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Fu had always believed in demons.
Of course he had. He had made a pact with one years ago to save the shattered pile that was his life. Clinging to something that would take all responsibility from him and make his life easier. Something that would always stay by his side and keep him safe from his own decisions.
Fu had never doubted Hii's realness. Never questioned if he was just imagining things. Never ever pretended Hii was anything other than a superior being to him. They shared a body. A mind. Fu was just a vessel to something that thought he was worthy enough. For years they have lived like that and with all those years, you forget some things sometimes.
What it feels like to be alone. How hollow your body can feel when there is just you inside of it.
How loud your own head could be, when there was nothing to shut it up by talking against it.
How weak and pathetic your own body feels.
Sometimes Fu even forgot what Hii had looked like before they morphed into each other. When he thinks about the other, he thinks about spiky blonde and red hair, sharp teeth and pure strength behind skinny arms.
He forgot about those fully white eyes that stared into your soul and consumed you whole, the longer you stared back. Forgot about the fully dark red hair, that looked more like blood was covering it, then the more softer tone Fu had. He forgot about the lanky arms and legs, that looked just a little too long to be from a normal human being. The ashy tone under his skin.
And while Fu forgot a lot of things about Hii's true form, he was sure that the slightly sharper ears and the thing Fu suspected was a tail, wagging behind him, weren't there in the first place. He would remember something like that!
“You gonna keep staring at me any longer?”, Hii finally asked and his voice echoed off the walls. Bouncing around in Fu's head as if he was still in there and not sitting on his bed. Fu didn't dare to move. Not even a finger. This must be one of his dreams. One of the weird ones!
“If it would be a dream, you wouldn't stand there~”
“Y-You can.. I mean- You still hear my thoughts?!”
“I can even still feel your heartbeat~ Feel the nerves shaking your bones~ I still feel how utterly pathetic you are Fu~”, Hii whispered and leaned his head a little to the side. Still staring at Fu with empty eyes.
“And I can feel your eyes still staring at me. Little note Fu: My eyes are up here~” panicked and with red cheeks Fu immediately raised his eyes and tried to look into Hii's again.
“Y-You should cover yourself!”, Fu blurted out and with hasty fingers and quick steps he walked over to the bed, grabbed the blanket and threw it over the demon sitting in front of him. Covering his body and face with the wrinkled thing, Hii just laughed about it. Fu was amusing him even now. While Fu was pressing the blanket down, not thinking about letting go, his fingers were trembling.
What should he do now? Why was this happening? Did he do something to break the pact? That couldn't be, he didn't do anything wrong! He didn't do anything that wasn't ordered to him! Did he anger Hii in a different way? Was Hii growing tired of him by now? After all those years? Fu wouldn't be surprised. He was pathetic. A disgrace to everyone around him. It was only a matter of time until Hii would see it too and leave him.
“Calm down”, was muttered under the blanket and Hii grabbed at it to pull it down from his face. After freeing his face and rolling his eyes over Fu's miserable expression, he placed his hands on Fu's cheeks. In reaction, Fu jumped back a little, feeling like Hii's skin was actually burning him. But the demon didn't let go. He held onto Fu and pulled him closer again. Caressing his cheeks and watching the skin turn red under his fingers. Maybe he was actually burning him a little.
“I don't know why this happened, but it isn't bad right? Weren't you the one always dreaming of getting face to face with me again?”
“I-I'm sorry..”
“Huh?”
“Whatever I did to.. to anger you I'm sorry Hii!”, Fu almost screamed and grabbed tighter at the blanket still in his hands. Tears were welling up in his eyes and drowning his face in an even messier expression, as they ran down.
“Are you even listening?”, Hii asked and when he didn't get an answer from Fu, he gave a sigh and stood up. Hovering just a little bit over Fu and forcing him to look at him.
“Stop apologising like a baby”
“I'm sorry..”
“I said stop apologising”, came a lot more rougher and Fu swallowed. It felt like his body was giving up, like his bones were just pudding under his weight. He felt weak. Weaker than he ever felt.
“You really are completely and utterly useless without me inside you”, Hii said and pulled a little on Fu's cheek, before placing his hands on the others shoulders. He could feel that Fu's body was ready to give up and just fall to the ground like a weighted sack. Consumed by possibilities of him being the reason this was happening.
“You should focus on the good aspects of this”
“What..? What good aspects..? Fuck Hii-! You're not inside me anymore! My body feels empty and I- I feel like I shouldn't be breathing anymore because there is such a big hole inside my chest! I feel cold and- and- am I even still alive?! Is this what hell feels like?!”, Fu started to ramble and tossed his head from side to side. Trying to escape Hii's grasp and falling more and more into his spiral.
“Calm down Fu”
“But you're not inside me!! How should I calm down if- if you- fuck!” Hii grabbed at him harder, trying to stop the ranging body in his hands.
“There are a ton of comments I want to make right now, but you need to calm down first!”
“I feel like I'm fainting!”
“Then stop!”
“I can't..! How should I- This is insane! Fuck! You are- We are not-! I am nothing without you!”, Fu screamed and the tears got worse and worse. Leaving his face in an ugly mush, while his body was finally sinking in on himself. He was a mess. A mess without a meaning or purpose. Just a mess that should sink through the floor and never come back up. He waited for his body to hit the ground, so he could curl in on himself and claw at his skin until he would feel his nails sinking through his it. But his body never met the ground. He was still held up by the demon in front of him, who looked down on him. Taking in his pathetic expression.
“I am still here, not even thinking about leaving you. So calm your ass down..”, Hii said, harsh but not as harsh as he probably wanted to. He pulled Fu even closer, pressing the shaking body against his own and didn't stop when Fu tried to get away from the burning sensation.
“When you think, you think way too much. Leave that to me, alright?”, he spoke further and watched if anything changed. But it didn't. Fu stayed a complete mess inside his arms and the sobbing didn't stop either. This was really getting out of control. Normally Hii would try to distract Fu with mindless stuff, but Fu wasn't listening to him anymore. Taking over him wasn't possible, so he couldn't just forcefully stop this. Maybe ripping him out of it with pure strength? He looked down at Fu again. Hii didn't want to hurt the other or anything like that, that would go against their pact. But Fu's screaming and crying was ringing in his ears and he couldn't think of another option to rip him out of this state.
Clawing at Fu's shoulders, Hii pushed him down. Hearing the loud sound Fu's head made as it crashed into the ground made his body freeze for a second. Was this too hard? Did he break his skull?! With an uneasy feeling, Hii leaned down, hovering over Fu even more and looked closely at the others' faces. Fu was staring onto the ceiling, eyes unfocused and his limbs lay slack beside him. He wasn't moving, but his breathing was still there. Slow and low, but there. Hii sat down fully on the body beneath him, placing his hands softly on Fu's cheeks again.
The first deeper breath from Fu made Hii relax again. Thank god!
“Thank you..”, whispered Fu under his breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Even though it felt like he would fall into a deep hole if he closed them for too long. Maybe even fall into a sleep that would last longer than he wanted.
“You really are something”, Hii muttered under his own breath and gave a little smile. When Fu opened his eyes again he was met with the sight of sharp teeth way too close to his face. But he didn't mind. What made him more nervous was the heat radiating from Hii, which was slowly burning his skin. The ground underneath him was hard and cold. Cooling his body from one side, which made the heat on the other even warmer.
“I imagined this differently, but this is also okay”, the demon said and leaned back a little. Looking down at Fu. Seeing how he was really calming down, was relaxing Hii more and more. While it was sometimes amusing to see Fu struggle, seeing him panicked and at the edge of the terrors of his mind, wasn't. Fu's body was still limp while he forced a little smile on his face and looked up at the demon on top of him. The weight was grounding him, distracting him from the pounding in his head. Did he bleed? It felt like it. If yes, it was okay. He guessed that this was the consequence of his break out. The softest laugh escaped Fu's lips and it sounded more like a held back cough. But the longer he looked at Hii, the more he felt his nerves getting alarmed again. This wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be in the same room. In different body's. Fu swallowed again, clenched his hands into fists and gave his best to focus on the feeling of his nails digging into his skin. Why wasn't it numbing out the thoughts? Why did his chest tighten again? Hii told him that he wouldn't leave, right? At least Fu thought that he had heard something like that. He had already calmed down, so why was he not feeling better now?
Deeper. Harder.
For a moment he hated that he kept his nails short to prevent causing worse injuries on himself, than he already did. Stupid! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
“We had that topic a million times”, Hii groaned and reached for Fu's hands, intertwined his own fingers with Fu's and forced them out of his skin that way. Fu looked at him wide eyed and tried to close his hands again, which only resulted in scratching at Hii's skin.
“Please..”, Fu begged and tried further to get his hands out of the grip, but it was useless. Hii pressed down with his weight and made no move to change that.
“It won't stop..!”, he whined and started squirming, kicking his legs. His head was killing him. Thought after thought and it didn't stop. The now empty space, which normally was filled by Hii, was crashing down on him. Drowning him in possibility after possibility. Consequences for actions he never did. And Hii heard it all. He heard all the screaming that wasn't coming out of Fu's mouth and while he tried to ignore it, so he could stay focused on holding Fu down, it was getting harder. His head started to hurt and if Fu wouldn't stop panicking soon, Hii didn't know how much longer he could keep his cool. Especially since Fu seemed to think that the only way to calm himself down now, would be hurting himself. They were past this! Past all the scratching, the biting and way past all those little white lines on Fu's body. If they would get back now, all the progress would be for nothing!
“Please… P-Please… Hii”, and Fu's begging didn't make it any better. Every word sounded so desperate and devastated that Hii almost gave Fu what he wanted. But only almost.
“If you do it, I can’t overdo it.. right?”, was the next plea that fell from Fu's lips and Hii felt his heart sink. Fu was the devil in disguise, without even knowing it. Hii leaned down, noses almost touching while he took a deep breath.
“No”, he sounded stern and it took all his willpower to do so. Fu was an ugly mess. Tears streaming down his face, expression torn between pain and pure fear. His body still shook violently and even with Hii pressing down his full weight, holding on to his hands and trying to catch Fu's kicking legs with his tail, the demon was starting to feel defeated.
Fu wouldn't calm down. His glazed eyes and desperate look for some mercy in Hii's face, was proof enough for the demon. And it made him sick! Seeing Fu like this made him sick. Knowing he probably wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted, made him sick. Hii took another deep breath and pressed Fu's hands even harder against the ground. If he wasn't careful, he would easily break his wrists.
“I said No, stop looking at me like that Fu”
It took minutes. Hours. Until Fu's body started to calm down from exhaustion. The tremor that was still in his limbs was more from his muscles and nerves being overexerted than anything else. There was no power left in Fu's body and for the first time in a long time, Hii could breathe. Slowly he started to get his weight off the body beneath him, but kept his eyes on it. He took his hands away and looked at the back of them. Red and bruised from Fu's scratching, but Hii didn't mind. It didn't hurt and would heal in a few seconds either way. He stood up, stretching his back for a moment before he bent down and picked Fu up. While holding him close, Hii brought him to the bed, laid him down and pulled the blanket over him. Fu wasn't moving. He let himself be handled as if he was a lifeless object and only looked around with his eyes. Trying to see where he was exactly. The room was spinning, his head was still killing him and his body hurt, but he didn't have it in him to fight anymore. His eyes landed on Hii and Fu tried to understand what the demon was doing. His empty eyes stared at Fu's wrists, holding them as if they would break at any second. They were red and some blisters had formed. They didn't look good and while Fu felt that they were hurting, it wasn't the worst thing. He hadn't even noticed his skin getting burned in the first place. He would feel it tomorrow or when his nerve system was intact again.
“I'm sorry..”, Fu said softly, turning his head a little more into the worn out pillow.
“Idiot”, was all Hii mumbled under his breath, before he leaned down and first placed a soft, almost apologising, kiss onto the burn marks, before running his tongue over the irritated skin. It felt weird, burned even a little more but Fu could clearly see how his skin was getting back to its normal colour.
“W-what-?”, he asked in disbelief and tried to sit up, to get a better look. As an answer Hii just chuckled and did the same thing to the other wrist.
“Why do you think you never get sick or anything? Never wondered why your wounds never last long? Or heal way too well for the state you leave them in”
“I.. I just thought-”
“And there is the problem, you think~”, Hii said and placed another kiss on Fu's wrist. After that he came closer to Fu and nuzzled his face against his neck.
“Always have to keep an eye on you~ Always have to make sure you're safe~”
“I'm sorry..”
“I said stop apologising”