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She always loved the beach. That's why I wanted to bury her there.
I knew I would get weird looks, carrying a girl's body, but I didn't care, she would want this.
I walked down the footpath, towards the beach, my bare feet getting scratched. I stopped, balanced her on my knee, and slipped my arms under her back, getting a better grip. My bracelet brushed against the side of her face. It was a beautiful bracelet, one she'd given me on our one year anniversary. The clouds suggested a storm, but I pushed on.
I plodded up to a beautiful palm tree, gently laying her down. I hoisted my shovel out of the crook of my arm and started digging into the sand. That's when it hit me.
"Mina! Mina!" her voice was desperate, like she needed my help. I turned towards where the voice was calling from, dreading who it would be. There she was, fighting, struggling, reaching for something, anything to grab on to. "Mina! Help me, please! It's pulling me under!" I knew it was stupid, she wasn't real, but seeing my poor Grace, I couldn't I rushed towards her, but as soon as my feet hit the surf, some invisible force pulled her under.
I fell down, sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, unable to catch my breath. I clutched my head, trying to get control over my emotions. Suddenly, she was behind me, but this time, I didn't look. I'd learnt my lesson.
"Mina! You let this happen! You let me drown! You wanted me to die!" she screamed. My poor girl. What had I done? I'd betrayed her. I let her get pulled under. Tears spilled, but I still didn't dare look. Suddenly, large, heavy droplets, much like my own tears, started spilling from the sky. Methodically, slowly, purposefully dripping everywhere. I wondered who it was mourning.
The wind picked up, swirling sand around me.
"We never approved of this relationship! You're no longer our daughter!" My parents' sand-beings swirled into a tornado, taking the shape of more people.
"What do you mean she's dead?" one sobbed.
"You said you loved her and yet you let this happen?" one blamed.
"You keep blaming other for something out of their control!" one accused.
All the voices merged into one huge sand monster, yelling, screaming, crying, blaming. Lightning cracked and thunder roared. The rain was like acid, melting the monster into a smaller version of itself: me.
I stared at myself, a statue of sand curled into a ball, as my friend's voice echoed in my ears. "I-I'm sorry, but your girlfriend, she-she.." The voice cracked. I didn't need the rest. I remembered what happened that day.
I tried to push it down. Thunder boomed around me, rain belting down. My friend's voice pushed through the storm. "We-we were swimming, an-and she just got pulled under! I-I'm so sorry, Mina.. I didn't know what to do! She just disappeared!"
All I remember from that night was screaming, yelling, crying, blaming her. She didn't do anything. Did she?
I had lost a friend that day.
Lightning cracked around me, wind and rain alike, lashing my skin. But, I was still in the past.
I remember the smell of her perfume, the way our fingers just fit together, like we were made for each other, the way her looked when she smiled, just happiness. Like nothing could make her smile disappear. Nothing did, instead it made her disappear. I hope she was smiling in her final moments. But I can't see that happening.
Now all I see is what I imagine her face would be like when it happened. Anger, fear, surprise, guilt. I hoped she was smiling. But I could only hope.
I needed it all to stop, just stop. I pulled myself back to the present. I had a job to do. I hadn't threw myself into the ocean and carried Grace's poor, limp body for what felt like years, just to leave her there, lying in the sand, and give in. No, I would bury her here.
I forced myself to pick up the shovel. I walked back towards the beautiful palm tree. It looked battered, scarred, like this storm had killed it's life force. I started digging anyway, pushing the thought deep down, it wasn't the worst thought I've had, or would have anyway.
The rain didn't falter. It lashed and whipped with no mercy. But I faltered.
"You let me drown," a voice whispered.
"You blamed me for it," whispered another.
"You can't bury her at the beach! We're doing a proper burial for our daughter!"
They screamed, yelled, blamed, cried, it all blurring into this cacophony of anger and sadness.
But that was what I had done, wasn't it? She shouldn't have died; I should've. She didn't deserve and ounce of pain; I did.
Maybe if I drowned, like her, everyone would forgive me. Maybe I could see Grace again. Maybe I could end all of this pain.
I looked up, letting cool droplets patter down onto my face. This time it didn't hurt. I stared into the storm clouds, the dying light filtering through its' tight defence.
It's beautiful, just beautiful.
I walked towards the raging ocean, as if entranced with it's terrifying beauty. The water seemed to curl around my feet like claws, as if inviting it's prey under.
I kept walking forward, letting the water envelope me. Finally it got too deep, and I let my legs cave in under me.
Peace. Just peace.
Suddenly, the water rushing around me wasn't loud. The dying light coming through the clouds was comforting.
I had won. I would see Grace again. My lungs burned. And I let them.
I was free. My ears started buzzing. Then my whole body. This must be what it feels like. This must be what Grace felt.
The final strand of dying light weaved it's way through my eyelids. I forced them open. What difference did it make if I saw rain clouds or nothing in my final moments?
As it turned out, a big difference.
A ghostly hand reached through the thrashing water. I looked up. No, it's not her. It's trying to make me suffer. That's not Grace. But... I did. I reached up. I don't know why.
I grasped her cold fingers, pulling myself out of the roaring ocean. I thrashed, trying to swim ashore. It was no use. I couldn't swim like her. I knew I had made a mistake.
I was tricked. I let myself float back down.
I shut my eyes tight, turns out it did matter what I saw in my final moments. Maybe if I ignore it, it'll disappear. But she didn't disappear.
As if forcing me to accept an apology that I didn't want, Grace dived in, pulling my limp body through the raging sea.
She lay me on the sand.
The ocean roared as if it's prey had been stolen. And when I opened my eyes, she was gone.
"Please . Come back to me." But she didn't maybe I should've been careful what I wished for. I may has well finish what I started. I walked over to Grace's lifeless body. She's beautiful even after death. I bent down to look at her, really look at her.
I couldn't bring myself to point out the flaws. She's perfect, despite being dead. I leaned closer to her face, closing my eyes, when- "You wanted this to happen." I lurched back from Grace's face, snapping my eyes open and grabbing my head. I tried to force those thoughts to go away. "Stop.." I whispered. "STOP!"
Lightning cracked down around me, sizzling the sand. Everytime a bolt hit the beach, Grace was there. Nowhere, everywhere, everything all at once. The lightning seemed to be forming a cage around me of lies, anger, and betrayal. As if I needed the cage to be there to feel trapped. It was always there, I just couldn't see it.
"I was just a phase to you.."
"You didn't really love me, or you wouldn't have let this happen."
"I trusted you.."
It felt as if the lightning was striking me, not the ground around me. It seemed to close in around me, as if I wasn't there. Or as if we were one, and I was part of it. But I wasn't really, was I? I was feeding it. Controlling it while being controlled. It just kept coming back for more. So, I wouldn't give it any more fuel.
I tried to clear my mind. It wasn't easy.
"Stop blaming others for something you did!"
"You weren't enough! You couldn't care for me, let alone save me!"
I didn't reply, this monster wasn't worth my time.
Finally, it cracked.
"Mina! I'm sorry! Please!"
I grabbed the bars of the cage, energy zapping through me, but I didn't care. I had won. Fair and square. I pulled the bars. Hard.
CRACK!
Thunder boomed back in response. I was free. Almost.
I looked at Grace's poor lifeless body. I needed to put both of us out of our misery.
I slipped my bracelet onto her wrist. The charms jangled.
I picked her up and dragged her into the hole. I started shovelling sand over her body. But it just had to try one, last time.
"Mina! Stop, stop! I can't breath! Stop, Min-" her voice felt like a distant memory. I shovelled the last of the sand over her.
I didn't know how to feel.
Maybe she was right. She was just a phase. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. Either way, I'll never forget her.
I picked up the shovel and walked towards the footpath. I didn't look back. If I did, I probably would've never left.
There she was, sitting on top of the freshly dug sand, Grace. The bracelet made a slight tinkling sound as she waved.
I smiled.
I didn't feel back for what I had just done.
She always loved the beach, that's why I wanted to bury her there.