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The thunderstorm hits suddenly and aggressively. The six of them (and Brushbuddy) are all drenched by the time they find shelter in a nearby cave, and the wind continues spraying rain at them through the opening until the girls pile up some rocks to block most of it from getting in.
Once the rain is no longer directly assaulting them, Olruggio casts a fire for light and warmth and gets out his rings.
He dries Qifrey first, though it doesn’t cease his shivering. It’s not just from the cold. They both know that.
“Th—thank you, Olly,” he stutters out, before kneeling down in front of the girls. “That was very resourceful and quick thinking of you all.”
Tetia beams, Richeh gives a thumbs up, Agott looks away with a small smile, and Coco… she’s studying Qifrey with furrowed eyebrows.
“Are you okay, Master Qifrey?”
“Hm? Why wouldn't I be?” he asks, sounding so genuine. Sometimes it’s terrifying how adept he is at duplicity.
“You don't like getting wet…”
“I'm alright, Coco. I'm all dry now, see?” he smiles at her before addressing the group. “I know this wasn't exactly in the plan for our field trip, but you could use this time to practice your spells, as it might take a little while for the storm to subside.”
A crack of thunder in the distance makes Tetia flinch, and Richeh huddles closer to her and ties one of her crystal ribbons around Tetia’s pointer finger, eliciting a smile.
Agott makes a pyreball in the shape of a round little cat, and she starts teaching Coco the seal upon request.
Once the girls are preoccupied, Olruggio sees Qifrey slump down against the cave wall with a sigh, staring at the pile of rocks keeping the rain out.
Olruggio sits down on Qifrey’s right side, between him and the girls.
“You holdin’ up okay?” he whispers, and Qifrey nods.
He’s no longer trembling, but being this close, Olruggio can hear that his breathing is quite shallow.
Olruggio takes in a deep breath and lets out a long sigh.
Qifrey’s breathing starts to even out a little, slowly falling into rhythm with Olruggio’s.
Brushbuddy climbs up onto Olruggio’s shoulder and nuzzles against his cheek.
And then there’s an ear-piercingly loud crash of thunder. And then another crash. And another, but the third crash doesn’t sound like thunder at all.
“What was that!?” Tetia shouts, and Brushbuddy squeaks.
Olruggio is already up on his feet when there’s another non-thunderous crash, causing the rocks at the entrance to shake.
He and Qifrey quickly rush to disassemble the rock barrier, probably both fearing the same thing.
They’ve endured cave-ins before, but that was when it was just the two of them. This time they have kids to look after, and getting crushed under rubble is a horrific, terrifying fate.
Luckily, the shaking was brief, and it was only the loose rocks they’d placed at the opening, not the cave itself.
Once they’ve moved the rocks enough to see what’s going on, Olruggio sucks in a sharp breath, laying his eyes on a giant, burnt tree blocking their only way out of the cave.
There’s small gaps, only enough for Brushbuddy to fit through, and enough for the rain and wind to get through, evidently, because their fire quickly goes out, and they’re entrenched in darkness.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, there’s another crash.
And another tree collapsing right atop the other one. The gaps are even smaller now, but cold air and rain still pass through.
“Girls, are you okay!? Is anyone hurt!?” Qifrey shouts.
After hearing the four little voices confirm their safety, Olruggio starts digging through his pockets.
“What happened?” Agott asks.
“Lightning struck some trees ‘n knocked ‘em over.”
“Are we stuck here?” Coco asks.
“Wouldn’t be safe to try and move ‘em right now, especially with the storm. Can one of you get another pyreball going?” he asks, wondering why he has so many pockets. How does he ever manage to find anything?
“I’m trying, but the wind is too strong,” Agott says.
“What if we put the rocks back up?”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s a good idea, being able to keep an eye on the outside is probably best, we wouldn’t wanna barricade ourselves even more at this point,” Olruggio says, even though he doesn’t think it would make much of a difference.
The main reason against it is, well, curled up on the ground starting to audibly—ableit quietly—hyperventilate.
Olruggio crouches down and finds his hand in the dark. He flinches away at first, but Olruggio grabs his hand, squeezes it, and places a crystal-encased flame in his palm.
Qifrey brings the crystal close to his face and stares at it.
He puts another crystal on the ground near the girls. In retrospect, it would have been beneficial to pack more than two. And they’re rather small, not bright enough to light up even this small cave.
“Stay close together, okay? We'll figure out a solution, but for now just hold tight,” he says, scribbling out a pyreball on the ground right next to the giant fallen tree, which, in addition to trapping them here, blocks the wind and rain very effectively.
“Um… Master Qifrey?” Coco says cautiously.
Now illuminated by the fire, is Qifrey, head buried in his knees and shaking like a leaf.
He doesn’t reply, which is expected. He likely can’t speak at all right now.
Olruggio sits down across from him, and as much as he wants to just reach out and grab hold of his hand, he refrains.
“Qifrey, can you hear me?” he asks, looking for little signs of movement.
The first time this happened, Olruggio waited for a bigger response. He waited and worried and cried because Qifrey was just not responding to anything and Olruggio couldn't do anything to make it better.
But when you’re with someone for decades, you learn to read even the tiniest of movements.
A slight twitch of his hand could mean he wanted it to be held, though every time Olruggio held it, Qifrey squeezed it very tightly for a few seconds and then let go. It always seemed like he wanted to stay there, but he always let go.
There is no movement. He’s frozen in place. Frozen in time, too, Olruggio is certain. He’s no stranger to flashbacks either; the way they can creep into every one of your senses until you think you must be back there, living in the nightmare. And you can’t even tell yourself it's not real, because it is. It was. It was real. It happened.
People died.
People die.
Olruggio shakes himself from his thoughts and brings himself back to the present. Now is not the time to reminisce.
“Qifrey,” he says a little louder, “it’s Olruggio.”
He’s gotten better at exercising grounding methods with Qifrey over the years, but he suspects that saying “we’re trapped inside a cave right now” rather than “we’re at home” might not help.
Usually when this happens, Qifrey isn’t drenched. A nightmare is fairly easy to bounce back from. In all honesty, Olruggio suspects that Qifrey is afflicted by them far more than he lets on. Olruggio might be a hypocrite in that regard though. It's never easy to go to somebody in their time of rest from fear of horrors with which your subconscious tried to strangle you.
He dries Qifrey with his rings again.
“We’re inside where it’s dry, the rain is outside, not in here.”
It’s a bit of a lie. They’re outdoors, but inside a cave. The rain is outside, but the ground here is damp.
Qifrey lifts his head a little.
“There you are. C’mon, lift your head up.”
His eye remains shut as he does so, gasping for air. It’s been a while since Olruggio has seen him like this, but it’s painfully familiar nonetheless.
Olruggio just wants to make it all go away.
The girls are surely worried sick. Olruggio wishes they didn’t have to see their Master in such a state.
“O… Olly…”
Olruggio fights the urge to wrap him up in a hug.
“I’m right here, Qifrey. Can you look at me?”
Qifrey shakes his head. “I… I c—can’t breathe—”
His hands move to tug at his hair. By now Olruggio knows he’s using the pain in his scalp to snap himself out of it.
“You can breathe, Qifrey. C’mon, do it with me.”
Qifrey shakes his head, and he tries to speak, but all that comes out is a strangled squeak.
Olruggio hears the girls whispering to themselves. What’s going on? Is Master Qifrey okay? Will he be okay?
And like some sort of divine punishment, the downpour of rain gets even louder, eliciting another terrified squeak from Qifrey.
It’s rather difficult to ground him from voice alone, especially with the less than ideal background noise.
“Qifrey, I’m going to reach out and hold your hands,” Olruggio says, pausing for a response before doing as he announced.
He flinches at the contact, but he doesn’t pull away, and it doesn’t seem to worsen his panic.
Olruggio clasps Qifrey’s hands in his own, hoping his warmth will sooth Qifrey and his ice cold fingers.
“You with me?”
The sound of shallow, strangled breathing fills the cave, painting an added layer of misery over the rainfall from outside.
After a pause, Qifrey nods. It’s small, almost imperceptible, but not to Olruggio.
“Breathe with me, okay?”
Loud, deep breath in.
Qifrey sucks in some air and holds his breath.
Loud, deep breath out.
Qifrey coughs, and then continues to hyperventilate.
He’s trying, though. That’s a good sign.
“Oll… Olly….”
“I’m right here, Qifrey. Breathe.”
“Duh… duh… drow… ning…” he chokes out.
Brushbuddy climbs up onto Qifrey’s shoulder, and baps its little hands against his cheek.
Qifrey opens his eye, half-lidded to see the little fluffy creature, and then his gaze drifts up, past Olruggio.
His eye widens, panic-stricken once more.
Olruggio turns around to see the four apprentices sitting quietly, watching the two them with unease.
Qifrey tries to speak a little louder. “I—I’m a—alr—”
He cuts himself off with a sharp inhale, hyperventilating even worse now. Of course having the girls see him like this would make him panic even more, and trying to appear as though he’s got himself together is just exacerbating the situation tenfold.
“Qifrey, it’s alright, just focus on calmin’ yourself down right now. ‘N don’t force it to happen immediately. Just try and breathe, nice ‘n’ slow.”
Trying to take a deeper breath, Qifrey’s eye darts to the blocked off entrance for a split second before he shuts it. Makes sense. Looking out there isn’t the best idea by any means.
But with his eye shut again, he’s back to being tortured by the frightening amalgamations of his psyche.
Qifrey pulls his hands out from Olruggio’s grasp and holds both of them over his empty eye socket and lets out a scared, childlike whine.
He’s coughing between gasps, choking on his own spit, and tears start running down his face, but he’s breathing too fast to even let out a sob.
Olruggio pulls him into a hug, and Qifrey grips the fabric of Olruggio’s shirt as his face presses against his shoulder.
“Breathe” Olruggio says softly, almost a whisper, right into Qifrey’s ear, “I’m right here. Just breathe, you hear me?”
Qifrey nods.
His gasps for air don’t get any less severe for the first few minutes despite his best efforts.
“Can you still hear me?” Olruggio asks, running a hand through his air. When Qifrey shifts a little, it’s affirmation enough.
“Follow my voice, m’kay?” Olruggio says, “C’mon, deep breath in.”
Qifrey takes in a breath and holds it. It’s shallow, and sharp, but it’s still progress.
“And out.”
Right now, it’s hard to tell him apart from the Qifrey of years ago, in the dead of night sitting up and struggling to breathe for who knows how long until Olruggio wakes up of his own accord, even though time and time again he asked to be woken right away.
Olruggio blinks away the tears in his eyes, and he isn’t quite sure how long it takes, but by the time Qifrey’s breathing is steady, he’s half asleep.
“You should get some rest.”
Qifrey shakes his head. “I—I—I’m alright now.”
He pulls away from the hug, and turns to face the girls. “S—s—sorry you had to see th—that.”
Based on the amount of stutters, and the, well, everything, Qifrey is definitely not alright. But protesting now would likely be fruitless, based on prior evidence.
Qifrey stands up then, and Olruggio is quick to catch him by the shoulders when he starts tipping over.
“Ah—thank you, Olly.”
Once he’s steady on his feet again, he walks over to the girls and sits down across from them. Olruggio joins at his side.
“That must have been scary for you all to witness.”
“Are you okay, Master Qifrey?” Tetia asks, teary-eyed.
“Yes, I just got a little scared.”
A little.
Once they get out of this cave and back to the atelier, Qifrey better obey Olruggio’s orders of resting in bed and not doing any teaching for at least a couple days. That one was really severe. There’s no doubt he feels lightheaded, but asking him to drink water right now seems like one of the last things he would want to do.
“A little?” Agott speaks up, voicing Olruggio’s own thoughts.
Qifrey chuckles uncomfortably. “Ahaha, I guess I got quite scared, didn’t I? But really, I’m alright now. I’m not scared anymore.”
He really is adept at lying. Even after a moment like that.
“Can I see the spells you all have been working on? Agott, you’ve been teaching Coco some decorative sigils, right?”
“Oh, yeah, I have.”
Agott and Coco start to show off some miniature fire sculptures, though they’re both very visibly uneasy.
“Why were you scared?” Tetia asks.
“Mm, well, we all have our fears, don’t we? Sometimes people are scared of heights, sometimes people are scared of bugs. It’s just a part of life.”
“Qifrey, I think you should rest—”
“I’m fine, Olly,” Qifrey says softly, juxtaposed by his ice cold stare.
“I also think you should rest, Master Qifrey…” Coco says, and it’s hard not to notice her red-rimmed eyes. “You must be really exhausted.”
“I appreciate the concern, Coco. I assure you I will rest once we are safe at home. For now, though, we shall brainstorm a solution for those fallen trees.”
“The storm hasn’t cleared up yet, though. It’s probably best for us to wait.”
(And best for you to rest now.)
“Very well. We shall conserve our energy then.”
Qifrey looks like a wreck.
There’s blood under his fingertips that he hasn’t even noticed, and his hair is pointing in every direction and not in the stylish, intentional way. His glasses are all fogged up and either he hasn’t fully registered it or he doesn’t want to take them off to wipe them. Knowing him, it’s likely the latter.
His breaths are still a bit shallow, albeit nowhere near hyperventilation, and his hands have a slight tremble to them that might not be perceptible to the girls, but it is to Olruggio.
Olruggio grabs hold of Qifrey’s hand and squeezes it.
Qifrey frowns. Not because the gesture is unwelcome, but because it betrays his continued vulnerability.
You can’t bounce back from something like that so easily. Olruggio wants to say it out loud but it wouldn’t be wise.
Still, it’s unspoken, and Qifrey gets the message.
“I’ll rest when we’re home,” Qifrey reiterates quietly. There’s a guilty look in his eye. The guilt could be connected to a myriad of things. Olruggio is too tired himself to try and parse them all.
“How unlucky is it that lightning struck the trees right above us, anyway?” Tetia asks.
“Actually, not very,” Olruggio says, “Trees are some of the biggest targets of lightning. And with the sheer amount of lightning strikes, I’m sure many other trees in the area got struck as well.”
“Couldn’t that cause a forest fire?”
“Yes, that’s possible, but the rain seems to have put them out almost immediately after they were struck. Or else we’d be in an even stickier situation.”
“Can’t we just disintegrate the fallen trees?” Coco asks.
“It’s still storming out,” Agott says, “Even if we do that, we won’t be able to fly home.”
“And we don’t know if destroying these burnt trees will cause a ripple effect and trouble any animals or other nature. We’d have to be very careful about how we do it, and the storm impedes our line of sight.”
Qifrey sighs, and Olruggio turns to see him staring out the little gap, only small enough for Brushbuddy.
“How long will the storm last?” Tetia asks.
“I’m not sure, but it could be until the morning.”
“Richeh is hungry-cheh.”
“Ah, I—I had packed some snacks for our trip,” Qifrey says, the trembling in his hands worsening.
It wouldn’t be too surprising if he had another episode, but he’d probably beat himself up over it for ages.
Olruggio gets the snacks from Qifrey and hands them out to the kids, and then he goes and sits beside him.
“Deep breaths,” Olruggio says, pressing his shoulder against Qifrey’s. Sometimes contact helps, sometimes it doesn't. It’s a toss-up, really.
Qifrey lets out a sigh, and rests his head on Olruggio’s shoulder.
Thank the stars he’s calmed down a bit more.
Everyone has fears might be a fine temporary excuse, but the kids are smart enough to know it’s something more. Especially with that display. It’s not like they’ve never had moments like that themselves though. It would do them well to learn that even adults struggle with fears and anxieties like that too.
He’ll have to talk with them once they’re back at the atelier. Right now they all just need to get some rest.
Olruggio looks at Qifrey, and sees his hand is clenched into a tight fist. His knuckles are white, and his hand is trembling violently, though the rest of him doesn’t seem to reflect the state of his hand.
Olruggio cups Qifrey’s hand in his own and unfurls his fingers. He’s dug his nails into the skin of his palm, enough so to draw blood.
Olruggio opens his mouth to speak, but he stops short when Qifrey quickly pulls his hand away.
“Sorry,” he whispers, and Olruggio doesn’t know why.
He continues digging into his palm. It must be mighty painful, because he’s gritting his teeth, and his eye is squeezed shut.
“Stop that,” Olruggio says, grabbing his hand and unfurling his fingers again, “Why are you doing that?”
Qifrey averts Olruggio’s gaze and doesn’t answer.
Olruggio pulls out a cloth to wrap around Qifrey’s palm to stop the bleeding.
It’s not the first time for this, either.
When they were kids, relaxing under the stars, Qifrey would be scratching himself until the skin was red and raw. He tried to be subtle about it, and the first few times Olruggio didn’t notice, but he soon picked up on the pattern.
But what he still doesn’t understand is why.
He just had the breakdown of a lifetime for god’s sake. Why would he want to hurt himself even more? Does he think he deserves it? Olruggio thought of that reason before, but it just doesn’t make sense.
Qifrey falls asleep on his shoulder. Or rather, he closes his eyes and slows his breathing. There’s no doubt he’s still awake and listening. At least for now.
The girls huddle up against the cave wall, leaning against each other and shutting their eyes.
Olruggio nods off as well.
-
The sound of rampant wind rushing in startles Olruggio awake, but when he opens his eyes and looks outside, the skies are clear.
Then he finds the source of the noise.
Qifrey, breathing shallowly in his sleep, with his head nestled in the crook of Olruggio’s shoulder.
He’s sweaty, and every few seconds Olruggio hears a little, childlike whine.
Olruggio turns and wraps Qifrey in a hug, hoping to soothe without needing to wake him.
When Qifrey’s breathing evens out, Olruggio lets out a sigh of relief.
It’s probably safest to turn a small portion of the tree to sand. Trying to move the entire log might cause other things to fall.
The sun has barely risen. Olruggio could probably sleep for a little longer. He looks to the girls, to find that one of them is awake, staring back at him, wide-eyed.
“Morning, Coco,” Olruggio whispers, so as not to disturb the others.
“Good morning. Um…”
Her gaze lingers on Qifrey for a few seconds, before she looks back to Olruggio, the question unsaid, but understood.
“He’ll be alright. That must have been scary for you to see, right?”
Coco nods.
“I’ll make sure he gets plenty of rest when we get back to the atelier.”
“Mm, what time is it?” Tetia asks, rubbing her eyes.
Agott stands up, walks to the entrance and peers through the crack. “I think it’s time to go home.”
Richeh wakes up soon after, and the five of them talk through their plan to destroy just enough of the tree in order to get out of the cave.
Once Richeh connects the ring, there’s a puff of dust and ash, and then there’s a hole they can climb through.
As much as Olruggio wants to let Qifrey sleep, carrying him through the small hole just wouldn't be practical.
Honestly, he’s surprised that the blast didn’t already wake him.
“Qifrey,” he says softly into his ear, not wanting to startle him, “Qifrey, wake up, we can go home now.”
“Mm…” Qifrey hums, slowly opening his eye. “Olly…?” he looks around. “Where are we…?”
“Cave,” Richeh says, and Qifrey turns to look at her, and the hole she made.
“Right,” he says, standing slowly and supporting himself up against the wall. “The storm cleared up. That’s good. Let’s go home, shall we?”
Qifrey’s hands are shaking, and it’s not only Olruggio who notices. Wordlessly, Coco walks over to him and holds one of them.
He smiles at her and gives her hand a squeeze in return.
Once they’re all out of the cave and ready to fly home, Coco insists on being carried by Qifrey despite having her sylph shoes. Olruggio suspects it’s more for his sake than for hers.
The flight isn’t too arduous, but after the day they had yesterday, it sure is exhausting.
Tetia welcomes herself home, and Richeh announces she is hungry-cheh (as they all are), so they cook up a meal together and have a nice breakfast.
“I’m going to retire to my quarters for now to get some rest. I suggest that you all do the same. It was a long night we had.”
Once Qifrey heads out, all four girls stare up at Olruggio with a mixture of curiosity and concern.
“What happened to Master Qifrey yesterday?” Tetia asks.
Olruggio sighs, wondering whether to save this conversation for later, or just tough it out now. Well, they already saw everything.
He kneels down to be eye level with them.
“Mm, well, sometimes, certain situations can remind people of a scary memory.”
“He did say he was just scared, but…”
“It looked like painful,” Richeh says, “when he was breathing really fast.”
“Sometimes I breathe faster when I wake up from a nightmare,” Coco chimes in, “but… not like that…”
Olruggio pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment. “How do I put this… it wasn’t just that he remembered somethin’ scary. His mind tricked him into feelin’ like he was experiencing it all over again. And when your mind panics like that, your body does too.”
“Has that… happened before?” Tetia asks, though she seems to already know the answer.
Olruggio nods.
They all look so worried.
“But it’s not physically harmful, and episodes like that will always pass with time and the right grounding techniques.”
“Grounding techniques?”
“The ways you can calm somebody down if their mind is playin’ tricks on them. I’ll teach some to you all later today, okay? It’s a good skill to have, since I know we’ve all got our fears.”
The girls nod, and Olruggio thinks it’s about time to wrap up, but he remembers to add one more thing.
“Also, if something like that ever happens again to your Master and I’m not there, don’t try to handle it yourself. Come get me right away. You got that?”
Coco has a look in her eye like she wants to protest, or maybe just question. Why can’t I try and help Master Qifrey myself?
“It’s our job to look after you. In a situation as scary as that, we want to make sure you’re all safe and alright. It brings both me and Qifrey peace of mind to know that you’ll come to us if you need help, so I ask that you please put your trust in us. Please rely on us. It’s what we’re here for.”
After four little nods, Olruggio stands up.
“Um… Master Olly… are you feeling okay after all of that?” Coco asks.
“Admittedly, I’m feelin’ rather stressed out myself. That was a hell of a night, wasn’t it? I’m looking forward to getting some rest, as should you all.”
Coco smiles, and then rushes over and wraps her arms around him, but she only reaches his torso. He kneels down again to give her a proper hug, tousling her hair a little before letting go.
“I’m gonna go check on Qifrey. You all get some rest, okay?”
“Wait, I wanna hug too!” Tetia shouts, and soon enough, a group hug is happening, Richeh and Agott joining in too.
After the hugging has concluded, Olruggio heads to Qifrey’s quarters and knocks on the door. When there's no answer, he opens it slowly, and let's out a sigh of relief when he sees his friend asleep in bed.
His eyes drift to Qifrey’s hand, with little red crescents across his palm.
Qifrey should trim his nails. To think that they could break skin that easily…
“Olly…”
Qifrey shifts a little, looking up at Olruggio with a bleary, half lidded eye.
Olruggio closes the door behind him.
“You need anythin’? Tea? Food? I know we just ate, but—”
“Company?” Qifrey asks, his voice sounding sad, and Olruggio not knowing why.
Olruggio climbs into bed with Qifrey, holding him close and running a hand through his hair.
“I shouldn't have let them see me like that, Olly.”
“You say that like you had a choice,” Olruggio says, “Which you didn’t, by the way.”
“They must be worried.”
“How are you feelin’? That was a pretty bad one, eh?”
“I’m alright now,” Qifrey lies.
“And how are you really feelin’?”
Qifrey sighs, takes in a shuddering breath, and then pulls away from the hug and sits up.
“I feel like I'm a kid again.”
Olruggio hadn’t seen Qifrey have an episode that severe since they were in their early teens, though he often suspected it wasn’t because they’d decreased in frequency, but rather that Qifrey became more adept at hiding them.
Olly sits up and looks Qifrey in the eye.
“Qifrey, you know you can always rely on me, right?”
“Of course I know that, Olly.”
“Then why don’t you do it? You continue to carry things alone, and I notice it, even if I don’t know what they are. Is… is it that you can’t trust me?”
Qifrey shakes his head, and Olruggio sees tears running down his cheeks.
“It’s not that. It’s not that at all, Olly,” Qifrey says, his voice wobbly.
“Then what is it? Please, just tell me, I can’t stand to see you like this.”
Qifrey breaks down sobbing, and Olruggio hugs him, willing himself not to cry too.
“Talk to me, Qifrey. Please.”
…
Next thing Olruggio knows, he’s waking up beside his sleeping friend, though it feels like no time has passed.
And… for some strange reason… he doesn’t exactly remember how their conversation ended.