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Hanbin had already decided he was going to blame Jiwoong for this. If Jiwoong hadn’t insisted they come out tonight, Hanbin would have been at home. He would have been in comfortable clothes, probably halfway through a film, and most importantly, he would not have spent the last twenty minutes pretending he wasn’t staring at the boy three tables away.
He didn’t even know what had made him notice him in the first place. There were plenty of people in the bar who were attractive, but this particular boy kept pulling Hanbin’s attention back. Maybe it was the way he drank, because apparently throwing back shots as though they were nothing was something Hanbin found far more interesting than it should have been. Or maybe it was his face. His hair was falling into his eyes.
Hanbin had noticed that first. It had probably been styled properly when he’d arrived, but now it had gone soft and messy, dark strands hanging over his forehead and occasionally catching against his eyelashes. Every time he pushed them back, they slipped loose again, and instead of getting annoyed, he would just laugh and leave them there. He was flushed, too.
Not unpleasantly so. His cheeks had taken on this warm, rosy colour that seemed to spread a little farther every time he finished another drink, reaching over the bridge of his nose and giving his whole face a warmth that made Hanbin want to reach across the room and touch him just to see if his skin really felt as warm as it looked. It was especially noticeable when he smiled.
And he smiled a lot.
Hanbin found himself watching the way his whole face changed whenever he laughed. His eyes nearly disappeared, crinkling at the corners, while his lips pulled into a wide, helpless grin. Sometimes he would try to hide his laughter behind his hand, but it never worked. His shoulders would shake and he’d eventually give up, tipping his head back as the sound escaped him anyway.
He was beautiful. Hanbin had thought that almost immediately. But beautiful wasn’t quite the problem anymore. He was cute. Painfully, ridiculously cute.
There was something almost boyish about the way he carried himself despite being so obviously attractive. His denim shirt had become slightly rumpled over the course of the evening, the collar sitting loose around his neck and exposing the thin silver chain resting against his skin. His sleeves were pushed up, revealing slim wrists decorated with bracelets, and his fingers were covered in enough rings that Hanbin kept catching little flashes of silver whenever he lifted his glass. Even his hands were distracting.
At one point, one of his friends stole a piece of food from his plate. The boy stared at them in disbelief, lips falling into an exaggerated pout, before finally laughing and shaking his head. Hanbin smiled into his drink. He was doomed.
“You’ve been doing that all night,” Jiwoong said beside him.
Hanbin glanced over. “Doing what?”
“That.”
Jiwoong didn’t bother pointing. He didn’t need to. Hanbin looked back across the bar. The boy had just picked up another shot.
“I’m not staring.”
Jiwoong gave him a look.
Hanbin sighed. “Okay. Maybe a little.”
“A little?”
Hanbin ignored him. He watched the boy throw back the shot, head tipping back as he swallowed. When he lowered the glass, he squeezed his eyes shut for half a second, nose scrunching at the burn before he laughed at himself. Hanbin’s eyes went immediately to his mouth.
His lips were naturally pink, soft-looking even beneath the dim bar lighting. The lower one was slightly fuller, and whenever he talked, it seemed to catch Hanbin’s attention without permission. He had a habit of pressing them together whenever he was trying not to smile, which somehow made them even more noticeable.
Hanbin wondered what they felt like. He took another drink. That thought was becoming a problem. Then the boy looked over. Their eyes met. Hanbin froze. He should have looked away. Instead, he stayed there.
The boy’s expression changed slowly as he realized Hanbin had been watching him. His eyebrows lifted slightly, and then his mouth curved into a tiny, knowing smile. Hanbin smiled back. The boy looked down at his drink, but he was still smiling.
And that was the moment Hanbin knew he was probably going to have to talk to him. It took another fifteen minutes. Mostly because Hanbin was a coward.
Or, as he preferred to think of it, because there was no particular reason to rush into talking to a stranger just because he happened to have a very pretty mouth. Unfortunately, his brain seemed to have developed a personal vendetta against him.
The boy kept drinking. Hanbin kept watching. Eventually, the boy stood and left his friends to get another drink. Hanbin watched him approach the bar. Then he looked at Jiwoong. Jiwoong was already smiling.
“Don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were about to.”
“I’m just sitting here.”
Hanbin shook his head, but he was already getting to his feet. His heart was beating far too quickly for someone who was merely going to introduce himself.
He crossed the room slowly, trying very hard to look like he wasn’t thinking about every single step. By the time he reached the bar, the boy was waiting for another drink, one elbow resting against the counter.
Hanbin stopped beside him.
“Hey.”
The boy turned.
For half a second he looked surprised, then his eyes flicked over Hanbin’s face and recognition settled in. The little smile that appeared afterward was enough to make Hanbin’s nerves disappear and return all over again.
“Hi.”
Up close, Hanbin could see just how flushed he was. The colour in his cheeks was a warm, deep pink, reaching over the bridge of his nose and making his skin look almost luminous beneath the amber bar lights. His eyes were bright despite the faint heaviness around them, and his hair had become an even bigger mess.
One strand had fallen directly across his eye. He blinked around it. Hanbin smiled before he could stop himself. The boy noticed.
“What?”
“Your hair.”
He immediately reached up and tried to fix it. The strand fell straight back into place. He frowned at it. Hanbin laughed.
“It’s fighting you.”
“Apparently.”
His voice was softer than Hanbin expected. There was something about hearing it this close that made the whole thing feel more real. Hanbin had spent so long watching him from a distance that he had almost forgotten there was a person attached to the face he’d been admiring. Hanbin introduced himself. The boy smiled.
“Matthew.”
Hanbin repeated his name quietly.
“Matthew.”
Something about the way he said it made Matthew’s smile widen.
“Yeah.”
Hanbin sat beside him when Matthew shifted over to make room. They started talking. It was easier than Hanbin expected.
Matthew told him he’d come out with friends and hadn’t planned on drinking nearly as much as he had, although the way he said it made Hanbin suspect that was becoming a familiar lie. He was definitely tipsy, but not so much that he seemed unaware of himself. He was still following the conversation easily, still teasing Hanbin whenever he gave him an opening, although his words became noticeably less precise whenever he got excited.
Hanbin didn’t notice it immediately. He was too busy looking at him. It was only after Matthew got particularly animated while telling him a story that Hanbin realised he was speaking a little differently than he’d expected. He talked quickly, sometimes stumbling over the order of his words, and every now and then he would pause with a faint frown because the word he wanted seemed to have disappeared from his head.
It happened now. Matthew stopped halfway through his sentence. He blinked.
“Wait.”
Hanbin smiled. “What?”
“I know the word.”
“Okay.”
“I know it.”
Hanbin bit back a laugh. Matthew frowned harder, clearly trying to retrieve it from somewhere. Then he gave up and explained what he meant another way. Hanbin smiled. Matthew caught him.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re laughing.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
Hanbin laughed softly. Matthew shook his head, but he was smiling too. And Hanbin thought it was adorable.
Not because Matthew’s Korean was bad. It wasn’t. Hanbin could understand him perfectly. It was simply that when Matthew got tipsy and excited, everything seemed to move a little faster than his words could keep up with. He’d lose a word, rearrange a sentence, then laugh at himself and continue as though nothing had happened.
Hanbin found himself completely charmed. There was something almost unfair about it. From across the room, Matthew had looked effortlessly confident. Now Hanbin was sitting beside him and discovering these tiny little cracks in that confidence, moments when he would get embarrassed or frustrated and then laugh it off.
Hanbin liked seeing them. He liked that Matthew was comfortable enough to let him see them. And he liked the way Matthew’s cheeks turned even pinker whenever Hanbin smiled at him.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Matthew asked.
Hanbin blinked.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re trying not to laugh.”
Hanbin smiled.
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“Then what?”
Hanbin hesitated.
“You’re cute.”
Matthew went still. For a moment, he simply stared at Hanbin. Then his gaze dropped to his drink, and Hanbin watched the flush spread higher across his cheeks.
“Oh.”
Hanbin had to look away for a second. Somehow, that was even cuter. The conversation continued, and Hanbin slowly stopped thinking about how he’d approached him in the first place.
Matthew was easy to talk to. He asked questions and actually listened to the answers. He laughed at Hanbin’s stories, interrupted him when he got too serious, and occasionally reached over without thinking when he wanted to emphasize something he was saying. His hands were expressive, rings flashing whenever he moved them beneath the bar lights.
At one point, Matthew reached over and stole a sip from Hanbin’s drink without asking. Hanbin stared at him. Matthew swallowed and made a thoughtful face.
“That’s better than mine.”
“You could’ve asked.”
“I know.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. Hanbin laughed. Matthew set the glass down, but his fingers brushed Hanbin’s in the process. Neither of them moved immediately. Matthew glanced down at their hands. Then back at Hanbin.
The smile on his face was smaller now. Almost shy. Hanbin’s heart gave a little kick. He didn’t move his hand away.Neither did Matthew. Eventually one of Matthew’s friends called his name, and he glanced over his shoulder.
“I’ll be back.”
Hanbin smiled. “Okay.”
Matthew hesitated for a moment. Then he gave Hanbin one last little smile before returning to his friends. Hanbin watched him go. Jiwoong appeared beside him almost immediately.
“So?”
Hanbin took a drink.
“Shut up.”
Jiwoong laughed.
⸻
It was another half hour before Matthew came back. By then the bar had become louder and warmer, and Matthew looked slightly more flushed than before. His hair was completely beyond saving now, soft strands falling over his forehead and into his eyes. His cheeks were pink, his lips a little fuller from drinking, and he was smiling before he even reached Hanbin.
“Come outside with me.”
Hanbin blinked.
“Okay.”
There wasn’t even a question in his mind. Outside, the night air was cool enough to make Matthew shiver. Hanbin took off his jacket and held it out.
“You’ll freeze.”
“I won’t.”
“You just shivered.”
“I did not.”
“You definitely did.”
Matthew rolled his eyes, but he took the jacket anyway. It looked enormous on him. The sleeves nearly swallowed his hands, and the collar sat loosely around his neck, framing his flushed face. He pulled it closer around himself and looked down. Hanbin stared. Matthew noticed.
“You keep looking at me.”
“I know.”
Matthew smiled.
“At least you’re honest.”
Hanbin laughed. They stood beneath the streetlight, close enough that their shoulders occasionally brushed. Matthew was quieter outside.
Without the music pressing around them and the constant movement of people passing behind them, he seemed softer somehow. His eyes looked heavier beneath his messy fringe, and the flush in his cheeks had settled into something warm and delicate.
Hanbin looked at him. Really looked. At the faint mole beside his eye. At his long lashes. At the way his hair framed his face. At the slight pout of his lower lip when he was thinking. At the tiny crease between his eyebrows that appeared whenever he was trying to find the right words.
Hanbin realized he’d spent the whole evening collecting details about him without meaning to. Matthew glanced over.
“What?”
Hanbin smiled.
“Nothing.”
Matthew laughed softly.
“You say that a lot.”
“I know.”
He looked away, but Matthew kept watching him. After a moment, Matthew spoke again.
“You were staring before.”
Hanbin glanced at him.
“I know.”
“Why?”
Hanbin could have made a joke. Instead, he told the truth.
“Because I thought you were beautiful.”
Matthew went very still. The teasing disappeared from his expression. His eyes dropped for a moment. When he looked back up, his cheeks were noticeably darker.
“You really are honest.”
“Only tonight.”
Matthew smiled. Then his eyes dropped again. To Hanbin’s mouth. Hanbin noticed. His heartbeat changed.
He reached out slowly, giving Matthew enough time to move away if he wanted to. He didn’t. Hanbin brushed the loose strand of hair away from Matthew’s eye.
His fingers touched his temple. Matthew went quiet. Hanbin’s hand lingered. Matthew leaned into it almost unconsciously, his eyes softening as Hanbin’s thumb brushed over his cheek. His skin was warm.
Exactly as Hanbin had imagined. Matthew looked up at him. Neither of them spoke.The silence between them felt different now. Fuller.
Matthew’s gaze dropped once more. Hanbin’s breath caught. He leaned closer. Matthew didn’t move. Their lips touched.
Just once. Softly. Barely a second.
Hanbin pulled back enough to look at him. Matthew’s eyes were still closed. When they opened, he looked almost surprised. Then he smiled.
It was a small, shy smile that Hanbin hadn’t seen from him all night. Matthew’s fingers caught the front of Hanbin’s shirt.He pulled him closer.
The second kiss was more deliberate. Hanbin’s hand moved to the side of Matthew’s neck, his fingers slipping gently into the hair at his nape. Matthew inhaled softly at the contact and stepped closer, the front of Hanbin’s jacket brushing against his chest.
Hanbin kissed him slowly. He had spent hours wondering what Matthew’s lips would feel like. They were softer than he’d imagined.
Warm, faintly sweet from the drinks he’d had, and almost impossibly gentle when Matthew kissed him back. The initial hesitation disappeared quickly. Matthew tilted his head, following Hanbin naturally, and his fingers tightened in Hanbin’s shirt as though he wanted to make sure he stayed close. Hanbin’s other hand settled at Matthew’s waist. Matthew leaned into him.
The kiss deepened gradually, not rushed but no longer tentative either. Hanbin felt the quiet change in Matthew’s breathing as their mouths moved together, felt the little shiver that went through him when Hanbin’s fingers brushed the back of his neck.
They parted for a breath. Matthew’s lips brushed Hanbin’s again almost immediately. Neither of them seemed able to stay apart. Hanbin smiled against his mouth.
Matthew smiled too, and the next kiss was slightly crooked because of it. They laughed softly when they separated. Matthew’s forehead fell against Hanbin’s. His cheeks were burning now.
His hair was a complete mess beneath Hanbin’s fingers, strands falling over his eyes again. Hanbin reached up and pushed them away. Matthew opened his eyes.
“You really like doing that.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
Hanbin looked at him.
“Because I like seeing your face.”
Matthew’s expression softened. For a moment he simply looked at Hanbin. Then he leaned in and kissed him again. This time Hanbin was ready for it.
He wrapped an arm around Matthew’s waist and pulled him closer, feeling Matthew relax against him. Matthew’s hand slid behind Hanbin’s neck, fingers curling there as he kissed him with a little more confidence than before.
Hanbin kissed him slowly, lingering when Matthew’s lips parted beneath his. Matthew’s breath caught softly, and Hanbin felt the movement of his fingers against the back of his neck as he pulled him closer.
The kiss was warm and unhurried. Matthew’s nose brushed Hanbin’s cheek when they shifted, and Hanbin’s thumb moved gently along his jaw. Matthew made a tiny sound of contentment and leaned closer, his borrowed jacket slipping slightly off one shoulder.
Hanbin caught it with his free hand. Matthew laughed quietly.
“You saved it.”
“I did.”
“My jacket?”
“Mine, technically.”
Matthew smiled.
“Right.”
He looked up at Hanbin through his messy hair. Then he kissed him again. Hanbin couldn’t help smiling.
Eventually they pulled apart, but neither of them stepped away. Matthew stayed tucked close to him, fingers still resting against Hanbin’s neck.
His lips were pinker now. His cheeks were still flushed. His hair was hopeless. Hanbin thought he had never seen anything prettier. Matthew seemed to catch the expression on his face.
“What?”
Hanbin shook his head.
“Nothing.”
Matthew laughed.
“You really need another answer.”
Hanbin smiled.
“I was just thinking that you’re even cuter up close.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed.
“You’ve said that already.”
“I know.”
“And you’re still saying it.”
“I probably will.”
Matthew tried to look annoyed, but the smile gave him away. He rested his head briefly against Hanbin’s shoulder, and Hanbin’s hand settled naturally against his back. For a little while, neither of them said anything.
The bar hummed behind them. Cars passed at the end of the street. Somewhere inside, Hanbin knew Jiwoong was probably waiting and wondering what had happened.
Hanbin didn’t care. Matthew lifted his head eventually, his hair falling into his eyes again. Hanbin brushed it away. Matthew smiled.
Then, almost as though he’d only just remembered something, he glanced toward the bar.
“My friends.”
Hanbin laughed.
“Probably wondering where you went.”
“They’re going to make fun of me.”
“Why?”
Matthew gave him a look.
“Because I disappeared with a stranger.”
Hanbin raised an eyebrow.
“Am I still a stranger?”
Matthew considered him for a moment. Then he smiled.
“Not really.”
Something warm settled in Hanbin’s chest. Matthew looked down at their hands. At some point during the last few minutes, their fingers had found each other again. Matthew squeezed them.
“Come on.”
Hanbin glanced toward the door.
“Going back in?”
“Eventually.”
Matthew smiled, tugging lightly on his hand.
“Just come with me.”
Hanbin followed.He had no idea what would happen after tonight. He didn’t know if this was going to become anything beyond a few hours in a bar with a beautiful stranger whose hair refused to stay out of his eyes.
But as Matthew walked beside him wearing Hanbin’s jacket, their hands still joined, he found that he didn’t particularly care about knowing yet.
For tonight, it was enough to know his name. Matthew. And that if Hanbin was lucky, he was going to get to hear him say it again.