Chapter Text
Your name is Sollux Captor and you sit in first period with the kind of rage that feels almost physical—like somebody stuffed a triple A battery into your chest when you only need a double A.
The air smells like dry erase markers and old carpet and the particular kind of boredom that makes you want to bite down on something metal just to feel real. Or anything at all.
And, since the universe hates you and wishes utter despair and misery upon you, things get worse. Not only are you sharing your first period with the worst person currently living, but your first period is English Language Arts. Your worst, most annoying and painfully difficult class. Just perfect. If anything can make this day, correction, this year even slightly better, it’s the fact Aradia is in your lunch period.
But back to the now.
Eridan Ampora, otherwise the biggest mistake the universe has ever made, is staring at you with death in his eyes, aiming right at your soul or whatever it is he thinks you do or don’t have. You don’t pretend to comprehend the fishdick mind. His painted lips are downturned, and his eyes squint at yours. The aggressive eye contact is almost funny to you, but when the teacher clears his throat, Eridan looks away, a bit startled. Serves him right.
twinAmrmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 06:23
[TA]: fiir2t day of hell oh boy iim 2o excited.
[CA]: it wwont be that bad
[CA]: my first day is today too so give me some sympathy ta
[TA]: ii already piity you ca iit2 my turn two whiine iince22antly about my problem2.
[CA]: haha youre so funny
[CA]: my school makes us find an pick our owwn fourth year a science an i got stuck with computer nerd stuff
[TA]: waiit actually? youre going two do awful plea2e giive me update2.
[TA]: ii have a c2 cla22 but iitll probably be ea2y and therefore boriing iin every way.
[CA]: cant be as bad as takin a class for somethin your completely uneducated in
[CA]: my life sucks an ivve basically suffered the wworst out of evveryone evver
[TA]: yeah okay youll be fiine.
[CA]: i just wwant the year to be done an over because i hate evveryone here and im pretty sure they all hate me evven more
[CA]: evven my girlfriend
[TA]: ag 2uck2 a2 a per2on and we all know that for certaiin.
[CA]: i guess
[TA]: way deep down you know iim right. liike always.
[CA]: maybe
[CA]: i got to go get ready
[CA]: lookin as good as i do takes effort
[TA]: you mean lookiing a2 2hiit.
[CA]: you nevver evven seen me
[TA]: ii know, arent ii lucky?
[CA]: shut up ill talk to you at lunch if i can
[TA]: talk then wiith update2 of my hellii2h day.
[CA]: chin up my day will probably be worse which i know youll enjoy cause you seem to get off to my sufferin
[TA]: aww howd you know my deep dark 2ecret? ii kept my hiidden love for your paiin on the down low.
[CA]: not dowwn enough ta
[TA]: iill hiide iit better then. talk later.
[CA]: see you
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 06:38
You wish desperately to be back home and having a conversation with CA. You met him online months ago, well, maybe a year by now, and he’s essentially your own personal void to vent and rant at with no real consequence. He doesn’t know you and you don’t know him. You’d agreed to not share personal information—what if he’s an old predacious man?---and that arrangement has worked out thus far. You don’t call, never send photos of your face, and never give out any details about where you live aside from the time zone. Internet safety, and zero real life consequences for anything you say. It’s free therapy and free therapist-training since CA always seems to have problems.
It then occurs to you that you haven’t been listening to a single word that came from the teacher’s mouth when he slaps down two sheets of paper on your desk. The room has dim lighting—this teacher thankfully turned off those harsh fluorescents and used lamps and LEDs to light the classroom. It’s somewhat relaxing. Your desk is against the far corner of the room from when you walk in, with your name on a taped index card. “1ST: SOLLUX CAPTOR” it says, and right under it: “2ND: KARKAT VANTAS”. You snicker and grab one of the sheets of paper, handing the other behind you to some tool with glasses and buck teeth.
“There are twenty four of you here today, so turn to the person on your right or left, whichever, and ask the questions on the paper. When you’ve asked at least five, turn to the person in front of you or behind you. I should see at least fifteen answered questions on this paper to receive a one hundred for it.”
The teacher is stern. Some man with a dark suit and a scratch over his right eye. You don’t remember his name for the life of you, but you’re sure you won’t be asking for help anyway. You’re quite okay with subpar grades even if your dads scold you for it. At the very least, it’s simply annoying.
You turn to Eridan, frowning.
“Wow,” you hear him say, tone sharpened to a point. “This is… unfortunate.”
You can’t help it. You tilt your head toward him just enough to give him your attention while refusing him your dignity.
“What’s unfortunate,” you reply, “is that whoever placed you here didn’t place you somewhere quiet. Like… a graveyard.”
“Unfortunate is having to look at your ugly mug, Sol,” Eridan scoffs, eyeing the paper on his desk as if it’ll somehow self-origami and become a workable gun to likely kill you with. He taps his pen on the first question, turning to look at you. “Can we make it quick?”
Eridan points at the first question on the sheet. “What’s your favorite subject.”
You scribble hard, like your pencil is trying to escape your hand and save itself from getting lead-wasted. “None.” That’s a lie, your favorite subject is obviously computer science, and if Eridan even knew the bare basics of you as a person he’d know that.
Eridan frowns. “That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the most honest answer available,” you say.
He taps the worksheet with one finger. “Pick something.”
You don’t even look at him. “No.”
He scoffs. “You’re impossible.”
“You’re annoying.”
You read the question “something people should know about you” and you decide—very deliberately—to answer it with a threat.
You put down: Don’t talk to me.
That should scare the teacher off for the rest of the year. If you have to do any popcorn reading, someone in this class (maybe Eridan, maybe an educator) is ending up dead. Maybe even you.
Eridan slams his pen down and, with as much drama as he can muster, turns to the girl behind him and asks, “What is your name?”
Her hair is long, way longer than it should be unless she’s never heard of a barber a day in her life, and she has bright brown eyes—not yet tainted by the hells of public high school—behind round black frames. “I’m Jade!”
Her voice is bright and way too cheerful for seven in the morning on the first day of school.
So you pointedly turn to the kid behind you, as dramatic as possible. You grab your paper and place it on the kid’s desk with a flourish, dropping your pencil and letting it roll until the student stops it.
“Thanks, man.” You take the pen, smiling.
The guy nods. “You’re welcome. I’m John. Uh, what’s your favorite subject?” John seems nervous, like he clearly wants to get this assignment done and over. You smile back to either soothe his nerves or spite Eridan, you haven’t decided yet.
“Oh, my most favorite subject is computer science.”
Eridan sneers at you, his teeth clenching so hard they might chip. “Actually, John, he doesn’t have a favorite subject.”
“Oh, well, I changed my mind, actually.”
“Ahaha, you can’t do that in five minutes, Sol.” Eridan’s smile is forced to the point it may be painful. You sure couldn’t force a smile that wide and that disingenuous for that long.
“Well, I found a way to do so, and I did. Idiot.” Well, now here you are forcing a smile.
“Am I missing something?” Jade asks.
John rolls his eyes and turns himself in his seat fully towards Jade. “Ignore them, they’re probably gay and denying it.”
“Excuse me?!” Eridan shouts, slamming his hands on Jade’s desk. The poor girl jumps a bit and stares at him while John snickers.
It’s going to be a long year.
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 11:40
[AA]: where are you
[TA]: table riight at the back becau2e nobody ii2 here two bother u2.
[AA]: i dont see you
[TA]: iim the only iindiian kiid iin a 2warm of whiite people how can you mii22 me?
[AA]: wait i see you im coming
[TA]: bozo.
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 11:43
Looking up, you see Aradia walking toward you, trey in hand. Her long, dark curly hair is perfectly coiled and looks soft to the touch. Her lips are painted a dark red and her eyes are framed with black eye shadow. Her outfit is a bit toned down: a white dress shirt with a black corset-ish thing and a red skirt that barely touches the ground. She looks radiant.
The trey hits the table with a small thump as Aradia sits across from you. “You won’t believe who’s in my second period. I can stare at her all class long, Sollux, she’s in accidental-on-purpose-dropping-my-pencil-so-she-gives-it-to-me-and-we-brush-hands range.”
“Is it Jade?”
“It’s Jade.” Aradia sighs. She takes her fork from its plastic jail and stabs it into beans that look disgustingly similar to rat feces.
“She’s in my first period.” You respond, biting into the school pizza which is probably twice removed from the edible family. “So my eyes soil her first.”
“Well, I heard from John from Dave from Karkat from Tavros that Eridan’s in your first too.” Aradia giggles, bringing her fork to her mouth. “How’d that go?”
“Ugh, terrible, AA, just awful. He’s so annoying and pompous. He hasn’t changed whatsoever from the annoying ass he was in middle school.”
“Yeah, I heard. And in ELA, too? Do you want your funeral colors to be red or blue? You’re not surviving the year, I think.” She talks while she chews, but you’re used to it.
The lunchroom is loud, as it always is. There are people arguing a few tables over about seating, and someone behind you just dropped a bunch of coins. The clinking sound grates on your nerves so you look back at Aradia and pull out your phone. She brushes her hair behind her pierced ears, sipping her water bottle that definitely has soda in it. And it being the very last lunch period of the day means it’s likely watered down soda. Disgusting.
“You owe me a Monster, by the way.” Aradia says offhandedly. “Karkat was, in fact, in my AP classes. All three of them.”
You roll your eyes, unlocking your phone (the password is 12 characters because you don’t trust anyone). “He complains about stress more than he talks about his love for his own boyfriend, and he’s doing more advanced classes? I give it a week.”
“Two weeks, and you give me a second Monster.”
“Deal.”
You get a flood of notifications when your phone opens, one after the other of CA complaining and whining. You’re very inclined to read them as soon as you see them, but you were also taught manners and Aradia is right in front of you. They can wait until you get home; you don’t have the WiFi to respond to them until then.
“Tavros’s going into surgery for his knee.” Arcadia’s voice is soft. She’s always had a special place in her heart for Tavros, that you know. You’re fine with the kid, he’s sweet and nervous as all hell. It’s a pain talking to him sometimes but it’s a pain talking to you too.
“What happened to him, again?”
“Torn ACL.”
“What? How’d he do that?”
Aradia shrugs with a smile while she pulls her crossbody onto her lap and unzips it. Out of it she pulls a small leather bound notebook and a pen. Like a fountain pen. An actual fountain pen.
“The 1800s called, they want their pen back.” Aradia reaches across the table and flicks your cheek.
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t get it, it’s cool.”
“About as cool as Eridan.”
“Oh, so very cool.”
“No, very shitty.”
The bus is hot and loud, a perfect journey home. Your headphones are at full volume, and you look down when your phone sends a notification telling you to turn it down.
You drive past a neighborhood with gates out front, luscious trees and what you know are huge houses (you and TZ went onto Zillow for fun and looked at the houses you wish you guys could afford). You see Eridan get off his bus and go to the gate. He looks back and you shoot him the middle finger though with the tint you doubt he can see it. It’s the principle.
Your stop is next, a house on the road that constantly has people coming and going, making it a real hassle to leave your drive through at certain times of the day.
You step off the bus, checking the mailbox, and you see your brother’s girlfriend’s car in the driveway. Latula’s awesome, you think. She’s Terezi’s older sister and you actually met Terezi through Latula.
Using your house key, you open the door and step in, taking your shoes off and setting them neatly by the door. To your left, in the kitchen, you see Latula boiling some water.
“Hey, man!” She waves. “I’m makin’ some ramen, want a bite?” She tosses her long dark hair over her shoulder and tugs her teal tank top down a bit.
“No thanks, LT.”
She shrugs, “More for me. Mituna’s in the living room, B-T-Dubs. Oh, and your dads are at the store.” She walks over to the fridge, opens the door, and pulls out a Monster. “Want?”
She hands the can to you after tapping it on your head in her way of a joke. Yeah. She’s cool.
“Thanks. Is TZ coming over too?”
“Nope, backed up trying to sort out her shit schedule.” Latula chuckles. “Ask her about it, though. She didn’t get into the law program and she was having a freak.”
“Yeah, I think Dave told me about that.” You say, nodding to Latula and walking over to the living room.
“Sollux!” Mituna shouts. You fist bump him on your way to the stairs and skip every second step up. Your room is just past the bathroom on the hall to the right. The door is painted black with little bee stickers from when you were about five. A sign hangs on it saying “CAUTION: Messy room! Enter at your own risk.” Yes, it’s corny and dumb but it was a Christmas gift from your dad a few years ago and you’re using it ironically. Plus, last time Dave was over he called it “genuine gold if the gold was all pyrite, but even then it still shines like real gold nuggets. Real taken care of and pampered chickens to kill for those nuggets like the gold egg-laying goose. Poor guy never saw it coming.”
So that meant he found it awesome.
You head to your dresser, cracking open the Monster while shutting the door with your foot. The first drawer is all socks, the second is t-shirts and after that bus ride you need a new shirt and some comfortable shorts. These jeans are sweat-soaked and it’s all sorts of hells if uncomfortable.
Clad in comfy shit, you sit at your computer and log in. There it is, the flood of messages from CA.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
[CA]: its bad its so bad
[CA]: i got this total asshole eyesore in my vvery first class a the day
[CA]: he wwas so pissy an annoyin today i wwont survvive the wwhole year ta
[CA]: and evven wworse my girlfriends ignorin me in our fourth period
[CA]: this is going to be the wworst year evver
[CA]: evveythin sucks ta im gonna die
Walls of text pass quickly as you read them, and when you’re done reading CA’s college essay of ranting, you respond:
[TA]: yeah there2 a diick iin my fiir2t periiod two.