Work Text:
Edward Elric had made many strange things with alchemy.
Weapons.
Walls.
Bridges.
Emergency shelters.
Once, under circumstances he refused to discuss, a surprisingly convincing ceramic chicken.
But this—
Edward stared down at the small figure sitting in his hands.
“This is humiliating.”
The plush Roy Mustang stared back at him with button-black eyes.
It was, Edward had to admit, annoyingly accurate.
Tiny military uniform.
Tiny black hair.
Tiny smug expression.
He had even managed to recreate the ridiculous little fringe that always fell over Mustang’s forehead.
Edward immediately regretted putting that much effort into it.
“You asked me to make him recognizable,” Edward muttered.
The plush continued judging him.
“This is your fault.”
Technically, it was Lieutenant Hawkeye’s fault.
She had approached Edward three days earlier with an unusual amount of hesitation.
Which, coming from Riza Hawkeye, was terrifying.
“Fullmetal,” she had said, “I need a favor.”
Edward had immediately become suspicious.
“What kind of favor?”
“A private one.”
That had made things worse.
Then she had quietly explained that she wanted a small plush figure of Colonel Mustang.
Edward had stared at her for approximately twenty seconds.
Riza had stared back.
Then, to Edward’s everlasting shock, her cheeks had turned faintly pink.
That had answered several questions Edward had never thought to ask.
“You like Mustang?”
“Keep your voice down.”
“You actually like Mustang?!”
“Edward.”
“Like, like him like him?”
Her stare could have killed weaker men.
Edward had wisely stopped talking.
Mostly.
He had agreed eventually, because despite all his complaints, Hawkeye had saved his life enough times that making her one embarrassingly soft representation of her commanding officer seemed reasonable.
So now Edward was walking through Central Command carrying a tiny stuffed Roy Mustang beneath one arm.
Which was exactly when the real Roy Mustang rounded the corner.
Edward froze.
Roy froze.
Their eyes met.
Then Roy looked down.
At the plush.
Then back at Edward.
Then down again.
A slow, delighted smile appeared on his face.
Edward immediately hated it.
“Don’t.”
Roy’s eyebrows lifted.
“I haven’t said anything.”
“You’re about to.”
“I merely noticed you appear to be carrying something.”
Edward shoved the plush halfway behind his back.
“No, I’m not.”
Roy glanced meaningfully at the tiny black-haired head still sticking out beside Edward’s hip.
“Of course.”
“Shut up.”
Roy’s smile widened.
Edward’s stomach sank.
There was something about that expression.
Something dangerous.
Something deeply, profoundly annoying.
“So,” Roy said casually, stepping closer, “is there anything you would like to tell me, Fullmetal?”
“No.”
“Nothing at all?”
“No.”
“Interesting.”
Edward narrowed his eyes.
“What’s interesting?”
Roy’s gaze flicked toward the plush again.
“Oh, nothing.”
“Mustang.”
Roy leaned slightly closer.
Edward hated that Roy was tall enough to do that.
“Should I be flattered?”
Edward blinked.
“What?”
“The resemblance is rather impressive.”
Edward’s face heated.
“That doesn’t mean anything!”
“I didn’t say it did.”
“You’re acting like it does!”
Roy put one hand over his heart.
“I would never presume.”
“You’re literally presuming right now!”
“I merely find it touching.”
Edward stared at him.
“Touching?”
“That you carry a miniature version of me around.”
Edward nearly dropped the plush.
“I DO NOT CARRY YOU AROUND!”
Several soldiers passing through the corridor turned to look.
Edward lowered his voice immediately.
“You idiot.”
Roy looked delighted.
“Fullmetal, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”
“I’m not embarrassed!”
“Of course not.”
“I’m making this for someone else!”
Roy’s smile faltered for half a second.
Edward noticed.
Then the smugness returned twice as strong.
“Ah,” Roy said.
“Yes, ah!”
“A gift.”
“Yes.”
“For someone.”
“Yes!”
“Someone special?”
Edward thought of Hawkeye threatening him with bodily harm if he told anyone.
“…That’s none of your business.”
Roy’s expression changed.
Not much.
Just enough.
His eyes narrowed slightly, studying Edward.
Edward suddenly had the uncomfortable feeling that he had said something wrong.
“Well,” Roy murmured, “I suppose I’ll have to make my own intentions clearer, then.”
Edward frowned.
“What intentions?”
Roy stepped closer.
Edward stepped back automatically.
His shoulders bumped the wall.
Roy stopped in front of him.
Too close.
Way too close.
Close enough that Edward could smell coffee and the faint trace of Roy’s cologne.
Edward swallowed.
“Mustang?”
“Yes?”
“Why are you standing like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like—”
Edward gestured vaguely between them.
“Like this!”
Roy smiled.
“You’re very articulate today.”
“Shut up.”
“Charming as always.”
Edward’s heartbeat had become annoyingly loud.
Roy leaned one shoulder against the wall beside Edward.
“So,” Roy said softly, “hypothetically…”
Edward immediately disliked the word hypothetically.
“…if someone happened to have feelings for me—”
Edward nearly choked.
“WHAT?”
Roy continued as though Edward hadn’t spoken.
“—I would hate for that person to think those feelings weren’t reciprocated.”
Edward stared at him.
“Who has feelings for you?”
Roy stared back.
Edward waited.
Roy blinked once.
Then twice.
“Oh.”
“What?”
Roy suddenly looked uncertain.
Edward had never seen Roy Mustang uncertain before.
It was unsettling.
“You truly don’t know.”
“Know what?!”
Roy looked down at the plush.
Then at Edward.
Then back at the plush.
Edward followed his gaze.
Realization arrived slowly.
Painfully.
Horribly.
“Oh my God.”
Roy cleared his throat.
“You thought—”
“I may have misunderstood.”
“You thought I made this because I have a crush on you?!”
“I had limited information.”
“You absolute narcissist!”
“In my defense—”
“There is no defense!”
“—you were hiding it.”
“Because it’s embarrassing!”
Roy looked offended.
“I’m not that embarrassing.”
“You are currently being represented by a stuffed doll with tiny eyebrows!”
Roy looked at the plush.
“The eyebrows are quite good.”
Edward made a strangled noise.
“And you’ve been flirting with me all morning because you thought I liked you?!”
Roy paused.
“Well.”
Edward’s eyes narrowed.
“Well?”
Roy’s expression softened.
And suddenly the teasing disappeared.
That was worse.
Far worse.
“No,” Roy said.
Edward’s anger stalled.
“What?”
“I flirt with you because I like you.”
Edward stopped breathing.
Roy seemed to realize there was no graceful way to retreat now.
“So,” he continued quietly, “the misunderstanding was apparently somewhat one-sided.”
Edward’s brain stopped functioning.
“You…”
Roy smiled, but it was smaller now.
Almost nervous.
“You’re surprisingly difficult to read when you aren’t shouting.”
Edward stared at him.
Then, because his brain had abandoned him entirely, he said:
“Hawkeye likes you.”
Roy blinked.
Edward slapped a hand over his mouth.
Somewhere in the universe, Riza Hawkeye sensed betrayal.
Roy looked down at the plush.
Then back at Edward.
“This is for Hawkeye?”
Edward groaned into his hand.
“I’m dead.”
Roy laughed.
Actually laughed.
Edward wanted the floor to swallow him.
“This is the worst day of my life.”
“I find it rather productive.”
“Of course you do.”
Roy stepped closer again.
Edward immediately noticed.
Unfortunately.
Very much.
“Fullmetal.”
“What?”
“May I test something?”
Edward frowned.
“That sounds dangerous.”
Roy’s hand came up carefully, fingertips brushing lightly against Edward’s cheek.
Edward froze.
His heart performed something medically concerning.
“What are you—”
Roy kissed him.
It was brief.
Soft.
Barely more than a warm press of lips.
And then it was over.
Roy pulled back just enough to look at him.
Edward stared.
Roy waited.
Edward continued staring.
“Fullmetal?”
“…You kissed me.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
Roy’s mouth twitched.
“I thought that part was clear.”
Edward looked down at the Roy plush still trapped under his arm.
Then back at the real Roy.
Then down again.
Something warm and completely unreasonable fluttered in his chest.
“Oh,” Edward whispered.
Roy tilted his head.
“Oh?”
Edward’s face turned bright red.
“This is bad.”
Roy looked concerned.
“What is?”
Edward clutched the plush tighter.
“I think your stupid misunderstanding made me realize I actually might have a crush on you now.”
There was a pause.
Then Roy smiled.
Slowly.
Dangerously.
Edward immediately pointed at him.
“Don’t.”
“I haven’t said anything.”
“You’re about to.”
“Would you prefer I kiss you again instead?”
Edward’s mouth opened.
Closed.
Opened again.
Then he grabbed Roy by the front of his uniform and yanked him down.
The second kiss was considerably less confused.
Unfortunately, Edward was still holding the plush.
Which meant that when Riza Hawkeye turned the corner thirty seconds later, she discovered Edward Elric kissing her commanding officer while clutching a tiny stuffed version of him against his chest.
Riza stopped.
Edward stopped.
Roy stopped.
Silence.
Edward slowly looked at her.
Then at the plush.
Then back at her.
“Hawkeye,” he said carefully.
Her eyes narrowed.
Edward held the plush out.
“I can explain.”
Roy smiled against Edward’s hair.
“I’m not sure he can.”
Edward elbowed him.
Hard.
Riza sighed.
And Edward decided that maybe being in love was going to be significantly more complicated than he had expected.