Chapter Text
Lisbon's apartment
She has her head against Marcus's shoulder and he has his arm around her, they're watching some baseball game but she can't summon the enthusiasm she usually feels when a game is on. Marcus plays with her hair, and she wishes he would stop. He's gentle and kind, but she is in no particular mood to cuddle and has no idea why his comment about Casablanca bothered her so much. A woman choosing between two men? Is he subtly referencing her as the indecisive woman because she hasn't yet decided to move to DC with him? She extracts herself from his arms and heads to the kitchen.
Marcus has his eyes on her, she feels it on her back. It's making her slightly squirm, but she doesn't know how to ask him for space, to ask him to go back to his place and give her the night alone. Squeezing some dish soap she begins on cleaning the plates from their dinner, a simple one today - leftover spaghetti with meatballs. Jane crosses her mind, has he had dinner yet? Does he eat alone in his airstream? She feels a pang in her heart, she hasn't had dinner with him even once since he came back, with the exception of Il Tavolo Bianco and that was for a case. He looked sad even then, though he tried his best to put on a smile for her and engaged her in their usual banter. She thought it must have been from her cold shoulder towards him from that jury scam Abbott and him ran behind her back, but he brushed that off with an apology of his own. What was it that he had asked her? 'What does a girl want to hear?' What the hell does that even mean Jane? She sighs to herself, feeling things she can't name exactly while her hands get soapy and the water keeps running. Makes her feel like her brain is a soapy mess too, and she can't wait till the water runs clear to analyze what it all means. Lately, it seems like no matter what she does she's running circles around her own thoughts.
There is a knock on the door and it startles her. It's past nine and she wonders who it is. Marcus answers the door but Teresa quickly rinses her hands and dries it with a towel because she has a weird feeling pulling her to go to the door. She hears voices and she hears him. Why is he here now? She sidles past Marcus and hopes he takes the hint and thankfully he does, he goes in and leaves her with Jane. Jane's at her doorstep so late, a first since he came back. An uncomfortable feeling twists in her realizing that she never invited him to her place, remembers he asked her a few months back whether she liked her new apartment and she rolled her eyes at him, complaining about unpacking. He had offered to help her unpack with the usual grin of his, which she promptly turned down because she didn't want him to snoop through her stuff and find his letters arranged by date in a shoebox and the broken teacup fragments that she never was able to throw away.
"What's up" she questions, just to interrupt her rapid half formed thoughts and the swirl of soapy emotions. "Cannoli, il Tavolo Bianco. Mrs Aurelio made them especially" he says, and hands her a brown paper package. She takes it from him without a second thought and says "that's sweet". Really Teresa? That's all you can come up with? He steps back to leave stating there's enough there for Marcus too. Her heart breaks when he smiles, how a smile can look so sad she doesn't know. And she hates it, hates being the reason for a smile like that. Jane's smiles should range between sunny and mischievous and wicked and adorable and smug and infuriating, not sad. She tries to summon words, to invite him in. "Jane, you didn't come here this late to drop of cannoli" she manages to say, because she can't invite him in after all, that would be all different shades of awkward because Marcus is inside, probably wondering why her partner is visiting her so late at night. She doesn't want Marcus to hear their conversation so she steps out, closes the door behind her.
She looks up at him, and it's difficult to hold his gaze. His eyes are swimming with unsaid feelings and she just wants him to stop looking at her like that. Like she's the only thing holding him together and the moment he can't see her in front of him, he's going to come undone. He starts talking, and it's all rushing over her head. "Look I-I've been thinking about you leaving and I want you to know that I really want you to be happy. And that is the most important thing to me- that you do what makes you happy. Okay?" The look on his face is unlike anything she's seen recently, so vulnerable and pained, yet still holding back. He's holding back from saying something important and stuttering slightly at the force of his feelings? No, he can't do this to her. He wants her to do what makes her happy. Is he serious? Can't he see he's making her sad instead? His pain is her pain, doesn't he know that by now?
She stands there tongue tied, mutters a yeah and watches him walk away into the darkness. Feels tears spill over and wipes hastily, so she goes back in and closes the door behind her. Her heart weighs heavily and her feet are lead but her mind is on overdrive. She wants to go out and find him, and not let him be alone. A thought strikes her harshly. By choosing Marcus, she has alienated her best friend. She rarely talks to him outside of work for the past few weeks. He doesn't have anyone else, maybe Cho but he's not really the talking type. Jane must be really sad about her going to DC, showing up at her door like this. She looks down at the paper bag in her hand, cannoli for two. Maybe he brought it to eat it with her, but she spoiled all chances of that didn't she, didn't even invite him in. Marcus being here was not the best timing.
"Teresa you okay?" Marcus calls out from the couch. She walks in and nods at him. "I'm fine Marcus, just tired" she replies and goes into the kitchen and deposits the cannoli in the fridge, for some reason not wanting to share it with Marcus. She wants to eat it with Jane. Why did she let him just walk away?
When she goes back to the living room, he's still on the sofa looking at her concernedly. She needs him not to be there, yet doesn't know how to state it. It is unfair of her to ask Marcus to leave so late and she feels guilty about it, since he had come to spend the night over with her after all. Jane would have read her face in one glance and either given her space or cajoled her to to find out what's bothering her. Damn it, she needs to talk to him, and needs to do it now. First, she'll have to send off Marcus though.
"Marcus, I'm sorry but Jane has a problem and I need to go help him out. So you'll have to go back to your place today" she lies, well partly lies. There is indeed a problem but it's also her problem not just Jane's. It's theirs. She has put it off long enough, and right now needs to see him and talk to him.
"What kind of problem? He seemed fine to me Teresa" Marcus points out, a bit confused and suspicious. Teresa sighs, and says it outright "I have to talk to Jane about a lot of things and I have kept putting it off for ages Marcus, and I might have been unfair to him by not talking about the entire DC thing".
Marcus still has a weird look on his face and doesn't seem in any rush to go anywhere. Well, that's too bad. She's going to go find Jane right now, whether or not Marcus leaves. She turns to fetch her jacket, car keys and cell. She stills for a moment, not remembering where Jane parks his airstream. Shit, she thinks, I never asked him where he stashes his silver bucket at night. And that realization makes her more sad. Why and how did Jane and her get so distant from each other? Hell, they were closer than this in the earlier years of CBI, mostly knowing each other's whereabouts unless it was Jane pulling his devious schemes behind her back. While she's musing on whether to call him and ask for his airstream location or just drive around till she finds him, Marcus appears in front of her.
He takes her hand and looks at her closely. "Teresa, you do know that you don't owe Jane anything right? If he's a good friend, he'll understand why DC is a better option for you. Just be honest with him, tell him that a fresh start is what you're looking for" he says, and Teresa has an uncomfortable feeling crawling down her spine. Marcus is talking as if he knows everything about her, and also stating that DC is a better option. They've known each other for less than half a year, and he doesn't know her completely. She also doesn't know him completely she realizes. Yes, he's straightforward and honest and gentle, a good man as she's heard around the office, but she knows practically nothing about his past, why he chose a law enforcement job, what drives him, who was his ex-wife or why he got divorced. She only knows the Marcus of the present, the sweet guy who takes her out for pancakes and fancy restaurants and classic movies and to see his old band. That is not a bad thing per se, she and Marcus can of course spend more time getting to know each other but the problem lies in the fact that everything has started to feel so rushed to her. Marcus seems so sure of her as his person, but she's not sure she feels the same surety about him.
She realizes that he's still holding her hand and waiting for her to say something. Teresa gently removes her hand from his and takes a deep breath. "Marcus, you've always been so patient with me and also repeatedly told me that there is no pressure. Yet you are assuming that DC is going to be the best option for me, and that is making me feel rushed even if that's not your intention. DC is not a done deal for me, let me be clear about that. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, just give me a couple days and I will put us both out of this limbo we're stuck in" she states, and it is the truest thing she has said to him ever since the DC talk came up.
Marcus sighs "This is about Jane isn't it? Teresa, if you are going to rely on Jane for advice just know that he is not going to keep your best interests at heart. I have seen enough of his actions around you to know that he's possessive of you as his work partner. Didn't he make you one of the conditions of his return? Just keep that in mind, Jane is a smart man who knows how to get what he wants"
Teresa just stares at him, mouth agape. She remembers all the times Jane had encouraged her about her dating, back at the CBI and even with Marcus. He's always told her she deserves a good man and that she should do what makes her happy. How dare Marcus malign Jane's intentions towards her? One of the things she's surest of is that Jane knows her so well, sometimes better than she knows or understands herself. He has been a rock to her during many occasions and never expected anything in return. Sure, Jane is manipulative and knows how to get what he wants, sure he has sometimes persuaded her to do things his way but NEVER in a way that takes away her choice to walk out. Every step of the way she had been willing to give Jane whatever he needs, sometimes at the cost of her job or her sanity but he's taken care to ensure she's never taken advantage of by him and even saved her life and job multiple times. The truth is that apart from his quest for Red John, he's been the sincerest in his friendship toward her. The two years apart had given her a lot of time to reflect on his actions and she realized that even when he was at his worst behavior by abandoning her it was indirectly to protect her. He's had her back for more than a decade. She realizes that there's nothing she would like to do more at this moment than be in his presence and take comfort from him, her best friend.
She looks at her boyfriend of a few months and tries to summon all the right words to explain to him. "No Marcus, this is not only about Jane. This is about me too, about what I want. Jane's friendship is too big a part of my life to risk on a whim. You know what, you should leave. I'm done talking for the night. I'm sorry that this is not the answer you want"
Marcus sighs and goes on "I went out on a limb for you Teresa, spoke to my boss Don from DC. I asked him to pass on other candidates and consider offering you a job. I'm expecting a call from him tomorrow. Would you please speak with Don before you make any final decisions? Speak with your other colleagues too, like Cho and Abbott. They'll tell you how amazing of a step this move will be for your career". Teresa is just speechless. Marcus went behind her back to secure her a job? She doesn't need his help nor his professional recommendation, she has always found or created her opportunities herself. Well, except for the FBI one of course, that's all Jane's doing. How the hell did she even find herself in this position? Two men trying to dictate her life and planning ahead for her, without consulting her. The sheer audacity?!
"Well Marcus, what you fail to realize is that I didn't ask you to plan ahead for me. I didn't ask you to secure a job for me in DC just because you want me there with you. So no, I will not be attending the call with Don. I don't want any handouts. Right now, I think the best thing we can do is take some time off and think about things" she says, and watches him. The silence stretches on for a minute. "Teresa, those were not my intentions and you know it. I don't mean to pressure you, I'm sorry" he says, and he looks sorry and disappointed. Whether he's disappointed in her or the situation she doesn't know. What she knows is that she needs time to think, to decide what's best for her. She hugs him, just to soften the blow. "Marcus, you should go home now, it's late. I will text you later" she says, and watches him collect his jacket and keys, and walk out the door.
Teresa stands there for a minute, takes a deep breath. She wanted to find Jane, but is unsure whether to do so now after all that heavy talk. She doesn't want any more confusion tonight. Then she remembers his eyes, stormy and beseeching, leaving a wreckage in her heart, and suddenly nothing matters to her than trying to lull him back to safe shores - even at the cost of being caught up in the eye of the storm. The least she could do is call, she decides. A safe middle-ground, ensuring he's not spiraling. She determinedly clutches her phone, locks the front door and goes into her bedroom. She settles in and hits dial on Jane's number.