Chapter Text
The truth is, Minghao doesn’t know what he’s doing.
He’s spent his whole life trying to seem like someone who knows exactly what he’s doing, what he wants, and how he’s going to get there. But on the inside, he doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.
Life has always been a predetermined path: go to school, get into a good university, get a good job, marry a nice woman, have kids, then die. That’s what his whole life was supposed to be, but Minghao’s life is a mess. His dyed hair is a mess, his wardrobe is a mess, his feelings are a mess, and he’s just trying to pull himself together before he falls apart completely.
But he’s good at what he does, even if it’s not something that matters to him. Even at the cost of the things he loves and himself.
Wow, microbiology? That’s so cool! You must be so smart!
He’s not. He’s just trying to prove something. He’s not sure what or to whom, but he feels like he needs to do something that makes him seem worthwhile. He doesn’t know why he does it. He just doesn’t know.
At his core, Minghao thinks he’s a liar. Why would he ever tell the whole truth? Why would he ever let someone see the softest, most vulnerable parts of him?
He puts on a shiny veneer, all pleasant smiles and soft spoken words, pretends he knows what he’s doing, and smiles for the crowd.
Today, the crowd is the audience for the performance clubs’ showcase. The applause is nothing unfamiliar, and he preens under the attention as he bows, linked to Junhui by a thick white ribbon. He gives the crowd a cursory glance before he begins his dance—a tall boy with tan skin suddenly catches his eye, his expression of awe.
The music starts before he can linger.
Dance is the thing Xu Minghao loves most in the world. It’s an outlet for his feelings, his ideas, who he is as a person. He puts all of who he is into it, and even if he’s a mess, things feel right when he’s dancing. The ribbon tugs and releases in a familiar motion, his movements fluid and practiced. For these moments, everything is okay.
The performance ends in a few short minutes, but performing and the energy of the crowd always makes him feel accomplished. He notices that the tall boy seems to have been looking at him the entire time and files this away before he bows and exits.
“So who was that?” Junhui asks once they get backstage, casual tone belying the nosiness Minghao knows motivates him. Minghao feigns ignorance.
“Who was who?”
“The tall guy near the front,” Junhui clarifies, slowly rolling up his side of the ribbon. “I saw you looking at him.”
“I look at the audience all the time. You don’t?”
“I don’t make weird sexually charged eye contact with random people.”
“Sexually—?!” He looks up at Junhui in disbelief, dropping his end of the ribbon to leave it to sadly uncurl and bounce on the ground, eyes wide and ears turning red. “He was just a hot guy!”
“So you were looking at someone,” Junhui says smugly. “And you think he’s hot.” The ribbon drags on the ground where Minghao has dropped it as Junhui continues to roll it up like Minghao didn’t fall right into his trap.
Minghao deflates.
“I looked at a cute guy twice,” Minghao retorts defensively. “Is that a problem?”
“I never said it was a problem. You just never notice anyone.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know who he is,” Minghao grumbles.
“Minghao, don’t even worry about it,” Junhui reassures, putting his hand on Minghao’s shoulder, ribbon rolled and secure in the other hand. His expression turns dramatically solemn. “I’ll find out by the end of the day.”
“Whatever,” Minghao acquiesces, pretending like he doesn’t care and like Junhui, notorious meddler and people-finder, won’t do it whether Minghao asks or not. Junhui beams. Minghao rolls his eyes.
Minghao gets a text after he’s finished dinner and retreated to his dorm.
俊辉
Friday 6:46pm
俊辉
his name is kim mingyu
his instagram handle is min9yu_k
you’re welcome
You
I didn’t ask
Friday 6:57pm
Thanks
you’re welcome
Minghao is proud of himself for holding out for a very brave 11 minutes. Maybe he shouldn’t be.
The first thing that Minghao notices from Mingyu’s Instagram is that he’s really quite handsome. Kim Mingyu is all tan skin, perfect hair, broad shoulders. Most of his pictures are taken with various people, and Minghao can’t help but tap on every picture to see who’s tagged. Seokmin, Seungcheol, Hansol, Jungkook, BamBam—the list goes on and on. Minghao doesn’t even know this many people.
Mingyu is, plainly speaking, magnetic. It could be his looks, his popularity, the confidence he exudes from even just his Instagram posts, but it draws Minghao in like a moth to a flame. There’s something about him that’s so…put together. Something that Minghao just so…isn’t.
He lays in his shitty little bed and stares at the ugly color on the ceiling. Life is just so easy for some people, isn’t it? It’s so easy for some people to be so confident, so well-liked.
Minghao has been popular for most of his life. He understands this. For as long as he’s been in the public eye, there have always been people who have adored him. But adoration only goes so far. Adoration is for the person he pretends to be; the role he plays on the stage. Would they keep adoring him if they knew what was underneath? Would anyone love the scribble with fangs that makes up his soul? He doesn’t think so. He’s always been hungry for love. He’s been starving all his life.
He puts on a pretty smile. Waves to the crowd. Pretends he wants to follow the path set for him. Pretends that it’s easy. His homework piles up. He’ll do it tomorrow.
His phone pings again.
performance team
Friday 9:35pm
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
hiiiii :3
were going 2 tiger kitchen tmrw at 1pm!
see u there!!
Sure. Why not.
Chan
u couldn’t have told us this earlier??
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
no :3
meeting in front of the plaza!
Yukwon
see you guys tomorrow again i guess
Soonyoung (not a tiger) liked a message
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
Friday 10:27pm
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
o btw i invited someone!!
u don’t kno him but its ok
u will!!
You
What? Who?
mingyu!!
What?
See you tomorrow
Minghao sets his phone down on his chest, rising and falling on a sigh. Life can be strange, he supposes, but still, he can’t find it in himself to complain.
He admits a truth to himself: that he’s curious. The desire to learn, know, explore rests deep in his bones. And if he’s curious about this handsome man—well, who can blame him?
俊辉
Friday 10:32pm
You
Are you going tomorrow
俊辉
of course
Did you know Mingyu is coming too
very interesting soonyoung told you that but not the rest of the gc
wear something nice
When do I not
do you want me to answer that question
??
Another truth about Minghao, one that he’s very proud of: he dresses very well. He observes himself in the mirror. He shrugs on a red plaid shirt over his white sleeveless shirt, clinging loosely to this thin frame, and his silver earrings and chain complement the undertone of his skin. He can’t say he isn’t insecure about how skinny he is, but he’ll have to admit these black skinny jeans make him look good. He ruffles his hair in the mirror once, twice, five more times, a sixth before he gives up. Good enough.
俊辉
Saturday 12:29am
You
[Photo]
俊辉
what’s the occasion
I can’t just show you an ootd?
You told me to wear something nice
true
looking cute
As always
as always
Minghao looks over himself one last time before putting on his shoes and leaving his dorm room. Junhui is pressed to the wall between their doors and looks up from his phone when he sees Minghao and whistles.
“You look even better in person. Mingyu is gonna love you,” he says, pocketing his phone and pushing himself off the wall.
Minghao rolls his eyes.
“Not what I was going for, but thanks.”
“Whatever you say, Xiaoba. Come on, let’s go.”
-
“Oh yeah, I invited one of my friend’s friends!” Soonyoung informs the rest of the dance team on their way to Tiger Kitchen, several hours too late.
“Who?” Chan asks.
“Mingyu!” Soonyoung replies. The rest of the dance team remains silent as they wait for Soonyoung to elaborate. He does not.
“Who the fuck is Mingyu?” Minhyuk asks finally.
“I think that’s Wonwoo’s roommate,” Chan offers.
“Oh! There he is!” Soonyoung says excitedly, waving his arms wildly. “Mingyu!”
“Hi Soonyoung!” The tan boy from the showcase responds with just as much energy. Minghao catches the flicker of his eyes over his outfit and he gives himself a moment to bask in the appreciation of his outfit.
“This is Yukwon, Minhyuk, Junhwi, Chan, and of course, Myungho!” Soonyoung introduces them all very rapidly and perhaps unhelpfully. ‘Introduction’ may be a strong word. “Chan doesn't actually go here, but he came to visit his boyfriend, and we adopted him!”
Chan beams.
“It’s nice to meet you all. I’m Mingyu,” Mingyu says. His voice is rough and has a cute little lisp to it. Minghao doesn’t have to tell anyone he thinks it’s cute. Junhui has the absolute audacity to elbow Minghao.
“He’s even better looking up close.”
Minghao glares and shoves Junhui, hopefully not enough that Mingyu notices or even worse, somehow knows Chinese.
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Mingyu continues. “The dance showcase was incredible.”
Mingyu glances at him as he mentions the showcase and they make eye contact. Minghao blinks at him curiously but Mingyu quickly looks away.
“Is your roommate Jeon Wonwoo by any chance?” Chan asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“I’m his boyfriend! It’s nice to meet you!”
“Oh! It’s nice to meet you too,” Mingyu replies with a bright smile. Minghao feels like he has to avert his eyes, but he’s transfixed by the brief flash of Mingyu’s teeth.
“Great!” Soonyoung interrupts very loudly. Chan gives him That Expression. Minghao is very familiar with making it himself. “Who’s hungry?”
Everyone murmurs an agreement and they file inside. Minghao watches Mingyu closely, who sits next to the wall. Following his curiosity and nothing else, Minghao sits down in front of Mingyu.
“Mingyu, right?” Minghao asks casually. Or so he hopes.
“Yeah,” Mingyu replies. “Myungho?” Minghao is impressed at his ability to have caught his name through Soonyoung’s ‘introduction’.
“Mhm. You were at the showcase the other day, right?”
“Yeah, I saw your dance. It was… really pretty,” Mingyu says with the same awe in his voice Minghao saw in his eyes at the showcase. Minghao doesn’t often shy away from attention, but he squirms a little in his seat at Mingyu’s tone. “I've never seen anything like it.”
“I'm glad you liked it,” Minghao says genuinely. “Junhui and I worked really hard on the choreography. We also sang the background song, our friend Jihoon helped us with that one.”
“You know Jihoon too?”
“Yeah! Dance club works with the singing club pretty often.” Minghao takes a split second to consider his following words. “Hopefully you'll come to more of our performances.”
“You remember me?” Mingyu asks, visibly surprised. Instead of perhaps processing this question correctly and not just staring at how cute Mingyu is when he looks surprised, Minghao says,
“It’s hard to forget a face like yours.”
Did he mean it? Yes. Should he have said it? Judging by the brief but very, very telling look Junhui flashes at him, probably not. Minghao bravely powers through instead of dropping his face in his hands. There might be a limit to how curious he should be.
“You’re so cute when you’re flirting, Minghao,” Junhui says to him in Chinese. Minghao glares. “But the waiter is here.”
Minghao nods and turns to the waiter he genuinely didn’t realize was there. “Just water, please.” He turns to Mingyu. “You?”
“Oh, um, water for me as well.”
The waiter nods before leaving.
“So, your name…” Mingyu starts before promptly trailing off.
“My name? Seo Myungho?”
“Do you… have a Chinese name?” Mingyu asks, sounding like he doesn’t quite know how to navigate the question; a fair reaction.
“Ah. Myungho is my Korean name. My actual name is Xu Minghao,” Minghao responds. He loves his name, the way it rolls off his tongue. Mingyu, on the other hand, looks a little lost. Minghao can’t help but smile a little. “Most people have trouble with it, so one of my friends helped come up with it when I moved here. You can call me Hao if you want.”
Junhui gives him another very quick glance. Can he stop listening in on their conversation?
“Hao,” Mingyu repeats, like he’s testing it out. “I like it.”
“I’m flattered,” Minghao replies, feeling a smile tug at his lips. “And that’s my friend Wen Junhui. People mostly call him Jun.”
Junhui looks over for real this time, waving at Mingyu with one of his smug little ‘I know something you don’t’ smiles, before quickly returning to whatever conversation he was having.
“So what do you major in?” Mingyu asks casually. Minghao feels a strange flicker of envy for the ease Mingyu asks with.
“Microbiology,” Minghao says mechanically, like it’s somehow a practiced script for him, as if he’s just an actor in his own life. He supposes it’s not far from the truth. “What about you?”
“Business,” Mingyu replies.
“Really.” Minghao props his chin up with his hand. “Are the rumors true? That business majors have no homework?” he teases. Minghao can’t help but smile a little when Mingyu looks down at his menu.
“I’m sure compared to you, no one has much homework.”
In a way, Minghao should feel good. Accomplished. That someone thinks he’s doing something impressive, something worth noting. That’s the whole point, isn’t it? Proving himself to an audience he created? A heavy feeling drips down his spine.
“Mm,” he hums noncommittally instead. “Junhui is a neuroscience major. He’s definitely in the running. In any case, freshman year isn’t so hard. Lots of basics, so it’s not like I have too much to worry about. At least for now.”
Minghao suppresses a sudden twist of his mouth as soon as the words leave him. Where there should be pride for being able to be humble about something that should be impressive, a knot finds itself in Minghao’s stomach and he suppresses a frown. He thinks about the homework stacked on his desk. He stops thinking about it.
“You’re a freshman too?”
“Yup. ‘97.”
“Oh! Me too!” Mingyu looks up from his menu, grinning with those same sharp little canines Minghao noticed earlier. They’re… strangely cute. “My friends Seokmin and Jungkook as well. My roommate is ‘96 and I think Seungkwan is ‘98, so he’s also a freshman, but—” Mingyu seems to notice Minghao’s amused expression and stops himself from presumably rambling off the birth years of the impressive resume of people he knows. “Do you know what you want to get?”
“You sure know a lot of people,” Minghao says absently. “The kimbap here is quite good. You?”
“I got the kimchi jjigae last time I was here.”
“That sounds good,” Minghao replies, ready to give their order to the waiter who’s just appeared.
Minghao and Mingyu continue to talk for the duration of their stay, a steady stream of conversation between just the two of them, interrupted by Soonyoung proudly declaring he’ll pick up the check. It’s something easy. Something relaxing. He forgets about the wrongness he felt earlier.
“So why business?” Minghao returns to their previous conversation.
Junhui very rudely taps on Minghao’s shoulder before Mingyu can answer.
“I hate to interrupt your date, but it’s 4.” Junhui better watch his next words very carefully or he’s going to find his family sized bags of shrimp chips missing very soon. “Bio study group today, remember?” Shit.
“I’m so sorry,” Minghao apologizes, turning back around to Mingyu. “I forgot we have a study group planned today for our intro to bio class.”
“Oh, no problem! Sorry for keeping you so long.”
If it were up to Minghao, they would have kept talking all day. It is, however, up to the time frame they booked their study room for.
“Don’t worry about it, I like talking to you,” Minghao admits with a practiced smile. He gets up from his seat and—you know what? “Here, let me give you my number. Hand me your phone.”
Minghao can physically feel Junhui staring a hole straight through his skull into his brain and hopes Junhui can feel how much Minghao is ignoring him. He considers sending evil psychic beams into Junhui’s head but figures the shrimp chips will be enough of a message.
‘Hao’, Minghao types into Mingyu’s phone before handing it back, smiling.
“I’ll see you around, Mingyu,” he says with a wave of his fingers. Mingyu returns the wave before Minghao and Junhui leave, saying their goodbyes and thanks to the rest of the group.
“So you gave him your number?” Junhui asks on their way to their study group.
“Yeah, what of it? He’s Chan’s boyfriend’s roommate, so… we’re all kind of in the same group,” Minghao reasons, quite unconvincingly if Junhui’s expression says anything. It’s not like he has to disclose his inexplicable interest in Kim Mingyu to his best friend if he doesn’t want to.
“You’re different around Mingyu,” Junhui hums. Minghao falters.
“Am I?”
“You’re a lot more confident. I’ve never seen you flirt like that before.”
“I’m not flirting with him!” Minghao retorts, again, likely sounding very unconvincing, especially when he can feel his face burn.
“Whatever you say.”
Minghao learns absolutely nothing in his study group today. His phone is on silent so he can focus, but it’s not much help when all he can think about is getting a text or a certain smile with fangs.
Junhui raises an eyebrow at him when the study group concludes, and he immediately digs through his bag for his phone.
“I just need to check the time,” Minghao defends, pulling his phone out and turning it on. No message from any new number, and he tries not to be disappointed about it, but it looks like Soonyoung has… made a new group chat?
i <3 my team i <3 my crew
Saturday 4:10pm
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
HI EVERYONE :DD
i think we shld all be friends!!
bc we all know each other an stuff!!!
*and
Chan
hi
Unknown Number liked a message
Chan
<3
Unknown Number
i love new friends this is awesome
Chan
wait i don’t have someone’s number
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
o ya we should introduce ourselves
i’m soonyoung :3
Chan
i’m chan
Unknown Number
Wonwoo
Woozi
jihoon
Unknown Number
i’m seokmin nice to meet u guys
Unknown Number
hi i’m seungkwan :)
Unknown Number
i’m mingyu!!
Minghao can feel Junhui's eyes boring into the side of his head as they start walking.
“Yes?”
“Is that your hot guy?”
“He’s not my—whatever.”
“Gonna introduce yourself?”
“I don't really have a choice, do I?”
“Not really. I think Soonyoung would hunt you down.”
Minghao sighs and tries very hard to pretend he’s normal about this.
i <3 my team i <3 my crew
Saturday 5:03pm
You
I’m Myungho
俊辉
jun
it is very nice to meet you all
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
u know what we shld do
lets hang out!!!!
Chan
we just hung out an hour ago?
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
ok well i didn't say today maybe i meant tmrw ok
plus we have more ppl now!!
Chan
fair enough
what were you thinking of doing
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
i didnt think that far yet!!! :D
Seungkwan
??
do you think at all???
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
nope :3
myungho n jun when r u guys free
ur the busiest
i think
“I think I’m free this Wednesday. You?” Junhui asks. Minghao goes to his calendar and browses his week, ignoring the cramped color-coded boxes.
“Works for me.”
俊辉
we’re free this wednesday if you guys are
Seokmin
ok perfect mingyu is always free
“You’re smiling.”
Minghao presses his lips together.
“I’m not.”
Mingyu
??
i have soccer practice tuesday and friday?
Seokmin
yeah whatever business major
俊辉
mingyu out here catching strays that’s crazy
Mingyu
RIGHT WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
“You’re smiling again.”
Minghao doesn’t dignify Junhui with an answer this time.
Seokmin
major in business next question
Chan
wonwoo and i are free too!
Seungkwan
ya me too
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
okayyyyy wensday then!!
Woozi
*wednesday
and you didn’t ask if i was free
soonyoung
u will be!!
Woozi
what the fuck
Chan
so what are we actually doing
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
idk !! accepting suggestions
Seokmin
KARAOKE
Seungkwan
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT
Seokmin liked a message
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
yippee!!! well go to karaoke this wednesday at like
noon
or smth
“Are you gonna type something or what?”
“You’ve only said two sentences!”
“That’s two more than you.”
See you guys there
Minghao glares at Junhui.
Mingyu
see you guys wednesday!
“Was that so hard?”
“I didn’t have to say anything, you know,” Minghao says, rolling his eyes as they get to their floor.
“How are you supposed to bond with Mingyu if you won’t even say anything but your name?”
“Who said I wanted to bond with him?”
“No one in particular. Just the way you smile when you see a text from him.”
“Go to your room.”
Minghao reviews his day like class notes.
Did he say anything wrong? Did he say anything weird? Hopefully Mingyu doesn’t think Minghao was trying to run away from him because he forgot he had his dumb study group that he didn’t even learn anything during anyway. Or maybe Junhui was right and he should have said more in the group chat. Or maybe he should have asked for Mingyu’s number instead? Which is more straightforward? Now the ball is in Mingyu’s court, but is that too much pressure?
You're different around Mingyu.
Is he?
Minghao thinks about himself. Confident isn’t a word he’d use to describe himself, especially around Mingyu. Confident is a word he would use to describe Stage Minghao, the one that everyone likes. Stage Minghao isn’t the real Minghao, introverted, emotional, barely holding it together until tomorrow.
Curious would be a better way to describe the way Minghao feels about Mingyu. There’s something about Mingyu that isn’t just magnetic, but something intriguing about his easy confidence and openness, and Minghao certainly understands why so many people are attracted to him. He’s just curious about that kind of person, who would so happily talk to someone like Minghao.
He won’t admit it to anyone else, but he starts scrolling through Mingyu’s Instagram again. Tagged post after tagged post, friend after friend, the way Mingyu was so friendly, open, and easy to talk to. After a moment of deliberation, he presses ‘follow’. Only a few moments later, he gets a notification Mingyu followed him back. Of course. Mingyu isn’t the type of person to overthink like Minghao does.
He likes the way Mingyu isn’t Minghao, Minghao concludes.
Six homework assignments, all assigned on a Sunday. An aggrieved sigh. At least his lab is due next week. Not that it doesn’t loom over him all the same.
Minghao’s meticulously curated to-do list stares back at him imposingly. He’s ‘free’ on Wednesday in the sense that he has no classes that day. ‘Free’ as in a day without work? Rarely.
He opens all of the pages for his assignments methodically and all of their associated documents, tabs popping up one after another. He skims through all of them to glance through the requirements and organize them all in his head.
The bio and general chem assignments are the least work, but bio is due at the end of the week. He should get started on the fundamental chem one because it’s due earliest but requires a medium amount of effort. Physics is only tedious, so he’ll put it towards the middle of the week and work on it bit by bit after bio and general chem. Analytical geometry—
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s one assignment per day but some of them shouldn’t take too long so he can knock out multiple in one day, hopefully all of the easiest ones by Tuesday. He’ll start on the fundamentals for his lab today and do research for his other assignments at the library towards the end of the week. It shouldn’t take long. He uncaps his pen and scribbles it down in his monthly planner with assignments written on each day he plans to do them and on his online to-do list that syncs across all of his devices and is pinned onto his homescreen of each.
Minghao buries his face in his hands, takes a deep breath, and straightens up. It’s fine. It’s okay.
He’s free Wednesday. He is.
Bio and general chem assignments are done. Minghao tucks his black shirt into loose pants. Fundamental chem is about halfway through, he thinks he’ll pick sneakers for today, he’s gonna get started on physics soon, and this outfit might benefit from a hat. He adjusts it so it fits just right on his head, dangerously close to slipping off but looking good, but the lab looks harder than he initially expected. He slips on a bracelet for good measure and plans to finish fundamental chem tomorrow night.
Minghao slings a bag on and shakes his head. He pretends it doesn’t irritate his mild headache.
俊辉
Wednesday 3:55pm
俊辉
ready when you are
You liked a message
One more once-over in the mirror and a calculatedly casual run of his hand through his hair, making sure not to disturb his delicately placed beret, and Minghao leaves his room with a sigh.
“Unclench your jaw,” Junhui says before anything else.
“Thanks,” Minghao replies, easing up a little.
“Your shoulders.”
He relaxes his shoulders and takes a deep breath.
“You look good,” Junhui says with the affectionate tone he always gives Minghao when he’s this stressed. Minghao smiles, a small thing. “Need a Tylenol?”
Minghao presses his hand to the side of his head firmly to tamp down the throbbing and shakes it a little. He immediately regrets it. It’s not that bad.
“I’m good. Let’s go.”
-
“I’m glad you came out tonight,” Junhui says softly on their way to the karaoke place. “You deserve more breaks than you take, you know. You're going to worry yourself to death at this rate."
“I have to make sure I get the fundamentals down," Minghao insists again. Junhui looks at him sadly. "But it’s good for me to socialize sometimes. I’d hate to be the person to keep turning down invitations and then never get invited anywhere again.”
Junhui's eyes soften. He puts a hand over Minghao's.
“You’re always gonna be wanted somewhere, Minghao.”
Minghao puts his free hand over Junhui’s and squeezes.
“Thank you,” he says quietly.
-
Minghao, who likes to arrive fashionably early, is always thwarted by Soonyoung, who does not. He thanks his lucky stars that Soonyoung is there before them this time and is already in their room, that his headache has subsided, and that it does not return when Soonyoung greets them loudly.
“I’m so glad you could come, Myungho, Jun!”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he says. He immediately regrets it and thinks maybe he would miss it for some things when he sees Seokmin making a particularly devious face as he scrolls through the list of songs with Seungkwan. Hopefully Junhui has brought that Tylenol. Jihoon looks like he feels approximately the same way.
Minghao sits down on the couch and melts into it immediately. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but certainly more than his dorm chair that he’s been attached to for the past three days. There’s a knock on the door a moment later and Wonwoo, Chan, and Mingyu file in.
“Everyone’s here!” Soonyoung announces before the door has even closed. “Let’s get this party started! Hit the music!”
Seokmin and Seungkwan, who look like they’ve prepared for this moment their whole lives, press play on the karaoke machine and launch into a particularly impassioned performance of Love Dive. Despite the fact they are very loud, they are very talented. Soonyoung claps along in the background and cheers loudly. Minghao is incredibly surprised his headache hasn’t returned. He hopes it doesn’t, because he feels better now than he has all week. Junhui nudges him. Are you okay? Minghao nods. I’m good.
Everybody takes their turn and everyone’s performance, either wonderful or…passionate, at least, eases the buzzing at the back of Minghao’s head. Junhui does one of their favorite Chinese songs, a quiet one. Minghao’s favorite of the night, if he’s being honest.
His close second, he won’t admit to anyone, is Mingyu’s.
“I’m not great at singing,” he says, picking a particularly short song. Seokmin rolls his eyes.
“No need to be humble. It’s about the passion! The performance!”
“For the love of the art!”
“Soonyoung gets it!”
It’s almost as gentle as Junhui’s, easy on his ears, and there’s something particularly endearing about Mingyu’s little lisp. If he claps a little more for Mingyu than anyone else but Junhui’s, that’s his own business.
“Myungho’s turn!” Soonyoung announces, mic suddenly right in Minghao’s face. He’s not sure why he didn’t expect he was getting a turn tonight. “Come on, your singing is beautiful!”
Minghao puts his face in his hands briefly before sighing and getting up. There’s no escape from whatever Soonyoung sets his heart on. He scrolls through the list of songs and decides on 离不开你.
He settles into music. It’s a soft, comfortable song. The piano notes hold him gently and he decides that yes, it is about the passion and performance.
From the corner of his eye, he catches Mingyu’s gaze. Mingyu is watching him with a certain intensity, a very familiar yet different sense of awe in the way Mingyu looks at him. Minghao reads people well. Respect, admiration, amazement.
Minghao knows what it’s like to be seen. He knows what it’s like to be admired. But he’s not used to being looked at by someone like Mingyu—confident, sociable, put together. Everything that Minghao admires but doesn’t know how to be. Capturing the attention of Mingyu feels like something special.
He puts more feeling into the last notes of the song, maybe because Mingyu’s attentive gaze makes him feel like he has to prove himself. To deserve to be looked at like that. The music winds down and Minghao relaxes.
The room erupts into applause, breaking the spell.
“I don’t know why you haven’t joined the singing club yet,” Jihoon chatises playfully.
“Thanks,” Minghao says with a small laugh. “Maybe one day.”
In the commotion, most people have swapped seats for the night. Minghao has been pressed into the same comfortable indent he’s made in the couch the entire time, but is surprised to see Mingyu shuffle next to him.
“Soonyoung took my spot,” Mingyu says, motioning to Soonyoung, who they watch leisurely take up three seats to sprawl over both Seokmin and Jihoon’s laps at the same time. Jihoon rolls his eyes but makes no attempt to move him. “Can I sit here?”
“Oh, yeah. Feel free.”
“Thanks.”
Having Mingyu in such close proximity feels strange. If he felt something nerve wracking when Mingyu was looking at him while he was singing, this is ten times more so.
“Your singing was really good,” Mingyu says quietly, almost lost under a fourth encore for Seokmin and Seungkwan.
Minghao hopes Mingyu doesn’t see his cheeks flush just a little in the dark karaoke room.
“Thank you,” he says. “Yours too. You have a great voice.”
“Thanks,” Mingyu repeats. Minghao imagines he’s no stranger to compliments. “Uh, sorry I couldn’t text you this week. Soonyoung made the group chat before I could text you first and I didn’t wanna text you during your study group and you’re…busy and all.” He motions at nothing with one hand vaguely.
Honestly, Minghao didn’t expect Mingyu to actually want to talk to him, much less apologize for not doing so.
Minghao stares at him for a moment.
There’s something so genuine about Mingyu, something that makes Minghao feel so admired, attention he feels special to have. He's capable of expressing how he feels to others candidly. Minghao doesn't think he'd be able to apologize for not texting Mingyu even though he wanted to, because he wouldn't admit it to anyone to begin with.
“No worries! You have soccer practice and other things to do, I totally get it. And if you wanna text me, I can make a little time for you,” Minghao says, smiling a little, words picked precisely. He doesn't admit he wants to text Mingyu—admitting desire is vulnerability.
Mingyu beams, teeth on display. Those canines are ridiculously cute.
“Yeah? It won’t interrupt your busy schedule?”
Minghao shrinks just the smallest bit. So maybe it might. But he thinks it might be worth it. Despite the reminder that he’s Minghao, Microbiology Major.
“Well, I’ll get back to you when I can,” he says with a sheepish smile. Mingyu nods understandingly. Minghao appreciates it.
It’s silent between them for a bit. Between them, specifically, because Seokmin and Seungkwan just have not stopped singing, and Soonyoung has joined in on the fun, ad libbing eagerly. He could be better at it, but Minghao admires Soonyoung’s energy. Kind of.
“You’re really talented,” Mingyu says suddenly. Minghao looks over at him in surprise.
“Am I?” It’s not like Minghao doesn’t hear it often. It’s just different coming from Mingyu.
“Yeah. It’s like you’re good at everything you do. I admire it.”
And there it is, right? Mingyu is complimenting Stage Minghao. Minghao the artist. Minghao, the actor in his own life. That’s all he is. That’s all he is to Mingyu.
“You give me too much credit,” he says quietly. “I just focus on the things I like.” The obligated humbleness in his voice feels heavy on his tongue.
Mingyu nods in response. Minghao is sure he gets it.
A few minutes pass, Minghao enjoying the presence of his friends and how happy and carefree they look. He’s happy for them.
Wonwoo and Chan stand up and Mingyu follows suit. He looks up at Mingyu, maybe a little sadly.
“Time to go?”
“Yeah. Chan’s got class in the morning and I’m headed out with Wonwoo. Roommates and all. I’ll see you around?”
“Yeah,” Minghao hopes aloud. “For sure.”
-
“Did you have fun?” Junhui asks on their way back. Minghao sighs, feeling the energy from the night slowly seep out of him.
“I did,” Minghao admits. “It was nice to unwind.”
“You deserve a moment sometimes.” Junhui is quiet for a moment before his voice turns sly. “Was it fun showing off your stuff to Mingyu?”
Minghao looks at Junhui, ears reddening.
“I wasn’t—it wasn’t—” He sighs. Quieter, he continues. “He said I was talented at everything I do.”
“You work hard, Minghao,” Junhui says, sobering. “You deserve to be recognized.”
“As Stage Minghao?”
Junhui pulls him in by the shoulder, rubbing gentle circles.
“You would be loved even if you weren’t Stage Minghao.”
The scribble with fangs inside of him? Loved? He doubts it.
Mingyu looks at him with such wonder when he sees Stage Minghao though. But the way Mingyu looks at him, the way Kim Mingyu, popular and confident, looks at him is a special kind of being admired.
That’s fine. Stage Minghao it is. It always is.
He should work on his physics homework when he gets back.
“Heading back to the dorm?” Junhui asks over dinner.
“No,” Minghao says after swallowing his last bite of rice. “Going to the library. Just one more assignment I need to finish today.”
“Want me to come with?”
“No, I need to minimize distractions.”
Junhui looks at him, mildly scandalized.
“Me? A distraction?”
Minghao looks at him blankly.
“Just don’t stay out too late, okay?” Junhui says more seriously. Minghao sighs.
“I’ll try. See you later.”
-
The library is almost perfectly empty when Minghao gets there. It better be, it’s 9pm on a god damn Saturday. He lets the tranquility wash over him for a moment before heading up to the second floor to get to his favorite spot, depositing his things and going to find the books that he needs.
There’s something a little peaceful about being at the library this late, absentmindedly tapping the spines of each few books he goes through to find the ones he needs before finding them and settling in. He takes a deep breath before unpacking everything and getting started.
Minghao kind of regrets leaving this one for last. He loathes to admit it to anyone, but he’s really struggling with this subject. Fuck whatever arthropod vectors are. He glares at the book like it’s the author’s fault that he’s majoring in microbiology. He feels like his assignment is taunting him as he tries to type out his answers on his document, flitting between textbook pages, writing notes, and shamefully consulting Naver nonstop.
Another deep sigh, centering himself before he can let his frustration get the better of him and continuing to reference the textbooks and formulate responses on his homework and take notes on all of it. Slowly, he feels his workplace start to turn into a disaster. One textbook is open on top of the other and all of his search tabs have become disorganized. He thinks his notebook pages are creasing from the way it's pushed into the corner of his laptop. His dumb colored highlighters and pens are all askew and he feels like a parody of those aesthetic study vloggers. Which color were microorganisms supposed to be again? He flips back three pages to check, to make sure his color coding is consistent. Why can’t it be that easy for him? Why isn’t it as simple as writing his notes in colored pens and drawing little flowers in the margins? What way is there for him to romanticize all of this stupid—
No. It’s fine. It’s okay. You’re okay, Minghao. Take a deep breath.
“Hao?”
Minghao doesn’t want to admit that he physically jumped in his seat.
“Oh—hi, Mingyu. I, uh.” He swallows. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I didn’t expect to be here. Business major and all,” he says with a little laugh. “Especially not this late. Soccer practice ran late and I needed to grab a book, but I kind of got lost.”
Minghao likes that about Mingyu. The ability to not take himself so seriously sometimes.
“Do you want me to help you find it?” Minghao asks, desperate for a minute to just…not think about biology right now. “I spend a lot of time here, so…”
“No! It’s okay. I’m sure you’re busy.” Minghao would rather not be reminded. “What are you up to so late?”
Minghao stares at his study materials scattered haphazardly. Embarrassing.
“Just some homework. I just need to finish up some research, I’m almost finished with everything else for this week.”
“Diligent,” Mingyu says with a smile. Is he? Putting it off this late? Wasting his time here trying to understand concepts he hasn’t been able to for weeks? “What’s it on?”
Minghao starts rambling off all of the notes he’s been writing. Words. They’re all just words to him. He stopped processing them at least fifteen minutes ago but he’s never been anything but stubborn. Surely if he just keeps pushing forward, he’ll figure it out. The least he can do is sound like he knows what he’s talking about.
“So it’s a lot,” he concludes resignedly. “But I should be finishing up soon.” A lie. He has no idea how long he’s going to be trapped here.
“You’re so smart,” Mingyu says. Minghao doesn’t think so. “Maybe I have brain damage from a soccer ball to the head or something.”
Minghao can’t help but laugh a little at the absurdity.
“Brain damage? Are you sure?”
“A few too many soccer balls to the head. It could happen.”
“Do you normally get hit on the head?” Minghao asks, truthfully a bit worried. Do they even kick soccer balls that high? Minghao resolves to ask Junhui a few questions about brain trauma.
“Maybe I got hit by so many I forgot,” Mingyu says with a shrug. Minghao stifles another laugh.
“Do you wanna sit?”
“Can I?” Mingyu asks eagerly. Minghao smiles and nods.
Minghao loses himself in the easy conversation he has with Mingyu. He can feel his shoulders relax, the tension that’s slowly been building up since he sat down slowly ease with every sentence from Mingyu.
“But the thing about that is—” Mingyu is cut off by his phone vibrating. He checks it and frowns. Minghao looks at him with a mixture of curiosity and worry.
“Shit. It’s getting really late. I should get going. I’m super sorry for distracting you,” Mingyu apologizes, shrinking a little.
“I think I needed the break,” Minghao admits with a soft smile. “Goodnight, Mingyu.”
Mingyu returns his smile, something bright. Minghao feels his smile grow fonder.
“Goodnight, Hao. I hope the rest of your homework goes well.”
They both wave and Minghao grimaces the second Mingyu turns around the corner. Now it’s just him and microbiology. He looks down at his work, words swimming across his books, his laptop, his notebook.
Minghao sighs and picks up a random pen. Who cares what color it is.
If only Mingyu were still here.
嘉佳
Sunday 1:34pm
嘉佳
are we still good for tomorrow after class?
You
Yup!
awesome! see you tomorrow!!
Minghao leans back in his chair and sighs. Most of his assignments have been graded. Straight A’s as usual, followed up immediately by a slew of new assignments and an offer to tutor a classmate in geometry after he saw them almost start crying after class.
(“Your generosity is going to be the death of you,” Junhui lightly scolded. Minghao groaned and let his head drop on the table with an almost unsettling thunk. He hopes he gets brain damage too.)
This week is easier. There’s no lab this week and most of the assignments he can get through pretty quickly. He reviews all of them mentally, putting importance tags on all of them on his to-do list and assigns all of them personal due dates to keep him ahead of schedule, double-checking his calendar. This week he feels like he might be able to breathe, just a little. He sighs again.
It’s a habit of his that he finds annoying, personally. He’s become hyper aware of it ever since Chan pointed it out approximately three months ago at dance practice. Minghao knows it’s a parasympathetic response to his stress and anxiety, and his body making him aware of his stress makes his stress even worse. The irony and agony of the human body. He sighs again—god damn it.
At least geometry is fairly easy. Relatively, at least, in comparison to all of his other subjects. It makes him feel so, so miserable. How is he going to make it through the next three years if he's already this stressful? What’s even the point? What is he even struggling for—
Minghao’s phone vibrates on his desk. He shuts his eyes tightly and heaves another stupid sigh before picking up his phone and looking at his notifications.
Instagram
min9yu_k just made a post.
So what, Minghao has post notifications on for Mingyu. And? He opens the notification and scrolls through all of the pictures. Ramen, paintings on the restaurant’s walls, and Mingyu himself. Every picture is taken with intent, perfect colors and perfect lighting. The ramen looks delicious, the broth a rich brown, every painting beautifully lit, the colors popping just the right amount. And Mingyu?
Uh. Wow.
Minghao is going to leave it at that.
min9yu_k lunch with my new photographer @everyone_woo
As far as Minghao is aware, Wonwoo and Mingyu only met a few months ago because they got randomly assigned as roommates. And now they’re comfortable enough to go out to get lunch together by themselves?
If Minghao knocks on his wall, he knows he’ll hear a knock back. The person on the other side of the wall is his lifelong best friend, the only person he trusts with his gorey insides. The real version of him. He didn’t have to beg Junhui to room with him (although he wouldn’t have hesitated to) because Junhui knows Minghao would be too terrified to room with a stranger, even if they only share a bathroom. The idea that there’s a stranger on the other side of his wall was far too much for real, introverted Minghao to handle. Mingyu doesn’t seem to share this struggle.
Of course, Minghao knows social media is fake and people post the best parts of their lives. Minghao does the same. All of his art gallery visits, his paintings, his ootds, all picture perfect, a pretty front for the person Minghao really is. But there’s no way for Mingyu to fake how many friends he has, how outgoing, self-confident, popular he is.
Mingyu, with his broad shoulders, sculpted biceps, and effortlessly confident demeanor, looks back at Minghao from his phone screen. Mingyu is just like this. What Minghao wishes he could be without even trying. He wishes things were that easy for him.
Minghao sighs. He likes the post. He turns off his phone.
Another difficult week. Minghao’s head swims with terminology, numbers, theories, concepts. Time has all but ceased to exist for however long he’s been here.
He stares at his laptop a little helplessly. It’s no use. He’s already burnt out for the day and it’s only…8pm.
What a waste. That could have been four more hours of working but now he has to just sit here and eat his food instead of finishing his homework or studying? God. He sighs and takes out his earbuds to bring him back into the moment and ground himself before his own brain can frustrate him even further.
“Hao?” A familiar voice says. He feels like this moment is very familiar.
“Oh—hi, Mingyu.”
Mingyu stands in front of him, smiling brightly, holding his dinner. Minghao remembers he has food in front of him that he was supposed to eat.
“You’re here late,” Mingyu observes with a tilt of his head. Minghao is sure he looks a little pained.
“I’m usually here around this time. Sometimes I study here. The change of scenery can be nice.”
Mingyu nods thoughtfully, still standing.
“Do you wanna sit down?” Minghao asks, feeling a little bad that he’s made Mingyu just kind of stand there while Minghao talks. Mingyu smiles again.
“I’d love to,” he says, putting his plates down and sitting down in the opposite seat in the booth.
“Do you eat here often?” Minghao asks before he can think of anything else to say. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.”
“Yeah, I tend to eat earlier though. Soccer practice has been running late because we’re having the last game of the year soon. Seungcheol has been a real pain about it,” he sighs, poking his kimchi with his chopsticks. “but we’re planning on making this a good one. Coach is expecting a lot out of us.”
High expectations. Minghao knows how it feels.
“How long have you been playing?” Minghao asks, wanting to fill the air and selfishly, learn more about Mingyu.
“Since middle school, I think. I’ve always played a lot in my free time,” Mingyu says after thinking for a moment, finally taking a bite of his food.
“You must be passionate about it,” Minghao says absently. “to be able to spend so much of your free time doing it.’
“Yeah, I have…a lot of it,” Mingyu admits. Minghao giggles. It’s cute that Mingyu is embarrassed about all of the free time he has, but Minghao can’t help but be jealous.
Mingyu gets to spend his abundance of free time doing something he loves. Minghao barely gets the chance to do the things he loves because of all of his responsibilities and burdens. He barely carves out enough time for dance, never enough to truly have his fill, and his sketchbook has gone untouched for weeks, collecting dust in one of his drawers. He longs for it, but his brain is too overwhelmed with all of his stress he hasn’t been able to get any creativity out. It hurts.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? To be able to have so much free time and spend it doing the things you love?”
Mingyu stares at his kimchi for a moment.
“Yeah. It’s nice,” he says simply. Before Minghao knows what to say, Mingyu coughs a little and sits up a bit straighter. “Our game is in about two weeks. 8 o’clock on Friday, if you want to come? If you’re free, of course.”
Minghao is briefly stunned into silence. Mingyu is inviting him into his life? Mingyu actually wants to make Minghao part of his life, part of his passions?
The thing is, Minghao isn’t free, really.
“I would love to, actually,” he says, trying to sound normal about it but not suppressing a smile. Mingyu grins at him with those sharp little teeth and Minghao’s heart beats much faster than it should.
“Okay! Awesome! I look forward to seeing you there.”
Minghao is too.
Leather jacket? Or black and white letterman? Maybe a hoodie? No, not the hoodie. He picked a cool shirt.
Minghao observes himself in the mirror, switching between holding up the leather jacket and letterman.
Yeah, letterman, he decides as his phone vibrates on his desk. He doesn’t almost trip moving to grab it. He doesn’t.
Mingyu
Friday 6:15pm
Mingyu
hi! doors open at 7 btw!
Perfect timing. He gives his letterman a tug before going to respond, just as more messages pop up.
you can stay a bit after if you want?
just to say hi
Minghao’s heart flutters and he feels a little silly for being this giddy. Mingyu just wants to say hi. To him. Specifically. That’s normal. That’s normal, right? Yeah.
You
Okay!
See you soon :)
Whatever possesses Minghao to add a smiley face, he won’t dwell on. One more look-over in the mirror. Yeah, this is good.
-
Minghao gets to the field a little earlier than a lot of people. Not on purpose or anything, it’s just a happy coincidence he gets a seat on the bleachers fairly close to the field. He’s a little nervous being here alone, feeling very out of his element and a little lonely, to be honest.
He considers texting Junhui to come join him, but the game is about to start and he doesn’t want Junhui to make any assumptions. He’s just here to support a friend. The spotlights suddenly get brighter, startling Minghao.
“Welcome to Pledis University’s last game of the year, against JYP! Here are our home game players!” The announcer declares. He rattles off a few numbers and names Minghao vaguely recognizes from Mingyu’s Instagram before—
“Number 9, Kim Mingyu!”
Minghao can’t help but smile as he sees Mingyu stride onto the field, all charm and confidence with that grin on his face, waving to the crowd. They meet eyes and Mingyu seems to smile a little more, and he seems to be…waving to Minghao? Minghao smiles wider too and waves back, taking in Mingyu’s joy.
To be honest, Minghao has no idea what’s going on. The rules of soccer are beyond him (something a simple Naver search could not fix, actually) but he just kind of likes being here, watching Mingyu do something he loves. And something he’s really, really good at, as far as Minghao can tell.
The intensity in Mingyu’s eyes makes Minghao’s breath hitch as the timer ticks down and he lands a solid shot into the other goal, breaking their tie last second, prompting the entire crowd to let out a resounding cheer and Minghao finds himself clapping and cheering too.
“Junior varsity Pledis wins, thanks to Kim Mingyu’s last second goal!”
Mingyu turns around to look right at Minghao and it could be the sweat and spotlights, but it looks like Mingyu is absolutely glowing, grinning excitedly. Minghao’s heart races and he considers waving before Mingyu’s teammates tackle him to the ground. Minghao winces at the impact, but Mingyu is laughing loudly.
As close as he is to the field, Minghao still isn’t close enough to make out anything that Mingyu or his teammates are saying, but Mingyu manages to wrestle an arm out of the weight of his teammates to wave at Minghao who happily returns it.
Minghao came to see Mingyu in his element, doing the thing he’s passionate about, but he didn’t expect to see Mingyu in his social element too; literally surrounded by people who clearly admire him for the person that he is, all showering him with affection.
It’s not like Minghao hasn’t experienced the same. His entire dance team loves Stage Minghao. But this is Mingyu, who doesn’t have to act in his own life to be liked by everyone, shining brightly and laughing loudly, real and genuine.
One of the other team’s players comes up to Mingyu with a grin and they immediately strike up a friendly conversation. It’s unfathomable to Minghao the way Mingyu can be so sociable with anyone, even someone from an opposing team.
This is Kim Mingyu. All toothy grins and easy conversation, loved for who he is, charming and confident. Everything Minghao could never be. He shrinks into himself and shivers from the fall chill. He doesn’t have too long to get deep into his self-loathing before his phone vibrates.
俊辉
Friday 9:46pm
俊辉
i’m hungry
late night snack pls
You
I’m out right now sorry
oh my god i knew this whole time
congrats on the bisexuality
Shut up
wdym you’re “out” it’s 10 pm on a friday?
wait
you’re not at the soccer game are you
you know you have read receipts on right
minghao i can SEE you reading these
I just needed a change of pace
you don’t even like soccer
I can’t pick up a new interest?
is your new interest’s name kim mingyu by any chance
Maybe soccer is just interesting
no it is not do not lie to me rn
tell me right now how many players are on a soccer team
Minghao looks up from his phone to the field, where everyone is already dispersing.
are you counting
At least 10
i don’t know why i asked i don’t know either
you’re only paying attention to mingyu anyway
There’s also Hansol. Seungcheol
At least one other guy from the other team
Blond
i literally dgaf about what color his hair is
is the game over did we win can we get a snack when you’re back
Sure
You’re paying
what the fuuuuuckkk why do you hate me
We have to make it quick
I still have to study tonight
俊辉 reacted 👎
?
“Hey,” Mingyu says from next to Minghao suddenly. Minghao looks up at him with a smile and puts away his phone.
“Hey. Nice game.”
“Thanks for coming,” Mingyu says with his own smile. “I didn’t even know if you liked soccer, so…”
Minghao looks away for a second and considers telling the truth. He shrugs.
“I don’t know anything about soccer, but I wanted to come and see you do your thing.” He looks at his boots. He hopes he looks good. “You were really cool.”
“Really? You think I was cool?” Mingyu asks eagerly. Minghao looks up at Mingyu with a shy smile only to see Mingyu absolutely grinning ear to ear.
“Yeah. I think you’re really cool.”
Mingyu almost shines brighter under Minghao’s compliment than under the soccer spotlights. He has the inexplicable urge to pat Mingyu on the head.
“I think you’re really cool also,” Mingyu responds quietly. Minghao flushes before his phone vibrates obnoxiously. It better not be Junhui again, he swears to god…
Even worse. It’s his study alarm. It’s time for him to get back on track. He sighs and stands up.
“Sorry for cutting it short, that’s my alarm. I’m supposed to get back to studying now,” Minghao explains, trying not to sound as agonized as he does.
“I’m so sorry for keeping you,” Mingyu frets. Minghao waves his hand like he can dismiss Mingyu’s worry.
“No, no! I made time for this. I’m really glad I came to see you,” he admits. “I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, see you around,” Mingyu responds, a small smile returning. “Good luck on studying!”
Minghao waves goodbye and starts walking back to his dorm. It feels a lot colder, somehow.
-
Minghao sighs before swiping his keycard and entering the lobby of his dorm. How is he supposed to get back to studying like this? He stops halfway through the lobby, because why is Junhui just sitting at the table by the vending machine?
Junhui looks up at Minghao from his phone with a sunny smile when Minghao walks up to him.
“Have you just been waiting here for me?”
“I missed you,” Junhui says with an exaggerated pout.
“I want chips,” Minghao sighs, ignoring Junhui’s minor theatrics as he flops into the seat across from him.
“Anything you want, Xiaoba.”
Minghao slouches in his chair and sighs. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs again.
“What’s the problem?” Junhui asks as he gently tosses a bag of chips in front of Minghao.
“Thanks. General chem,” Minghao responds evasively, opening the bag.
“I think you mispronounced Mingyu.” Junhui sits back down, a bag of candy in hand.
“I did not.”
“There’s no shame in having a crush.”
“I do not have a crush. We’re just friends.” Minghao crunches on a chip particularly loud on purpose.
“I think this crush is good for you,” Junhui remarks through a hard candy in his mouth, ignoring Minghao’s glare. “When is the last time you’ve voluntarily gone out by yourself and not thought about your assignments?”
Minghao stops chewing.
“Exactly.” Junhui sighs, putting down his bag of candy. “I know you put this much effort into all of your work because you want to get the fundamentals down and all, but I always worry about you, you know? I just…I think you need to take it easy sometimes. You put so much pressure on yourself when you don’t need to sometimes. You deserve to relax.”
He thinks about it; the last hour and a half, free of thoughts of schoolwork and other miseries in favor of Mingyu, Mingyu, Mingyu.
Maybe that’s not so bad.
Minghao exhales heavily. Three of his classes have reviews the length of his arm. Mercifully, the other two only half a forearm’s length. Isn’t this supposed to be freshman year? The first year? The easiest year?
He’s done with two of them, which is the same number of weeks he has to finish the last three. This is all material he’s learned before, so all he needs to do is look at his notes and transfer them to the review and make sure to study all of it. It’s just that easy. Right? Even though it already took him five hours to finish two of them and one of them was one of the short ones and two of the classes say the review is just a sample and actually he needs to study everything so he has to make sure he goes through all of his notes and—
He shakes his head and lightly slaps himself on the cheeks, ignoring the oncoming headache.
It’s just freshman year. It’s just freshman year. This is easy.
Minghao squeezes his eyes shut so hard he sees spots.
This is easy? This is supposed to be easy? All of this stuff that he already doesn’t even give a shit about, and here he is, stressing over the simplest bones of it, what’s even the point?
No. No. He sighs again. He can’t stop here. He’s going to make it through this.
BIO 120: Introduction to Biology
16/20
CHEM 109: General Chemistry I
94/100
CHEM 113: Fundamental Chemistry I
43/50
PHYS 141: Elementary General Physics I
17/20
MATH 106: Analytical Geometry
97/100
Minghao slouches in his chair, almost sliding out of it. It’s over. It’s finally over.
For the first time in weeks, Minghao opens the group chats he’s had muted for all of finals. 714 new messages may be surprising to anyone else, but he would be more surprised if there weren’t that many. This actually might be too few, but Minghao chalks it up to finals. He scrolls down to the most recent texts from the group chat Soonyoung made, currently still being sent. He’ll catch up on everything else later.
i <3 my team i <3 my crew
Thursday 5:20pm
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
HIIIIII IS EVERYONE DONE WITH FINALS I MISS U GUIYS
Seokmin
i considered ending it all yeah thanks for asking
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
ok anyone else
Seokmin
:/
Woozi
*guys
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
did u sing a little song for ur final
Seokmin
did you dance a little dance?? damn
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
ya!! :D
Seokmin
oh that’s cool
yeah i sang a little song
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
our jihoonie made a little song :3
Woozi
yeah that’s literally my major
Chan
i still have one more tomorrow :(
Wonwoo
Life is hard
俊辉 reacted ‼️
Seungkwan
u chose your major on purpose?
Wonwoo reacted 👎
Minghao understands Wonwoo on a very personal level.
俊辉
no he’s real for that
what’s your major again
Wonwoo
Mechanical engineering
俊辉
this guy’s crazy
Seungkwan
aren’t you a neuroscience major
俊辉
yeah
and it sucks
Seungkwan
fair enough
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
EVERYONE BOO THE STEM MAJORS
BOOOOOOO
Mingyu
what did the stem majors do to you :(
俊辉
that’s what i’m sayin
we should boo dance majors
Chan
dude??
俊辉
sorry
dance major (singular)
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
okayyyyyyyyyy so when r we hanging out???????
Shit.
俊辉
uhhh
minghao and i are heading back to china for the summer friday night
Seungkwan
aww
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
WHAT
Y DIDNT U TELL US
俊辉
idk
but we’ll be busy all day tmrw
and chan has a final too
Chan
sorry :(
俊辉
not your fault dw
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
cryign rn
俊辉
we also have to make travel plans to get to the airport n stuff
Mingyu
if you need to get to the airport i have a car
i can drive you guys if you want?
俊辉
mingyu have i ever told you you’re super cool and also hot
Mingyu
no but i appreciate it
俊辉
Thursday 5:46pm
俊辉
sorry for flirting with ur boyfriend
found us a ride to the airport tho
You
Not my boyfriend and thank god
i <3 my team i <3 my crew
Thursday 5:46pm
Mingyu
what time should i get you guys?
Minghao winces.
俊辉
yeahhhh so does 5 am work…
Mingyu
yeah that’s fine!
where are you guys at?
俊辉
we’re in the north dorms
Mingyu
oh i’m at the south dorms!
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
UR AT THE DORMS???
WE SHOULD HAVE HUNG OUT MORE
俊辉
busy
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
im abt to start booing stem majors again
Mingyu
i’ll see you guys tomorrow then!
俊辉
god you’re so cool are you single
Mingyu
um
yeah?
俊辉
Thursday 5:49pm
俊辉
excellent news
You
WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT
you’re so welcome
Is this information Minghao appreciates having? No. It’s not. It’s not important at all. Lots of people are single. Including himself. He’s really single. Not that that matters in this context.
you gonna thank him or what
For being single??
for driving us to the damn airport
but that if you want too
i <3 my team i <3 my crew
Thursday 5:50pm
You
Thank you for the ride Mingyu
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
HE LIVES
Chan
omg we missed you so much
Barely
Missed you too
Mingyu
yeah it’s no problem!
Soonyoung (not a tiger)
we missed u and now ur leaving us again…
My apologies
Seungkwan
send lots of fun pictures!!
俊辉
will do
"Please stop clenching your jaw," Junhui sighs, the sound echoing off the empty walls of the dorm lobby. "He's just driving us to the airport. There's nothing to be anxious about."
Minghao relaxes his muscles and sighs. Junhui is right. He has no idea why he’s anxious. He doesn’t even know how he has the energy to be anxious when he’s already getting sleepy. He taps a nervous rhythm on the handle of his suitcase.
“Being in someone’s car is like…a weirdly intimate thing.”
Junhui looks at him with a raised eyebrow.
“It’s a car,” he says slowly. “It’s fine.”
Their phones vibrate simultaneously. Minghao doesn’t need to look to see who it is, but Junhui does so anyway.
“He’s outside,” Junhui declares, standing up. “Let’s go.”
Mingyu gets out of his car and looks far more awake than anyone at 5am has the right to.
“I’ll put your stuff in the trunk, you guys get in the car,” Mingyu offers. Minghao smiles tiredly, heart warmed by his generosity.
“I want to sleep. I’m taking up the entire backseat,” Junhui announces casually, sliding into the backseat. “Minghao has to take shotgun.”
Even at 5am, Junhui remains a scheming bastard. Minghao is too tired to argue so the best he can do is give Junhui a dirty look through the window when Mingyu isn’t looking before getting in the passenger seat.
“Ready to go?” Mingyu asks when he gets in. There’s no response from the backseat. Junhui, who is not taking up nearly enough room to warrant forcing Minghao into the passenger seat, is already fast asleep. Minghao makes a content sound and nods.
He falls asleep quickly too.
-
“—ao.” Minghao blearily opens his eyes, waking up to someone shaking him gently. “Hao. Five more minutes until we’re there.”
Minghao blinks at Mingyu. Why is he hot when he’s driving?
“Okay,” he mumbles.
“Sleep well?”
Minghao stretches as much as he can.
“Yeah.”
“What’s your plan? When you get home.”
Minghao sighs and hums thoughtfully. The sun is rising, but there’s something delicate about the moment, a quietness he’s afraid to pop if he speaks too loud.
“Probably eat. I miss my mom’s homemade food.”
“Sounds good. Send pictures.”
“I will. Promise.”
He turns around to the best of his ability to swat at the side of Junhui’s head until he groans.
“Good morning. We’re almost there.”
-
“Thank you again,” Minghao says sincerely, a little more awake now. They’re in the drop-off lane, so he doesn’t want to keep Mingyu too long, but he doesn’t want to leave quite yet.
“Anytime,” Mingyu responds with a smile too bright for 6am, but far be it from Minghao to complain about seeing Mingyu’s smile. “Send food pictures, okay? You promised.”
A fond smile spreads across Minghao’s face.
“Yeah. See you next year.”
“Next year,” Mingyu responds, and it sounds like a promise.
Minghao watches Mingyu’s car leave for a little too long.
“You look like you want to chase after him.”
“If you don’t sleep the entire flight, I’ll kill you.”
Minghao thinks about Mingyu on the way back home. He plans on not thinking about microbiology all summer.
He wonders if he’ll think of Mingyu instead.