Chapter Text
It was 2:43 A.M on Christmas morning, when Mitch's phone rang.
He rolled over begrudgingly and tapped the screen.
He was surprised by the name that flashed across his phone.
-AUSTON MATTHEWS-
Mitch hadn't seen the name on his phone in a while.
That was a lie. Every once in a while he had found himself looking at his old friends contact. Reminiscing what they had had.
Mitch looked over at Steph, still peacefully asleep.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, unplugging his phone and standing up, careful to not awake his sleeping wife.
He walked outside into the cold christmas day, not in clothes nearly warm enough, even for vegas.
He looked at the phone screen once more, before finally pressing the answer button.
"Auston?" Mitch said, pulling the phone to his ear.
"Mitch" Auston sounds almost relieved that he picked up.
"What's up?"
"I just, I missed you"
"You had to call me at 3 in the morning to tell me that?" Mitch's voice has a hint of frustration around the edges.
There's a pause on the other line.
"Merry Christmas"
"Merry Christmas" Mitch sighs, going to hang up.
"Wait" Auston voice breaks through the phone before Mitch can end the call.
"What is it Auston? I'm not doing this, I'm not playing this game"
"I'm sorry"
Mitch freezes. The entire reason he had left Toronto was to get away from everything that happened. And here he was, in the backyard of his new house, in his new life, on Christmas fucking morning of all times, on the phone with Auston.
Auston was what had happened.
But Mitch was never gay.
He had a wife, and kids coming, and hockey to be played.
He didn't have time for Auston.
Not then, and definitely not now.
"Why now?" Mitch's voice is harsh.
"What?"
"Why now? Why on christmas, when in 5 hours I'm going to go and open presents with my family"
"Mitchy, I-"
"No. You don't get to call me that. You don't get to call me all of a sudden out of the blue and do, do what? What do you want, Auston?"
"I, I want you"
"You don't get me. I have Steph, and the kids, and a life here."
The coldness of the night is starting to creep into Mitch's bones, but he doesn't notice.
"You left me" Auston squeaks out.
Mitch pauses, defeated.
"Do you remember our first christmas together?" Auston starts, "It was really cold in Toronto, and you were over at my apartment. You always were. We had slept in my bed, all cuddled up because the apartment heating was shit. You got up and made pancakes, which we ate together, on the couch. We watched old christmas movies all day, and you gave me a present"
"The sweater" Mitch interrupts, voice quiet.
"Yeah. The sweater. I still have it"
"I thought you got rid of that thing ages ago"
"No" Auston admits. He was wearing it right now. He wouldn't tell Mitch that though.
"oh"
The line was silent for a moment before Auston spoke.
"Do you ever," Auston sniffled a little. Was he crying? "Do you ever think things could've been different? Between us?"
"What's the point in wondering" Mitch's voice bitter "It's not like things would've ever been different."
"I know"
Mitch pauses before admitting, "I do though. I wonder all the time if the league was different, if we-" Mitch's breath hitching. "If we could, could be something outside of what we were"
There it was. What we were. Mitch said it and instantly regretted it. He couldn't deal with this now. Not in the cold, dark hours of Christmas morning. Not when he couldn't trust himself to not spit out every single emotion he had felt over the last 10 years on a phone call with Auston.
"Do you think we could've ever been something more?"
"No. I don't" Mitch continued. "Even before Steph was pregnant, and the kid was born. I wasn't going to stay in Toronto"
Auston felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
"Do you still think about us?" Auston wheezed out.
The call was silent, and Auston could here the rustling of trees in the background on Mitch's end.
Mitch let out a chocked sob.
"Mitch, Mitchy hey, it's okay man"
"No, It's not" Mitch was crying heavy. "I can't do this with you Auston. I can't be that guy anymore. I have Steph, and, and hockey, and, and a life that you're not apart of anymore"
Mitch voice is shaky, and he's somehow crying harder. Auston is quiet on the other end. Taking in what Mitch just said. He knew everything he said, obviously. But it hurts in a different way when Mitch says it out loud.
Mitch breaks the silence.
"Merry Christmas. Please don't call"
Mitch's phone goes silent as he presses the end call button. He meant everything he said. He's not a teenager in the NHL anymore. He's an adult, and he has responsibilities, and a life. As he stands up and wipe the tears from his eyes, he wonders if things really could've been different.
He's not a fool though.