Chapter Text
Fourth Grade was typical.
Lunch was typical, and Bob was alone. He sat and read his books. Books calmed the noise, and books were safe. He read books about the ocean and the stars. He adored faraway places because he dreamed one day, maybe he could go there too.
“Book Nerd.” He saw Frank, a boy in his class, standing in front of him. The boy had dark brown eyes and a clipped smile. Bob had a perfect stack of books beside him, like a little divider between him and the world.
Thud.
All the books went tumbling to the floor. The young boy snickered something about him being stupid and walked away.
Bob flinched at the comment, he wasn’t stupid he was just quiet. Quiet was safe, quiet kept him from getting a knuckle sandwich or worse. So he kept his mouth shut and stuck with his books.
Things went on smoothly until,
“She’s so stupid she can’t even talk right.” Bob can hear Dawn Evans and her friends laughing in the distance.
“No please, give that back.” He hears a soft but steady voice say. His ears perk up, listening closely.
“Aww is this yours?
In front of him he can see a crowd forming.
“Stop, that’s my sister’s.”
The circle was getting bigger, how he could see Dawn towering over a small blonde girl. She was new in town, but he couldn’t think of her name. She sat in the corner behind him.
Ellie?
No.
Elena?
No.
“Welp, Yelena I guess it’s going in the trash with the rest of the stuff.”
Yelena, that’s it!
He heard the girl cry out, and he can see things being thrown in the trash. Yelena looked horrified as she grabbed the rest of her belongings before they would all fall in the bin.
But then she was pushed to the floor, Dawn with her perfect smile and perfectly ironed polo shirt skipped away with her friends like nothing happened. The bell rang for class and the crowd began to thin out, he could see the girl on her knees stuffing things into her bag.
No-one was helping her.
“I can help.” He thought in his head, the thought was loud and powerful like a headache. He tried to ignore it but he saw the way her nose scrunched up. The way her fists clenched and unclenched. He knew the signs, that mask that you had to wear unless you were asking for more trouble. He saw it, he saw the darkness surrounding her.
He had that darkness too.
He couldn’t stand the thought any longer, so he got up and walked towards her. He couldn’t believe he was leaving his safe space. But it was too late to turn back now.
“Here.” He said, grabbing some colored pencils that had spilled on the floor.
“Thanks.” Yelena said in a small voice, she had her head low, trying to focus on putting her things back in her bag. He holds the color pencils in front of her, she glances up at him for a few seconds. Her hair reminds him of honey, it looks soft and curls around her ears. She has a few green hair barrettes in her hair, matching her green knitted sweater.
She has the brightest green eyes he’s ever seen. They remind him of a sea turtle, brilliant and strong.
“You remind me of a turtle.”
Yelena blinked, “Huh.”
“Your eyes are bright like a sea turtle”,
“Oh okay.”
“Bob, that was stupid.” He mutters.
“No, I think turtles are cool.” She perks up, “I’ve never seen a real sea turtle.”
“Really.”
“No, never, only in books.”
They are silent for a moment, Yelena sniffles, he hates seeing her green eyes puffy.
“Where are you from? He asks, grabbing a folder and handing it to her. Her voice did sound a little funny.
“Russia.” Yelena says quietly, “I moved here a few months ago with my parents and my sister.”
He liked that she was willing to open up to him. Her voice was soothing.
“Cool.” Yelena gets up and checks the garage can. Bob can see her bottom lip quiver.
“What’s wrong,”
“Um, my sister’s bracelet, I can’t find it.” Bob sees her nose scrunch, she squeezes her arm.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” Yelena watches as he knocks over the garbage can with ease. It tumbles over and he sees something shiny underneath a pack of gum.
“I think I found it.” Bob says reaching inside and taking out the bracelet. He places it in Yelena's hand.
She smiles, her eyes brightening up. It almost makes him stop breathing.
“Thank you, Bob.”
“You know my name?.”
She laughs, “Yes, you always doodle in your history book and Miss Patterson gets as red as tomato.”
He chuckles, “She’s kind of boring".
“True.” Yelena stands up, but winces again. She looks down and sees a scab on her knee.
“I got just the thing," Bob says, racing over to his backpack and getting out a band-aid.
The young blonde was confused,
“Why do you carry band aids”?
“I’m super clumsy, so my mom packs them in my bag.” Yelena narrows her eyes and Bob can feel his ears turn slightly pink. Hopefully she doesn’t read that he’s lying.
“Okay.” He places the band-aid on her knee.
“There! All better.”
Yelena smiles, “Thanks.” She dusts herself off and makes sure she doesn't leave anything behind.
“We should get back to class.” Yelena says, and Bob just nods.
He wishes that after that they became best friends. He wishes that he would be the person that she has lunch with and shares stories with. But that didn’t happen.
———————————————————————————————————————————
Maybe he’s being dramatic but they don’t completely cut ties.
They left elementary school and entering middle school changed everything. Many of the classes that they once had together were cut down to two. Yelena became popular. Bob wasn’t surprised, everyone loves her. She’s compassionate, dedicated and brave. She was a natural born leader, captain of the Beavers soccer team. She was the sun and he was simply just a measly planet that orbited around her.
However she still remained kind to him. She waved if he was in the hall. Asked him about his Christmas break, asked his weekend plans were when she saw him in the library.
In return, he would lend her pencil or help her find a book for a project in the library.
He liked this in between, he liked having her at a distance so their lives never really merged. His darkness never touches her blinding light. He wanted it to stay that way.
When Bob was in seventh grade, his fingers almost froze off. It was barely over twenty degrees and he didn't have any gloves. He bit his tongue on the way to the front door of his house. He wanted to ask his mom but she had already left for work. His father sat on the couch, gurgling his second beer of the morning.
Asking was out of the question.
7:45.
He needed to get going. He still had a scarf and coat at least.
He stuffed his frozen fingers deep into his pockets, hoping the find some warmth at the bottom. He walked into class, slumping into his seat. He saw Yelena in the second row, twirling her hair as she listened to her friend Ruby talk about some television show. Her hair is in a tight ponytail and she has white headband to keep her stray hairs at bay.
The teacher claps her hands, the students turn their heads in her direction.
"Alright Class, let's change it up today and go outside…..
Bob groans, nearly slamming his head on his desk.
Bob watched as his classmates boots crunched in the snow scattering around the playground like ants at a picnic. All his classmates are gleefully rolling around in the snow.
"Why are you so grouchy"? Bob turns around to see Yelena standing there. Her pink cheeks engulfed in a green scarf. Her fingers wiggling for warmth in her pink gloves.
"I don't have any gloves."
"Oh."
"Yeah…" Yelena slides one of her gloves off and hands it to him.
"I can't take that."
Yelena rolls her eyes, "Why, because they're pink"?
"No." He looks away, watching as kids build snowman. He shivers, he can't wiggle his fingers anymore.
"Suit yourself." Yelena huffs, and turns away from him.
"Fine." He takes the single glove and puts it on. Yelena smiles, beaming like the light that she is.
For a moment he felt the warmth of the sun.
"Why didn't you give me your other glove." Bob asks as they sit down in the snow.
"Because I could do this." She grabs his hand. For a moment it just lingers on top of his. Her hand is smaller but her grip is tight.
He doesn't mind it though.
"Snow is such a beautiful thing you know"? Yelena says as she looks at the sky, "They are so sparkly like glitter when the sun hits it just right.
"I like catching snow flakes in my hand, seeing how each one is different, and they sparkle too." Yelena explains.
"When I was little my father had taken me to a festival in our hometown, it was a really cold night, barely could feel my toes. But my dad was determined to watch the fireworks, another family tradition, he put me in on his shoulders. Yelena laughs at the memory, "It's stupid, there was this giant firework that was shaped like a snowflake and it glittered across the sky before it disappeared."
"I honestly don't think I'll see anything that magical again." Yelena tucks some hairs behind her ears. Bob's gaze makes her shy,
"I like that you still believe in magic."
"Really."
"Yeah, makes me believe it's still out there too."
She laughs and looks away again, however it gives Bob enough confidence to squeeze her hand. She quickly looks back at him. They stare at each other for a long time. It should be awkward but it's not, he wants to say something but he doesn't.
Then he gets a snowball square in his face.
"Alright lovebirds, we need help if we want to win this snowball fight." Yelena's friend Ruby says as Bob rubs the snow away with his sleeve.
Yelena hops up, "Alright, Alright." She smiles down at Bob, "Ready." She holds out her hand,
"Yeah." Bob takes her hand.
——————————————————-
Bob hates when his parents fight. Their voices could cause earthquakes, shatter glass. Why do they hate each other so much. When it gets physical he doesn’t hesitate to jump in.
He gets thrown around like a rag doll. But it stops his mom from getting hit so he considered it mission accomplished.
Nearly becoming a hole in the wall was worth it.
“Bob, just go.” His mother said, quickly shoving him out the door. He’s so off balance he falls on his butt. Bob clenches his arm, feeling a slight sting as his mother gives him his backpack.
“You’ll make it worse if you stay.” Bob says nothing as his mother shuts the door with a soft click. He sits there on the front porch. He has nowhere to go, school’s done for the day, the local library closes at five and-
“Hey.” Bob perks up seeing Yelena look back at him from the sidewalk. Her blonde hair is down her back and she’s wearing a navy blue sweater and green pants. She has these little gold earrings in her ears shaped like mini suns.
Yelena takes a few steps closer, Bob just stares at her.
“You’re bleeding.” She says quietly, “It's alright if I come closer.”
Bob nods. Yelena goes into her purse and takes out a band-aid. She walks up Bob’s steps and kneels down. He smells her perfume, it’s sweet like peaches and vanilla. It’s an intoxicating smell. Yelena presses the soft fabric of the band-aid to Bob’s arm.
“It’s a deep scab, "Yelena says in a soft voice, “But I think you’ll live.”
Bob snorts, “Thanks, doctor.”
She beams, "I learned from someone to always have band-aids for emergencies."
“Are you alright”? Yelena asks.
Bob shrugs, trying to hide the embarrassment of Yelena seeing him like this. Yelena gets up and holds out her hand,
“Can you stand”?
“Yelena, I’m not dying.”
“You’re kind of acting like you are.”
“You weren’t supposed to see that.”
“Bob it’s okay, you’re life isn’t perfect nobody’s is”
She had a point.
However he wondered what made Yelena’s life unperfect.
“Come on. I’m on my way to visit someone, you’re welcome to come along." Yelena says, her voice chirpy.
“Sure, I’ll come.”
They begin walking down the street side by side. They talk about school, upcoming projects and homecoming games. Then silence. The silence is comfortable, after what happened Bob does not want to talk. His parents fight all the time, his dad keeps the beer stocked rather than a job. But their town is small… people talk. Bob follows her to a convenience store where she buys two packs of Oreos. She stuffed them in her coat pocket.
Bob is surprised when they appear at the local hospital. Bob is intrigued. Yelena signs them both in, and they both wear visitor stickers. Yelena leans against the elevator wall, watching the lights flicker to the third floor.
“My sister, Natasha has been staying here for a few weeks. She has brain cancer. But they are trying a new trial medicine.
Bob’s nose wrinkles once he steps onto the squeaky clean floor. They walk down the hall, at the end of it is a pod with multiple desks and computers. A young woman with strawberry blonde hair smiles at Yelena.
“Yelena welcome back, Natasha was just asking about you.”
“How is she today"?
“She had a good day, treatments are doing their job, but she’s tired more than usual.”
“That’s okay”, Yelena says, “We won’t be long.”
They walked down a long hallway and entered a room. The room was small, full of wires and beeping monitors. Bob saw a young girl with brown hair sitting crisscrossed in bed. Bob watched as Yelena skipped over to the girl.
“Nat, I brought you something” Without a hint of hesitation, she crawls into bed with her. Yelena stuffs her hand into pockets and takes out the Oreo's.
“One for you and another for me.” Yelena beams with pride, giving the older girl a peck on the cheek. Bob watches this all in admiration. He wishes someone was this gentle with him.
“Bob, come closer.” Yelena says to him. He moves closer, finally realizing he had been standing in the doorway this entire time. Bob stands at the end of the bed, awkwardly picking at the loose fabric on the bed.
“Nat, this is Bob.”
Nat looks at him, her pale freckled cheeks, her tense shoulders, the hospital gown she’s wearing drowns her body. Her nose scrunches constantly, an micro-expression that Yelena has adopted. Natasha's green eyes are sharper than Yelena’s. They still have a flicker of light in them, but around the edges feel hollow.
He feels like glass, all his imperfections on display.
"так вот это Боб..."
Instantly, Yelena bumps her shoulder, Bob can see her cheeks become pink. Bob doesn’t know a lick of Russian.
“нет, это мой друг, мы это обсуждали”
Nat looks at her sister and rolls her eyes, letting off a soft “hmph”.
“What did she say?” Bob asks, leaning a bit closer.
Yelena shakes her head so fast, her blonde curls turn into a mini tornado.
“Nothing, Nothing.. My sister is just being silly.”
Oh.
Bob nods.
Natasha laughs, “He has chubby cheeks.”
“Nat, stop being so mean.”
Bob expects this, he was twelve, almost thirteen with baby fat. He’s a bit on the cubby side. If it wasn’t for his height, people would think he’s eight years old. Bob tucks his hands into his sweatshirt pockets.
“I get that a lot.”
Yelena nods, “I think it’s cute.”
Bob’s eyes widened, “Really.”
“Yeah”.
A pause of silence passes between them. Neither of them say a word. It’s a small comment but it weighs heavy on his heart. She always defends him. He does nothing in return but exists. Why does she care so much? Nat looks at them, a sigh of disappointment.
Then her lips curl in a smile.
“Anyways, how was school Yelena?”.
Once the topic moves to academics Bob moves over to the couch and reads. Every once and while he peeks over to see Natasha and Yelena giggling at some teen magazine.
Despite the circumstance spirits are high. He couldn't imagine the heartache of watching your sister go through this.
However Yelena does not seem fazed. Her light doesn't waver, she giggles and gossips with her sister like nothing is going on. Maybe ignorance is bliss, maybe Yelena know its worse then it actually is.
"Yelena, can you do me a favor." Natasha asks Yelena who is laying at the bottom of the bed.
"Sure Nat." Yelena perks up, her eyes widen as she anticipates her sister's question.
"Grab me a pudding from the cafe"
"Yeah sure.'' The girl hops off the bed and disappears from the room, her sneakers squeaking down the hallway.
There 's a pause....then
"So how do you know my sister?"
"She's in some of my classes."
"Ah, she does good in school?"
"Yeah, she's gets straight A's." Bob says, "except in history."
"She's always doodling in her notebook, little stars and funny cartoons, definitely should swap out history for art."
"You think so."
"Definitely, she'd definitely would be an artist someday.
"You like her."
"Everybody does."
"But do you like her." Bob feels an chill run down his spine, he glances at Natasha. Her mouth was set in a hard line. Her eyes peering at him slowly. A lie is lodged deep in his throat, he lets out a cough hoping the lie would break free but nothing comes out.
"She scrunched his nose before she starts to laughs, she twirls her hair in class when she's bored. She's so bright you know, she lights up the room just by being there."
"It's not even out of ego it's just how she is, how can I, he swallows hard, "she doesn't need anything like me in her life."
"Like what.?"
"Darkness." He runs a hand over his face, "She doesn't deserve that."
"What you think she deserve?"
"More than me."
"You're stupid you know that."
Bob stares at her, so Natasha continues,
"My sister has a kind soul, the kindest person i have ever met, sees the brightness in the darkest places. However she doesn't put all that effort in people for no reason. She doesn't take any crap either. There's a reason why she talks about you all the time.
Bob blushes, "She talks about me."
Nat rolls her eyes, "annoyingly so."
Bob is quiet for a while, then,
"I want to be that reason." Bob says, "I just don't know how."
"You're already doing it." Natasha says, "You are trying, that's what matters."
Bob nods, "Are you sure you aren’t secretly a wise old man."
"Whatever." Natasha takes her pillow and whacks him.
Deep inside he longed for an older sibling, someone that he could confide it, reassure him. He's never told anyone this, he guesses in some way he's always had a crush on Yelena. But saying it out loud makes it more real.
"Your pudding has arrived." Yelena's cheery voice enters the large room. Natasha smiles at her, sits up straight as she can. Bob watches as Yelena crawls into her sisters bed. Yelena lays her head on her sister's shoulder. Natasha smiles as Yelena grabbed the Oreos and dumps it into the pudding. The sisters take a big bite of the cookie and start laughing uncontrollably.
"You guys are weird." Bob says.
A moment later gets a pillow railed at his face.
"Thanks for walking me home." Yelena says, stuffing her hands into her pockets. The street lights flicker on above their heads.
"I wasn't going to let you walk home by yourself. "
She smiles feeling the heat on her cheeks. She blames it on the cold weather.
"Has your sister always been sick." He asks after a few minutes of silence, "You never talk about her."
"She got sick during the first months we moved here, my parents tried to blame it on the flu, but she started getting these headaches, so bad she'd throw up. It wasn't long until she was puking blood. She started missing school so my mom started home schooling her.
She kicked a loosen pebble and watched as it tumble across the sidewalk.
"I wanted to be homeschooled too but my parents were determined to have one of their daughters experience "The American School System".
Yelena sighed, "I hated it, I did not know a lick of English, got bullied as you know."
"Now everyone loves you." Bob adds in.
Yelena rolls her eyes, "That's certainly not true."
Bob throws his head back and laughs, a stray curl brushes against his nose and she tries to restrain herself from tucking it behind his ear.
"They say Nat only has a few years left, my parents are working their butts off to afford this new trial medicine."
"Do you think it's going to work?."
"I hope so, I don't have anything else but hope."
She stops walking and looks at Bob.
"Do your parents argue a lot." She asks, Bob instantly stiffen up.
"Um, Yeah, my dad's job barely pays the bills and my mom- I don't know she's a receptionist at Dr. Bailey's office's downtown. She hates it though. I know she does".
"How do you know?"
"When I was little she would bake all the time. On my birthday, she'd make a huge chocolate cake with strawberry frosting. She'd put her old records on and have this crazy smile on her face. We'd dance. She'd giggle and laugh, tell me that this was her favorite thing to do".
"What happened"?
Bob shrugged, "I don't know."
Yelena grabs his arm, "Bob, it's okay."
"Dad lost his job, started drinking, they fought about it. Mom tried to start her baking business out of our house. She made pies, cakes and cookies for neighbors but she couldn't make an actual profit from it. So she stopped.
"You think she'll try again?."
"Maybe, she'll make the chocolate cake for my birthday."
"You never know…maybe she'd get some inspiration from somewhere".
Bob shrugged.
They finally reached Yelena's house. It's a dark one story home that's dark blue with golden brown shutters. There was a big apple tree in the front yard, it's branches sprawled over the silver fence that wrapped around the house.
The lights were off. Her parents still were out.
Yelena hopped up on the steps then quickly turned to face Bob. He was looking up at her for once… a nice change.
"What." Bob asks.
Yelena smiles, I like being taller than you."
Bob rolls his eyes fondly, "Better bask in the glory now."
Yelena giggled, "Oh, don't get annoyed now, Mr. Reynolds."
Bob watches as she sways from side to side, her blonde curls straying in her face.
Yelena leans down and kisses his cheek.
Bob's face turns bright red.
Yelena can't control her laughter.
"Oh my god, Bob you look like a tomato."
Bob takes a step back, rubbing his arm, his face still flaming,
"Shut up." His bottom lip in a small pout.
"Oh, солнышко, it's okay." Yelena squeezes his hand.
Bob looks up at her, "What does that word mean?"
Yelena's lips curled into a small smile,
"Figure it out."
She gives him one final squeeze before turning and skipping to her front door.
"I can't have a hint." Bob calls after her.
Yelena digs her keys out of her pocket, jolts into the lock.
"Nope!… thanks for walking me home Bob." She says before disappearing in to her home.
Bob waits until he hears the door click shut before hopping off the steps.
He feels a tug on his heart, his ears start ringing, Yelena's peach scent lingers. He smells it on his clothes.
Even on his skin.
"God, what's wrong with me"?
The thought lingers in his head all the way home.
A few months later, Bob returned to school feeling off. It was a rainy day, meaning he wore a hoodie and baggy sweatpants. He had Algebra, History with Miss Buckley, nothing special. But when he walked into school, it was different. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
There were hush voices in the junior high hallway, students sniffling and holding flowers. One of his Geometry classmates, Beth, was standing at her locker.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“It’s Yelena, her sister passed away yesterday.”
Bob instantly felt chills, his heart turning cold.
“Holy Shit.”
“Yeah, surprised she came today.”
Bob gives her a quick thanks, and heads to the basement. He grabs a few oreos from the vending machines. He heads upstairs and walks straight to her locker.
His hands are shaking, the wrapping of the paper makes his head spin. Yelena is huddled around her friends, her friend Jessie, holding a tissue box. Bob felt small but took a step toward them anyway. His heart was pounding.
“Um, Yelena.” All of the girls look at him. Yelena tucks her hair behind her ears quickly, skin pale, green eyes red and puffy. He hated it.
He hated it so much.
“I got you this.”
”I’m so sorry about Natasha.”
He holds out the Oreos in front of her.
Yelena looks at the Oreos then at him.
For a moment he feels stupid, why did I come over here, she probably wants no business talking to-
He groans as he feels arms wrap around him tightly. He smells peaches and vanilla, Yelena’s nose brushes against his neck.
For an moment the world had stopped. The hairs on the back of his neck went up. She felt eclectic, intoxicating almost. He's never has felt this way about anyone.
Yelena pulls away sniffing,
She wipes her nose with her sleeve, Bob blinks as she takes a step back. Her eyes are so puffy and red, a tear falls down her cheek,
"I didn't mean to." Bob reaches over to brush the tear away,
She gulps before silently leaning into his touch,
"It's not your fault Bob, she says after an awhile. Then suddenly the bell rang, Yelena sighs before giving Bob a small smile,
"Thank you, солнышко."
His heart flutters at the nickname even when he has no idea what it means. Then Jessie brings them back to reality,
"Yelena we're going to be late." The blonde is then whisked away again by her friends. Yelena hugs him again and lets her friends pull her away. They share a small look before Yelena disappears in the crowd of bustling students.
Bob stands there, his heart pounding practically leaping out of his chest.
A feeling that he isn't sure he wants to go away.
It's sophomore year; Bob finally feels like he's able to fit in.
He got tired of being in the house all day counting the cracks in his ceiling. He wanted to belong, his body ached for something to do.
That summer he picked up a trumpet, auditioned for band and got in. Now he had band practice Monday and Wednesday after school. He had gained a group of friends as well.
Joaquin, a sophomore like him and Peter, a freshman. They were goofy and loud at times but genuinely good guys.
"You coming to Frank's bon-fire on Friday." Joaquin asks, placing his saxophone in its case.
Practice had just ended and they were told to practice for the upcoming recital in the following week.
Bob shrugged, "Probably not, I gotta get these notes right for the recital."
"Sure, Joaquin says but then adds, "Yelena will be there."
"No she won't."
"You don't know that." Bob scoffs. Joaquin rolls his eyes,
"You're way too cynical man, she's the most popular girl in school why wouldn't she be there."
Bob shrugs again knowing he's right.
"It's not like you don't have anything else to do." Bob glares at his friend. Joaquin laughs,
"I can never take you serious when you glare like that."
Bob throws his backpack strap over his shoulder.
"Fine but you're driving."
"As long as you pay for gas."
"Yeah, Yeah."
Bob hopped in the passenger side, unsure if this was the best decision of his life or the worst.