Chapter Text
Shane didn’t even know he was a carrier until his personal doctor had informed him.
Heck, he thought it was a joke at first, staring blankly at the doctor as the doctor he had been seeing for the past 3 years tentatively trying to tell him that he was pregnant at what supposed to be a normal checkup after winning Gold at the Sochi Winter Olympics.
“I-I’m sorry but can you repeat that again?”
“We ran the test and found that your hCG level is above 25 mIU/mL. Mr Hollander, in your file there is nowhere that indicates that you’re a carrier. Did your parents never take you to test for carrier genes?” His private physician, Doctor Callahan stared at him.
“I-what?”
“I said-”
“No, I heard what you said but can't be right.” Shane stared at the doctor in disbelief, “Maybe-Maybe you mixed up my blood with someone else's?”
“We repeated the test. Twice. Just to be very sure.”
The doctor studied him carefully before asking, “Shane, you do know what carrier genes are right?”
“Um, the genetics that can let men be pregnant?” Shane said vaguely, he remembered his friend, Joe (the same Joe told him offhandedly that he had that gene and wanted to win gold in olympics before even thinking about having a kid with his fiance.)
The doctor nodded. “Yes, something like that. These days, most carriers are identified through genetic screening during childhood or adolescence, particularly if there is a family history.”
Shane leaned back in his chair.
For a moment, he said absolutely nothing.
Then he looked down at his stomach.
He still looked normal.
He felt normal.
Nothing felt different.
And yet…
“There’s a baby in there?”
The doctor nodded gently.
“Based on your current hormone levels, that appears to be the case.”
Shane slowly covered his face with both hands.
“Oh my God.”
The doctor gave him a moment.
Then Shane lowered his hands and looked at him again.
“Can we do the test one more time?”
“Mr. Hollander-”
“Just one more time. Please.”
The doctor sighed.
“We can.”
“And maybe a different test.”
“Of course.”
“And perhaps using another lab, just to be really sure.”
“Yes.” The doctor nodded.
“Okay, good.” Shane looks at him, feeling a bit sick now. “Um, I’m gonna need a minute. And uh, might throw up in a bit.”
The doctor just smiled warmly at him as he pushed a waste basket toward him. “Take all the time you need, Mr. Hollander.”
Shane threw up.
The doctor stood, giving him a moment of privacy while fetching him a glass of water.
Poor man. Thank God the clinic was renowned for its strict doctor-patient confidentiality. At least there was little chance of news about the pregnancy leaking to the press, giving the poor man some much-needed privacy during what was already an overwhelming moment.
He passed him the paper cup and as he watched his patient drink the water, he decided to give him some good news.
“I know you still haven’t decided what you want to do about the pregnancy,” the doctor said kindly, “but the baby is developed enough now that we can do an ultrasound. If you’d like, you can hear the baby’s heartbeat as well.”
“I-I would like that,” Shane whispered.
Listening to the steady thump-thump-thump coming from the machine, the sound impossibly loud in the quiet room, Shane bit back a sob.
That was his baby.
A tiny, living human being growing inside him.
He couldn’t abort this child. Not now. Not after hearing that heartbeat. This little human being was half his, a child created by two lustful, barely-adult idiots who were still trying to figure out how to be adults themselves.
Shane swallowed hard, tears burning behind his eyes.
No.
He was going to keep this child.
This beautiful, unexpected little treasure.
Yuna was furious.
Shane had barely finished telling her about the pregnancy before she exploded.
“Who is the father?”
Shane flinched at the sharpness in her voice.
“I’m not telling you.”
Yuna’s eyes widened.
“You’re not telling me?!”
Shane looked away from her furious glare, one hand wrapped protectively around his still flat stomach. “I really don’t want to tell you who the father is. And I’m keeping the baby.”
“Shane.” Her voice sharpened. “You are twenty-two years old. You have a career ahead of you, endorsement deals, a future. You cannot throw all of that away because you got yourself pregnant.”
“I’m not throwing anything away.”
“You need to be realistic.” Yuna reached for her phone. “I can find you a doctor. We can have this taken care of before anyone even knows.”
Shane went still.
Taking care of this.
She was talking about an abortion.
“No.”
“You don't understand what you're doing to yourself.”
“I said no.”
Yuna sighed in frustration. “You are being ridiculous. You don't even know who the father is willing to—”
“I know exactly what I want.”
“Don’t be stupid Shane.” He hates how condescending her voice becomes. “You just won an Olympic gold medal. You have sponsors interested in you. Opportunities you have worked your entire life for.” Her voice rose. “And now you are telling me that you are going to let some…some accidental pregnancy ruin everything?”
Something inside Shane snapped.
“Don't call my baby an accident.”
“A mistake then!”
“Don’t call it that!”
The argument continued for nearly an hour that ended up Shane storming away from the house in fury and nausea.
He honestly thought that was the end of it.
It wasn't.
Several days later, Shane discovered that Yuna had contacted a clinic herself and attempted to schedule an abortion on his behalf. He only found out when it appeared in his google calendar.
She didn't even have decency to tell him to his face.
That was the moment something inside him broke.
“You tried to schedule an abortion? Without my consent?!” Shane bit back the urge to scream the moment he stepped into his house. David, who was hovering in the background, looked like he wanted to get far away from the fight.
Yuna didn't even look ashamed. “I was trying to protect you.”
“No.” Shane's voice trembled. “You had no right. It wasn’t your decision to make.”
“Shane, this is your future we’re talking about. You still have time for this but not now.” Shane hates how calm and coaxing Yuna's voice sounded, as if she was trying to placate him. “As your mother, I only have your best interest in mind.”
Fuck her.
She doesn't get to decide anything more about his life.
“I’m done.”
“What do you mean, you’re done?” Yuna’s voice was now sharp, the maternal voice gone.
He turned away, ignoring her loud voice telling him to come back.
The very next morning, Shane called Farah.
He told her to remove all of her access from his professional affairs, and inform all the brands he was in partnership with that she was no longer his brand manager. He even removed her access on all of his social media accounts she monitored for public engagement, his bank and investment accounts and even changed the locks of both his official apartment and his investment condominium.
It was the only way to keep him and his baby safe.
Shane hates being pregnant.
Oh he adored the beautiful little soul he was carrying but oh how uncomfortable he felt right now, how some mornings he woke nauseous. Some afternoons he was exhausted for no reason.
Even the food he considered ‘safe’ suddenly smelled disgusting, while something he typically wouldn’t eat on his normal diet suddenly tasted so delicious. Especially the sweets. It's like not a day could go past without him not gorging himself on sweet pies or pasties or chocolate bars.
This is all Rozanov’s fault, he thought as he viciously bit into a bar of the limited edition Cadbury &MORE Raspberry Cheesecake chocolate bar.
Even worse was the constant discomfort. His clothes felt wrong. His stomach felt too full. His skin seemed too sensitive. There was always something touching him, pressing against him, moving inside him.
It was driving him absolutely mad.
But at the same time, he wouldn’t change a single thing.
At first, Shane had wanted to have the conversation face-to-face with Voyageurs management about his brief hiatus. He knew it was the professional thing to do, and some small part of him felt guilty about disappearing without explanation.
But between the nausea he was struggling to keep under control and the inevitable confrontation with Coach Theriault, Shane decided he simply didn't have the energy for it.
So, for once, he took the coward's way out.
He had Farah send management (as well as the brand he was currently partnering with) the report from his private physician, citing an undisclosed lower-back injury that required him to step away from hockey for the foreseeable future. There was enough medical jargon in it to make the decision difficult to argue with, and Shane quietly withdrew from the season before anyone could ask too many questions.
It wasn't exactly a lie. His lower back had been aching more frequently, and he barely keep down any solid food for days now.
Doctor Callahan eventually referred Shane to a discreet prenatal clinic, Lake Louise Medical Clinic, near Banff, assuring him that his privacy would be taken seriously. It was far enough from the more touristy areas that he could keep his pregnancy out of the public eye, and the clinic had a reputation for protecting the confidentiality of its patients.
Not long after, Shane bought a small cottage by Lake Louise.
It wasn't anything extravagant, just a quiet little place surrounded by trees, with enough room for him and the babies as they grew. It reminded him of the cottage he had once dreamed of building near Lake Muskoka, back when he had imagined having a private retreat, a place he can be himself without any public pressure.
He even ended up with an unexpected companion.
A few days after moving in, Shane heard a pathetic little meow coming from underneath the cottage. After several minutes of coaxing, crawling through the mud, and offering a very large slice of raw salmon, he finally managed to lure out a scruffy stray kitten.
Shane named him Puck, after his black fur.
It seemed appropriate.
During Shane's first appointment at the prenatal clinic, he received an unexpected surprise.
Doctor Jackson, the physician assigned to his prenatal care, moved the ultrasound wand across his stomach, studying the monitor for several long seconds.
Then she smiled.
“There's another heartbeat.”
The doctor moved the ultrasound wand slightly, studying the screen.
“Congratulations, Shane. You’re carrying twins. It’s honestly surprising we didn’t detect the second heartbeat earlier, but it’s not unheard of.”
For one brief, beautiful moment, Shane forgot how to breathe.
Twins.
Two babies.
Two tiny heartbeats, beating away inside him.
His eyes stung as reality settled in, a disbelieving smile tugging at his lips. Two little lives. Two little pieces of him and Rozanov.
Then the doctor’s expression changed, hurriedly checking something on the monitor. Something in her expression scared Shane very much.
“Twin B has a condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome,” the doctor later said gently. “In layman's term, it means the left side of the baby's heart has not developed normally.”
Shane stared at the screen.
“But… there's a heartbeat.”
“Yes,” the doctor said softly. “And right now, while the baby is still inside you, your body and the placenta are helping support them. But after birth, their circulation will have to change.”
Shane's fingers tightened around the edge of the examination bed.
“What happens then?”
The doctor hesitated.
“Without immediate medical intervention, the baby would not survive. Even with treatment, this will be a very serious and difficult journey for the baby.”
Shane called Yuna in a moment of weakness.
He had spent the entire day trying to be strong. Trying to convince himself that everything would be all right. That the doctors knew what they were doing. That somehow, they would find a way through this.
But after hearing the prognosis for one of his twins, his sweet baby who had been diagnosed with HLHS, he cracked.
He needed his mother.
He needed someone to tell him that he wasn't alone.
The moment Yuna answered, however, Shane barely had time to say hello.
“Do you have any idea what you're doing to your career?”
Shane closed his eyes.
“Mom, I-”
“Your GM and coaches called me. Really, an ‘undisclosed lower back injury’? You might as well tell them you’re pregnant. And Hayden of all people told me you’re no longer in Montreal. Where are you?”
“Mom, plea-”
“Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. We still have time to fix this,” Yuna continued. “Have the abortion.”
Shane's breath caught.
“Or, if you're too stubborn to do that, give the baby up for adoption.”
His stomach twisted.
“Mom…”
“You're young. You have your entire life ahead of you. There are families who would happily raise them. You don't have to sacrifice your future because of one mistake.”
Shane's eyes burned.
“They aren't a mistake.”
“Then stop acting like a child and think rationally. Do you really think you’re mature enough to be a parent right now?”
Shane could feel tears trailing down his cheeks.
“You’re a horrible mother, do you know that?”
“Shane-”
He ended the call before she could even finish her sentence.
For several seconds, he simply sat there with the phone in his hand, staring at the screen. His other hand rested protectively over the little bump, gently rubbing the curve of his stomach.
How could she say things like that so easily?
He hadn't wanted an argument. He hadn't wanted another lecture about his career or his future.
He had just wanted his mother to comfort him.
To tell him everything was going to be okay.
Instead, she had made him feel like he was ruining his own life.
Shane swallowed hard, wiping angrily at his cheeks before staring at his phone again.
Then, with trembling fingers, he opened his contacts.
He blocked his mother's number.
Then his father's just in case.
He then opened the chat where a string of messages he had sent over the past few months remained stubbornly unread.
His hands were trembling so badly that he had to delete and retype the message several times before he could finally make himself hit send.
Shane: Rozanov, please stop ignoring me. We really need to talk. It’s urgent. Please.
He waited.
Nothing.
The message sat there beneath all the others, still marked unread.
Damn him.