Work Text:
Tina had planned everything.
The table was decorated with little sprigs of holly and enough candles to make the whole room glow warmly. The plates were stacked neatly at each place setting, cutlery lined up beside them, and Christmas music played softly from somewhere in the corner. There were drinks chilling in the fridge, snacks laid out on the counter, and, most importantly, everyone had been told exactly when to arrive.
It was going to be the perfect dinner party.
There was only one thing Tina hadn’t done. Cook the dinner. But that was fine. They had all agreed to bring something. She’d even made the instructions incredibly simple.
“Just bring something for dinner,” she’d told them.
And, after a brief moment of consideration, she’d added, “Please don’t all bring dessert.”
Everyone had assured her that they wouldn’t. Tina believed them. That was her first mistake.
Phil was the first to arrive. “Tina!”
He walked through the door carrying a large, steaming dish with both hands. Tina’s shoulders immediately relaxed.
See? Everything was fine. Someone had brought food.
“Thank god,” she said, moving towards him. “What did you bring?”
Phil lifted the foil slightly, revealing a tray of perfectly roasted potatoes. Tina stared.
“Potatoes.”
“Yeah.”
“Just potatoes?”
Phil looked at her as though she'd asked the strangest question in the world. “What else would I bring?”
Tina opened her mouth, then closed it. She looked at the potatoes again. They did look good. Golden and crispy, with little flecks of herbs scattered over the top. She could already smell them.
“Nothing,” she said eventually. “Potatoes are great.”
“Good.” Phil carried them through to the dining room.
Tina watched him go. It was fine. Potatoes were important. They were an essential part of Christmas dinner. And there were still four people coming. Someone would have brought the main. Obviously.
The door opened again not long after. “Hey!”
Fit stepped inside, carrying another large dish. Tina brightened.
“What did you bring?”
“Stuffing!”
Her smile faltered. “Stuffing?”
“Yeah!” He held it up slightly, as though this explained everything.
Tina looked at the dish, then at Fit, then back at the dish.
“Did you bring anything else?”
“No?”
“Just stuffing?”
“It’s Christmas dinner.”
“Exactly…”
Fit frowned. Tina decided not to panic. Phil had brought potatoes. Fit had brought stuffing. Someone else had to have brought the important bit. Maybe Foolish. Maybe Tubbo. Maybe—
The door opened for the third time. “Tina!”
Tubbo came practically bouncing through the doorway. He was carrying a baking dish. It was enormous. Tina's eyes widened. Finally. Something substantial.
Tubbo grinned as he carried it towards her. “Look what I made!”
He set it down carefully on the counter. Tina lifted the lid. Mac and cheese. An obscene amount of mac and cheese. There had to be enough in there to feed at least forty people.
Tina slowly looked up. “Tubbo.”
“Yeah?”
“You made enough food to feed a small army.”
“I know!”
“You're aware there are five of us?”
“It's Christmas.”
Tina stared at him. Tubbo stared back. She looked at the mac and cheese again.
“Is this meant to be the main?”
“No, it’s a side.”
Tina's heart sank. “Right.”
“Obviously.”
“Right.”
Tubbo nodded happily and wandered into the dining room. Tina remained standing in the kitchen. Potatoes. Stuffing. Mac and cheese. She counted them silently. Then counted the people still coming.
Foolish was still left. That was fine. Foolish would have brought the main. He had to. Surely.
The door opened. Foolish appeared carrying not one container, not two, but several.
“Foolish!”
“Hey Tina!”
“You brought multiple things?”
“Of course I did!”
He carried everything into the kitchen, laying each container down with the sort of care usually reserved for expensive jewellery.
Tina opened the first. Glazed carrots. The second. Roasted Brussels sprouts. The third. Cranberry sauce. Then Foolish proudly revealed a platter covered in an elaborate arrangement of vegetables, all shaped and positioned with a frankly unnecessary amount of precision.
Tina stared at it. It was beautiful. It was ridiculous. It was also very clearly not a turkey.
She slowly turned towards Foolish. “Where's the turkey?”
Foolish blinked. “The what?”
“The turkey.”
“...Turkey?”
Tina's soul left her body.
“You didn't bring the turkey?”
“No?”
She looked around the kitchen.
Potatoes. Stuffing. Mac and cheese. Carrots. Brussels sprouts. Cranberry sauce.
No turkey. No ham. No chicken. No meat of any kind.
Nothing that could reasonably be called a main course. Foolish looked at the table.
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“I thought someone else was doing that.”
“Who?”
“I don't know.”
Tina took a slow breath. She could fix this. She was an adult. She was capable. There were five people here. Surely they could figure out dinner.
“Okay,” she said. “It's fine. I can make something.”
She opened the fridge. Then stopped. She had bought ingredients for dessert. Because everyone else was supposed to bring the food.
There was no turkey. There was no ham. Tina slowly closed the fridge.
“Actually,” she said, “I can't make something.”
Foolish nodded sympathetically. “That's okay.”
“No, it's not.”
They stood in silence for a moment. Then Tina noticed something. There was another container sitting beside Foolish's vegetables.There was, however, a cake.
She picked it up. “What's this?”
“Oh, that's dessert!”
Tina closed her eyes. “Of course it is.”
By the time she had arranged everything on the table, the problem was impossible to ignore. There were roast potatoes. Stuffing. A truly unreasonable amount of mac and cheese. Glazed carrots. Brussels sprouts. Cranberry sauce. Drinks. And three separate desserts.
There was no main course.
Tina stood at the head of the table and stared at the food.
“How,” she asked slowly, “did this happen?”
Nobody answered.
“Phil?”
Phil looked up from where he was already stealing a potato. “I thought Foolish was making the main.”
Foolish pointed at Phil. “I thought Phil was!”
Fit shrugged. “I thought Tubbo had it.”
“You thought I could cook turkey?!” Tubbo looked genuinely surprised. “I thought someone ordered one.”
“Who?”
“I don't know.”
Tina put both hands over her face. Nobody had ordered one. Nobody had made one. They had somehow managed to organise an entire Christmas dinner without organising the actual dinner.
There was a pause. Then Tubbo looked towards the desserts.
“We could eat dessert first.”
“No!”
“Why?”
“Because it’s Christmas dinner!”
“That doesn't answer my question.”
“It absolutely answers your question.”
Phil reached for another potato. “What if we just eat what we've got?”
“What we've got?” Tina lowered her hands.
Phil gestured towards the table. “We've got loads of food.”
Tina looked at it. He wasn't wrong. It was just... not Christmas dinner. Not really. It was Christmas dinner's collection of side dishes, assembled by people who had apparently never spoken to one another.
“We could go buy a turkey,” Fit suggested.
Tina glanced at the clock. They all looked at each other. Nobody wanted to spend the next several hours cooking a turkey.
“I could order one?” Foolish offered.
Tina pulled out her phone. She searched. Then searched again. Nothing useful. Everything nearby was closed, sold out, or had a wait time that would mean they'd be eating Christmas dinner sometime next year.
She put her phone down. “Fine.”
Everyone looked at her.
“We're eating what we've got.”
Tubbo immediately cheered. They rearranged the table. The mac and cheese was placed in the centre because it was too large to fit anywhere else. Phil's potatoes went beside it. Fit's stuffing was squeezed between two dishes of vegetables. Foolish's elaborate vegetable arrangement took up an entire section of the table.
Tina put the cranberry sauce down. Then she looked at the desserts waiting patiently on the counter. She decided they could deal with those later.
For now, they ate.
And, annoyingly, it was actually really good. The potatoes were crispy and salty. The stuffing was warm and packed with herbs. The vegetables were perfectly cooked, and Foolish's ridiculous arrangement tasted just as good as it looked. But the mac and cheese was the real star.
Tubbo watched everyone take their first bites with barely concealed anticipation. “So?”
“It’s good.” Phil nodded.
Tubbo beamed. “Really good?”
“Yeah.”
Tubbo looked at Fit. “Good?”
“Very good.” Fit took another bite.
Tubbo looked at Tina. She sighed.
“It's good, Tubbo.”
“Yes!”
Tubbo leaned back in his chair, satisfied. Tina couldn't even be annoyed. She looked around the table. The music was still playing. The candles were still glowing. Everyone was laughing, passing dishes around and eating far more than they probably needed.
It wasn't the Christmas dinner she'd planned. But it was still dinner. And it was still Christmas.
She relaxed into her chair. Maybe it hadn't gone wrong after all. Then Phil looked towards the kitchen.
“So, what’s for dessert?”
Tina froze. Everyone else followed her gaze. Three desserts sat waiting. One from Tina. One from Foolish. And, somehow, one from Phil that she hadn’t seen before.
Tina stared at them. There was enough dessert for everyone to have seconds before they'd even had their first. She sighed.
“Next year,” she announced, “I'm assigning everyone a specific dish.”
Everyone nodded.
“Phil, potatoes.”
“Got it.”
“Fit, stuffing.”
“Sure.”
“Tubbo, mac and cheese.”
“Absolutely.”
“Foolish, vegetables.”
“Easy.”
Tina paused. “And I'll handle the main course.”
Everyone agreed.
There was a moment of silence. Then Tubbo raised his hand.
Tina looked at him suspiciously. “What?”
“Can I make another mac and cheese?”
Tina sighed. “Sure, fine.”
Tubbo grinned.
Christmas dinner, apparently, had a new tradition.