taeyang wrapped his arms around Intak’s waist and poked his neck with his nose.

“Intak-ah,” Taeyang whispered his name over and over, placing small kisses on his nape.

It didn’t take long for Intak to stir. Taeyang waited, excitement buzzing beneath his skin. He felt Intak go still as he registered another body encasing his. He quickly turned in Taeyang’s arms, blinking sleep from his eyes. A smile automatically spread across Taeyang’s face. What an adorable sight.

“Hyung?” Intak rasped out. “What— Oh my god.”

Taeyang was flipped over and smothered immediately.

Intak covered him fully, his hands sliding over Taeyang’s sides and his face nuzzling into his neck.

Taeyang missed it.

Intak peppered kisses everywhere: on his neck, along his jawline, until finally, he pressed his lips against Taeyang’s. Even though Taeyang hated being away, he loved the reunion kisses—enthusiastic and soft, ending in a giggling fit.

“What are you doing here?” Intak whispered against his lips, happiness radiating off him.

“Happy birthday.” Taeyang tugged on his bottom lip.

Intak drew back, eyes wide in surprise. “You didn’t have to come for that.”

Taeyang shrugged, looking away, feeling shy under Intak’s earnest gaze. “I wanted to.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Intak chuckled and kissed him again.

And again.

Taeyang wrapped his legs around him, bringing them closer. Intak was basically lying on him, but it wasn’t enough. Taeyang was hungry for Intak’s touch on a regular day, but after months, he was starving.

He lost track of time, but his lips were pleasantly tingling when they finally separated. Intak rolled off him only to immediately tug him onto his chest. Taeyang buried his face into Intak’s neck, lazily nibbling on the skin. Intak’s hand slipped into his damp hair. He wasn’t used to the prickling sensation when Intak scratched over his undercut. He let out a content sigh, enjoying the moment.

“When are you leaving?” Intak spoke up after a few minutes, bursting Taeyang’s blissful bubble.

Taeyang hesitated. He didn’t want to say it out loud and disappoint Intak. Suddenly, he felt foolish flying to Seoul for merely half a day together.

Intak must have felt him tense up because his grip tightened reassuringly.

“It’s okay. I only want to know if I’m dragging you out for lunch or for dinner,” Intak said.

“Ugh, do we have to?” Taeyang grumbled.

“Mhm, yeah. I found a new restaurant nearby and want to show you. It’s small, but the owner is a very nice older lady.”

Taeyang felt a sharp pang of remorse. It was a stupid, minor thing, but he hated missing it. He imagined walking down the street with Intak and noticing that a new restaurant opened up in place of a vacant storefront. Maybe there were photos of delicious-looking food plastered over the window, or maybe it was inconspicuously hidden. It piqued their interest, and they decided to check it out.

Except, Taeyang wasn’t there.

Touring usually distracted him from homesickness, so it hit harder whenever he was reminded of what he was missing out on—small everyday moments with people he loved. It was the whole reason why he wanted to see Intak on his birthday. Underneath layers of indifference and nonchalance, Taeyang was deeply sentimental.

He felt the need to apologise, but Intak hated when he did that. Since Intak often travelled for work, too, he always called Taeyang ridiculous for shouldering a burden that belonged to both of them. Taeyang saw it differently. It was something they could never agree on. Intak’s travel wasn’t as frequent, not as long or as far as Taeyang’s either. Working with local artists and teaching children in a rented studio in Seoul tied him to South Korea. It wasn’t the same.

The apologies were meaningless anyway. Taeyang wouldn’t give up his dream, and Intak would never ask him to. But he couldn’t give up Intak either. He hoped he’d never have to choose, because he wouldn’t be the same. He knew that much.

“You just want to show me off,” Taeyang teased, adopting his usual lighthearted demeanour to quell the persistent worries.

“Maybe,” Intak replied, a smile practically audible in his voice.

It was quiet after that.

Taeyang knew Intak was giving him time to compose himself and respond. He sighed, burrowing deeper into the crook of Intak’s neck. It was one of his mannerisms Intak said reminded him of a cat—alongside hissing, biting and many more. He always laughed at the comparison since Intak, with his playfulness and preening under praise, resembled a puppy. It was very cliché, but Taeyang secretly thought it was sweet and fit them perfectly. He’d much rather think about that than his inner ticking clock.

“My flight leaves around seven tonight,” Taeyang said quietly.

Intak hummed, his fingers pleasantly combing through his hair. His movement didn’t falter, and there was no change in Intak’s voice when he spoke next. He accepted it casually. Taeyang knew it was because he was used to it. They both were.

“We can go for lunch then and grab dinner on the way to the airport.”

“Fiiine,” Taeyang drawled, making Intak chuckle.

“Don’t worry, we’re staying inside otherwise.”

“I have gifts for you, by the way.”

“You showing up is the biggest gift.”

“Ew.”

They went back and forth with idle chatter until Intak said he wanted to make coffee.

Taeyang waited until Intak untangled his limbs and sat up, so he could push him back again and straddle his lap. Intak raised his brow, his hands instinctively landing on Taeyang’s hips.

“Is this one of the gifts, too?” Intak asked, a smirk growing on his lips.

Taeyang smoothed his palm down Intak’s chest, looking at him through his lashes. He licked his lips teasingly, and Intak’s grip tightened. He let Intak admire him for a moment before he leaned in.

When they made it into the kitchen after a shower, Taeyang avoided the clock like the plague. Intak turned on the coffee machine and filled up the kettle for Taeyang’s favourite tea. The gap between them didn’t last long because once the tea was steeping, Intak pressed him against the kitchen counter. It was a languid kiss in their home bathed in soft morning light.

A sense of domesticity engulfed him.

Taeyang wanted mornings like that every day.

“By the way,” Intak started after they separated, sipping on his coffee. “Did you tell Jiung to say our studio got flooded?”

“What? That’s what he said? That doesn’t even make sense.” Their studio was on the top floor of a three-story building. It hadn’t even rained in days.

“Yeah, he wasn’t convincing at all,” Intak chuckled. “I said I’ll come help clean up, and he panicked. It was really funny. I figured maybe he planned something for my birthday after he said he’d already cancelled my classes. Didn’t think you were coming, though.”

“They’re probably fighting with Keeho again, because he’s the one who was supposed to convince you to take the day off. He’s lucky Jiung didn’t ruin the surprise.”

Taeyang was already planning how to get back at Keeho. They were used to getting tangled up in Keeho and Jiung’s tumultuous relationship, but that didn’t mean there would be no consequences. He didn’t even want to know the thought process behind the lame reason Jiung gave—there were probably three arguments preceding that decision. Taeyang wished he had asked Shota for help instead.

“Maybe they argued over who’s a better liar.” Intak snorted.

“Or they were messing with you,” Taeyang deadpanned.

“I’m not that naive.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Hey!”

Taeyang kissed the pout off Intak’s face.

After they finished their brew, and making out, Taeyang took Intak’s hand and led him into the living room.

“Sit and don’t touch anything,” Taeyang said after Intak eyed the small rectangular box on the table.

Nervous energy filled Taeyang as he went to grab the jacket he’d bought. He knew Intak would appreciate any gift, but Taeyang was feeling sensitive today. He couldn’t even look at the fucking clock. Every smile Intak sent him made his heart clench. Why was the time passing so fast?

He put it on and walked back, confidence masking his nerves.

As soon as Intak’s eyes landed on him, Taeyang did a little twirl, spreading his arms to show off the piece of clothing. When Intak’s expression grew sickeningly fond, Taeyang knew Intak recognised it.

The big black hooded jacket with tastefully arranged zippers and patches was very similar to one Intak refused to buy a few months ago. Before Taeyang left for the tour, they were buying some miscellaneous decorations for Intak’s, now theirs, apartment and wandered into a few clothing stores on the way.

Intak suffered from what Taeyang liked to call an ‘indecisive idiot syndrome’ when Intak would spend up to half an hour deciding whether to buy a piece of clothing only to leave empty-handed. Most of the time, Intak forgot about it in a week, but the aforementioned jacket stuck in his mind. Taeyang even went back to get it for his pouty boyfriend, but they were already out of his size. When he came across an eerily similar one in the US, he knew he had to buy it.

“That jacket seems familiar,” Intak noted predictably.

“It’s not the same, but as close as it gets.” Taeyang strutted toward him.

“You look hot.”

“I know.”

Intak tugged on his arm until he was trapped under Taeyang’s weight. Intak completely ignored the expensive jacket, his hands slipping straight underneath Taeyang’s t-shirt. He let Intak bring him closer with his palms pressed flat against Taeyang’s back. It took only a slight tilt of his head, and Intak was mouthing on his neck.

Taeyang bit his lip, fingers slipping into the short hair at Intak’s nape. Whenever Intak obeyed so easily, it made Taeyang feel irresistible. The right side of his neck began to burn, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. Intak definitely left another mark under the one Taeyang had noticed in the bathroom. Greedy. As if Taeyang’s thighs weren’t covered in them already.

He let Intak leave a third one before he pulled him off by his hair, eliciting a quiet whine.

“The makeup artist is going to have a field day.”

“It’s not like you never performed with one before,” Intak replied, looking far too smug for Taeyang’s liking.

Taeyang clicked his tongue and tugged on his short strands again. “People ask too many questions.”

“Not like you answer them.”

“Hm, not yet.”

Intak’s smile softened at that.

Taeyang wasn’t one to talk about his private life, but neither was he one to lie or deny anything. His favourite pastime was hinting at things without ever addressing them directly. It helped his rock star image. Their fans thought it made him mysterious and sexy. Taeyang thought their theories and speculations were entertaining. It was a win-win situation.

Even though he’d never mentioned dating anyone, many people figured he was. There weren’t photos of him and Intak making out, but he also never hid when they were together. Taeyang’s blessing was that all his friends were very touchy with him for some reason. It meant that—according to their fans and the media—he was basically dating all of them, including his band members.

One day, Taeyang would set the record straight.

After more making out, initiated by Taeyang that time, he reached for the second gift. He slid from Intak’s lap, settling beside him on the couch, and placed the box in his hands. He fiddled with the jacket’s zipper, watching Intak take out the leather case. Intak paused, his eyes flicking to Taeyang’s before he gently took out the personalised drumsticks. Intak studied the engravings, his fingers running over the incised lines for so long Taeyang felt his ears heat up.

“Did you design this?”

“Kind of? I sent the artist some sketches and notes, and she brought my vision to life.” Taeyang stared intently at Intak’s hands, too bashful to meet his eyes.

When Intak cleared his throat wetly, Taeyang’s head snapped up. Intak’s lips were pressed thin, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.

“You’re unreal,” Intak chuckled, squeezing his eyes shut.

“It’s nothing. Don’t cry or I’ll do, too.” Taeyang wiped away any tears pushing through Intak’s lashes. Taeyang hated crying, but whenever someone close to him did, his eyes often welled up. Jongseob called him an empathetic crier. He disagreed, but to his dismay, Jongseob kept being proven right.

“It’s nothing,” Intak muttered mockingly and shook his head, rubbing his eyes.

Taeyang cupped Intak’s cheek, a habitual comforting gesture. He caressed the soft skin, his heart melting when Intak leaned into it.

“Thank you. I love you so much,” Intak murmured.

It was the second time Intak said it today, but it sounded less lighthearted than before, more vulnerable and genuine. Taeyang’s chest tightened, his brain momentarily turning into mush. He was getting better at reciprocating with words since he’d met Intak, but he could still count the number of times he said it on one hand. Intak never asked, never pushed. Taeyang didn’t understand how he got so lucky.

“Me too,” Taeyang replied, barely discernible because of the lump clogging his throat.

Intak stored both of his gifts in his room, and they ended up curled up on the couch, random music videos playing on the TV in the background. Taeyang didn’t realise he dozed off until Intak nudged him. Then they moved to the kitchen, and Taeyang sat on the counter supervising Intak while he prepared them breakfast. Intak kept stealing kisses in between every step. Taeyang lost count of how many times their lips touched today.

After they ate, they returned to the living room and got back into their spooning position. It was a simple, calm day, and Taeyang welcomed it with open arms after months of constant rush. He forced his eyes open, refusing to fall asleep again and miss a second with Intak. He focused on the fingers caressing his hair, on the arm securely wrapped around his waist, on the legs tangled with his.

A sense of home pervaded his body.

Around one o’clock, Intak dragged him to the restaurant. It was quite small, as Intak mentioned, which meant Taeyang automatically liked it. The outside wasn’t covered in meal photos as he'd imagined, but in big line art stickers which looked very modern for what Taeyang understood was a family business.

It wasn’t full despite the lunch hour, but he figured it was due to being newly opened. Intak steered him toward the back into a nice booth with surprisingly soft seats. Taeyang leaned back and studied the menu. Nothing exceptional. It seemed to be a pretty traditional Korean restaurant, but Taeyang liked the atmosphere and close proximity to their apartment.

Then he skimmed over their speciality menu, and his eyes caught on yukhoe.

Oh.

He lifted his gaze and saw Intak try, and fail, to act casual.

“I don’t think they have anything I like,” Taeyang sighed dramatically and dropped the menu on the table.

Intak raised his eyebrows, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Before he could reply, a third voice interrupted them.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! Your friend mentioned yukhoe is your favourite. He’s been visiting a lot, so I thought I’d come over and say hi when I saw you come in.”

Taeyang froze in embarrassment.

He quickly turned and bowed his head in apology. He saw Intak tried to stifle a laugh as Taeyang hastily tried to explain he was only teasing. It was difficult to compose himself when the owner’s words kept replaying in his head. Intak frequented this place and apparently liked talking about him.

Thankfully, the older lady was laid-back and let him off the hook after he ordered. His ears stayed scarlet long after she left.

“I hate you.” Taeyang pouted at Intak.

“I didn’t do anything.” Intak raised his arms in mock defence with a grin on his face.

“You’re annoying.”

Intak blew him a kiss, and Taeyang pretended to dodge it. They started nudging each other under the table until Taeyang kicked hard enough for Intak to start whining and give up. It was silly and immature, but Taeyang finally breathed easier.

The yukhoe was delicious—extremely tender and flavourful. Taeyang felt like he was the one celebrating his birthday. Intak’s bibimbap Taeyang snatched a bite from was so good, he wished he could take another portion to go. He didn’t understand how the place wasn’t packed. He kind of wanted to keep it to himself. Maybe others had the same idea.

The owner returned after they finished their meal for a bit of small talk. Taeyang made sure to praise everything from the food to the atmosphere to make up for his earlier mishap. He was a little caught off guard when she complimented his music—her daughter was apparently a big fan. Taeyang couldn’t wipe the smile, or the flush, off his face. She told them they were her favourite customers even though it was literally Taeyang’s first time there. For some reason, it still felt genuine.

After they paid, Taeyang wrote a little note into her notebook for her daughter and signed it.

“So? How did you like it?” Intak asked, nearly skipping next to him.

“It was okay.”

“That basically means we have a new favourite spot.”

Taeyang wanted it so badly—to have their favourite spot, next to their apartment.

He’d always been scared of wanting things.

When Intak tentatively asked him to move in, his first thought was how getting a new, bigger apartment together made more sense. But when he tried to say it, nothing came out. He couldn’t ask. Not when Intak didn’t know what he was getting into. The distance, the time difference, the exhaustion… Taeyang fell asleep during their FaceTime so many times, only to wake up to new messages from Intak, saying goodnight and reassuring him it was okay. But was it? They both tried their best, but Taeyang still felt like he wasn’t doing enough.

He looked at Intak’s happy expression and his heart swelled. He wanted to freeze the moment. His hand itched to grab Intak’s and do something childish, like swing them together. He managed to refrain.

Taeyang’s eyes drifted to the clock on the microwave as soon as they passed the kitchen. He couldn’t avoid it any longer. He knew they’d spent more time outside than planned, but seeing they had only around two hours before Intak took him to the airport was a cruel reminder.

He booked it to their bed and hid under the covers. Why did he constantly feel like this? Intak shouldn’t have to deal with his gloominess on his birthday.

He zoned out until Intak lifted the blanket and peeked in, dispersing the stiff air.

“Can I join?”

Taeyang nodded.

The blanket only covered their heads and torso, but it offered an illusion of safety. Taeyang was thankful Intak’s features were barely visible because it meant his own face was hidden, too. The air grew stale and hot fast with only their breaths filling the space. Intak kept calmly airing it out while Taeyang’s insides were churning with anxiety.

Eventually, Intak seemed to realise Taeyang needed a little push.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been a little… tense since you arrived,” Intak mumbled.

“Once we come back from the tour, I want to work on our next album.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah…” Taeyang trailed off. “It means we’ll be in Seoul at least until next summer.”

“Okay…? Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy about it, but is that related to why you’re so pensive today?”

“No. Yes. I’m—” Taeyang cut off, throat closing up.

He didn’t know why he was getting emotional. The reason he mentioned it was to let Intak know that he only needed to wait a little longer, but Intak didn’t seem to pick up on it. Was he not tired of the distance? It would be the longest break the band got since he met Intak. It was no coincidence this time.

Taeyang wanted to do local performances and work on their next project to at least have a chance. A chance to see what it’d be like to come home and have someone waiting there for him, day after day. A chance to show Intak how much he appreciated him. He simply wanted them to be together.

Intak’s hand rested on his cheek, gently brushing against the warm skin. Taeyang’s eyes instinctively fluttered shut.

“What’s wrong, Taeyangie?”

Taeyang shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t want to dampen the mood on your birthday.”

Intak clicked his tongue, a mannerism Taeyang noticed Intak had picked up from him. “I don’t care about that. I’d rather hear what’s on your mind.”

Taeyang hesitated. His thoughts were disorganised, and he didn’t want to be a bother, but… this was Intak.

“Are you not tired, Intak?” Taeyang whispered.

“Of the distance?” Intak asked carefully after a brief pause.

“Yeah.”

“Are you?”

Taeyang’s heart clenched at the nervousness palpable in his voice.

He didn’t like that.

He dragged the blanket off their heads, taking a deep breath. Instead of hiding underneath it, he shuffled closer to bury his face in Intak’s neck, whose arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Answer,” Taeyang prodded, and waited with bated breath.

“No, I’m not tired—not exactly. I miss you like crazy, but our calls and texts are always the highlight of my day.”

“Sometimes I’m too tired to even stay awake, though.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I always tell you that.”

“I know, but…” Do you mean it? “It’s hard.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t. But when you come back it’s like—” Intak chuckled. “Every time I see you again, it’s like I’m seeing you for the first time. I know you’re probably cringing right now, but it’s true. I can’t lie and say I sometimes don’t wish I could have you here all the time, but Taeyang… the world deserves to see you shine. You worked so hard, no one deserves it more than you.”

Taeyang squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pressure building behind them.

“That being said…” Intak pressed a kiss to his temple and whispered, “I can’t wait to wake up next to you every day. Or, well, as much as our jobs allow.”

“Really?” Taeyang asked, hating how weak his voice sounded.

“Really. Do you need me to tell you how much I love you again?”

“No, shut up.” Taeyang pressed against Intak, wishing he could melt into him.

“Are you? Tired,” Intak spoke up after a moment.

Taeyang couldn’t say yes, but he couldn’t say no either. Instead, “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“You deserve… more.”

“Ah, I see. Well, my boyfriend just flew over the ocean to spend half a day with me because he loves me so much, so I think I’m good.”

Taeyang groaned. His ears must be crimson by now.

In retaliation, he dug his nails into Intak’s shoulders and sank his teeth into his neck. It earned him a satisfying hiss. He gently licked the spot over before sucking on the tender skin until it bruised. Taeyang kept to under the collar marks on most days since Intak worked with children, but he didn’t care right now, and neither did Intak, judging by the breathy sounds. He shivered under Intak’s hands that greedily traced his every curve.

They got lost in each other until Taeyang drew back to stare. There were three matching marks on Intak’s neck now. He brushed black locks from Intak’s forehead, so he could press a lingering kiss to the spot. Then another one on his nose. And his cheek.

Intak was looking at him with so much love, he had to avert his gaze.

He quickly ended it with a peck on Intak’s lips and pulled away before Intak could do something sappy like tell Taeyang how much he loved him again.

When Taeyang got stuck in his head earlier, he remembered the camera carefully packed in his backpack. He reluctantly stood up and went to grab it. There were so many photos he wanted to show Intak.

They ended up cuddled up while Intak held the camera above them. Taeyang periodically sent Intak his favourite photos, but Intak still diligently swiped through every single one. Taeyang worked in anecdotes or backstories about any interesting shot he thought he hadn’t mentioned before. Even if he repeated himself, Intak probably wouldn’t say.

Intak showed him videos of different dance practices and things he’d been working on. Taeyang was never interested in dancing, but Intak’s enthusiasm and passion made him appreciate it. Even if he’d rather die than participate.

Intak even played him a song he wanted to learn on the drums. Looking at Intak’s bashful expression, Taeyang knew his gift was already doing its job in motivating him. 

They didn’t get up until it was time to leave. Taeyang was only slightly embarrassed that Intak had to physically pick him up because he didn’t want to go. Even after they stood up, he was glued to Intak’s side, prolonging every movement.

Intak gently pried him off at the door to quickly run back to his room. Taeyang glared after him, but waited with no complaints. His glare turned into confusion when Intak came back with his new jacket.

“Why are you bringing the jacket? It’s hot out.” Taeyang frowned.

Intak pushed it into his hand with a coy smile. “It suits you. You should take care of it until you come back to me.”

Taeyang’s hand curled into a fist, crumpling the fabric. His headspace was better after Intak’s reassurance, but he knew it would truly quiet down only after the tour ended, and he was wrapped in Intak’s arms again. Still, the jacket helped. Intak understood him like no one else.

The car ride passed by in a blur. Taeyang hummed along to the radio, one of his hands gently placed over Intak’s knee while the other fiddled with the zipper of ‘their’ jacket lying over his thighs. If it wasn’t dangerous—and illegal—Taeyang would curl up in Intak’s lap.

They gave up on getting food on the way in exchange for sitting together in the parking lot. Whenever one of them left, it always ended in the car. It made things easier.

Taeyang stared absentmindedly at the fuel gauge, already snuggled in their jacket and leaning on Intak’s shoulder. Only a few minutes left. He needed to buy something sweet and flush it down with a bitter drink before the flight, to soothe the growing ache in his body.

“Taeyang,” Intak whispered into his hair.

Taeyang let out a whiny sound, not moving a bit. Intak squeezed his hip before nudging him up. Taeyang reluctantly drew back.

He didn’t want to go.

His eyes began to burn, lips quivering. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry.

Intak’s eyes glistened, too, and Taeyang knew he was done for. The first sob escaped him in spite of all his efforts to remain calm.

“Fuck,” Intak breathed out, and Taeyang snorted.

“Baby— Uh, hyung. Come here,” Intak stumbled over his words and slid his seat all the way back.

Taeyang immediately climbed into his lap, trying to steady his rampant heartbeat over the slip-up. They didn’t really do pet names, Taeyang wasn’t a big fan, but Intak sometimes used them teasingly or during particularly vulnerable moments. Taeyang grew to appreciate rare instances like that immensely.

It broke the last of his defences, and he began to sob into Intak’s shoulder. Time was slipping away.

“It’s okay. Only one more month.” Intak kept whispering.

He allowed himself a couple of minutes with his walls down, focusing on Intak’s quiet murmurs. Then he took a few breaths, so deep it made him dizzy, and slowly sat up. Intak’s eyes were red-rimmed, cheeks damp, but for once he looked more composed than Taeyang.

Intak somehow still felt far away even though Taeyang was straddling him.

Taeyang needed them closer.

He leaned in too fast, their teeth clashing against each other. The kisses were harsh and deep. Taeyang’s nails dug into Intak’s cheeks, serving as an anchor.

He took and took, and Intak let him.

Eventually, sooner than he wished, Taeyang eased off and leaned his forehead against Intak’s. His arms slid down, feebly hanging by his sides.

“Only one more month,” Taeyang rasped out.

“Only one more month.”

Taeyang clumsily moved back to his seat because time was relentless. He grabbed a tissue from the glove box and tried to fix himself up in the rearview mirror. He looked wrecked. He glanced at Intak to find him in a similar state. After blowing his nose and wiping his face, he put on a mask which hid the worst of it.

He turned to Intak, who was quietly staring at him the whole time. Taeyang wanted to lean in again so badly. Intak reached out to fix his hair, ruffled by the mask and cupped his cheek. Taeyang’s eyelids fluttered shut as Intak gave him one last, gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Have a safe flight.” Intak pulled back.

“I’ll make sure of that.”

“Got a pilot license while you were away?”

“Among other things,” Taeyang joked.

“Show off.”

“Can I call you after I land? I… It might be too late for you, though, I don’t know.” Taeyang was too exhausted for mental math.

“Of course, you can call me anytime.”

Taeyang reached for the door handle, but Intak grabbed his arm, making him turn back in confusion.

“Wait. I’m— I—” Intak huffed. “Last time you said you didn’t want me to visit you on tour because you’d be tired and wouldn’t have time for me, but I want to repeat that I don’t care about that, okay? You don’t have to entertain me, I just want to see you. So… you can always ask me to come, and if I’m not too busy I’ll take a few days off to fly wherever you are. I just want to make sure you know that.”

Intak was going to be the death of him.

Taeyang blinked rapidly to chase away any new tears and nodded. If he opened his mouth, he was afraid a sob would come out instead of words. Intak smiled at him softly, eyes full of understanding, before he squeezed Taeyang’s arm one final time.

Taeyang walked away without turning back, repeating to himself that he’d be back soon.

He passed security and walked aimlessly around the airport he knew like the back of his hand until he wandered into a small market. He bought a chocolate bar and, after arguing with himself, settled on a can of Coke for the drink. He looked for the least busy area of the airport and sat down. There were too many people everywhere.

After his hands were empty, his thoughts strayed to Intak no matter how much he tried to think about something else. How did he miss him so much already? Taeyang stared at the phone in his hand. Intak should be home by now, unless he stopped somewhere on the way. Before he could overthink it, he dialled Intak’s number.

He picked up after the first beep.

“Hey, hyung. Everything okay?”

“Hi, yeah. Are you home?”

“Yeah, I came back a few minutes ago.”

There was a brief pause before Taeyang murmured, “There’s still some time until I board. I know we don’t normally do this, but do you want to call until then?” He didn’t know why he was feeling shy about it.

Intak chuckled fondly. “I’d love to.”

Taeyang bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing what to say all of a sudden.

“We can plan your revenge on Keeho,” Intak said when Taeyang’s words failed him.

“How did you know I was planning something?”

“Because you’re evil.”

“I should rope Jongseob into this.” Taeyang hummed thoughtfully.

“There he goes,” Intak sighed fondly.

The conversation moved on its own from there until Taeyang got on the plane. He never missed Intak as much as now, but he also never loved him more. He didn’t know it was even possible to be so infatuated with someone. His entire being longed for Intak’s presence.

Maybe next time he could invite Intak to see him between tour stops.

Maybe next time he could suggest looking for a bigger apartment together.

Next time, next time, next time…

Maybe then, Taeyang’s deep-seated ache would alleviate.