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The sun hung low in the sky, its dying light spilling over Ground Beta like liquid gold. The air was thick, saturated with the smell of charred grass and the bitter tang of sweat.
Katsuki rolled his shoulders, his palms faintly sparkling, while Eijirou stood a few feet away from him, fists rained and his hardening rippled across his body.
It wasn't unusual for their sparring to drag on past curfew; their Sensei knew that Katsuki would only be restless if he didn't get to fight out all his pent up anger. Most of his class knew as well that Katsuki would sneak out himself and do it anyway.
So, in his second year, Katsuki was allowed to spar until 9:30 instead of the usual 7pm curfew. That was normal.
What wasn't normal was Eijirou's face.
His usual happy, go-lucky smile that usually blinded Katsuki by the sheer cheeriness and brightness of it, wasn't there. Instead, there was a look of hesitance of longing. Like he was holding back, and he knew that Katsuki hated that. He had even told him so back in their first year, and Eijirou swore to him that he never would - so why start now?
Katsuki hated it.
"What's your problem hah, Eijirou?" Katsuki growled, his palms getting sweatier and sweatier which made his hands spark more and more because he was just so confused. "If you're not gonna take this seriously, I'll get cheeks or Icy-hot to come here and fight me-"
He cut himself off when he saw Eijirou's face change; his fists were lowered, his hardening completely vanishing and slipping from his face. His breaths were shaky.
Katsuki was so confused.
Katsuki prided himself that after three years of being Eijirou's 'Bestest Bro' as he had said, that he could recognise all of Eijirou's faces. Some were easier than others, some everyone couldn't help but notice for example when he was sad or when he was happy. Katsuki always joked to him that he was like a dog and said to Eijirou when he was happy that his tail was wagging behind him.
But this was just all wrong.
"I am Kats." Eijirou said, his voice softer than usual.
"THEN FIGHT ME!" His voice echoed around them, bouncing off the walls of Ground Beta, which albeit, made him flinch because he hated shouting at Eijirou - but he was being stupid, right? "Stop standing there doing nothing!"
Eijirou stepped closer, his head bowed down. Reminding Katsuki of just how much he hated seeing Eijirou like that. He had dealt with enough of his depressive stages in these three years for a lifetime. He hated when he was sad at all. But his expression now was unreadable. "It's not about the fight, Katsuki."
And that made his stomach tighten, his instincts screamed at him to move, yell, say something to fill the yearning silence between them.
But he didn't.
Couldn't.
It was like his body was trapped, frozen, suspended in ice.
He just stood there, trembling, fists clenched At his sides and waiting for Eijrou to speak.
"I don't know how to even start, it's been so long," Eijirou began, his voice steady, but even an idiot could recognise the sheer fear dripping in the words. "So long, actually. I thought maybe it could go away, that I would forget about it. But I can't anymore Kats, it's killing me."
Katsuki doesn't know how Eijirou can't hear his heart pound. It's loud and erratic, and it sounds like the explosions he carelessly throws at villains. But, he's scared. "What the hell are you talking about Eijirou?"
Eijirou finally lifted his head up; the first thing Katsuki had noticed was that his spikes had fallen and were softly against his head in the way that Katsuki liked.
Then, he noticed that the roots that he touched up two weeks before were showing slightly, he should tell Eijirou about that-
"I'm in love with you," he said simply, the words dropping between them, like a live grenade. "I have been for years Katsuki, since first year."
The world seemed to stop at that.
Katsuki's breath hitched , his chest constricting painfully, as if someone had their foot on their chest and was pushing down. He wanted to yell, to laugh, to tell Eijirou that it was a funny joke, that he was ridiculous. But the words catch in his throat, choked by the weight of his own feelings.
"You don't mean that," Katsuki muttered, his voice cracking, "You're just confused- you can't mean that Eijirou-"
"I know exactly what I mean Katsuki," And screw Eijirou for actually being the only person to talk back to him like that. "I love you...Katsuki Bakugou, not just as a friend, not just for your quirk, but for the way you make me better. I love every part of you. All of you."
Katsuki stumbled back, his palms sparking reflexively, "Don't-Don't say that Eijirou!" He hissed, his voice trembling, "You can't"
"I can," Eijirou said, his voice as unwavering as his quirk, even as his hands trembled at his sides. Katsuki knew it was breaking his heart, and that he was being a complete and utterly asshole, but it was for Eijirou, to protect him from Katsuki. "I've known for such a long time, Kats. And if you don't feel the same way, I don't want to mess anything up by saying all this, I just...it's manly to be honest about your feelings and I couldn't hold them in any longer."
Katsuki clenched his fists so tightly that his nails dug into his palms, drawing blood. "You're an idiot, red," he muttered, his voice thick with an emotion he had never felt before. "You don't know what you're asking for right now-"
"I'm not asking for anything, Dyna," Eijirou said gently, using a variant of his hero name ( the inside joke between the squad to refer to each other with their hero names) as a way to soften the rising tension. "I just need to be honest with you, you like people being straight up with you and I just- you mean everything to me Kats, you always have."
The softness in his voice made Katsuki melt, it was unbearable.
It was everything Katsuki had ever wanted, and everything he was terrified of.
He couldn't look at him anymore, he couldn't stand the way those crimson eyes could bulldoze through every one of his perfectly crafted walls of defense he had spent his whole life creating.
"Stop it," Katsuki said, his voice breaking, "just- stop. You don't understand Red, I can't-"
"It's okay, Katsuki, I understand. I just- can-Are we still friends?"
The worst are like a punch in the gut. Katsuki's vision blurred, his throat tightening, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't do this. Not here. Not now. Not after all of this.
So he ran.
Like a fucking coward.
"Katsuki!" Eijirou called after him, his voice filled with alarm, surprise and obvious worry. But Katsuki didn't stop, he ran and ran and ran through the training ground, through the dorms, past all his worried classmates' shouts, until he got to his room.
The second he slammed the door shut behind him, he collapsed onto the floor, his back against the door as his chest heaved for air. He gasped for it horrendously as his hands trembled uncontrollably.
And then it hit him; Eijirou's words, the truth of his own feelings, the fear that clawed at his insides.
A broken sob tore through him before he could stop it with his hand, it was raw, guttural, and it shook his entire body.
He buried his face in his hands, tears streaming down his face as his shoulders shook with silent cries. He hated this - the vulnerability, the weakness, the overwhelming love for that stupid red-headed idiot that he couldn't bring himself to return.
He hated that he had left him standing there like that, alone in the fading light of the sunset, with nothing but hurt, and unanswered questions.
I just - Are we still friends?
And most of all he hated that it took everything in him not to turn around and to run back to ground beta and tell Eijirou that yes he loved him too,
so much.
The world outside was now dark the next time Katsuki looked out of his dorm room window, the soft hum of the campus lights barely cut through the suffocating silence.
Normally, because it was a Friday night, the class would be playing some stupid game, and normally he would be there as well- but it was just him and unnerving silence.
He sprawled out onto his bed, his arms flung over his face, staring into the endless abyss of his thoughts. His chest still ached from sobbing, his throat raw from holding back everything.
Eijirou's voice haunted him.
I'm in love with you, Katsuki
He pressed his palms further against his face, as if that would block the memory out by sheer force.
But it didn't help.
Nothing could.
He wasn't angry at Eijirou, he never truly had been, even when the fucker nearly broke his limited edition all Might poster, or when Eijirou nearly broke his goddamn leg while sparring, or when he took a bullet for Katsuki back in their second year.
He couldn't even be angry at himself, which terrified him, it was his defense, his safety. It was something he could easily understand.
But this was different. Fear. A different type of fear than when he was kidnapped, or when his mother hits him or when he sees in his nightmares Deku following through on what he said back in middle school, that fear was simpler to cope with compared to this.
It was a deep, clawing terror, as if it was alive.
"I'm in love with you" and eijirou had said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like Katsuki could just, not shatter under the implication of the mere words. How could Eijirou see him as anything other than loud, volatile, broken...not worth loving.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't let himself love Eijirou the way he wanted to. So badly. Because it wouldn't end well, because for Katsuki, nothing ever does.
A knock on the door statutes him out of his spiralling thoughts. He sat up quickly, wiped his eyes, even though no doubtedly they would still be puffy. "What?" He barked at the door, his voice hoarse.
"It's me, man," Denki's voice called from the other side, unusually quiet, "Can I come in Blasty?"
Katsuki frowned, Denki was never the type to be serious, and the quiet tone set him on edge, but he didn't have the energy to fight right now. "Whatever, Sparky."
The door creaked open and Denki stepped inside, his usual, carefree demeanor absent. He closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, his gaze flickering over to Katsuki like he was assessing damage of some kind. "You okay, Bro?"
"The hell kinda question is that?" Katsuki snapped, though there was no heat in his voice that held any real defensive malice.
"Well, you weren't at dinner, and you ran in Looking weird earlier so i figured I should come check on you. I guessed something was up and I think I'm right." Denki sighed and moved to sit at Katsuki's desk, spinning Around slightly in his spinning chair.
"I don't need Babysitting Pikachu," Katsuki muttered, crossing his arms defensively.
"I'm not, I just thought you might wanna talk or something."
"tch, when have I ever wanted to talk about anything before Sparky?"
Denki, for once, didn't take the bait. Instead, he sat there, silent and patient and observing, waiting for Katsuki to either explode or break down. It was unnerving how calm Denki was right now.
"God you're so annoying." He finally muttered after a long stretch of silence, running a hand through his sweaty hair.
"Come on man, you really expect me to be anything less?" He paused and leaned forward towards the bed in the chair. "But seriously, Kacchan, you look rough as hell, like you've been put through the wringer. What happened?"
He hesitated.
His instincts screamed at him to yell at Denki to leave, to shove everything down in a box where it belonged and to never think about it again. But, again, he was different from his first year, his friends had taught him how to talk about his feelings, and the way Denki stared at him, calm and understanding, uncharacteristically mature, made him pause.
"Eijirou." He muttered out, barely audible.
Denki's brows furrowed, "what about him bro?"
"He..." katsuki swallowed hard, his throat still raw from crying. "He told me he loves me."
"Oh." Denki blinked, surprised.
"Yeah," Katsuki muttered back, his voice thick with bitterness. "Oh."
Denki waited, sensing there was more to this story.
" And i ran," he admitted, putting his head down in shame. Saying it outloud was awful, god he was such an asshole "like a goddamn coward. Left him standing there all alone."
"Why?" it was so simple, yet so profound.
Why?
Why did you do it?
Why did you run?
Why would you reject him?
Why would you hurt your best friend like that?
The voice in his head was cruel.
Always has been.
"Because I can't-" Katsuki started, but his voice cracked, and he needed a moment to steady himself. "I can't give him what he needs. What he deserves. He deserves better."
"better then, what? Kaminari asked gently, his eyes wide and confused. Someone as kind as him could never understand Why
"BETTER THAN ME!" he snapped, his palms sparking as his frustration finally bubbled over. "I'm a fucking mess Kami! I shout, I'm mean, I've hurt people, really bad sparky. How the hell could he love someone like me?"
"Have you ever thought, that maybe," Denki leaned back, crossing his arms against Katsuki's headboard. "He loves you because of who you are, not in spite of it?"
"That's bullshit," Katsuki muttered, thick with emotion, "And you know it."
"It's not, man," Denki replied softly, "He's been at your side for years Baku, seen you at your worst, and he still loves you. That says a lot about how much you mean to him, doesn't it?"
Katsuki shook his head, tears pricking the corner of his eyes again. "I do love him," he whispered, the words spilling out so fast his brain couldn't even process them. "I love him so goddamn much it scares the hell out of me. I know I'm gonna mess it up, I always mess something up."
Denki didn't say anything at first, for a few moments. He just reached out, placing a hand on Katsuki's shoulder, which despite being wary of touch, normally flinching away, he sunk into the touch limblessly.
"You're not perfect Bakugou. But no one is, not even All Might. And if Kirishima loves you, maybe you should trust him to decide what's best for himself."
"I don't-" Katsuki started at the floor, shoulders trembling, "I don't wanna lose him Denki." He admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Then don't." Kaminari said, finality clear in his voice.
It sounded so easy, put in those terms. But he knew better. Nothing about this was easy, the concept of love is never that simple. Especially for someone like him.
"You remember when I told you idiots about Deku when we got hit with that extra's truth quirk in general studies?" Katsuki clenched his fists when he finally spoke. That day was the worst day of his life, he exposed his worst secret, but he wasn't faced with aminosity, but acceptance, understanding. Which is all he has ever wanted. "The shit that I put the Nerd through."
Denki nodded slowly, confused why he was bringing this up when it was months ago.
"People used to say that's what I would be like in a relationship," Tears felt like they were choking him, blocking his throat. "that I would be abusive, controlling to be with. I heard it in first year too actually, these extras were talking about how no one would ever want me. And...they're right."
Denki's brows furrowed to look like he was pouting, which reminded Katsuki of how looked when he helped him study. But, he didn't interrupt, keeping quiet and serious.
"what if I did that to him?" Katsuki whispered, his biggest fear out in the air, his crimson eyes were glassy glassy unshed tears, he could barely even see Denki honestly. "What if I did all that to Eijirou? He doesn't deserve that, Kami."
"You're not that person Katsuki," denkis grip on his shoulder tightened. "You've changed. And you would never do that to him, I know you wouldn't. Hell, you spar every day together, you helped him get his unbreakable for god's sake, you saved him from a gunshot even though he is the one with the hardening quirk. You would die before you hurt him."
"I couldn't live with myself if I did something to him-"
"You've spent three years proving everyone wrong. Trust yourself. And trust him. He loves you for a reason." Denki leaned closer, his tone resolute.
A tear slipped free from Katsuki's eyes and dripped onto the bed below him. "I just, I love him so much Denki."
The room feels suffocating all of a sudden, the air thick and pressing down on his chest as his breaths come in deep heaves and gasps of air. His thoughts were spiralling out of control, looping between the fear of hurting Eijirou and the crushing weight of his love for the stupid red head.
"I- I can't-" katsuki stammered, holding his shirt like that would dk something to stop the panic rising in his chest. His vision blurred and swirled and it made him feel so sick, so dizzy, so out of control. His hands trembled as they gripped his shirt stronger.
"Katsuki?" Denkis voice barely broke through the haze he was in, but it was filled with concern. "Hey, man, you're okay, breathe, alright? Just breathe."
But he couldn't.
The walls of his dorm room seemed to close in around them. His own heartbeat thundered in his ear, pulsating and swishing around his body- he could hear it all. His breaths turned hollowed, raspier, increasingly desperate as his chest tightened painfully.
"Denki- I can't-" Katsuki's voice cracked, his eyes wide with panic as he reached out to Denki with his other free hand.
"Shit," Denki muttered, "Okay, okay, hold on, il call for help."
Katsuki barely registered Denki getting his ohome out of his pocket and calling Hanta. His mind was surrounded in Eijirou; his eyes, his hair, his smile, all trusting and loving and so goddamn him, it just makes the panic come even quicker and stronger. What if he wasn't enough? What if he ruined everything?
The door crashed open, and Hanta is the one to close it behind him, rushing over to the bed. "Hey, katsuki," Hantas voice was gentle, he always was the calmest one of the group, it was gentle and calm, like he was throwing him an anchor amidst the storm he was in. "Look at me, alright man, just focus on me, okay?"
Katsuki's eyes darted to Hanta's, his breathing still as erratic as before.
"That it, Hey man," his tone soft and lighthearted but it had a sense of urgency in it that katsuki couldn't ignore. "You're alright, I just want you to match my breathing okay. In for four, out for four, can you do that?"
Katsuki tried to inhale, take a breath, but his breath hitched, sobs breaking out of his mouth as he grasped Denki's arm.
His body trembled uncontrollably.
"Hey, it's alright if it doesn't happen right away. Just keep trying, Dynamight, we've both got you."
Hantas hands were now on his shoulders, lightly, but it showed katsuki he was there, and it also grounded Katsuki, keeping him there just enough sk he couldn't float away too far from. Them. "Yeah, we're here, man." Denki says
The steady presence of his idiot, albeit relaxing, friends, started to cut through the chaos of his mind. He focused on Hanta's Emphasised breathing and Denki's light taps on his arms. "That's it, man. You're doing good."
Katsuki closed his eyes, his head resting on Hanta's shoulder out of sheer exhaustion, his head thumping on his chest. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his voice barely audible.
"There's nothing to be sorry for Katsuki." Hanta spoke gently, "you ever been carrying all this for a long time, man. It's okay to let it out sometimes."
"I don't know how to be good for him," he shook his head, against his chest and his voice catches, another sob threatening to break out of him, "I'm so scared-i'll hurt him, I'm gonna hurt him and I'm just-" his voice catches again, "I just love him, so much."
Denki stopped drawing the patterns on his hand, moving down to his hand found touch him, grip his hand solidly. "Then start with that. Start with the fact you love him. And everything else, you don't have to think about it all yet. You aren't alone Katsuki."
Hanta nodded, his eyes kind, even though Katsuki couldn't see them, he knew he was smiling. "Eijirou isn't asking you to be perfect. He's asking for you, he fell for you, and I think you are all he's ever wanted." Denki must have caught him up on what they were talking about, Katsuki guesses.
Katsuki didn't answer, still leaning against Hanta, exhaustion weighting his eyes down. But, for the first time in years, that suffocating weight finally felt as though it was easing, not fully gone, but just a little lighter.
And that was enough for now.
The common room was quiet, the usual chatter of his classmates long gone as curfew neared.
Eijirou sat down on the couch, staring blankly at the coffee table, slouching into the couch. The only light source came from the flickering television with some mindless show playing on mute. His fists rested on his knees, clenched tight enough they were white.
He felt hollow; like the fight had just drained out of him.
The words he had poured into Katsuki's confession kept echoing in his mind. He wanted to say so much more, he had so much more to say, stuff he had prepared, words that he racked his brain over and over to say, but all of that, was utterly destroyed by the biggest fuck you his mind could give him; the image of Katsuki's retreating figure.
The sound of small, almost silent footsteps broke through his thoughts and he looked up to see Izuku standing in the doorway, his notebook and his work from today propped up in his arms. He paused and slowly turned around to Eijirou, concern flashing across his face.
"Kirishima?" Midoriya asked softly, "are you okay?" He came further into the room, sitting on the couch next to him and laying his stuff out on the coffee table in front of them.
"not really man." Eijirou let out an unhumorous laugh and leaned back against the couch.
Midoriya frowned and leaned against the armchair next to him, propping himself up to face him completely. "What happened?"
"I told...I told Katsuki I love him." Eijirou hesitated slightly, before the words tumbled out of his mouth.
It was common knowledge by now that every one in class 1A knew that Eijirou liked Katsuki.
Midoriya's eyes widened slightly, but he didn't interrupt.
"and he just...ran away, didn't say anything-" Eijirou's voice cracked at that. Talking about it was so much worse.he couldn't hide how much the words hurt to say out loud. "I thought he felt the same way, you know. But I must have read the signs wrong."
"I don't think you're wrong,"Midoriya's brow furrowed, his hands clasped in his lap. He spoke carefully, picking his words out. "You know Kacchan the best now, but...you didn't see him in middle school, Kiri."
Eijirou looked up at Midoriya, confusion flickering across his face. Of course, Katsuki had mentioned some things about their middle school and from what Katsuki had said to him, deep in the midst of panic attacks and the mumbled shouts of nightmares, it wasn't good.
"It was...rough," Midoriya said as much, his voice was quiet but steady. Eijirou knew it was a lot more then just that. As if raising his voice any higher would disrupt the silence of the dorms. "He was different from how he is in UA. He was mean to me and to everyone else as well. He would push people away before they could get too close to him." He pauses and takes a deep breath in. "I know, I know that Kacchan feels guilty for it, I mean god he still apologises to me even now after two years of forgiving him. It seriously messed him up."
Eijirou knew this, but hearing it again made his hands curl into fists again. He knew why Katsuki acted the way he did, but he hadn't realised how far and how deep the wounds went.
"He's had to learn how to be kind from all of you," Midoriya said, his green eyes flickering with a mix of sadness and determination. Which he understood, he could imagine Midoriya's frustration when Katsuki took so well to Eijirou and then the rest of the squad later into their first year, after the war especially. "He wasn't taught to be vulnerable or kind. He's had to figure it out on his own and it's hard for him. Especially for someone who was told all his life to hide all of his emotions."
"I know him Midoriya, I know he's scared. He's never spoke about romance to me, and I get it was a long shot but he just-" he stopped because his brain, the devil it was, flashed images of their study sessions, ones that ended up with Katsuki passed out on his bed, or their sparring sessions and when Katsuki inevitably pinned Eijirou down smiling brightly because he was so happy and so proud of himself.
It also flashed images of Katsuki screaming as he woke up from a nightmare from Kamino, from his childhood, even Eijirou himself.
There was no doubt from anyone in class 1a, even those not emotionally clever, that Katsuki softened around Eijirou.
It was like a double standard; only Eijirou could get away with asking him to join hangouts, movie nights, shopping trips, only Eijirou and him would study together because Katsuki refuses to help out 'the other extras', only he and Eijirou would go mountain climbing together.
Only Eijirou would see Katsuki genuinely relaxed, only Eijirou could watch the tension melting off of his face as he would grumble and mumble while they watched a movie on Eijirou's laptop.
Only Katsuki would stay with Eijirou until he woke up after a villain fight and he was stuck in Recovery Girl's room for hours.
That had to count as something, right?
"I love him Deku," Eijirou whispered, so loud amidst the silence of the common room, his voice cracking at the confession, "I don't care about the past, I know he was an asshole but he...he tries so hard to be good. I just want him to know that he is good enough for me, he's always been enough for me."
"I think he knows Kirishima, but it'll take him some time to fully believe it."
It's silent for a few moments, that drag on and on.
"Kacchan is complicated. And he's scared." Deku eventually says and he leans forward in his seat, grabbing his small snack and starting to open the packet. He was hesitating, his lips pressed in a thin line, a piece of chocolate pressed to his lips, before he continued. "You've been to his house before, haven't you?"
"Yeah, yeah but a couple months ago now." He knew why he was mentioning this, and why he didn't actively mention Katsuki's parents.
It made so much sense now, finally the last pieces of the puzzle had been set; after all his scrambling to find the last piece, just as he was about to give up, he had found it.
And it all made sense.
"Then you know about Auntie Mitsuki, and how she speaks to him."
Then, new images flashed through his mind; how Mitsuki's sharp, shrill tone made Katsuki flinch, cower almost, how he made himself small when she entered a room, how he hunched over and hung his head in Shame when she would call him 'useless' or "loud'. He knew that Katsuki always pretended as if it didn't bother him, but Eijirou, like everything with Katsuki, could see through it all.
He could always see through Katsuki's walls, his barriers to protect himself - he just understood him.
"Yeah, I've seen it." eijirou whispered, his heart breaking more and more.
"Kacchan, he's always carried a kind of pressure around with him his whole life. She pushes him way too much, and on top of that. Everything she taught him, he did to me and to others."
"He told me about it, Midoriya. Before the War. How he used to bully you, what he said. He still feels awful like you said, still."
"He's apologised to me more times than I can count, even if it's not always verbally. I believe him each time, I forgive him each time. But it still eats him up inside, it's like he convinces himself he's just gonna keep hurting people and won't change."
Eijirou had thought that before, when he sat with Katsuki talking with him about Midoriya and their past, when Katsuki, after he had finished, hung his head in complete shame and said that he could leave.
Eijirou had been bullied in middle school; he had been mocked and ridiculed for his quirk, and it took a while to gain the Confidence he has today for his quirk, but Katsuki was the one who helped him.
Katsuki was the one who convinced him that he could do his unbreakable. He was there every step of the way. He'd seen that vulnerability in him before, when people genuinely praised him, not for his quirk, but for anything else.
It was the only time the squad had seen him genuinely shed tears when Mina said he was the smartest person she had ever met, or when Hanta said that he really suited his glasses he wore when studying as they were a major insecurity of his.
After that, he wore them to class the next day.
"That's why I said what I said at Kamino," they both froze at the mention of the name. It was sort of an unspoken rule after everything in first year that they wouldn't and shouldn't mention it, especially in Katsuki's company.
It's a sort of taboo now, so it's always a shock when someone mentions it so off-handedly.
Eijirou still remembers how Katsuki's hand grasped his so tightly, scared to let go, how after everyone left and they were alone together, only then did Katsuki let his guard down and fall into his arms, sobbing.
Eijirou believes Katsuki isn't ever going to get over Kamino.
"That's why I said, you're the person to catch him, kirishima, you had to be. He's a better person with you."
"really? You think so?" Kirishima whispers, gleefulness creeping into his voice. He would be really glad to have helped Katsuki in some way.
It wouldn't stop or mend his heartbreak, but it made him feel better that their friendship was somehow beneficial and meaningful.
"He adores you Kirishima," Midoriya gave hima small and knowing smile at that, "He's told me before that you're the first person who made him feel like he didn't have to pretend to be someone else. He loves you Kirkshima. He loves you so much that i think it scares him. And I think that's why he ran."
"He doesn't have to be perfect for me," Eijirou said as he swallowed hard, God this conversation would kill him. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, threatening to break. "I love him for who he is , even if he is still rough around the edges. How do I make him see that?"
"you keep being you. You remind him he is enough. Even when he tries to push away, you fight for him. If anyone can show him how to love, it's you."
He leaned back onto the couch, sinking into it once more, letting out a shaky breath as his chest ached with hope and uncertainty.
He wouldn't give up, not on them.
Not on Katsuki.
The energy in Class 3A was tense that Monday. Katsuki's desk was conspicuously empty, his usual scowl and sharp remarks missing as the other students filled in.
Katsuki was never late.
Not even when he was throwing up and riddled with aches and pains that time in second year and Auzawa had to physically take him to his dorm.
It's just not him.
Eijirou tried to keep his gaze focused on his homework from the night Before he forgot to do, but his eyes alternated between Katsuki's desk and the door waiting for him to come into the room, well more like a barge, because it was Katsuki he was talking about here.
His leg bounced restlessly.
When Katsuki didn't show up for breakfast that morning, Eijirou convinced himself it was fine, that maybe he went over on his morning run or he was just getting changed because he woke up later then usual. but now, with homeroom less than five minutes away, with no sign of him, unease twisted in his gut.
"Where is Blasty, Hanta?" Denki asked, leaning closer to Hanta and Eijirou. His usual cheery demeanor was shadowed with worry. "He's never late."
"I don't know Denks," Hanta whispered back, glaring towards the door, "But this isn't like him at all."
"What if something happened?" Mina, sitting nearby them, frowned, "Should we go to his dorm and check on him?"
Before anyone could even answer, the classroom door slammed open, and Katsuki walked into the room.
Eijirou would be glad to see him, if it weren't for the state he walked into the class.
The entire classroom fell silent as he stepped inside, Katsuki's movements were stuff and uncharacteristically slow as he stalked over to his desk.
He looked terrible; his eyes were red and puffy, dark circles underneath them from a lack of sleep, his usual spiky, lifeful hair was falling in places like he just crawled out of bed to the classroom. His uniform was crooked, his shirt hanging out and his shoes were barely tied. His whole demeanor screamed exhaustion.
"Bakugou," Aizawa's voice cut through the silence, a hunt of irritation and worry breaking through his tone, like he couldn't believe the Bakugou Katsuki was late. "You're late."
"Yeah whatever, Teach," Katsuki mumbled from his seat, not meeting his eyes as he kept his head bowed.
Eijirou's chest tightened as he watched him sink into his chair limblessly, slouching with his arms crossed on the desk. His gaze was unfocused, his body language screaming defeat. It was a stark contrast to the Katsuki they know; who's a comfortingly loud, eager, confident, fiery person.
This Katsuki was anything but.
Midoriya tapped Katsuki back while Aizawa's head was turned away, and he whispered something to him. Eijirou couldn't hear exactly what was said, he didn't know if Midoriya meant to rile up Katsuki or genuinely ask him something, but either way, Katsuki didn't respond. He didn't even bother to turn around, his gaze still remained fixed on his desk, as if the whole world didn't even exist.
The tension in the room didn't lift throughout that morning. Katsuki barely participated in class, his usual sharp, gruff answers or mumbled answers to himself were replaced with silence. Even Aizawa seemed to sense, take notice that something was wrong, as his gaze lingered on him for longer than usual.
By the time lunch rolled around a couple hours later, the whole squad was on edge.
Eijirou tried to spare glances to Katsuki as they all stood to leave to got to the cafeteria, hoping that he would follow like always. Eijirou couldn't bear it if Katsuki thought they had to stop being friends just because he had ruined everything.
So, he just had to act as normal as possible. Instead of walking beside Eijirou and leaning into his embrace, Katsuki trailed behind, his pace slow and steady and weary.
When they reached the cafeteria, Katsuki veered away from Eijirou and from the waves of his friends from their usual corner table right by the windows, and walked to Midoriya's table.
Eijirou stopped in his steps, his chest aching as he sat down next to a confused Midoriya who just stared at him in confusion.
It hurt him, if he was being honest.
Have I really ruined everything?
Eijirou blanked out most of that lunch, the distant mumbles and quiet talking of his friends were muffled and echoing in his mind as he just played around with his food, not in the mood to eat.
He could feel their eyes on him, he could feel Midoriya's table staring at him, and all hewanted to do was run away and crawl in his bed and sleep until everything was normal again.
"...He's just staring at Eijirou..." it was Denki that spoke the indirect comment, his voice a whisper as his gaze darted between the two of them.
Sero glanced over and there Katsuki was; his piercing red crimson eyes were staring daggers at their table. "You're right Denks, hasn't eaten either by the looks of it." He frowned at that.
"This is really bad guys," Mina folded her arms against her chest, her lips pressed into a straight line. "Really bad, I mean, look at him."
Eijirou couldn't respond, because what would he say?
His heart hammered in his chest as he tried to muster up the will for take even a bite out of his food.
He could feel Katsuki's gaze on him and it was burning. Scorching hot, like his quirk. It was burning his neck so much so he felt like he needed to feel the back of his head to check it wasn't on fire, but he couldn't turn around, even if that was all he wanted to do.
Instead, he placed a small bite of his chicken and rice balls into his mouth and clenched his fists under the table. He could feel his hardening rippling over them. Katsuki was hurting, because of him, because of other things he didn't know yet, and he wasn't just going to let him suffer like that.
He glanced at the main clock in the room, his jaw tightening with determination.
They had a sparring lesson with AllMight after lunch, and he decided, if Katsuki wouldn't talk to him, he'd just have to find a new way to get through to him.
He vowed to fix this, no matter how hard it may be.
The training field buzzed with anticipation as class 3A gathered for sparring practice.
All Might stood at the front of the class, his booming voice cutting through the chatter, and Aizawa stood next to him, unimpressed, but staring at Katsuki.
"Alright Everyone!" All Might called out, his trademark grin in place, even if his trademark form was barely even there anymore. "Today's sparring session is all about precision and control. You've all come so far, pushing yourself and your quirks, but now, we need to work on your control. The aim is not to overpower your opponent but to understand their movements and use your own quirk to outsmart them."
Eijirou shifted on his feet, barely listening. His focus was sorely in Katsuki, who stood near the edge of the group, his arms crossed and his gaze distant. His usual fire was absent. This was his favourite class, and if he wasn't smirking or wasn't geared up ready, there was something wrong.
His usual energy was depleted, and an exhausted frown took over his face, which made Eijirou's chest ache.
"Pair up, you know the drill!" All Might instructed, clapping his hands and moving to the side with Aizawa.
The students began moving to other normal partners. And unsurprisingly, Katsuki moved silently towards Todoroki, away from him. Clearly intending to swap partners with Todoroki instead of himself.
Eijirou wouldn't let him do that.
Before Katsuki could even take another step forward, Eijirou was there and pulling him back, turning him around and blocking him. "You're with me." He said firmly.
"Move," Katsuki's eyes narrowed, his expression moving from surprised to irritation. Never anger, never to Eijirou. "I'm not in the mood."
"I don't care." Eijirou shot back. He had never been one to back down, especially from Katsuki, especially after everything they had been through together, his tone was unwavering, and he knew it would piss Katsuki off. "You an' I are gonna talk, and we're not gonna do it if you're gonna hide behind Todoroki like that."
Katsuki's jaw tightened, but Eijirou didn't give him a chance to argue. He grabbed his arm - not roughly, hut firm enough to make it clear he wasn't going to back down - and pulled him towards their usual sparring spot, near the edge of the field, away from the prying eyes of their classmates.
"Let go." Katsuki growled but didn't try to move away himself.
Eijirou didn't move away, ignoring him, stopping only when they reached their spot, completely away from everyone so no one could overhear anything they were about to say. Even if Katsuki broke his heart, he still didn't want to hurt him. He turned to Katsuki, his hands on his hips.
"Alright," he said, his voice laced with emotion, "We're talking right now."
"what the hell is there to talk about?" Katsuki scowled, crossing his arms defensively.
"You, for starters," Eijirou said, his voice raising slightly. "You've been avoiding me, shutting everyone out. I know you're hurting in some way, Katsuki. And I know it has to do with what happened on Friday."
Katsuki flinched at the use of his first name, no nickname to soothe the blow. His gaze dropped for a moment, almost like he was shy, before he raised his head to glare at him. "I told you I don't wanna talk about this."
"Well, too bad!" Eijirou snapped, hardening rippled across his face from the surprise burn of emotion. "You really think I'm just gonna sit there and watch you tear yourself apart? After three years of you doing everything to become a better person, you really think that I'm going to sit there and watch you reverse everything? That's not who I am, Katsuki, and it's not who we are."
"You don't get it," Katsuki curled his hands into fists at his side, his shoulders trembling. His voice was barely above a whisper, could barely be heard over the distant sounds of fighting behind them. "you don't understand what it's like to...to care about someone so much it scares the shit out of you. To feel like you're just gonna screw everything up."
"Then, let me in," Eijirou's heart clenched, maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh, but he didn't relent. He stepped closer, his hardening rippling away, his voice softened, "talk to me, Kats, let me in."
"I can't," he shook his head, his breaths coming in shirt and fast. "I can't risk it, I'm gonna hurt you. What if i-"
"You're not," Eijirou interrupted, his voice firm. "You're never going to hurt me, you never have and you never will. I trust you more than anything in this world, Katsuki. Why can't you trust yourself?"
Katsuki's eyes darted to his and for a moment, his walls crumbled, and Eijirou could see everything; the pain, the anguish, the way his eyes were red-rimmed, the way his expression was vulnerable, raw.
"Because I'm broken, Eijirou!" He burst out, his voice cracking. "I've spent my whole life being forced to be the best, that I couldn't let anyone close because they'd see just how much I'm a fuck up! My mom- she always told me I wasn't enough!"
The wall was crumbling all around him. Katsuki was stood in the debris.
"Katsuki-"
"And then Deku, I treated him like shit for years, and he still forgives me, I don't deserve to be forgiven. I don't deserve you!"
Eijirou broke at that, his own eyes stinging as he moved closer to Katsuki, as his own hands hovered with uncertainty, before he rested them on Katsuki's shoulders, "Katsuki," he said softly, pulling katsuki chin upwards and wiping his tears away, "You aren't broken, you are human. You've made mistakes, yeah, but that doesn't make you unworthy of love. You've proven that in just three years, Katsu."
Katsuki shook his head again, and forced himself out of Eijirou's touch, his tears spilling over more and more, "I don't know how to do any of this," he whispered. "I don't know how to be what you need."
"Oh Kats, you don't have to be perfect," Eijirou said, his grip on his shoulders tightening as he moved closer to him, despite him moving away, "You just have to be you. I fell for you, that's all I will ever want."
For a moment, they just stood there in silence, the weight of years of unspoken emotions hanging heavily in the air, unanswered and painful. Katsuki's breaths were ragged and his whole body trembled underneath Eijirou's hands.
Finally, he let out a shaky breath, his walls completely crumbling as he leaned his head forward, his head resting on his shoulder, "I'm scared."
"I know," Eijirou whispered softly, As he wrapped his arms around him without hesitation, holding him tight to his chest. "But you aren't alone, I'm here, I've always been here Katsuki."
Katsuki didn't respond, but he didn't need to as his body relaxed and went limp in Eijirou's arms. He knew Eijirou would hold him up for however long he needed.
Eijirou's embrace was all he needed.
The walk to Eijirou's dorm room was quiet, they somehow got away from the class and avoided Aizawa's wrath for basically ditching class, all without Katsuki even knowing or remembering how.
The air between them was heavy with unspoken words, but Eijirou didn't let go of Katsuki's hand once, his grip firm but gentle as if he was afraid Katsuki Would run if he even much as loosed it.
He didn't resist, his head was down, eyes glued on the floor as he let Eijirou navigate through the empty, but familiar halls.
Katsuki couldn't help but think the way he held his hand was eerily similar to Kamino. While it was the worst night of Katsuki's life, even the whole sludge villain attack, and the time his Mom kicked him out and- even then, nothing was as utterly terrifying as that.
Katsuki remembered feeling so alone, so scared he was trembling in the restraints. He felt humiliated, they brought him there because he was villain material, because he made a complete show of himself on national television. No one defended him, no one tried to stop anything, no one listened when he said to stop, to please stop.
But, Eijirou did.
He could hear his screams for All Might to stop. And when it was over, Eijirou and his bright red hair was the first thing he saw, he held his hand so tightly and apologised for not helping sooner.
Then, Kamino, when he was teleported to Kamino Ward, standing in front of All For One, a man who could easily kill him in a blink of an eye, no heroes around to help. But there he was, the same bright red hair, the same bright red haired boy he had grown to respect, love even.
Then he said the words, to come to him, to escape. His hand held out sharply, and everything was a blur. He shot himself up and into those hands.
Safety.
Love.
Eijirou didn't let go even when Katsuki was being questioned in the police station.
Then, as Katsuki came back to the present, they were at Eijirou's dorm room and he pushed the door open and gestured for him to enter first. He hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering towards Eijirou before stepping into the room and over the threshold. "Sit," Eijirou said, gesturing to his bed.
Eijirou shut the door behind him, a soft click echoing in the quiet space. His room was simple, but warm, reflective of his personality.
For anyone else, the room was probably obnoxious in its clash of colours, mostly reds of course. Every part of his walls were covered with bright posters of Crimson Riot or pictures of their classmates, their squad. His stupid muscle clock Katsuki couldn't help but laugh at every time he saw it because it was just so, Eijirou.
His bed was also so inviting to lay on, its mattress white but everything else red; red pillow, red cover, red blanket, red stuffed bear katsuki had come to know was his childhood Teddy bear from how tattered it was.
Katsuki never had one of those, as he was told, children couldn't have teddies past the age of eight.
Katsuki, again, hesitated sitting down before he reluctantly lowered himself on the familiar mattress. He sat stiffly, his hands gripping his knees, his eyes fixated on the floor, he couldn't look him in the eye or he would just start crying. Eijirou pulled over his desk chair, sitting backwards in it, His arms draped over the headrest as he leaned forward.
He was so close.
"Okay," Eijirou began, his voice soft but steady. "Let's talk."
Katsuki didn't respond at first, his jaw clenched and his fingers dug into his knees. Finally, he let out a shaky breath. "I don't even know where to start." He muttered.
"Start anywhere," Eijirou encouraged, and then, "Whatever's on your mind."
"I don't..." his knuckles tightened around his knees, turning white. "I don't know how to be good, Eijirou." his voice cracked.
"Oh, Kats," Eijirou's heart broke at his vulnerability. He spoke gently, and guided Katsuki's hands away from his knees and into his arms. "You already are."
Katsuki's head snapped up so fast it would've been comedic any other time. His eyes were red with unshed tears, "No. No, I'm not," he said harshly, "You don't get it, okay? I've spent my whole life being angry and pushing people away. I don't know how to do this-" he gestured in the space between them, "how to let anyone in without ruining everything,"
Eijirou leaned forward more, his voice firm but kind, like it always was. It was always so understanding. "You think you're going to ruin this, but you won't, Katsuki." Katsuki opens his mouth to try to talk, but Eijirou squeezes his hands to stop him,
"Just listen okay? Katsuki you aren't the person you used to be. Ever since moving away from your parents, you've grown so kind, caring, friendly. You care so much about everyone, even when they made you so angry, even me. But that's what makes you good."
Katsuki shook his head, tears spilling over ashis hands trembling in Eijirou's arms. "I treated Deku like shit for years," he whispered, guilt and shame pooled into his voice, "My mom always told me I wasn't good enough unless I was the best at everything, but he was always praised. I hear her voice in my head All the time telling me I'm not enough. And what if she's right Eiji? What if I fuck this all up, like I fuck up everything else?"
Eijirou's chest heaved and ached as he listened, his own tears stinging his eyes. He stood up from his chair and walked over to Katsuki. He sat beside Katsuki on the bed, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"She's wrong," Eijirou said firmly, and he could say so much more, he could say how she manipulated him, abused him - but that's not what Katsuki needs right now.
"you are enough." He pressed on. "And yeah you've made some shitty mistakes and done some shitty things, but you were a kid, are a kid. We've all made mistakes, Kats, but those mistakes do not define you. What defines you is how you change, how you make up for them, how you fight to be better than before. And you do, you do it everyday, Katsuki."
Katsuki let out a choked laugh, and turned to shake Eijirou's hand off his shoulder and faced him directly. "Better? I'm a goddamn mess Eijirou. I don't know how to do this? I don't know how to let you in without screwing it up?"
Eijirou touched his cheek, holding his head up to look up at him. "Then, let me show you," he said softly, whispering. "Let me prove to you that you are enough. That you aren't alone. Let me be there for you Katsuki."
Katsuki's expression crumpled asters streamed down his face. "Why?" He whispered, "why do you even want to-" his voice broke, "Why would you even want to be with someone like me?"
He cupped his face with both hands now, both his thumbs brushing away Katsuki's tears. "Because I love you, Katsuki," his voice was full of conviction, it's the easiest thing he has ever said, and it's the easiest thing he will ever say, "I love you more than anything, and I see you - the real you. Not the angry, loud persona you think you are. But I see the person you try to be, the person who cares so much about everyone and fights like hell to protect who he loves. The person who is brave enough to be vulnerable like this, even when it scares him to death."
Katsuki's breath hitched, his hands trembling and he too held onto Eijirou's shoulders, desperately clinging onto anything he could. It felt like he was free falling. "I don't know if I can be that person all the time."
"you don't have to, I fell in love with you Katsuki, and I want you anyway you will have me. That's all I've ever wanted." Eijirou's smile was warm and unwavering.
For a moment he just stared at Eijirou, his walls finally crumbling completely. Then, without warning his head fell into his chest, "I don't deserve you." His voice was thick with emotions as he barely held back his sobs.
"You don't have to," he rocked him soothingly in his arms, and Katsuki fell completely limbless. It was the most comfort he had had in eighteen years, "love isn't about deserving, Katsuki. It's about choosing, and I will choose you every time, and in every lifetime I life,"
He relaxed more into Eijirou's touch, and for the first time - in a long time, he let himself believe that maybe, just for a moment, one single fleeting little moment, that just maybe he didn't have to face his fears alone anymore.
It was silent for a long time, save for the uneven sohds of their breaths. Eijirou didn't press him to speak, giving him the space he needed, but he placed them both down on his bed so they were facing each other, holding hands.
Finally, Katsuki looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and locked into Eijirou's. His voice was quiet, raw and filled with something eijirou rarely saw and it always killed him - fear.
"If we are gonna do this, then you need to know everything," Katsuki started, his words were choppy, hesitating and halting. "About Kamino, about what they did to me."
Eijirou had always known how much Kamino affected Katsuki.
Being kidnapped by the league, dragged away from his friends, family, everything he had worked so hard for, being held hostage for days - it was enough to traumatise anyone, mess anyone's head up.
But Katsuki always brushed off talking about it; he declined therapy saying it was no big deal, that he was only kidnapped for four days and it didn't affect him, he even rejected Eijirou's offers to talk after waking up from nightmares screaming and shouting as explosion burned his hands and his sheets.
But now, hearing it so openly, Eijirou was silent but braced himself for the worst.
"You remember how the heroes found me?" Eijirou nodded, "barely released from being strapped to that chair, where my arms and legs were locked down like I was some kind of fuckin' animal. They didn't just wanna recruit me, they wanted to break me, and I-" he stopped, his jaw clenching as his fists grabbed and tightened around Eijirou's shirt suddenly.
The first part seemed recited, it was said with no emotion, no tone change.
"Kats, it's okay, you can tell me anything-"
"-You don't get it, Eiji," he interrupted as let out a bitter laugh, his teeth gritted. It seemed like it was a shame, like he was admitting a deep, dark secret. With this, but if felt worse, "they knew you- that you were my weakness."
Eijirou froze, his breath catching in his throat, "What?" His voice was barely audible.
Katsuki's voice was thick with pain as he looked at him, "They didn't just kidnap me because of my quirk, or because I was strong. They did it because they had leverage on me, they said your name Eijirou. They knew how much I cared about you. They showed me pictures of you - once they must've taken when you weren't looking because-. They said they would kill you if I didn't cooperate. That you would suffer because of me."
"Katsuki..." now it was Eijirou's turn to grip Katsuki's shirt. His heart felt like it was breaking in two, because he didn't understand, he couldn't comprehend what he meant.
"They mutilated me," he continued, his voice rising slightly as his tears fell even harder. He sat up and Eijirou removed his hands and watched as Katsuki gently pulled his shirt up.
Eijirou's breaths stopped as he saw faint lines, scars, running across his ribs, his sides. Marks he had failed to notice, hidden by Katsuki's avoidance of changing in front of the boy's every single training lesson.
Villain, was what it said.
Weakling.
"They wanted to remind me that no matter how strong I thought I was, or could be, that I was powerless. They'd press blades into my skin, telling me it was just a taste of what they would do to you,if I didn't say yes. how am i supposed to love you, and show you my body, when i look this disgusting!"
"No, Kats, you aren't disgusting-"
"YES I AM! Every time I look at myself I see what they did, what they said. I hear their voices, telling me I was worthless, that I would never be strong enough to protect you."
Eijirou swallowed hard, his own tears spilling over. "You are not worthless Katsuki. These words, these are lies. You survived something most people wouldn't. That isn't disgusting, that is incredible."
Katsuki shook his head as continued, the words coming out like word vomit. "And then when we left the police station, when you walked me home, my Mom didn't even ask if I was okay, didn't even answer the door. She just yelled at me for being so careless, for letting them take me in the first place. Like it was my fault." his voice cracked, and so did Eijirou's heart, "I started to believe her, I still do sometimes."
Eijirou scooped him up into his lap, wrapping his arms around him in a koala hold. He rested his head on top of Katsuki's so he could hear his heartbeat. "No.." he whispered fiercely. He felt so angry for him, he, no one deserves this. "It wasn't your fault, Katsuki. None of it was, you were a victim, you were fifteen years old, and what they did to you was wrong. You didn't deserve it, and I will spend all my life telling you that if I need to."
Katsuki clung to Eijirou, his wall completely and utterly destroyed, they lay between them, barely able to be retaliated, but if one person could rebuild them,it was Eijirou.
He sobbed into his chest, for the first time in years he was completely raw, completely vulnerable as he let himself lean on someone else, as he let someone else pick him up.
"You're not broken," Eijirou said softly, stroking his hand through Katsuki's wild, damp hair. "You're not disgusting, or a villain, or a failure. You are the strongest, most amazing person I have ever met, and I am so proud of you for surviving this. I wish I could've helped you more back there, been there to help you like the others did back at The Training camp, it's always been one of my biggest guilts. But I swear to you, Katsuki Bakugou, I will protect you now. No one is ever, ever, going to hurt you like they did. Never again."
Eijirou didn't let go of Katsuki for a long time.
They stayed laying on the bed, the weight of everything finally spilling out between them. The tears, the fear, the pain - all of it, everything, shared under the quiet hum of their presence.
Eijirou held him like he was holding the world itself, his arms strong and steady and enveloped all of him completely, but his touch was soft, grounding.
Only he could ever do that.
"Just breathe, Kats," he whispered, his hands rubbing gentle circles on Katsuki's back. "You're safe, I've got you."
Katsuki didn't respond, but the trembling began to slow, his sobs turned to quiet little gasps and whimpers into Eijirou's chest. His hand still clutched Eijirou's shirt, and started to loosen.
Eijirou shifted slightly, leaning back to guide him more into his chest, so he could feel the rhythmic beat of his heart. "Just lie here with me for a bit," he murmured into his hair, "you need to rest."
Katsuki sighed, shakingly. He was so tired, so worn out by everything he had carried all of his life. He nodded into Eijirou's chest, because that was all he could do. He let himself completely go and counted each of Eijirou's heart beats.
Eijirou stayed there, still running his hands through Katsuki's hair, the strands were soft and slightly damp from his tears and their training earlier. His other hand rested on Katsuki's back, holding him close as if he could shield him from the rest of the world. He had promised he would be his unbreakable shield.
"It's okay to just relax," he said softly, "You're Not alone anymore Dynamight. I'm here."
The room was quiet apart from the sound of their breathing; one calm and controlled, the other frantic and trying to calm.
Until, gradually, Eijirou felt his body grow heavier against him, relying more on him to hold his body up.
Katsuki's breaths began to even out as sleep claimed him.
Eijirou smiled softly at how Katsuki went completely slack against him, he could feel each little breath against his neck. His heart ached with love and protectiveness.
As he watched Katsuki sleep, he couldn't help but speak, his voice soft and full of emotion as he pulled back slightly to look at him.
"Katsuki," he murmured, shushing him softly as he whined at the loss of touch. So he kept brushing his hands through his hair.
He always loved seeing Katsuki sleep, not in a weird way like how his friends took it, but in the way that it was nice to see his persona drop, he was completely clear of any worry or stress he carried with him everyday.
He was just Katsuki. He didn't have to be anyone special, just himself.
"You've been through so much, and you're still here fighting as hard as ever. I wish-" he swollen hard, one of his hands moved from his back to his face and he brushed the hair out of his face and traced his fingers down his cheeks, wiping away his drying tears. "I wish I could take it all away, all the pain and the memories. I wish I could've been there to stop all of this. But i promise you, I'm gonna be here now, no matter what."
Katsuki whined in his sleep as he turned himself into Eijirou's body more before mumbling a soft "Ei...mhm..." and falling back to sleep.
"You mean everything to me Katsuki, I don't care if you aren't always perfect, to me you always have been."
Eijirou finally allowed himself to cuddle into Katsuki; if this was the one night where they could be like this, exist with each other like this, then he would savor every second of it.
Minutes mentled into hours and he just stared at Katsuki face, committing it to memory.
He didn't care if they would be friends after this, or if they could be together, or even if he had to wait for Katsuki to be ready. He didn't care howling it would take.
Because for Katsuki, he would wait forever.
The morning light spilled into the room through Eijirou's red curtains in his dorm room , painting the room in a soft orange and red glow.
Katsuki stirred first, which was normal for the blonde, being a morning person, his eyes blinked open to an unfamiliar warmth and softness against him.
For a moment, he was confused, his body tensing and his mind raced faster than his groggy mind as it tried to place where it was.
Because his heart knew deep down.
Then, he felt the steady rise and fall of the chest above him, the arm loosely draped over his waist, squeezing it in sleep.
He could smell the faint strawberry scent from Eijirou's shampoo.
He relaxed, pulling back slightly, despite Eijirou's cute half mumbled grumbles of protest and teared his gaze, to look at his face.
Eijirou was fast asleep; his face peaceful in a way that was different to usual, the way that made his chest ache.
It was different to how he was when he was awake, when it was all smiles and bright smiles, here it was serene but oh so happy.
His crimson hair was messy and sprawled out on the pillow behind his head, his roots slightly black as the dye Katsuki done a few weeks earlier was fading.
Katsuki could see the faintest of freckles, almost like specks of dust, littering his face, dusting his nose and cheeks and illuminated by the sift sunlight.
Katsuki hadn't realised just how much he needed this - needed him.
As quietly as he could, Katsuki adjusted himself, propping up on his elbow to get a better look at Eijirou.
His hand rested right by his face, hesitating, before he allowed himself to brush his fingers over each freckle- counting them in his head.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5....10,11,12
It was a delicate touch, reverent almost, like he was afraid if he would wake up and the moment would be over.
For a second, he wished he had another quirk, one that could freeze time, because he could stay here for all his life.
22, 23, 24, 25, 26
He loved him.
God, he loved him.
He loved him so much it hurt.
30, 31 ,32, 33, 34...40
The fear was still there, coiling in his chest like it was alive, whispering all the reasons why he should pull away, why he should push Eijirou away, why this would never work.
But as his eyes roamed over Eijirou's face, still counting his freckles and laughing as his eyes darted beneath their lids, he knew that he at least wanted to try.
For him.
44,45,46,47,48,49...
This was what he wanted.
Eijirou was what he wanted.
Eijirou stirred beneath him, his brow furrowed slightly as he shifted, his hand unconsciously tightening around Katsuki's waist which sent a wave of adoration and love washing over him.
Slowly his eyes fluttered open, still heavy with sleep, confused but then his lips curled into a small smile when he saw Katsuki.
He could finish counting later.
"mornin' Kats." Eijirou mumbled, his voice low and groggy.
Katsuki swallowed hard, his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn't planned anything, hadn't even allowed himself to feel these words until he seen Eijirou and his stupid, shitty hair all easy on the bed or until he seen his stupid cute little freckles you had to be this close to even see.
He hadn't even realised the words tumbled out of his lips.
"I love you."
Eijirou blinked, his sleepy expression vanished within a second giving away a look of shock, surprise and then warmth. His smile widened, soft and radiant, amd he reached up to cup Katsuki's cheek in his hands.
"I love you too, Katsuki." He said his voice steady and full of certainty.
Something inside of Katsuki snapped, cracked almost.
He didn't know what, he didn't know if this was him giving a big fuck you to his Mother, his father, the league, goddamn Deku for always being better then him.
Or if it was a thank you to Eijirou for always being there, for teaching him how to be good, how to be caring.
So before he could overthink anything, he leaned in closer to Eijirou and captured his lips in a soft kiss.
It started soft - tentative, almost - as if it was just Katsuki testing the waters, because it was his first kiss after all.
But, Eijirou responded immediately, his hand sliding into Katsuki's hair as he deemed their kiss, pulling him close and over his body. He forgot how strong Eijirou was sometimes.
With Katsuki on top of him, he could hold his cheek to deepen the kiss even more, eliciting a soft groan from Katsuki, and he didn't even have time to get embarrassed because Eijirou forced him to open his mouth so his tongue could enter.
The flood hates opened then; and Katsuki allowed himself to melt onto Eijirou's body fully, and pour everything he couldn't yet say Into that kiss.
His fear.
His love.
His desperation for the moment to never end.
They kissed as if they were making up for the past three years. Slow and passionate and all-consuming.
Katsuki's own hands moved to Eijirou's neck, holding it tightly and rubbing up to his jaw, as if to anchor himself, because either was too much, it felt too good.
Eijirou, in response, tugged Katsuki Impossibly closer until their bodies felt interconnected, until it felt like their very souls were touching.
When Eijirou finally pulled back for air, Katsuki protested, but rested his forehead to Eijirou's, both of them breathlessly panting, but smiling.
It just felt so right.
"fuck, Katsuki, you're incredible," Eijirou whispered As he brought him back in for a peck, each kiss punctuated with a finger brushing through his hair or a gentle circle being draped on his back. He felt so loved, so cared for that he couldn't help but let his eyes close as tears began to well up in his eyes. "and you're mine, Katsuki, all mine."
Katsuki closed his eyes, allowing himself to be pulled into another kiss, all the more passionate and deeper than before, and he felt himself returning it just as hard. And for the first time. In a really long time, the fear that permanently resonated in his chest was overshadowed by something lighter, but stronger.
Hope.
"I'm yours Ei," he murmured, kissing his neck to produce any sounds out of Eijirou he could. Eijirou tilted his neck to him, lightly moaning in the sanctuary of his own room, just for Katsuki to hear, "Always."
And this time Katsuki was the one whose neck was being kissed, his eyes closing as his back arched up in shock, he had never felt so good before, never allowed himself to feel any sort of pleasure, but here he was, wrapped up in the arms of his first love, and hopefully his last.
Their breaths were still uneven, lips swollen from the kisses they had only just pulled away from, their necks blossoming a deep red. Eijirou ran his hands through his hair still, his chest rumbling with a quiet laugh, "Wow," he said, his voice teasing but full of affection, "Didn't know you had it in you Kats."
"Shut up," Katsuki grumbled, his face burning ashe turned his head just enough to glare at him. "You're lucky I don't bite you."
"And I'd let you," Eijirou teased, the grin on his face widening when Kafsuki let out an incredulous growl and buried his face in his neck.
For a moment they laced like that, just letting time pass over them like they had all the time in the world. Eijirou felt Katsuki move then, moving to brush his hand against his cheeks, brushing over every inch absentmindedly.
"What are you doing?" He asked, amusement lacing in his voice as Katsuki hands glide over his nose, making his squirm slightly.
Katsuki huffed but didn't move his hand. "Finishing counting your stupid freckles. You jave fuckin' hundreds." he muttered, his tone defensive as usual, but his touch gentle.
Eijirou blinked before he broke into a laugh, "My freckles? Seriously?"
"SHUT UP!" Katsuki shouted, his cheeks dusted pink, but his focus was still intently drawn to his nose. "You've got too many it's annoying."
Eijirou couldn't help but swoon over Katsuki, concentrating like this was some sort of serious mission, like the ones in class. "You know, you don't have to count them all, right?" He said, playing along.
Katsuki didn't look up, "i got to 49 before you woke up and interrupted me," he mumbled, "distracting me with your stupid kissing."
"Well, if its so annoying, you can kiss them instead." He laughed with a smirk.
Katsuki froze, his face now turning a deeper red, matching Eijirou hair, "You're so- ugh- you're so stupid-" he snapped, but, like always, there were no beat to his words as he leaned down and pressed his lips to one of Eijirou's freckles on his nose.
"Not so distracting now, am I?" Eijirou pushed, his grin as wide as ever.
"Don't push it." He kissed him again. "Cocky bastard" he said in between kisses, his lips brushing over each freckle with such intensity but love it made Eijirou swoon and fall in love even more.
They stayed like that for a while, they didn't know how long, but they didn't care as they just stayed wrapped up,against each other, trading kisses and teasing remarks until the laughter melted into a warm silence.
Not once did Katsuki want or wish to pull away.
Instead, he stayed there, in the soft hue of the morning sunrise, with the person he was sure he'd counted, with each kiss of a freckle, one more reason to love him.