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Kidnapping the Phoenix was simpler than he expected. Just separate them from their handler, fill in for the man a little and then gas that stupid van of theirs. It would have been so simple to use lethal gas instead of glorified chloroform, but Zor wanted footage of them, and maybe, selfishly, John wanted to play with his food a little.
You can hardly blame him. Like really, who wouldn't want a golden opportunity to observe the pest that's turned this entire plan upside down in less than a week, the agent who's been nothing but a pain since the moment he met them, the sole person who's made it their mission to ruin his plans in the most infuriating way possible. Messing with them just a little bit is a reasonable thing to want, he thinks, even if the Fabricator looked at him funny when he agreed to not killing them on sight with no questions. Whatever she thinks, she'd do well to keep it to herself.
All his reasonings aside, because he doesn't need to explain himself, actually, he has the Phoenix. They're unconscious, and will be for a while longer. Their heads rested on the little desk in the set room, the same way he imagines them doing in an actual agency headquarters in their off time. Do they get off time? They've been working everyday this week. Well, he supposes this would be a situation that warranted some overtime.
He thinks he should be flattered that the Agency repeatedly sent their shiny new toy to try and stop him, shame it's all been for naught. They put up a good fight though. It's almost impressive. Well, no, he can admit in the privacy of his own mind that it is impressive, only because he's so great, of course, anyone coming close is a great feat in itself. That's all.
He realizes he's been staring, which is weird. He has a job to do, and he can't miss his cue.
He starts setting the table with the food. A piece of cake, wine, and a sandwich. Things that their little handler would give them. He's more than confident in his acting, but he liked to be perfect. He will make this perfect.
He has to push their arm out of the way to fit the second plate. He isn't worried about waking them, they're out cold. As he's nudging them he can actually get a good look at their face. Specifically the right side of their face, where Gibson landed a good punch on them earlier that night. There's a blooming bruise forming there, and it's almost fascinating.
"Not so untouchable now, huh?" He can't keep himself from muttering, and really, who can blame him. They've been flawlessly wrecking every place they've been, effortlessly getting right under his skin at every turn. He's honestly surprised anyone managed to land a hit on them. Gibson of all people... maybe he should apologize to him for having him caught in the crossfire. Maybe.
He tears his eyes away again. It's not his job to study their face, interesting bruise or no. If anything that's Fabricators job. No, actually, that literally is her job.
Ah, this is stupid. He starts double checking things. The foods good, the set is fine, the explosives are placed and have no threat of exploding before they're safely in the container, the lighter…
Yes, the lighter. He'd had to get it custom made for this set. It wasn't hard or anything, but he made sure it was something a little special. The agent is quite the little thief, and he'd hate to disappoint, so he got their name engraved on the back, something he knows the Agency wouldn't have done for them yet, if at all. A parting gift if they manage to survive this. Though, now that he's thinking about it, he didn't need to put in all that extra thought and effort just for them. It's not like they deserve it. Plus, now that he's thinking about it, Agent Phoenix is just what he calls them…
The more he thinks about it, the more he's starting to regret it. This might not have been his smartest move, but it's too late to turn back now. The show must go on. He was going to just leave it on the desk, but maybe he'll put it in that locked drawer instead. They probably won't even see the engraving on it then, plus, it'll keep them for longer if they have to look for a way to start a fire. Yes, see, this is better anyway. By the time they find it, they won't have time to ponder the implications. Good. Not that there are any implications, it was just a thoughtless move on his part.
With that sorted, everything's in order. Now he just has to wait for them to wake up, which could be anywhere from 15 minutes to over an hour. He isn't sure if agents are required to build some type of immunity to poisons and sedatives or not, but wouldn't be surprised if they were.
Though, he looks back to the Phoenix, watching them take shallow breaths, clearly if they are it wasn't good enough.
Point being, he isn't sure when they'll wake up. Whatever, he leaves the set and resigns himself to finish off the rest of that wine while he waits on his platform.
When the Phoenix starts stirring, he knows it's showtime.
"Ah, you're awake. Don't worry I have the briefcase right here." He says with their handler's voice, flawlessly, of course. Though he does wish that he had more to work with than a starstruck phonecall and voicemail, but he did also hear him instructing his agent on how to override his jets defense system (WHY did the Agency have that manual in their files?!) so he's confident that this is close enough to perfect.
Besides, they look very out of it. Understandable considering the drug probably hasn't worn off just yet. He doubts they'll notice a thing.
"Are you alright, Agent? Do you remember what happened?" They look vaguely up, which he thinks is weird, but he continues at the confused face they're making, "ah, your memory might be a bit patchy after the attack."
They'd have to remember being in a panic last time they were conscious, so if he can just insert some vague idea of an attack, their brain will probably just fill in the rest with something convincing.
They look even more lost, but don't seem to be challenging him, so it must be working.
"Well, take all the time you need. You're back at headquarters and you're perfectly safe."
They give a little nod and look around blankly. He lets them have a minute to get their bearings. Maybe he gives them too long, though, cause he notices them staring directly at the Agency logo on the wall, right where the hole for the camera is.
"You'll find a tape on the desk in front of you. When you're ready, load the tape into the projector console on you're right." He needs to distract them, keep them busy, and give Zor some good footage. Having the agent do some basic tasks isn't the most riveting thing he could imagine, but the Doctor has some weird thing with this agent, so they'll probably be thrilled.
They load the tape in, and he starts instructing them on some basic tasks. Disarm this "bomb" (it's just a ticking box with a button, lever, and dial attached to an actual bomb disposal chamber) and float this grenade (that is an actual grenade.) Stuff that's familiar, but also very similar to the implant testing method outlined in that kinesium research Zoraxis recently got from that doctor. Oh, what was her name? Dr. Pershing? Dr. Pricey? Ah he doesn't really care. It's very handy for this though.
It's mesmerizing what that blue crystal can do. It's quite literally magic, and the Phoenix uses it so nautrally, floating a grenade in place and letting it go when he tells them to with no hesitation, even while dazed.
"Yes... yes perfect." He says, and maybe his fascination gets the better of him, because he knows that sounded way off. Which… shouldn't happen? Why is this agent getting the better of him? Is it just because he hasn't seen telekinesis up close before? No chance for another take, though, so he just has to plow through. It's embarrassing how they're getting to him.
He takes a breath to steel himself, and then instructs them to put the grenade into the disposal device. That seems to distract them enough that they didn't notice his slip up. (He's supposed to be better than this, come on.) If their previous actions at his theater, jet, and castle are anything to go by, the Phoenix likes explosions. Fitting for a firebird. They're barely paying attention to his tone.
He tells the Phoenix that there's three more explosives in the room, and he can see the exact moment 'agent mode' kicks in. It takes him aback, and he's surprised at himself for being shocked in the first place. They've gone from blankly staring to scanning the room with purpose in seconds. Now, that's the Phoenix he knows.
He watches them use their telekinesis to search the room, and and he really can't get over how fascinating it is. From the looks of it, using their implant is already second nature to them. He wonders how long it took to get used to it. Maybe they didn't need any time to adjust, maybe they're just naturally good at this. He has a hard time imagining the Phoenix not being good at something. Though, thinking of them bumbling around like a newborn deer is a funny thought. He catches himself smiling, which is weird. He brushes it off.
He can tell himself the fascination is just because he's trying to observe them for if he ever gets to play the role of them. He hasn't brought it up to Fabricator yet, he thinks she'd actually kill him if he suggested any more work for her, but it would be a pretty good stunt if Zoraxis ever wanted to infiltrate the Agency. He's just being proactive, that's all it is. The fact that he is also personally very interested in this agent just makes his life that much easier.
When the Phoenix loads the final explosive into the disposal box and detonates it, he simply can't help himself. They look so proud of themselves for this.
"Good, good. I have just about everything I need..." he mutters, and maybe he said that last part a bit too loud, because the Phoenix gets a suspicious look on their face. He needs to redirect.
"Well, now that that's settled, why don't you have something to eat? We're still working on this marvelous briefcase you found."
Laying it on a little think, isn't he? He needs them not to panic about the briefcase, and they weren't all there the first time he said it. But honestly he's not 100% confident that they're even all here now. Oh well, he's not gonna run the show behind because someone still looks a little woozy.
Whatever the case, they nod again and go for the sandwich. See, he knew that was a good idea. They take a meager bite of it, but then they make a face and put it back down. What? Is it that bad? No, it's a sandwich, how do you mess up a sandwich? The gas must've just made them lose their appetite.
They look at the cake suspiciously, but end up grabbing the fork and taking a small bite of that as well. They don't make a face, but they do put the fork down. Is this how they always are? Their handler should try some new snacks for them if that's the case. He'd never treat them this poorly.
What? No, he hates them. He's just worried that they'll start seeing through the cracks. Right? Oh whatever, nevermind that.
They're looking around the room again. This time he has nothing to distract them with, and he thinks trying will be suspicious, so he just lets them. It's good that someone wants to really take in his set, he spent good time making sure it was perfect after all. Not that he built it personally, but he did yell at the crew on more than one occasion about it. He even took their little floor mat from that stupid van. Yes, that's really what that side of the room needed. Something familiar to tie it all together.
Yes, he has to admit, the Phoenix should be amazed at him. Even the heads of state have a cell far less comfortable than this.
While they're looking around, they spot the toothbrush near the sink on the left and start bringing it towards themself. Always the curious type aren't they? They use their right hand (maybe they're weak in their left?) so they have to drag it more towards the middle of the room, and in the process they tip the Agency logo sign.
Well, the gig is almost up isn't it?
"Ah what is this Agency coming to?" He asks rhetorically. The Phoenix watches as it tilts, but doesn't fall. Leaving the camera partially covered, he can still see enough though, like how they're looking around much more suspiciously.
Finally, they go for the drawers. The top one opens with no issues, of course, and there is just an advertisement for the citizen's arrest device that they aren't aware is above them. That's just a little clever foreshadowing for them. They go for the second one, which is locked.
"Oh no, don't open that drawer Agent." He says, and, okay, maybe he's getting a little excited about the big plot twist. This is his big moment here. It's getting to him a lot more than impersonating the heads of state ever did. Well, he supposes this is a lot more personal.
The Phoenix barely has to think about it it seems, immediately grabbing the unused knife to twist the lock and open the drawer. That one had much more in it, the drill, drill bit, and, ugh, the lighter.
The Phoenix picks it up and almost immediately flips it over. Ah, whatever. It just adds to the suspense of things being wrong now doesn't it. He doesn't care. No, he doesn't.
"My my… I wonder, what're you going to do with that?"
He didn't need to wait long for his answer, the Phoenix flicked the flame on and levitated it to the Agency sign, which catches fast and falls from where it's precariously hanging.
"Oho, looks like someone's connecting the dots." He doesn't even try to sound like their handler anymore. The Phoenix goes wide eyed as realization dawns on them. Yes, that's more like it. Now to really sell it.
"Cut! That was perfect." He starts opening the set and turning on the citizen's arrest device, "and about time too."
That was more to mock them if anything, because it truly hadn't been that long. Plus, he relished in playing this part. The set moving was a bit loud, so he paused for just a second to let let the worst of the whirring pass. Can't have the Phoenix missing a single word can he?
"Oh, don't get any ideas," he says as the lasers turn on. He can see the way it's making them panic, and he loves it. "You're not going anywhere." and as he's saying that the walls finish retracting, letting the Phoenix see the warehouse they're in. Oh, this is almost too good.
"As a matter of fact..." he turns the Mimic Mask off, and his voice fades from their handler to his own, "you and I are gonna have a little chat."
He watches their eyes flick from thing to thing, the camera, the set for the heads of state, the trailer, the explosive barrels, and while it's oh so lovely to see them scan their surroundings like a good little agent, he needs their attention.
"Hey, agent, up here." He says plainly, and their eyes snap to where he's standing on his platform. It's like they forgot how to move the moment they saw him, completely rigid and still, horror long drawn onto their face. Oh, it feels so good to finally be able to look down on them and get the respect and terror that action deserves.
"Remember this?" He flicks the mask back on, "We need to get that briefcase to Agency headquarters," he repeats himself from hours earlier, perfectly, of course, and watches the way the Phoenix's face shifts to a new kind of horror. Yes, it was him then too, what else was a lie, hm?
No, keep it together.
He turns the mask back off and continues, "Not a bad impression of your handler ay? I didn't will all those awards for nothing."
The question is rhetorical, obviously. He knows it was perfect. That they were fully convinced the entire time. There's something special about fooling the Phoenix like this. The press? Sure, they're stupid, but Agent Phoenix themselves? Now that's a show of how good he is.
Or, hm, maybe he's giving them too much credit, they are just an agent after all. They're practically expendable. The fact that they're stupidly smart and strong to boot means nothing.
Whatever the case, he has to keep going, and he has the perfect script for this.
"Hey, y'know what, I've never gotten to do a classic villain monologue, and what do I have here but a captive audience?" He gestures to their helplessness, and captive they are, their eyes trained on his every move, but powerless to do anything about it. (The citizen's arrest was such a good invention, he'll have to remember to thank the Fabricator for that at some point.) He knows they've never paid closer attention to anything other than him in their life as he explains how Doctor Zor gave him the role of a lifetime. And, okay, maybe he gets way too into it, but honestly, how could he resist when he can see that the Phoenix is hanging on his every word. You can't blame him for the dramatics he puts on, saying their name, the name he gave them in an overly patronizing way, making sure they know they're an extra in this show, and, this is one of his favorites, showing them the briefcase, which causes them to physically flinch. Oh man, he's never had an audience so immersed like this.
"If it were up to me, I'd just shoot you, but, Zor was insistant on getting some footage of the Phoenix." He says, making sure they know how absurd the actual situation they're in is, "Don't ask me why. If things had gone according to plan you've been dead before you got halfway across the Atlantic."
If things had gone according to plan, but they didn't, things have gone so thoroughly not to plan in the past five days. All because of this stupid agent! This stupidly capable agent. Just one! He hasn't seen a single other Agency member try a thing! That's unheard of, that's insane. And yet here he is, having to go nuclear (heh) just to get this one stupid agent out of his way. It's honestly ridiculous. Impressive, but ridiculous.
"Well fine!" He continues, no small bit upset about this, "I have the kidnapping thing down, we have this set for the heads of state, and I do have a nack for directing. I don't expect you to understand, I expect you to–" and he finds himself stopping, because, really, after everything he's seen this agent do? What's in front of them is child's play.
"Well, frankly I expect you to find a way out." He says before he can really think it through, which makes them look confused. He can see their eyes flick from him to their surroundings again for just a moment before becoming trained right back to where they started. He's glad his presence is that overwhelming. "But you'll be too late." He recovers, can't give them too much hope. Now– oh, well, he didn't have anything else to say did he?
"Wow, you just sat there and listened to the whole thing? I honestly didn't think that would happen..."
And, oh this gets him, he sees the Phoenix nod, just once, just a little, but it's very clearly a nod. Oh, so they think they're cute now huh? Why did he expect anything from this pest?
"In any case, I'm on a bit of a tight schedule right now. Peace summit starts in a couple hours and I'm not gonna miss my cue." He sees them recoil just a bit, maybe it's just sinking in how long they've been out. "Zor's just going to have to work with what we've got."
He sees the opportunity, and it's just too perfect. How could he leave without a grand finale?
He makes a show of pointing to the missile launcher as he primes it, "Lights!" And then the camera, which has a laser beam built into it, "Camera!" He waits a moment before setting the launcher off, "Aaand... Action!"
Perfectly timed, a missile launches up and explodes in the middle of the room, right in view of the Phoenix. They're uninjured, of course, can't kill them before they have their big role.
"Couldn't resist," He admits as he leaves, and he doesn't miss how the Phoenix's gaze follows him until he's closed the door behind him. He almost wants to stay and watch, but he has his big spotlight soon, and he wouldn't miss it for the world. Even if the Phoenix is a close second.