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The year 1787, James Madison was strolling the streets, filled with absolute GLEE over the constitution being written. That document was essentially his baby, and he, the father. James believed that it could be great and steer the country into greatness, I mean who could disagree? He and his buddies in the ‘big’ gov had finally come up with a foundation for this newborn country, those liberty bells rang free, and the feeling of freedom had finally come. So what could go wrong?
So there he was, skipping down the streets of Orange County, Virginia with a big smile on his face, greeting passerbys and kissing babies on the forehead and whatnot. How good it was to be a rich man with a dad as a tobacco plantation owner, he couldn’t have made it till this moment! Everything was swell for him, he even felt like he could start a war he probably couldn’t win! That is until…
“Have you heard?” A voice spoke near the future president. He quickly turned his head because even if you’re an OFFICIAL you can still enjoy a bit of gossip, BAH, a LOT of it. There he saw two younger civilians, about in their 20s, chatting with one another as they read the local newspaper. The previous speaker continued: “The fathers, y’know, the FOUNDING ones, they put out a big, shiny new document! It's called the constitution, but it hasn’t been ratified yet.”
“Seriously? Isn’t that the ones that supposedly SUCKS really badly?” The other one said, a bit too loudly. Unfortunately, she noticed Madison standing there. “Oh… yikes. Hi James.”
“It…Sucks..?” Madison stood there in shock, wrapping his hands around his head, a small tear fell from his cheek. “HOW COULD IT SUCK??? Did you…DID YOU EVEN READ IT??” The future president stood there, yelling at the two random civilians until he stormed off to his secret treehouse hangout with two other federalists, John Jay, and his BFFF (best frenemy for life,) Alexander Hamilton.
“Can you BELIEVE it?” Madison explained, having complained about the views of the people immediately as he had climbed the ladder and sat on his designated cushion, waiting for the other federalists to respond. John Jay was adjusting his ‘hair’ and Hamilton was hate-reading other officials’ writings and drinking from an olden time juice box.
“Literally cannot. I am shaking right now…” Jay said, raising his hands to his face to prove it. “My wig is MOMENTS from falling off.”
“Well I say we make them believe it!” Hamilton got off his cushion and stood up, throwing his juice box on the ground, visibly confident in his next few words. “I will write it so! With the help of you two, we could strike back! Like the spread of smallpox!!”
“Wait, are you for real? Why should we? I’m not in the mood to do anything..” Jay spoke, yawning after he finished.
Hamilton scoffed, then replied. “I have all the supplies here, but it will take us a while.” He tossed paper and glitter pens to the other two, leaving the extras in between the group. “They’re from my not yet dead son. As well as the other ones don’t matter too much.”
“What..?” James scratched his head, very unsure about what THAT meant. “Can you repeat that?” But he was interrupted by John Jay.
“Can I have the pink and yellow one with the heart on top…?” Jay reached out towards the pile of extra pens. Alexander slapped his hand away.
“No! That one is my favorite besides the ballpoint and the quill!” He shouted, then started to write on one of the papers while muttering to himself. “God, I wish you died in the war.” After hearing this, Jay watched him for a while, then finally got an idea and began writing very slowly.
Madison sighed as he looked down at his blank sheet, holding his tobacco and cigar themed gel pen in hand. He feared that this might take a while, but then he remembered something very important. This document that was being slandered, was his son. Imagine an infant being told it was worthless and contradictory, YOUR infant, how would you deal with that? Madison gripped the pen with a newfound sense of ambition, he must defend his kin!!
After a couple of weeks spent practically eating, drinking, and writing in the treehouse, John Jay started to fall behind. His essays began to dwindle in number and he wasn’t working as fast as the others. He also appeared to start to become very sickly. Not good news for the trio.
“C’mon John, lock in! Clock in to your work today! Stand on business!” There Hamilton stood in front of the New Yorkian, clapping his hands in front of Jay’s face. It was the afternoon, their designated hangout time to write the papers. Alexander continued, “You don’t want to be known as some bum fraud, am I correct?”
“But Alex, I don't feel so well. Maybe I could just take a couple years brea-”
“Absolutely NOT! We have work to do John! You will not be the potential man!”
“Potential is still halfway there! I can still do something! That’s what potential is!!”
“I cannot believe you! No wonder you're not included in my Tony award winning musical! You’re an unnecessary character!”
“Dudes, dudes, founding dudes! Calm yourselves down! Let’s just publish these, Hamilton your 51, my 29, and John’s 5. We have 85 articles ready to go!” Madison stood between them as he spoke, putting his completed papers in the middle.
“Ugh fine! But when Lin Manuel Miranda doesn’t come knocking on your door wanting to be you don’t come calling back to me!” Hamilton scoffed, turning his head away sassily, his wig’s powder slightly coming off.
“Yeah yeah I’m just glad it's over. I felt like I did SO much.” John sighed, yawning into his hand after. “I can’t wait to go home and relax.”
“Uh yeah…so much.” Madison awkwardly said as he grabbed the essays from the other two fathers’ hands.
And so it was done, the papers were out. And with mixed reviews. The majority of people who were leaning politically towards them loved the papers, claiming they were good documents to help back up the constitution. And then there were the others, those who DESPISED THEM. For this James Madison would cope by running up to his mansion and listening to 1700s sad revolutionary phonk. But other than that, he was generally very happy about how much they wrote, so much so he stopped yelling at random civilians for a while.
On one fateful morning, he awoke from his bed with a Hello Kitty in congress themed comforter and a pillow with the declaration of independence on it. He slipped into his pajama gown and headed down to the kitchen for breakfast made by the workers. As he took a seat at the long table, he noticed the somber faces of the maids and butlers as they put a bowl of lucky charms in front of him.
“What’s wrong? Did I sleep-walk and try to sign the declaration again?” He said as he shoved a large spoonful of the cereal in his mouth, careful to save the marshmallows for last.
“No sir, yesterday, something was published…” One of the butlers spoke up, clearly nervous as he stood right next to the future president. “Something I don’t think you’ll really appreciate too much.”
“What, what is it! Oh just tell me I can handle it!” Madison slammed his spoon onto the table which shook the milk in the bowl. He was lying, he felt that he could cry at any moment now.
“Here, sir.” The butler slid a group of papers to Madison, which landed right under his hands. They were slightly yellow, and written in actual ink. Much more official looking.
“Hmmm..” James Madison flipped through the pages. “This is interesting, what is this all about anyways? The name seems pretty brutal.”
“They are called the Brutus papers, sir.” The butler responded, for some reason not seeming to notice that Madison had ALREADY taken notice of the name. “And they’re against your federalist papers. Sort of like an exposing google doc or a diss track.”
“Against the what now..?” James yelped. “They JULIUS CEASERED ME!”
He looked up into the sky, raising his hands as he yelled. “WHY DO NONE OF MY DOCUMENTS DO WELL!!!!!”
TO BE CONTINUED….