Chapter Text
“Why don’t you two come inside?” Tom’s words seemed to wake Nick from whatever trance he was in, staring off at the ground.
“No.” Nick responded.
I looked between the two of them hopelessly. This was a losing battle, I knew. Nick wasn’t going inside and Tom wasn’t going inside alone. I let out a small sigh and began to turn towards the door, the entrance to some sort of safe haven. This would be over the second I walked in, Tom would make sure of that. Nick could wallow in whatever he was wallowing in forever for all I knew, but Tom would get over this the way he and Daisy and I got over everything. Before I could actually take that step forward, I felt Nick gently grab my hand, tugging at it like a child.
I turned to face him. His eyes were glassy and distant, but I could read them anyhow. He wanted to leave, and he wanted me to come with him.
I blinked at him, and then at our hands. For two homosexuals whose friendship we paraded as a relationship for convenience, Nick and I were quite the “real” couple. We’d held hands countless times, he’d given me his jacket, I’d paid for his drinks at bars, but this was different. This wasn’t a performance, this wasn’t meaningless. How many things in my life were meaningless? I couldn’t care less about almost everything. Apathy takes you far.
I could feel Nick’s incessant trembling, it was like an electric current that ran from his brain, down through our arms, and all the way to mine.
I was embarrassed suddenly, because I realized I cared about Nick. I cared that he was scared, I cared that he was upset, I cared enough that I was about to do something stupid. I didn’t know what it was yet, but there was no way, after the night we’d had, that whatever we were about to do wouldn’t be stupid. The only person I had ever bothered caring about was Daisy. No one else mattered; no one else was ever worth my time.
Because what did it matter? I was fine on my own, I was better with Daisy. I had realized, long before that night, that my world almost revolved around her. Daisy was my best friend. Daisy was my only friend. I lived with Daisy. I ate every meal with Daisy. When I left the house, Daisy would be there, waving from the doorway. When I played golf, she would be on a bench nearby. We smoked together, we drank together. Somehow, everything in my entire life had been replaced with Daisy and I had hardly even noticed.
Daisy was the sun and I was the earth. Or maybe she was the moon and I was the tide.
I’m not a poet.
“Are you coming in or not?” Tom grumbled, waking me from my thoughts.
I sighed again, my shoulders dropping as I took a step away from Tom and towards Nick. “No.” I all but whispered. “We’re going.”
“You two don’t have a car.” Tom stated bluntly, rubbing at his face with both his hands.
That was true. I almost wanted to just yank Nick’s arm and walk in. Tom was giving us an easy way out of whatever mess awaited us outside. We’d never have to even talk about any of this ever again, and that sounded pretty damn nice to me.
“I’d rather walk.”
I blinked at Nick. Was he fucking serious? Nick was planning to walk from East Egg to West Egg. In the middle of the night. And I was going with him. How utterly ridiculous.
“I’d rather walk than spend one more minute with the likes of you, Tom.” Nick spat, using his sleeve to wipe at his eyes. “Come on Jordan?” I assume it wasn’t supposed to be a question, but Nick’s voice was so small in that moment that it sounded like one.
I nodded, turned away from Tom, and marched away into the darkness and whatever the hell was still to come from tonight, tugging Nick along after me.
After a few paces in silence, I turned back around to face the house and shouted across the lawn to Tom, who was still standing stiff in the doorway.
“Fuck you, Thomas!” For good measure.
Of course, Nick’s birthday was nowhere near over yet. There was plenty more bullshit to come, and the first came with Jay. Hiding in the bushes outside of the Buchanan property. Because of course he was. Because nothing could ever be easy. Because I couldn’t have just walked into Tom’s house when he offered. Because I, Jordan Baker, am a royal idiot.