Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“H-He’s gone,” Makoto whispered.
“NO! REI-CHAN, PLEASE,” Nagisa cried out. “Please, come back.” He put his head on Rei’s chest and wrapped his arms around himself. “Don’t go.”
Haruka wrapped a blanket around Nagisa. He didn’t know how he should feel. Should he cry since he lost a friend? Should he comfort Nagisa because Rei was his best friend? Or should he comfort Makoto since he had to go in the ocean and save him? Haruka walked back into his tent to think things through. He knew Makoto could handle things right now, and it was best that he didn’t get in the way.
Makoto watched as Haruka left. “Nagisa, I’m sorry. There’s nothing we can do. He swallowed too much water, so his lungs are filled with it. I-I’m sorry I can’t help,” Makoto said.
Nagisa looked up and tossed his arms around Makoto’s neck. “You tried to help, though. That’s all that matters. Thank you.”
Makoto tried to smile, but failed. This must be the only time he couldn’t smile. He wrapped his arms around the shorter boy to comfort him. He tried to save Rei, but failed. He didn’t make it in time. He didn’t perform CPR fast enough. It’s all his fault. And now, he has that burden to live with.
Nagisa pulled away and looked at Rei. “Rei-chan, how many times have I told you not to swim unless I’m with you? You told me to take responsibility. It’s your own fault. But, it just means that you wanted to keep up with us. I’m proud that you wanted to be like us, but I’m also very disappointed in you,” Nagisa scolded.
Makoto thought about how Nagisa, too. Nagisa would have to live with the biggest burden of all. Because he took responsibility over Rei, he would think it was his fault.
Tears fell down Nagisa’s eyes. He put his hands down on the sand and looked down so Makoto couldn’t see him cry. But, he was sure the older boy could see the drops in the sand. “Rei-chan, you’re so stupid. You should at least know not to go in the ocean when it’s dark. It’s very dangerous, but, I guess you experienced it firsthand. I’m sorry, we couldn’t save you. Goodnight, Rei-chan.”
Nagisa stood up and walked towards Makoto’s tent so he could gather Rei’s things. “I want to be alone right now, Makoto.” He opened the tent and stepped in.
Makoto stood up and walked over to Haruka’s tent. “Hey, Haru,” he whispered. He looked over and saw that Haruka was lying down on his side of the tent. Makoto walked over to him and looked down. Haruka was staring at the ceiling of the tent.
“Is Nagisa okay?” was all that came out of the smaller boy’s mouth.
Makoto sighed. “Not entirely. But, he’s handling it better than I thought he would.” After a couple of minutes of silence, Haruka said, “We should go get Kou and Mrs. Ama-chan.” Makoto nodded.
“I’ll stay with Nagisa and watch over Rei. You go and get them,” Makoto ordered. Haruka nodded, and within seconds he was out of the tent. Makoto stared as Haruka ran to the lodge they were staying in. He hoped that he would get the girls back quickly.

Chapter Text

Haruka ran to find the lodge that Kou and Mrs. Ama-chan were staying in. He turned the corner of another building he didn’t know even existed. He was never going to find their room. He didn’t even bother to memorize where they were staying at. Makoto was the one that remembered these kinds of things, not Haruka.
He ran until he saw a familiar figure walking on the sidewalk. The figure had on a black jacket and violet hair. Rin. Haruka ran over to the other. He figured that he might know where Kou is staying, considering that they were related.
“Rin!” Haruka yelled.
Rin looked up from the sidewalk and saw Haruka running towards him. Questions flowed through his mind until the blue-eyed boy stopped in front of him.
“Rin,” Haruka panted. He wasn’t used to running, at all. “Where’s the room Kou is staying at?”
“Why do you wanna know?” Rin replied. “Aren’t you supposed to know where she’s staying anyways? I mean, she is the one who brought you here.”
“Makoto remembers those things. Just take me to her room. Something bad happened and we need them,” Haruka said. “Please, it’s an emergency.”
Rin looked at Haruka. He was panting and sweating, so he knew that Haruka was serious. He never runs. “Alright, follow me. But, don’t get too close to me. You smell like mackerel,” Rin smirked.

~

They arrived at the girl’s room two minutes later. Rin didn’t bother to ask what happened, since he intended to follow them back to the beach.
Rin knocked on the door and waited for his sister to answer the door.
“Rin?” Kou wondered. “Haruka? Why are you two here?”
“Something bad happened,” Haruka said. “We need you and Mrs. Ama-chan to come back to the beach. Hurry up.”
Haruka walked away. He knew they were going to follow him. They always did.
“Rin, what happened?” Kou asked. Rin shrugged and followed Haruka. He didn’t really care if his sister and their teacher followed him or not. He just had to hope that they did.
“Rin! Wait for me!” Kou shouted. She ran towards her brother, followed by her guardian.

~

The four of them arrived at the beach a couple of minutes later.
Kou and Mrs. Amakate ran over to where Makoto was kneeling. They saw Rei under him.
“He’s gone,” Makoto whispered before they had the chance to ask.
Rin looked at Haruka. He remembered how much Nagisa clung to that blue-haired kid. “Is, Nagisa okay?”
Right after he said that, a certain blond came out of his tent. He had heard everyone’s voices and wanted to hear what they were talking about. He saw Rin and ran out of the tent.
“Rin-chan!” He yelled. He ran over to the taller boy and wrapped his arms around him. He cried in Rin’s jacket while he stood there. Nagisa loves Rin. No matter what Rin did, Nagisa would always silently forgive him. Rin was a great friend to him. He protected him when he was younger like he did with Haru and Makoto. But ever since he came back from Australia, he’s become more distant. So, just being able to be around Rin is a dream come true for Nagisa.
“Oi, Nagisa,” Rin said. “It’ll be okay. If you want, tomorrow, if you’re not busy, I’ll try to help you cheer up, okay?” He hates seeing Nagisa cry. It’s true that he’s not as close to Nagisa as he is with Haruka, but he knows one thing for sure: Nagisa always liked him for some reason. He also knows that Nagisa’s face isn’t meant for crying. It’s meant for smiling and laughing, so he’s going to make sure that he gets Nagisa to smile tomorrow.
“Really?” Nagisa sniffed. Rin nodded. The older boy might regret this, but if it might cheer up Nagisa in even the slightest bit, he was going to go through with it. “Okay, if you think it’ll help.”
Rin ruffled the blonde’s hair. “Now let go of me. You know I don’t like this clingy stuff.”
“Alright, alright,” Nagisa chuckled. “But, can I talk to you, Rin-chan? Alone?”
Alone? Why would Nagisa want to talk to him alone? He probably doesn’t want to watch the ambulance take the body away. Yeah, that might be it.
“Uh, sure,” Rin said. “Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

“Why did you leave?”
Rin stared at Nagisa. When he wanted to talk, he didn’t expect Nagisa would ask this sort of question.
“Well, because I wanted to become a better swimmer, of course,” Rin replied. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand.
“No. That’s not what I mean, Rin-chan,” Nagisa muttered. He put his head down and smiled a cold smile. “I mean, why didn’t you come back to us? Why didn’t we become friends again?”
“I-“ Rin started. He looked over at Nagisa. He was smiling. Why was he smiling? Sure, he said he’d make Nagisa smile, but this isn’t what he meant. He must’ve really hurt him for him to be looking like this. “I was too angered by my own stupid feelings. I was upset because even though I came back, Haruka is still a better swimmer than I ever will be. I forgot to think of you guys. I’m sorry.”
Nagisa looked up at Rin. He had tears in his eyes. “Well, that doesn’t matter anymore. But, can we still be friends, Rin-chan?” The blond stuck his hand out to the other. Rin took it and shook it while standing up.
“Yeah. But, let’s go back to the beach okay? I think Makoto might get worried if I have you out here for too long,” Rin said. He let go of Nagisa’s hand and led the way back to the beach.

~

By the time they got back, Rei’s body was already gone. They had even cleared out Rei’s things from the tent, even though some things were missing.
Nobody had noticed that Nagisa had taken Rei’s shirt, pillow, blanket, and glasses, simply because he had hid them with his stuff in Haruka’s tent. He wanted to remember what Rei smelled like. He wanted to remember what he wore. But most of all, he wanted to be able to just remember Rei. And what better way than by having his glasses. The one accessory that he almost always wore?

After they parted ways, Nagisa said that he was going to sleep. But sleep was out of the question. He was only going to be lying down, trying to remember his moments with Rei. He went back into the tent he shared with Haruka, forcing the other two to share Makoto’s tent.
“Come on, Haru. I think it’s best to leave Nagisa alone for a while,” Makoto said. He knew that Nagisa had taken Rei’s stuff. But, he thought it was best to leave them with him. He still wanted Nagisa to be able to remember their little beauty-obsessed butterfly.
Makoto led Haruka into his tent. He sat down on the opposite side of the tent and looked at the top of the tent.
“Hey, Haru,” Makoto said. “Do you think Nagisa will be able to get over Rei-chan after a while?”
Haruka looked at Makoto with that blank expression he always wore. “No. Because you let him keep Rei’s stuff, he won’t be able to forget.”
“Eh?!” Makoto yelled. “You know about that, too, Haru? I didn’t think anyone besides me noticed him moving Rei-chan’s stuff. But, I had to let him keep it.” Makoto stared at his hands for a while before continuing. “If I didn’t, then he’d be sadder than when Rin left. He wouldn’t be able to smile anymore.”
Haruka hadn’t of thought of that. What would their smiling penguin be like if he didn’t have any memoirs of their butterfly? It wasn’t something he wanted to picture. It was a thought that would make you depressed by just thinking it over for a minute or two. It was too foul and upsetting to even belong in your head.
“Let’s try to catch some sleep, Haru. Come on. You have to share a blanket with me so, don’t hog it all,” Makoto sighed. He wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while. But, it was best if he got Haruka to sleep.
“Yeah,” Haruka said. “Let’s sleep.”

Chapter Text

“Rei-chan, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it, Nagisa-kun?”
Nagisa looked at Rei. How did he come back? Is this an illusion, or did Nagisa die too?
“Rei-chan, I love you. If I had told you that before last night, will you still have gone to practice?” Nagisa asked. He wouldn’t be able to rest if he didn’t hear the answer. This question meant the whole world to him. Well, this one, and another question he had in mind.
“I don’t think I would have gone, because if I knew, I would’ve made you share a tent with me,” Rei smiled. “But, I guess now it’s too late.”
Rei stood in front of Nagisa. He was wearing his Iwatobi jacket, his butterfly shirt, and a pair of blue jeans. Nagisa was crouched on the floor wearing his pajamas; a pink pair of pajama pants with penguins and one of Rei’s shirts.
They were in a white room. It had nothing in it, besides the two club members in it. It was bright. So very bright, so Nagisa was always squinting. But, it seems that Rei is already used to it. He doesn’t have to squint. He can have his eyes wide open, and he wouldn’t be affected.
“Nagisa-kun,” Rei said. “Why didn’t you want to share a tent with me?” Nagisa looked up at Rei’s face. He looked hurt. He looked as if everybody he knew had betrayed him in some way. Did he really care that much for Nagisa to be hurt that much?
“I was scared, and nervous. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I was alone with you,” Nagisa stated. “I thought I would do something to upset you, Rei-chan. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
Rei walked over to Nagisa so he could close the distance between them. He cupped Nagisa’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes. He took off his glasses and placed them on Nagisa’s face.
“So you were looking out for my feelings,” Rei said. He was smiling. He was waiting for this answer all along. He kissed Nagisa’s forehead and stood up. “I’m sorry, Nagisa-kun, but now I have to go. Just remember this: I’ll always love you too. And I’ll always look after you. Don’t forget.”
“But, Rei-chan. You can’t stay for a little while longer?” Nagisa pleaded.
“Sorry, Nagisa-kun, but now it’s time for me to spread my wings, and fly like the butterfly I am. And, make sure you don’t wear my glasses all the time. You’ll hurt your eyes,” Rei smirked. And with that said, he dissolved into a single ray of light, and disappeared.
The room became dark. Everything was black. There were no doors or light switches, so Nagisa was stuck in the dark. But surely, Rei was already looking after him. He must be.

~

“Nagisa, wake up. Nagisa, come on, wake up,” Makoto pleaded.
Nagisa opened his eyes and sat up. “Mako-chan? What are you doing here?”
Makoto smiled. “I was checking up on you. But then, I saw that you were crying, and I wanted to be sure you weren’t having a nightmare. Are you alright?”
Nagisa felt his eyes. His fingertips became wet. He really was crying. “I’m fine, Mako-chan. What time is it?” He took out his phone and opened it. ‘8:37 A.M.’ So it was morning already. “Well, I guess I better get ready before Rin-chan shows up. Out you go, Mako-chan.” Nagisa winked.
“Alright, alright,” Makoto laughed. “But, tell me if Rin does anything to you. Then I’ll be sure to send Kou over there to him.”
“Eh?! Rin-chan won’t do anything to me, Mako-chan. So you don’t need to get Gou in this mess. Now, out you go! Or, do you want to see me change?” Nagisa smirked.
“Okay! I’m leaving now!” Makoto grinned. He left the tent so Nagisa would change. It seems that he’s getting over things already.

Chapter Text

“Oi, Nagisa, let’s go.”
“Coming!”
Today was the day that Rin was taking Nagisa out to cheer up. He hoped that he could make Nagisa feel better. He wants to see him smile. Nagisa isn’t meant for sadness. He’s only meant to experience good times.
“Hey, Rin-chan, where are we going?” Nagisa asked. He’s been waiting for that day that Rin would want to hang out with him. But, he wasn’t expecting the reason to be because of Rei. He wanted it to be because Rin felt like it. Not to make him cheer up. But, he didn’t care, nonetheless. He’s just glad that he has Rin to himself for a day.
“I was thinking we could go get some ice cream and walk around for a while. Then, I’ll see what happens after that so I can decide where we go next,” Rin replied. He hadn’t really thought out the day’s plans. He had hoped that there were places that Nagisa might want to go, though.
“That sounds like fun! But,” Nagisa said.
“But what?” Rin asked. They were outside a convenient store now. Rin was going to buy the two popsicles or something, but now he’s curious as to what Nagisa needs to say.
“It’s nothing,” Nagisa said. He smiled as if to prove that nothing was on his mind. “Let’s just buy some ice cream.”
Rin nodded. He still isn’t sure that Nagisa is okay. The blond might be crying on the inside, screaming out of pain, and there’s nothing he could do to stop it. There’s nothing Rin can do to make Nagisa’s pain go away. He can only wish and wish harder that Nagisa will soon forget about Rei.
Rin walked in the store while Nagisa waited outside. ‘That was close,’ Nagisa thought. ‘If Rin-chan knew that I wanted to go to the ocean later, he might’ve gotten mad at me. I have to make sure that he only sees me smiling. No more frowning for me.’
“Here,” Rin said. Nagisa didn’t even notice that Rin came out of the store. He was too distracted by his thoughts.
“Why didn’t you get anything, Rin-chan?” Nagisa asked. Rin had handed Nagisa an ice cream cone and had nothing else in his hand.
“I don’t really like ice cream all that much anymore,” he admitted. “Just eat it already, okay?”
Nagisa laughed. “Rin-chan, you’re so funny.” He licked the cone and they walked down the sidewalk. ‘Should I tell Rin-chan that I want to go to the ocean? No. Not yet. Now’s not time for that. Be patient, Nagisa.’ They walked in silence for a while. When Nagisa finished his ice cream, Rin looked for a bench that they could sit on.
Rin had found a bench for them to sit on, but Nagisa was on the verge of tears. Why was he even crying? He wasn’t thinking about Rei. So what’s the matter? The glasses. He hadn’t even noticed that he was holding Rei’s glasses in his hand.
Before he left the tent, he put Rei’s glasses in his pockets to cheer him up a little if he got sad. But now, they were the ones making him cry. He has to do something before Rin notices. Well, who cares? Wasn’t this day about Nagisa? He could cry in front of Rin if he wanted to.
Tears fell down Nagisa’s face. Who cares if somebody saw him? It doesn’t matter to him. Nothing does. Not anymore.
“Nagisa,” Rin gasped. How could he let him cry? He was supposed to be helping Nagisa feel better, not worse. “Nagisa don’t cry, come on. Look, it’ll be okay.” ‘Man, I really suck at cheering people up. Why did I even ask him to come out with me today? I’m not meant for these kinds of things.’
“Rin-chan, can we go to the ocean, please?” Nagisa said. “But first, I want to go and get flowers.”
So he wants to wish Rei a goodbye. Well, if he only wants to do that, then Rin can’t tell him no…. right? If it’ll make him feel better, then he has to go through with it.
“Uh, yeah. Sure. Where do you want to get flowers from?” Rin asked. He hoped that he didn’t have to get dirty picking flowers.
“Actually, I was picking some last night. They’re in my tent,” Nagisa said. “I hope you don’t mind if we go back there.” Nagisa spent last night picking only the most beautiful flowers for Rei. If he was going to tell Rei goodbye, then everything needed to be beautiful. Especially the flowers.
“Uh, okay then. Let’s go back,” Rin said.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure that these are all the flowers?”
“I’m positive, Rin-chan,” Nagisa said. “Now, just help me carry them to the beach.”
It was time to say goodbye to Nagisa’s beautiful butterfly. So, what’s better than giving a butterfly flowers? Nagisa is positive that there can’t be anything better than flowers.
Nagisa sat on the beach with his toes in the water next to Rin. Nagisa wanted Rin to hand him flowers while he placed them in the waves.
“Rin-chan, can you hand me a flower? Preferably a pink one, please,” Nagisa said. Rin handed him a pink flower. Nagisa looked at how beautiful it was. It was hot-pink and had only four, long, thin petals. The tips of the flower petals were white. There were purple dots on the inside of the flower and a few yellow stems were pointing out from the middle.
Nagisa set the flower onto a wave to be carried away to his sweet, long gone Rei-chan. It was fun having Rei in the swim club with him. But, if he hadn’t of begged him to join, then Rei would still be alive. His family wouldn’t be grieving over his tragic death. Instead, he’d probably be running or spending time with his family. Or he might be reading a book somewhere near a beautiful sunset. Who knows? But Nagisa knows one thing for sure: Rei would still be alive.
“Now, I’ll let Rin-chan pick which flower he wants,” Nagisa said.
Rin flinched. He didn’t expect for Nagisa to let him pick. There was only one red flower, so he wanted to save that one for last. Instead, he settled for a blue flower. It was a blue tulip with white specks covering it. It truly was a beautiful flower. He still wasn’t sure how Nagisa was able to find these.
Rin handed the tulip to Nagisa so he could send it off, but Nagisa waved his hand away. “Rin-chan, since you picked it out, you get to send it away.”
Rin gulped. Did Nagisa expect for him to do a handstand while he was at it? Rin placed the flower on a small wave and watched it being sent off into the ocean. He was staring at it for so long that he didn’t notice that Nagisa had sent all the other flowers into the ocean. The only one left was the red flower. It was a red rose that had a few white streaks covering it.
Nagisa picked up the flower and walked knee-deep into the ocean. “This special flower is for you, Rei-chan.” He set the flower on a wave and watched it being carried away by the tide. “I made sure to only pick the most beautiful flowers for you. I hope you like them, Rei-chan. Please, don’t forget about us. Especially not me. And remember, Rei-chan, I love you. So don’t ever leave my side, ever again.”
Nagisa walked back onto the beach to take off his shirt. He tossed it to Rin and sat in the water. He wanted to be as close to Rei as he could get. The ocean was the only way he could be near Rei, though. How ironic. The only way to be close to a loved one is to be in the same exact thing that killed them. Life really is cruel.
“Nagisa,” Rin said. Nagisa turned around, remembering that he was still there.
“Don’t worry about me, Rin-chan. I’m fine. Thanks for today. You really cheered me up. But, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll be fine right where I am,” Nagisa said. He smiled at Rin, trying to convince him that he should leave.
“Okay then,” Rin said glumly. “I’ll see you next time, okay?” Rin waved to Nagisa and walked away from the beach.
Nagisa stared as Rin left. He knew that Rin got the hint. He just wanted to be alone with Rei for a while.
“Say, Rei-chan,” Nagisa said. “Do you think I’m beautiful? Because I think Rei-chan is the most beautiful person in the world. Rei-chan is a special person to me. So, I need to make sure you know. But, I’m sure you do. And if you don’t, then you must be really stupid, Rei-chan. All that reading didn’t help your brain after all.” Nagisa laughed as he sat in the water.
It was his fault that Rei was gone. It was his fault that they came here. He was so excited to go to a deserted island. He wanted to come to the islands the most. Even though Gou agreed, it was mostly him who was excited. Now he wishes that he never wanted to come here. Because of him, he can never spend time with his precious Rei-chan. Because of him, Rei is no longer with them.
“Hey, Rei-chan. Don’t you think the sunset is beautiful?” Nagisa said. He stared at the sunset until it disappeared completely. He stood up from the water and uttered one last final phrase before breaking out into tears. “Goodnight, Rei-chan. I love you.”
Life is cruel. But you should never take it for granted. Nagisa learned his lesson the hard way.

Chapter Text

‘I’m sorry Nagisa-kun. I’m so, so very sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.’
The thoughts going through Rei’s head were making him feel even worse for what he did. He didn’t mean for any of this to happen. He only wanted to practice. He didn’t mean to go and drown.
“Somebody, please, help me!” Rei pleaded. He hoped that one of his team members could hear him. ‘Please, save me. I can’t die. Not yet. I can’t die yet.’ Rei wished that somebody would get there on time. That’s when he saw Makoto. But, what’s wrong with him? His face is mixed with fear, terror, and a little bit of something else.
‘Please, Makoto, save me,’ Rei thought. He needed more time. More time to live. More time to make everything right. But, what he truly needed was to see Nagisa one last time. Only once more would be fine for him.
‘Nagisa-kun,’ Rei thought. ‘I love you. I’m sorry for leaving. Please, forgive me.’
Then, everything went black for Rei. It looks like he didn’t get to see Nagisa after all.