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The shield felt like a weight on his back. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it was weightless.
When Sam fought with it, he sometimes felt undeserving. He knew Steve picked him, and trusted him, but he still felt it in the back of his mind.
He didn’t want to tell anyone about it. If Captain America was doubting, then why count everyone else?
It was like Buck said - people aspire to him, so he had to at least seem like he had it together. Even if he doesn’t. Somehow.
So when Bucky got thrown across the battlefield in a fight, it all came crashing down on him.
“Bucky! Guys keep them at bay, I’ll check that he’s okay.” Sam commanded into the comms, trying to keep some sort of composure, even if it was fake.
“Rodger that!” Joaquín replied, and Sam saw him fly across the sky holding back the army of HYDRA they were currently fighting.
“Gotcha - BIG TIME!” Scott answered, turning 50 feet tall instantly and squashing HYDRA agents under his foot.
Sam ran over to Bucky, seeing that his (notably small) team could handle this. Bucky was clearly knocked out against the side of a building. Sam shuddered when he saw the Bucky-sized dent in the brick.
“Sam?” Bucky looked weakly up, groaning with the effort. Sam kneeled down beside him, looking over his body for wounds.
“Hey. You good?” Sam asked, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.
“I mean… yeah? I think?” Bucky shifted slightly, testing how bad the pain was.
“Alright, well we need to get you back,” Sam looked over seeing that the battle was wrapping up and HYDRA was retreating.
“Redwing, track them please,” Sam said, the small bird-like drone shooting out of the pack on his back. It chirped then flew after the retreating army of Soldiers.
When Bucky got back he was taken to the hospital wing and checked on. Just a few broken bones the serum could fix in a few days a doctor relayed to Sam.
"Thank you." Sam replied to the doctor.
"of course," she smiled and walked back toward the hospital area.
Sam wasn't sure what he would do if he lost Bucky. He was the reason Sam picked up the shield in the first place.
The shield...it ment so much to so many people, and now it was up to Sam to live up to their expectations.
And that was the hardest burden. And he saw everything. how after every mission everyone else got pure praise, while Sam got a mix of support and hatred.
It hurt. And it was weighing him down. People didn't truly hate hum, no. But he was representing a whole country, and some wanted Steve back.
Sam wasn't Steve. He could never live up to Steve. Not in a million years. But some seemed to think still that his best was Steve's worst.
What else could he do? He wasn't as strong as Steve, wasn't as good of a leader, he-
He heard a knock at the door.
"come in," he mumbled, looking over at who was walking in. Jouquain.
"hey, Cap," Jouquain said as he sat next to Sam.
"what up Falcon?" Sam smiled at his friend.
"you good? You kinda disappeared after the mission," Jouquain asked.
"yeah just... Got a lot on my mind I guess.”
“I know. But you’re doing great. You do know that right?” Jouquain asked. Sam sighed.
“Yeah but it’s hard. It’s a big symbol to carry and… it’s too much sometimes. And almost losing Bucky today…” he let out a heartless laugh, “I can’t do this without him. Without either of you,”
“Aww, all soft on me now huh?” Jouquain teased.
“Shut up,” Sam laughed- for real this time.
“You gonna be good?” Jouquain asked. Sam nodded.
“Yeah. Yeah, I will be.”