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Movie night at the Fact Attack Adventures household had, in the words of Facty…. “devolved somewhat from its original educational purpose.”
Lightbulb, sprawled across one end of the sofa, turned his bulb head towards them.
“Facty,” he said, “the original ‘educational purpose’ was to watch The Top One Hundred Most Bizarrely Specific Facts About Household Appliances, Volume Seven.”
The blonde pushed their glasses up their nose. “Yes!! You never know when you’re gonna need em! ESPECIALLY after that time you taught me and Martian the proper usage of a fork with spaghetti! Plussss,” they dragged out the s sound, “everyone already knew the first six volumes.”
“When? When would you need all of these facts??” The Bulb head inquired,
“When you’re… feeling facty…..” They murmured with a slight sing-song tone to their voice, which earned a fond giggle from Lightbulb.
From somewhere beneath the enormous pile of blankets in the middle of the sofa came Martian’s muffled voice.
“I like the kettle fact.”
Both of them looked down.
The alien poked his head out from the blankets.
Her antennae were bent at slightly different angles, his huge dark eyes sleepy despite his best efforts to look attentive. Their oversized blue Fact Attack Adventures shirt had bunched around him, the extra arm holes making the whole thing look even more like a little blue dress which made Facty soften immediately.
Facty, excited to have someone listen to their stupid obsessions, like… strange facts about the home, (Ever since Lightbulb taught them how to use a fork correctly, they’ve been trying to one-up Lightbulb with some OTHER important household facts, constantly bringing it up too, as if that helped their case,) asked,
“Which kettle fact?”
They barely rendered that Martian looked almost entirely half-asleep and probably was just mentioning the ‘kettle fact’ to be nice.
“The one about the kettle.”
Lightbulb nodded thoughtfully, always one to defend Martian. “Ah. A compelling argument!!”
“It was about the thing,” Martian insisted, waving one set of hands vaguely. “And the water. And how it turns hot!”
“Excellent summary,” Facty said, mirroring Lightbulbs energy. They’d been a bit hard on Martian recently ever since the whole skatepark ordeal, getting home from the spaceship wasn’t easy, so it wouldn’t hurt to be kind.
“Thank you!!”
Lightbulb reached over and gently patted his little green friend on the head to which Martian chirped in mild protest.
“Hey! Antennae!!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Lightbulb withdrew his hand.
Facty glanced down at the nest of blankets surrounding Martian.
“Are you comfortable?”
“Yep!!” She chirped again.
“Do you need another blanket??”
“Nope!”
“Pillow?”
“Nope..”
“Snack?”
“Nope.”
Martian paused after that, making Facty narrow their eyes.
“…Maybe.”
Lightbulb laughed.
“You said no!”
“I forgot about snacks!”
“That is not an excuse.”
“It is to me!!!~”
Ten minutes later, Martian had acquired a bowl of popcorn, three additional cushions, and, err, somehow, Lightbulb’s green cargo-jacket incase Martian were to complain about the cold, which he had been doing a lot recently. His cargo-jacket, which he was almost sure he had thrown out before moving in with the other two. They only ever really wore their matching blue shirts, anyways.
The movie continued.
Or, more accurately, the extremely enthusiastic narrator continued explaining facts about appliances while Facty kept pausing it to add their own commentary, and Lightbulb kept correcting the commentary. (And Facty.)
“Actually,” Facty said for what was probably the twentieth time that evening, “that statistic was based on a survey from 2018, so!!!!”
“Oh, here we go,” Lightbulb groaned.
“-and if we’re being precise-“
The rambling continued, Martian barely keeping awake, still eating popcorn, looked between them.
“I think the narrator is winning.”
There was a moment of silence before Facty pointed dramatically at him.
“See? Betrayed in my own home!!”
“It is also our home,” Lightbulb said.
“That’s what makes it worse.” They joked, making Martian giggle.
Facty tried very hard to continue looking serious.
They failed.
Soon enough, the argument had dissolved into laughter. Lightbulb had one arm thrown over the back of the sofa, Facty had somehow ended up sitting sideways against Lightbulb with their feet tucked beneath Martian’s blanket pile, and Martian was.. Martian was getting quieter.
He’d stopped eating the popcorn and their antennae had begun to droop.
Facty noticed this first, so they lowered the volume on the TV, muttering a fact about how the remote worked to Lightbulb before Lightbulb shushed them to glance over.
“Aww,” he whispered.
“ ‘M not asleep,” Martian mumbled.
Neither of them had said anything at first, exchanging a fond look before Lightbulb smiled. “Of course not.”
“I’m watching..” Martian protested,
“Obviously!!” Facty added.
Martian blinked slowly at the television. A few seconds passed.
“I’m.. learning..”
“Mm-hm.”
Facty smiled and tucked a loose strand of strawberry blonde hair behind their ear before leaning down to kiss Martian’s forehead and pat his side comfortingly. Martian nodded, apparently satisfied.
Then, slowly, her eyes closed. One of their lower hands remained curled around a piece of popcorn.
The film continued playing softly, Facty and Lightbulb stayed very still.
Lightbulb whispered, “Do you think she knows she’s asleep?”
“No. Remember when we first met him and he didn’t even know what ‘sleep’ meant and- Oh the good days. So many facts.. Uh, but yes! They probably don’t know they’ve even fallen asleep.”
“Should we tell him?”
Facty gave him a look.
“No.”
“Right. He has been a bit tiresome after the whole skatepark thing.. And the Via ferrata thing..”
A little while later, Lightbulb reached over and carefully took the popcorn from Martian’s hand and Facty pulled the blanket a little higher around his shoulders, neither of them noticed when Martian’s antennae suddenly twitched.
At first, the dream felt almost normal to Marian, they were all together, so they already liked it. Didn’t even recognise it was a dream to start. Facty was walking ahead of them, talking excitedly about something Martian only half understood, like usual. Lightbulb was beside them, laughing quietly at one of Facty’s jokes whilst pretending it wasn’t funny.
Martian was following behind.
Everything was fine.
Except-
“Wait!”
Facty kept walking as Martian hurried after them.
“Wait, wait, wait!!!”
Lightbulb didn’t turn around, worrying Martian more. Usually the Bulb was much better at keeping Martian involved with their conversations or activities…
Martian looked around…. The place they were in wasn’t familiar which was the first problem, the second problem was that it was definitely his fault.. Of course it was.. Everythjng was ALWAYS Martian’s fault, no matter how hard they tried to stay involved, happy, a member of the group without harm, something bad would always happen to the trio as long as Martian was there.
There was some kind of enormous, complicated machine nearby this strange place, covered in buttons and wires and blinking lights. Martian had only touched one thing, one very tiny thing, then everything had gone wrong.
“Facty!!!” Martian called, finally, they turned around, but instead of looking annoyed, or worried, or even amused-
Facty looked scared..
Really scared.
Martian froze.
“No, no, it’s okay,” she said quickly. “I can fix it! I always make things worse first, but then you two usually know what to do!! R-Right?? Just like always!!!!”
Facty said something but Martian couldn’t hear it, the machine made another horrible, mechanical whirring sound which made it near impossible to hear anything else. Lightbulb moved towards it.
“Don’t!!” Martian shouted, but Lightbulb couldn’t hear him either.
“Lightbulb, wait!!”
The lights around them flickered, Martian ran in an attempt to reach the two, they tried to grab Facty’s hand, to pull Lightbulb back, to do something- But everything was happening too quickly!!!!
He knew this part.
This was when Facty and Lightbulb would figure it out!!!
Facty would remember some incredibly obscure fact.
Lightbulb would remember another fact that somehow fit perfectly with it.
Martian would help.
They would solve the problem.
They always solved the problem.
“Facty!” Martian cried. “Tell us a fact!!!”
Facty looked at him. Lightbulb looked at him. And neither of them knew what to do.
Martian’s stomach dropped.
“No,” Martian whispered as the machine grew louder, drowning out their voice as it increased in volume,
“No, no, no-“
They reached for the others but they were too far away- And- suddenly, terrifyingly, they were gone.
Just…..
gone…..
The dream became silent and distant, like a mirage, like Martian was slowly losing their footing and consciousness, slowly sinking under their own thoughts until she couldn’t make much sense of the dream, so Martian stood there alone as his thoughts drifted further and further. The machine was still blinking and the buttons were still flashing, yet all Martian could think was-
It was my fault. Again.
ALL. MY. FAULT.
Suddenly, she was risen violently from the mirage with the ringing of her ears (idk if Martian has ears. Antennae?? bear with me here T_T) and a brightness seeping in past his closed eyes.
“Martian?”
He woke up all at once, eyes flying open.
The room was dark, the television was still playing, someone was touching his shoulder.
Martian scrambled backwards with a startled noise, her four hands tangling in the blankets.
“Whoa, hey, hey-“
Lightbulb immediately pulled back.
“It’s okay! It’s just me!!”
Martian stared at him.
For one horrible, terrifying second, he didn’t understand.
“Lightbulb?”
“Yeah..!”
Martian’s head whipped around.
“Facty?”
“I’m here.”
Facty was beside him almost instantly, Martian stared at them too.
They were both there.
Right there.
Fortunately, completely and utterly safe.
Martian’s antennae were trembling. He opened his mouth yet nothing came out.
Facty’s expression changed immediately.
“Oh.”
Lightbulb looked between them.
“Nightmare?”
Martian swallowed, completely embarrassed then nodded. They’d been having these awful nightmares more often than not as of recent…
Lightbulb’s whole posture softened.
“Oh, man..”
Martian looked down.
“I-“ Her voice wobbled, mortified.
Facty moved a little closer, but didn’t touch Martian just yet.
“Can we hug you??”
Martian nodded quickly, needing the touch and reassurance immediately. That was all the permission they needed. Facty wrapped their arms around him first, careful not to trap any of his arms under the blankets, Lightbulb leaned in beside them, one hand rubbing gently between Martian’s antennae. Martian held onto both of them so tightly.
All four hands.
Like he was afraid that if he let go, something might happen.
“It was bad,” Martian whispered, voice cracking ever so slightly.
“I know,” Facty said softly.
“I messed everything up..!!!”
“You had a nightmare..” Lightbulb comforted,
“But I messed everything up in it.. Like always..”
Lightbulb rested his cheek lightly against the top of Martian’s head.
“Well,” he said, “that’s dreams for you. They’re notoriously unreliable narrators.”
Martian gave a tiny, miserable sniff as Facty nodded seriously.
“Scientifically speaking, dreams can combine fears, memories, emotions and completely unrelated information in ways that don’t follow real world logic.”
Lightbulb smiled.
“There’s our Facty.”
“I am trying to help!!”
“You are helping.” Lightbulb spoke, smile growing by the second, he was just so fond of the two, especially their strange little antics.
Martian was still quiet.
Then, very softly, he said, “I did a b-bad thing..”
Facty and Lightbulb exchanged a glance,
“In the dream?” Facty asked, leaning down ever so slightly.
Martian nodded, sniffing quietly and rubbing her hand against her left eye.
“And then it all went w-wrong..”
“Oh, Martian…”
“You two always fix it when I mess t-things up..”
Lightbulb shook his head.
“We fix things together.”
“But sometimes I make them really b-bad first.”
“That,” Facty said, “is unfortunately true..”
Martian looked devastated and Facty immediately panicked.
“Not- I didn’t mean-“
Lightbulb snorted.
“Nice save, dude.”
“Be quiet!!!” Facty retaliated, and Martian made a tiny noise that was almost a laugh. Facty took a breath before they gently held Martian’s face between their hands.
“Listen to me..”
Martian looked up reluctantly, his two lower hands fidgeting,
“You do sometimes get us into trouble...”
Martian’s eyes lowered again,
“But,” Facty continued, “you are not the trouble.”
Martian blinked, looking around stupidly as Lightbulb nodded.
“Exactly.”
“You accidentally cause ‘hijinks’, yes,” Facty said. “but! There is a difference.”
“Hijinks?”
“Hijinks,” Lightbulb agreed firmly, “Sometimes extremely inconvenient hijinks-“
“Lightbulb.”
“What? I’m being honest.”
Martian’s mouth twitched and Facty leaned their forehead against his.
“But nothing you could accidentally do would make us stop loving you.”
Martian went very still.
Lightbulb’s smile softened at that.
“E-Even if I get you guys hurt like Via ferrata again..?”
“Even if you get us hurt like that again. It was an accident.” Facty responded, their voice as smooth as honey.
“Even if some massive metal machine is gonna blow up and KILL you guys and it’s all my fault??”
“That will never happen.” Lightbulb laughed quietly,
“BUT IF it did-“
“We’d figure it out. We’d still love you.” Facty cood.
“Even if I-“
“Martian.”
He stopped.
Facty’s voice became very gentle, as if talking to a wounded deer or something just as vulnerable, because right now, that was comparable to Martian’s state,
“We mean it.”
The room was quiet except for the stupid appliance documentary still playing in the background, so Lightbulb reached for the remote and muted it then looked at Martian.
“Hey. You know what??”
Martian sniffed, “What?”
“Fact number one.”
Martian stared at him, Lightbulb pointed to himself.
“I’m right here.”
Then Facty raised a hand,
“Fact number two. I’m right here.”
Martian blinked as Lightbulb gently tapped one of Martian’s hands.
“Fact number three.”
Martian’s eyes began to fill with tears again.
“You’re here too,” he whispered.
“Correct!” Facty said.
Lightbulb smiled,
“Excellent observational skills.” He cleared his throat, “And fact number four,” Lightbulb added, “the three of us are ridiculously good at looking after each other.”
Martian looked between them.
“What if something… really bad happens?”
The question came out so small that both of them went quiet. Then Facty wrapped the blanket more securely around all three of them.
“We deal with it.”
“Together,” Lightbulb said.
“What if you don’t know what to do?”
“Then we learn!!”
“What if there aren’t any facts?”
Facty thought about that, Lightbulb waited, Martian waited, but as if on cue, Facty smiled.
“Then we make do without them!”
Lightbulb nodded, “That DOES sound a bit terrifying..”
“It does.” Facty agreed,
“But we’d still have each other.” Lightbulb finished.
Martian looked down at their hands, Facty’s hand was resting over one of his, Lightbulb had absentmindedly gathered two of Martian’s other hands together beneath his.
There were a lot of hands, it was a very crowded situation. Martian suddenly squeezed all of them.
“You promise..?”
Both of them answered immediately,
“Promise.” The taller two said in sync.
Martian swallowed, “You’ll never leave me because I cause too many problems?”
Facty’s face crumpled slightly and Lightbulb looked genuinely offended.
“Excuse you??!” Lightbulb remarked, getting a slight chuckle from Facty.
Lightbulb pointed at himself, “Do you have any idea how many problems I cause?”
Facty nodded, “A statistically significant number.”
“Thank you!~”
“That was not a compliment, ‘Bulb.”
Lightbulb ignored them, continuing, “And Facty once stayed awake for thirty. six. hours. Why?? because they were trying to prove a point.”
“It was twenty nine.”
“That is- NOT any better.”
“It was a very important point??!!”
“What was it? Do share with us. Enlighten me and Martian, will ‘ya?”
Facty looked at Martian and Lightbulb looked at Facty.
A pregnant pause floated through the air as Facty began to scratch their chin before giggling quietly and responding even quieter,
“I don’t remember.”
Martian stared at them… Then he giggled too. A proper giggle this time.
Lightbulb grinned.
“There he is, our Martian..”
Martian leaned forward and buried his face against Facty’s shoulder which made Facty hug him instantly, Lightbulb wrapped himself around both of them.
Martian, now significantly calmer, mumbled, “You’re squishing me.”
“You’re small.”
“I’m not that small.”
“You’re half my height.”
“That’s a rude fact.”
“Still a fact~”
Martian made an indignant noise, but didn’t move away. And after a few minutes, his breathing finally began to slow too.
Facty looked down at their little green friend.
“Do you want to go to bed?”
Martian immediately tightened her grip on them.
“No.”
“Okay.” The blonde responded.
“Can we stay here?” The alien asked,
“Of course.” They added.
Lightbulb grabbed the nearest blanket and threw it over himself dramatically.
“I, for one, am perfectly happy to spend the night on this extremely uncomfortable sofa..!”
“You chose the sofa for Movie Night. You pay the price, Mister.” Facty chuckled.
“I regret my choices..”
Facty laughed louder and leaned back with Martian curled up between them and Lightbulb, all four arms somehow finding a place to hold onto at least one of the others. Lightbulb restarted the ‘movie’ at a very low volume.
The narrator began talking about washing machines.
Facty whispered, “Did you know that-“
“Facty,” Lightbulb said.
“What??”
“Not now.”
“But it’s relevant-“
“How?”
“It involves washing machines.”
“Then we’ll find that out in the movie.”
“Exactly. I wanna get there first. I’m feeling facty.”
Lightbulb sighed, “You’re not in competition with the narrator-“
Martian, eyes already closing again, mumbled, “Tell the fact..”
Lightbulb stared down at him.
“Traitor..!”
Martian smiled sleepily.
Facty launched into the explanation anyway. This time, Lightbulb didn’t interrupt. By the time Facty reached the end of the fact, Martian was asleep again, Their antennae were no longer trembling, one hand was wrapped securely around Facty’s sleeve, another was hooked around Lightbulb’s fingers.
Facty glanced at Lightbulb again, Lightbulb glanced back. Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Then Lightbulb whispered, “He’s okay.”
Facty looked down at Martian.
“Yeah.”
They pulled the blanket a little higher.
“He’s okay.”
And in the soft glow of the television, surrounded by blankets, popcorn, cushions and an objectively terrible documentary about household appliances, the three of them stayed exactly where they were. Together.
After all, some facts were worth remembering, some facts, like… home safety or being loved despite every ridiculous, accidental, completely avoidable bit of Martian-induced ‘hijinks’ weren’t going anywhere at all.