Archive of Our Own

Joohyun flips her hair, tilting her phone to check her reflection. Her hair cascades down her shoulder in waves, the silk buttoned down sits exactly where she wants it to. She folds her sleeves, just right below her elbow, making sure her wrist watch is visible and unbuttons the top button of her shirt.

Besides her, Seulgi coughs. She turns off her phone and turns to look at the girl who is eyeing her with her brows raised. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Seulgi leans closer with a smirk, whispering even though they are in a private booth. “You’re just very dressed up for a dinner.” Joohyun narrows her eyes, looking at herself from head to toe again as if she didn't just look at herself in her phone's camera. “Certain someone is going to be here?”

She rolls her eyes, looking away. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly that I’m talking about you being noticed by Seungwan.”

“Shuh! Keep your voice down.”

Her head snaps towards Seulgi, glaring at her. Before she can say anything further, the door to the private booth opens, forcing both girls to look up.

Yerim steps through first, already talking. “Sorry, we're late. This one was driving.” She turns to point towards the girl who enters afterwards.

“Such a nice way to say that you don't know how GPS works.” Seungwan enters next and for one stupid second, Joohyun forgets how to breathe.

She stands in the doorway with one hand still resting against it, looking entirely too effortless for someone who just ruined the careful composure Joohyun had spent the last twenty minutes assembling.

“Not my fault that all the streets look the same.” Yerim defends herself as she settles down.

Seungwan follows her inside, shrugging off her coat. There is one seat next to Joohyun, everyone knows that wherever Joohyun sits, Seungwan's seat is next to that. Everyone but Seungwan, who walks around the table and takes a seat next to Seulgi.

“Can I have some water?” Seungwan points towards the unopened bottle of water.

Seulgi immediately reaches for the bottle in the middle of the table. “Here.”

Joohyun simply smiles, a little bit bummed that Seungwan isn't sitting next to her. But she is happy that Seungwan even came. It has been a long time since the group has gathered like this, she must've forgotten about their seating arrangement. Being here in the same space as her, after months of being away is honestly enough for her.

Sooyoung arrives another ten minutes later, breathless and apologetic, and somehow the entire atmosphere immediately becomes louder.

“Traffic?” Seulgi asks as Sooyoung sits next to Joohyun.

Sooyoung shakes her head. “No, the photoshoot got delayed.”

With the group is finally complete, they immediately move to order food and drinks for themselves. Questions get thrown around their preferences. Joohyun listens and contributes when necessary, but most of the time finds herself glancing across the table more often than she means to.

Seungwan is smiling and listening, even talking. But it all feels different, not the way Joohyun has been accustomed to. Her answers are short, she isn't being loud and she is making no effort to joke around like others.

She tries not to think about it much, Seungwan just got off a schedule, maybe she is tired. 

Seulgi and Sooyoung go for cocktails, Yerim goes for wine, Joohyun mostly prefers soju and Seungwan gets whiskey. The difference is that while others have full bottles in front of them, all Seungwan has is a single shot of whiskey.

“Not drinking?” Joohyun asks with her brows raised.

Seungwan looks away, pushing her glass to her side after taking a sip. “I’m cutting back on alcohol.”

She looks down at her own glass and then takes a sip and then another. Why does it seem like Seungwan is only ignoring her? They haven't fought in a while so she doesn't understand this coldness either—well to fight they have to be in the same space, something they haven't been able to since last year.

Her members dive into the food, moving from one gossip to another, and she cannot focus on any of that because Seungwan is sitting there nodding and smiling, just eating quietly. 

Joohyun wants to ask her what's the matter but she knows that might actually result in a fight because Seungwan absolutely loathes being pointed out in public. So all she can do is drink her soju and look at her from time to time to make sure she is alright.

“Slow down.” Seulgi grabs her wrist, stopping her from sipping on her third glass of soju. 

“I’m fine.” She looks up, the corner of her eyes watching the way Seungwan's gaze is resting on where Seulgi is holding her hand.

Across the table, Seungwan finally coughs and looks at her. “Are you fine?”

For one second, Joohyun thinks there might be something there—recognition, concern, just anything—instead there is a deadpan. “Yeah.”

Joohyun stares at her glass. Something hot and unpleasant settles beneath her ribs. Now she is sure something is not fine. She hates how easily unbothered Seungwan has become.

Her hand reaches out for the second bottle and she refills her glass to the top this time around and begins drinking. Joohyun doesn't understand why it bothers her so much, maybe because she has every right to know why Seungwan is treating her like this.

By the time dinner starts to wind down, Joohyun has already finished two bottles of soju and its effects are starting to come to surface. It is infuriating that Seungwan is acting like a normal human being with all of them but as soon as Joohyun joins in, she checks out.

She doesn't want to do this but she has no other choice. “Okay…I’m leaving.”

Seulgi looks over to her. “What?” She then looks at the empty bottles of soju on the table and then turns back to her. “You’re drunk unnie.”

“Just a little.”

“Fine…I’ll come with you.”

She shakes her head. “No need. I can manage on my own.” Waiting for Seungwan to join the conversation.

“And how will you do that?” Sooyoung chimes in.

Joohyun stands up, wobbling a little. “Get a cab or something.”

That seems to get Seungwan’s attention who looks up at her, eyes scanning her from head to toe. She can see the way her brows twitch and she clenches her jaw. “I can drop her off.”

Shaking her head in, Joohyun rejects her. “No.”

Seulgi, nudges her from behind, and looks at Seungwan. “You are a lifesaver, Seungwan ah.”

Seungwan smiles at Seulgi and gets up, grabbing her coat and her bag. “I’ll wait downstairs.”

The goodbyes are quick, simply because they all have practice tomorrow. Yerim hugs her and tells her to text her. Sooyoung squeezes her worst and tells her to take care. Seulgi grabs her coat and drapes it over her shoulder as she walks downstairs with her.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, between you two.” See, even Seulgi knows something is wrong.

Joohyun sighs. “I don't know, she won't talk to me.”

“Did you two fight or something?”

“I don't know.”

She genuinely doesn't know and maybe that is what's bugging her. Because back then she used to know everything about Seungwan, but it seems like she can no longer read her like she used to. 

Seulgi nudges her shoulder. “Maybe she is just tired and you're overthinking.” Then she grins. “Just a reminder that we have practice tomorrow.”

Joohyun looks at her with a frown. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just saying, control yourself.” Seulgi smirks and wiggles her brows.

Joohyun blinks and then warmth creeps up on her face. “I wasn't thinking about that!”

She pushes Seulgi away as they reach the exit and Seungwan is there standing by her car, waiting for her. Joohyun waves at her before stepping outside. 

Her thoughts are still tangling around Seulgi's stupid teasing. And now, because the seed had been planted in her head, Joohyun couldn't stop noticing how good Seungwan looks.

Seungwan unlocks the car and opens the door for her. She gets into the passenger seat and a moment later, Seungwan slides behind the wheel, starting the engine.

…

Joohyun stands just inside the entrance of her apartment, with her left hand against the wall for support. She sways a little, finding her coat a bit too heavy on herself now that she is not fully in her senses to maintain her balance. Her hair is slightly mused and her cheeks are flushed with alcohol, making her look younger than she is.

Her apartment is dimly lit, the familiar warmth and scent of her place only makes her let go of her senses even more and there is one more thing that drives her to the brink of insanity—Seungwan’s scent.

Forcing herself to stand straight, she folds her arms, droopy eyes falling on the figure standing ahead of her. Seungwan stands not too far away from her, reaching for the light switch to guide her to her room before leaving, apparently unaware of the eyes that have been undressing her behind her back.

Absolutely pathetic that her eyes follow every movement of Seungwan's body as she walks further to find the light switch because this isn't the old dorm where she had memorised the location of every light switch, this is Joohyun's apartment, one where Seungwan hasn't been even once.

She watches the hand, then her wrist, then to her fingers. Eyes follow the movement of her body almost helplessly, as though some part of her had forgotten how to look anywhere else. 

Seungwan scratches the back of her neck. A gesture that is way too familiar in Joohyun's eyes because she only does it when she is nervous. She knows all of this in the back of her head like the rest of her mannerisms.

The sound of the light switch clicking fills the hallway as the overhead lamp lights up, the light casting a hue over Seungwan's face just as she turns around to face Joohyun. “Don’t do stupid stuff like this ever again? Seulgi could've easily dropped you home yet you were insistent on driving yourself here after being knees deep in soju—”

Before she can finish, Joohyun makes two huge strides from where she stands to where Seungwan stands, leaning in to kiss her. Her right hand immediately wraps itself around Seungwan's waist while the other one cups her jaw to deepen the kiss. Despite the kiss being sudden, Seungwan doesn't seem surprised by the kiss at all, because did she really not expect this to be Joohyun's plan all along, luring her to her apartment by using her drunkenness as an excuse.

Pressing her against the wall, Joohyun deepens the kiss, her tongue entering inside Seungwan's mouth with urgency. Seungwan makes no effort to push her back as her fingers sneak their way around her silk shirt, holding the fabric for support. 

“...You planned this…didn't you…” Seungwan sighs in between the kisses, breathless, not being able to keep up with her neediness.

Joohyun takes her bottom lip between her teeth and gives it a bite which makes Seungwan hiss before she pulls back just enough to ghost her lips. “Huh…so you knew…yet you offered to come up with me.”

“Fucks sake! You expect me to leave you in the security of some random guards when you are this drunk.”

Satisfied with the answer, she pulls back enough to flash a sly grin towards Seungwan, who only looks down, eyes back to being somber like they were before.

“Just how much did you drink unnie…” 

“You were there too…why are you acting like we haven't been together the entire evening?”

She doesn't let her answer and slams her body against Seungwan's, pinning her against the cold wall. The contrast of the chilled surface against Seungwan's heating skin makes her gasp, a sound that Joohyun immediately swallows with another hungry kiss.

Her tongue sweeps inside, claiming every inch with starving urgency to make up for all the time she missed out on exploring it. She tastes like whiskey and oranges. Seungwan’s head tilts back, her knuckles whitening as she grips the fabric of Joohyun's shirt, pushing her away.

“We should stop…” Seungwan looks away, her eyes flashing sadness behind the obvious lust “...Whatever this is, we need to stop.”

She hates this, the look in Seungwan's eyes, like she is drifting apart, like she is trying to push her away, and she wants to do everything in power to avoid that. “You want to break up?” Joohyun nips at Seungwan's jaw, mouth trailing down her neck, teeth scraping over her pulse point.

Seungwan’s hand stays on her shoulder, not quite shoving now. “We were never something to break up…you know that.”

Freezing for a mere moment, she pulls back to meet Seungwan's eyes. Worry flickers across her flushed face, but the eyes staring back at her only seem to sharpen the need in her. “What’s the matter with you, Seungwan ah?” She slowly leans in, lips ghosting Seungwan's, allowing Seungwan to close the distance this time around.

Her hands don't stay idle, one moving under Seungwan's knitted henley shirt, palms gliding over warm skin, thumbs brushing the undersides of her breasts through her bra. The other one hooks around the button of her jeans, unhooking it with no effort before she slides down the zipper.

Seungwan lets out a broken whimper as her fingers find the lace of her panties, hooking them and tugging them slightly to the side. The sudden contact of warm skin against the sensitive heat of her clit makes Seungwan’s knees buckle. Making her cling to Joohyun for dear life, her breath coming in ragged, desperate hitches.

“You’re so loud when you're sensitive,” Joohyun murmurs against her neck, her fingers rubbing the budding flesh. “Haven’t done this in a long time?”

“Don’t talk stupid stuff?” There is a slight snark in Seungwan's voice which is meant to come out as harsh but Joohyun likes this mean side of her. “I don't touch myself…and besides you, who else would I let do this?”

Joohyun caresses the underside of Seungwan's breast, as if she is trying to tell her that she knows. The comment earlier was just to tease her and get her riled up. She knows that Seungwan doesn't look anywhere else but her, and unless touching herself is to please Joohyun, she doesn't do it either. Suppressing her needs and just suffering in silence.

With some slow thrusts, she slides a finger inside her clit, finding her already drenched and aching. Seungwan buries her face in her shoulder, her knees giving out with just a couple of thrusts.

They stumble further into her apartment, restraining themselves from discarding their clothes until they reach the bedroom. Only when Seungwan’s back meets the back of her mattress, Joohyun grabs the waistband of Seungwan's jeans and the lace of her panties at once to yank them off her body. 

She pushes up Seungwan's bra, feeling her hardened nipple under her fingertips. Not forgetting about the other one, she hooks her fingers around the hem of Seungwan's shirt and yanks it off in one quick motion. Joohyun continues with her ministrations on her clit, rubbing her thumb over the already swollen bud. Her pupils enlarge with desire as her free hand cups one of her breasts, kneading it and playing with its nipple, while she lowers her mouth onto the other one, tongue drawing circles around it, before she takes her nipple in between her teeth.

Seungwan arches off her back, her orgasm coming in high pitched whimpers. “Huh?” Joohyun blinks, feeling wetness on her fingers, as she looks at Seungwan who is coming off her high. Eyes glistening, chest heaving up and down, fluid leaking out of her clit. “This fast…you really are sensitive tonight.”

She watches as Seungwan refuses to meet eyes with her, her face turning red with each passing moment, trying to lower the sounds escaping from her mouth as she tries to recover from the orgasm too. 

Her eyes trail over her breasts, noticing her swollen nipples glowing in a shade of pink. Joohyun leans down pressing her palms against Seungwan's falling and rising breasts, her fingers flickering and pinching both of her nipples at the same time. 

“Stop…it's too much.” Seungwan grips her shirt for support, voice coming out in breathless moans and groans. Joohyun pays no mind to her pleas and takes a nipple into her mouth, teeth scraping against its bud, biting down hard. This time the sensation is too much and Seungwan tugs her shirt harshly, a couple of buttons fall off from her silk shirt, “Joohyun…stop!”

“It’s Joohyun unnie,” Joohyun commands as she lets go of her nipple, eyes looking down to see the first three buttons of her shirt all gone, exposing her naked torso and clothed breasts. “Why are you being like this tonight, Seungwan ah?”

With clenched teeth, Seungwan looks up at her, finally daring to look at her. “I told you we should stop and you didn't listen to me!”

“Are you upset with me? What is it? Did I do something wrong?” A low whisper escapes from her mouth, her thumb massaging the hypersensitive nub of Seungwan's clit with slight pressure. The sudden change in sensation sends Seungwan over the edge, she grips Joohyun's shoulders for support, pulling her down to bury her face in her chest. 

With some roughness, she slides her finger inside Seungwan's clit again, the warm walls immediately tightening around her finger, sucking her in. “Joohyun…unnie…” she looks down, desperately trying to pry Seungwan off her chest so she can see her face. 

She wants to see her, especially her eyes. The whole evening from the moment they gathered in a restaurant, every time vulnerability and desire flashes across Seungwan's eyes, she tries to hide her beautiful gaze. Joohyun wants to see it so bad, she longs for those eyes to look at her lovingly like they used to. “Let me see you…please baby.”

Seungwan obliges to her request, lowering her head back onto the pillow, glistening eyes meeting Joohyun's. Being able to see the unadulterated want in those eyes, the unrestrained desire in her eyes for her, underneath that somber look that pure love for herself is what pushes Joohyun's control over the edge. 

Subconsciously, Joohyun pushes another finger inside and proceeds to slide a third one with no warning. “Unnie!” The younger woman cries out in pain, her nails digging helplessly into the fabric of her shirt. She sets a relentless pace to her thrusts, curling her fingers inside Seungwan's clit while the palm of her hand rubs against her core with each thrusts, making wanton sounds echo throughout the entire room.

“Hyun…Joohyun…” Her fingers get coated with Seungwan's fluids with each passing thrust. When was the last time they did this, because she doesn't remember Seungwan being this sensitive and submissive. 

Her mind goes back to the September of last year, she had wrapped up her subunit tour with Seulgi while Seungwan was due to have her comeback in a week. They had met up with the intentions of just catching up but urges and desires cannot be held back considering the last time they had time to spend time as a couple was in the winter of the previous year before Seungwan had to move out of the dorms and then Joohyun couldn't handle living there alone because how was she supposed to act like everything was alright when every corner of that dorm had their memories.

Joohyun blinks, her thrusts breaking the barrier between being relentlessly fast and being straight up rough. They haven't done this in a long time, how have they been surviving without each other for this long. The sounds escaping from Seungwan's mouth get louder, her grip around her shoulders get tighter, to the point she feels her nails digging inside her skin.

She leans down, her lips pressing against the skin of Seungwan's neck, taking her skin in between her teeth and sucking on it, leaving marks. 

Walls of Seungwan's clit tighten around her fingers, her cum starting to sputter out, making a mess over her fingers. Joohyun stares at her fingers that disappear in and out of Seungwan's clit, the sight of her glistening center makes her breath hitch. 

Joohyun trails her lips down from Seungwan's neck down to her chest, her tongue licking every inch of her skin down to her abdomen, where she peppers kisses around her belly button, before her mouth travels further down. She continues her ministrations as she leaves an open mouthed kiss on Seungwan's thigh and then bites her public bone.

Burying her face in between her thighs, she flickers her tongue over Seungwan's clit, tasting the fluids that were escaping from inside her. The moment her tongue makes contact with her bud, Seungwan lets out a loud moan, bed hands gripping the sheets around her tightly. 

She stretches Seungwan's clit open with her fingers and makes sure to lick every fold of her vulva. Her tongue sweeps deep and wide while she continues to thrust her fingers, feeling the walls of Seungwan's clit tighten around her fingers, she knows her climax is near.

Seungwan's whimpers get louder, the pleasure overload proving to be too much for her. “Please…Joohyun…I can't…unnie,” she wails, her voice breaking because of all the screaming. 

Joohyun scrapes her teeth against the bud, taking it and biting it. “Too much…I can't!” Seungwan comes all over her mouth and fingers, her entire body convulsing in waves. Even as Seungwan's cum coated her lips and fingers, she continues with her thrusts as if a demon had possessed her. 

“I love you so much…” she whispers again and again as she finally takes out her fingers and licks them clean using her lips which she cleans with her tongue “...I missed you so much my love.”

As the orgasm finally begins to subside, leaving Seungwan's entire body trembling, she climbs to cup her face and captures her lips gently, kisses her slowly just to savour this moment. 

Joohyun pulls back when she feels something wet on her nose accompanied by the sound of sniffling. She knows that Seungwan has the habit of tearing up after sex, but those tears are caused by pleasure, but the tears she is seeing now are in no shape or form caused by pleasure. 

She blinks, a physical ache striking her heart as Seungwan continues to sob to the extent that her breathing becomes ragged. “W-Whats wrong Seungwan ah?” 

Seungwan pushes away her hand, trying to hide her sobbing face with her trembling hands and failing miserably at it. “I’m fine…it's nothing…”

Joohyun's eyes blink repeatedly, panicking, as she forces herself to somewhat sober up. She immediately sits up, grabbing the duvet from the edge of the bed to cover Seungwan's naked body before she takes Seungwan's crying face into her hands and begins to wipe her tears. “Please don't cry…I’m sorry…whatever it is…I’m sorry…I-I should've stopped when you told me.”

“...It's nothing.”

“It’s not just ‘nothing’... you're not fine!” 

She can't help but raise her voice, in fact her own voice begins to tremble, as if she will burst into tears any moment. She has never once, in all of the time she has been with Seungwan, seen her like this—just distant, cold, no light behind her eyes…just completely devoid of the Seungwan she fell in love with.

“...Just a really thin thread…my sanity is really hanging off it.” Seungwan opens her eyes, tears still streaming down her face as she buries her face in Joohyun's chest.

“What thread?” Combing through her hair, she encourages her to keep going. “Talk to me baby…please.”

“Happiness.” Seungwan utters those words with so much defeat that it breaks Joohyun's heart. “I stopped—a while ago…I stopped reaching for it. You know why? Because you can't fall from a height you never climbed to, right? That's…that's the logic, that if I don't let myself want it, then it can't—” another sob escapes from her mouth which leaves Joohyun feeling helpless because why can't she just ease Seungwan's pain. “I gave up on being happy…I mean I actually stopped expecting it…I don't remember when but it has been a long while.”

A frown forms up on Joohyun's face as she keeps wiping the old tears only for the new ones to appear. “Why?” Her own hands were shaking too, and there were hot tears ready to escape her eyes too. “Did something happen? Is it the company? The subunit? Just tell me and I will fix it.”

“No!” The denial comes out of her mouth too fast. “It’s just not one thing…I can't blame it on others…”

“What is the matter? Please tell me…you have been like this for months now. Even tonight when I was trying to get something out of you, a laugh…even a small smile…why didn't you tell me anything about how you have been feeling for these past few months—Don’t I deserve to know if something is bothering you as your girlfriend?”

“Are you? I don't know…we barely see each other. Are we even together anymore? Isn't our relationship just purely physical now…to satisfy ourselves…”

Joohyun widens her eyes, her grips around Seungwan's face tightening. “What are you talking about? Of course we are still together…I am not going to break up a three year relationship over some distance—Yeah…I have been busy and I am at fault—”

“—It is not your fault!” It comes out sharp and filled with a lot of anger and pain. Seungwan pushes her away, immediately sitting up and hugging her knees, the duvet falls off from her body, making her look even more vulnerable in her rawness. “You don't know what you would've done, because I never gave you the chance to do anything, because it was me…I left. I did that. I put the distance between us…so I can't complain about it.”

“Is this about leaving the company?”

Seungwan looks up, her eyes red rimmed, breathing ragged. “I hate it, the distance. I hate that we used to be so close…under the same roof…when I could just know what you were thinking, and now I have to guess…you feel like a stranger to me and I am so scared of feeling like this.”

She has this urge to defend herself for some reason, it feels as if Seungwan is blaming her for the distance, she knows that's not the case, but she is scared too, so does what feels right. “That is not fair.”

“I know…I know…I know…I just said that it was me—”

“—So why does it only hurt you?”

Words come out before she can stop them. Raw and unhinged to say to someone who is already hurting, but the thing is that she is hurting too. Because the way Seungwan has been acting towards her, all cold and distant, like she doesn't care what she is doing, it is hurting her too.

“You get to make the choice and I get to just—live with it? Watch you go quiet and not be allowed to ask why? That's not fair either, Seungwan ah. None of this has been fair to me…you leaving the company…you suddenly pulling away from me.”

Seungwan shakes her head, finally coming out of her imaginary nest. She lunges forward, taking Joohyun's face in her hands and kisses her. Her lips eager to show her that she can never pull away from Joohyun.

Joohyun lets Seungwan climb on her lap, her hands squeezing the skin of her hips, allowing Seungwan to kiss her, to prove that she is in this with her as much as she is, even though she doesn't need any proof because she already knows. 

Just for a moment, they pull back to catch their breath, for the first time tonight, their eyes meet. 

Joohyun looks up, her droopy bedroom eyes staring right into Seungwan's teary lustful eyes. Subconsciously her lips press into a pout, her hand coming up to guide Seungwan's hand to her lips. Her pout presses softly against the back of Suengwan’s trembling fingers, each kiss lands wet and open mouthed. 

She makes sure to maintain the eye contact, it is not to torment Seungwan or anything, she feels more connected to her this way, by looking into her eyes while doing this, maybe it is just her imagination or maybe it's the truth, but she feels like those eyes speak more to her than the words that come out of Seungwan's mouth. 

Seungwan’s pupils blow wider, her breath snags high in her throat and stays there. The tips of her fingers twitch against Joohyun’s mouth as if the nerves themselves are trying to answer. Her free hand slides higher, palm flat between Seungwan’s shoulder blades, guiding her closer while her own mouth never leaves those shaking fingers. She drags her lower lip along the side of Seungwan’s index finger, tongue flicking once against the pad. 

Burying her face in the crook of Seungwan's neck, she begins to leave hot kisses there while feeling Seungwan's shaking hands slowly unbutton the remaining buttons of her shirt, the last two buttons of Joohyun’s shirt give under Seungwan’s unsteady fingers. Her shoulders roll forward, for half a second before she forces them back, offering more of herself. Seungwan’s thumbs brush the underside of Joohyun’s breasts through the thin cups of the bra, both of them feel the immediate tightening of Joohyun’s nipples against the fabric.

She pulls back from her neck to shrug the open shirt down her arms, the silk slides off in one smooth motion and drops somewhere behind her. Immediately her hands return—one to Seungwan’s waist, the other reaching behind her own back. The clasp of the bra opens with a soft metallic click and Seungwan’s hands are already there, sliding the straps down Joohyun’s shoulders, then peeling the cups away.

The sudden exposure of her breasts being set free draws a low, involuntary sound from her throat. Her areolas tighten in the cooler air, the peaks of her nipples stand hard. Seungwan’s palms hover a fraction of an inch away, heat radiating between skin and skin, before she closes the distance. 

Hesitant hands cupping the soft weight, she gives Seungwan all the times she needs to familiarise herself with her body, it has been a while since they have done this, she knows that Seungwan gets overwhelmed easily, so she nods at her, telling her to keep going.

Seungwan presses her thumbs against her nipples, pinching them. Making her head tip back, her fingers dig into Seungwan's hips hard enough to leave marks.

She leans in and takes one nipple into her mouth without preamble. The wet heat of her tongue circles once, then flattens and presses. “Seungwan…” she can't help but moan. Her hips give a small, helpless roll forward. Inside her, the first real clench hits—deep, involuntary, muscles pulling tight around nothing. Wetness gathers quickly, and she feels it running down her thighs.

Joohyun's hand finds Seungwan's wrist again and guides it downwards, resting it where the buckle of her belt is, she unbuckles it herself and from there Seungwan takes over by unhooking the button and slipping her hand inside past the waistband of her underwear. 

Seungwan’s fingertips press experimentally against the soaked skin, as she looks at her. “Unnie, do you want me to?”

“You want to?” Her pupils enlarge as she looks up at Seungwan's face, giving her hips a tight squeeze. Seungwan blinks and then nods. “You can…please—I need you…”

The answer comes in the form of Seungwan's thumb rubbing against her clit. She immediately buried her face in Seungwan's chest, taking her nipple into her mouth, biting it to suppress her moans. Seungwan parts her outer lips, then slides the tip of her middle finger with careful pressure near her entrance.

Her hips push forward the moment she feels her entrance being teased, her teeth bruising Seungwan's nipple in the process. Unlike her who gives no warning before thrusting her fingers, Seungwan sinks her finger inside her in slow multiple thrusts. A broken sound escapes from her lips as her walls immediately clench around the finger, trying to pull it deeper.

Seungwan adds a second finger after a couple of thrusts and that's the most she'll do, scared that she'll hurt her unnie. Her free hand slides up into Seungwan's hair and holds on while the other one rests low on her waist, squeezing it every time Seungwan thrusts in and out of her. She feels more wetness drip down her clit, the walls tightening around those fingers, pulling them deeper and deeper. 

“I did it because you looked happy…you looked happy with freedom, with the subunit, with Seulgi. And I can't just come barging in, making my emotions your problem can I? When I made the decision for myself to leave even though you begged me not to leave yet you supported me…so how could I make me being miserable with a decision I made your problem?”

Seungwan curls her fingers slightly as her thrusts begin to gain rhythm and speed, making her body jerk, not knowing how to respond to her words. She never knew Seungwan was feeling like this. Yeah, initially when she shared that she wanted to leave the company, Joohyun tried to stop her and they even had a huge fight because of it. But the more she saw Seungwan being miserable the more it seemed like the right thing to do, so eventually she agreed.

They knew that it was going to come with consequences of living separately, and not knowing each other's schedules beforehand so they couldn't even plan ahead of time to spend time together. But not having the time to go out even once wasn't something neither of them were prepared for so as soon as Joohyun had the chance to meet Seungwan during that one week before Seungwan's tour, she took that opportunity and thought that having sex would be enough for their relationship to be, apparently that wasn't the case. 

Joohyun thought Seungwan looked happier after leaving, finally having the freedom to do what she loved doing, and Seungwan's happiness is her happiness, so she never questioned anything. Turns out she was wrong, the distance was affecting them and they were maybe in denial or just hiding it better from the other one. Back then when Seungwan wasn't happy, Joohyun used to immediately know, so how did she not know when the signs were right in front of her eyes. 

“Your emotions are my problem, Seungwan.” Her thighs tremble as Seungwan keeps the angle and works her fingers in steady strokes. “If you're upset I want to be the one to fix it. If you're sad I want to be the one to make you happy. If you're miserable with the distance we have created for ourselves then you talk to me about it…instead of making yourself a villain in this situation.” 

She drops her forehead on Seungwan's shoulder, breathing becoming ragged, hot against the side of Seungwan's neck. Nails dig into Seungwan's skin as the squelching sound coming out from her throbbing clit grows louder. The tension in Joohyun's lower abdomen peaks, things shaking violently under Seungwan's weight and the next deep curl of Seungwan's fingers against that front wall is the final trigger.

Her hips jerk upwards in uncontrolled thrusts as her orgasam washes over. A broken, open-mouthed cry of Seungwan's name tears from her throat and stays there, vibrating against Seungwan’s neck. She feels the wetness drip down her clit into Seungwan's fingers and her pants, making her thighs sticky with the fluid.

Only after catching her breath she pulls back from Seungwan's shoulder and tips her head back against the headboard to meet Seungwan's guilty eyes looking at her with regret. “I’m sorry unnie…it just felt like I was losing you and the only way to make it hurt less was by distancing myself slowly…so when we…break up…it'll not hurt.”

“I’m not breaking up with you…like ever,” Joohyun whispers breathless, her fingers tucking Seungwan's hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Distance or not, living together or not, communication or not—My feelings for you have never changed…I love you the same as I did three years ago, maybe even more than I used to.”

Her chest still rises and falls in uneven pulls of air, aftershocks of her orgasam still fresh as she holds onto Seungwan in her lap. Seungwan’s eyes close for a second, when they open again they twinkle with tears, one slips free and tracks down the side of her nose and soon others follow. Joohyun’s thumb is already there, dabbing them away, as she tries to soothe the physical ache in heart, she can't bear seeing Seungwan cry, it genuinely hurts her more than anything.

She carefully flips their positions so that Seungwan is on the mattress, in her arms, held protectively. “You felt like you were losing me,” Joohyun says, voice soft and gentle. “So you started pulling away to make the end hurt less. But there isn’t going to be an end, Seungwan.”

“I kept thinking if I just…made the space bigger,” Seungwan whispers, covering her palm with her own. “The eventual break up wouldn't feel like my heart being ripped into shreds…But every time I put more distance between us it just…hurts worse—I don't want to lose you unnie.”

Joohyun leans in until their foreheads touch. She feels Seungwan’s next exhale against her own mouth, warm and shaky. “I’m right here,” she says. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Leaning down, she takes Seungwan's lips in hers gently, kissing her slowly and softly. And she responds back, lips moving with the pace she set, as Seungwan's hand comes up to cup her face. 

For a long moment, they just keep kissing like that, and it feels like things are back to how they were before everything went downhill, just them in each other's warmth, kissing after making a mess of their bedrooms.

She draws her face back after some time, staring down at Seungwan, the realisation settling in that Seungwan is still very much naked and the windows of her room are open, no wonder she felt cold when she took off her shirt. Momentarily leaving Seungwan’s side she pulls the duvet back up to cover both of their bodies before she looks down again.

“You have to admit though,” Joohyun leans down with a teasing grin forming up on her lips. “The sex was out of the world though.”

Seungwan’s eyes widen for half a second, then a reluctant, watery laugh escapes her. The sound is soft and a little cracked, music to Joohyun’s ears if you ask her. “It was embarrassing…I can't believe how fast I came both times.”

Joohyun’s grin widens, she leans in and nips the tip of that reddening ear, ignoring the way Seungwan tries to push her away. “Really! I enjoyed it…you know it was an ego booster knowing that only I get to do this you—Ah! That reminds me…did you really not touch yourself at all, not even once, not even while thinking of me?”

“Yah—” Seungwan twists, half-hearted, trying to escape the next soft bite that lands just below her jaw. “I tried once but it wasn't the same and you know I don't like to do it…I’m still sore because of you.”

“Already,” she pouts. “I was thinking of a few more rounds, you know, make-up sex.”

Seungwan's face floods red, she tries to push her prying hand away but instead Joohyun climbs on top of her, pinning both of her hands above her head, looking down at her with a smirk.

“Joohyun—”

“—Unnie.” Now that she is fully sober, her eyes are bright now, the earlier intensity replaced by something lighter and distinctly mischievous. “It is Joohyun unnie for you, didn't I remind you that earlier.”

“Stop—unnie, seriously…” Seungwan giggles full up the entire room, even though her wrists struggle to free themselves, Joohyun knows she isn't actually trying to free herself from her grip. 

Her voice drops lower as she leans closer, pressing her knees against Seungwan's core. “Make me.” She challenges, leaving the decision in Seungwan's hands.

For a moment they just look at each other, breathing a little faster from the small scuffle. Seungwan’s hair is a mess against the pillow. Joohyun reaches up and flicks a damp strand away from her forehead again, gentler this time.

Seungwan lifts her head up, closing the distance between their lips. Joohyun does the rest, pushing her head down and kissing her deeper, tongue barging in Seungwan's mouth with no warning and her ever so sweet and obedient girlfriend just accommodates her.

She pushes her knees further up against Seungwan's core and Seungwan answers with a low sound that vibrates in her throat. Her grip around Seungwan's wrist gets tighter even though Seungwan makes no effort to free herself. 

Seungwan tilts her head, giving her access to her neck which Joohyun appreciates, dragging her mouth across her jaw then further down to her neck, nipping and biting her skin, making Seungwan whimper and hear those beautiful noises come out of her mouth.

“I missed this so much,” Joohyun groans against her neck, nuzzling her nose against her skin, leaving wet kisses on every hickey she leaves on Seungwan's neck. “Your lips, your skin, your whimpers…Fuck, I missed all of this so much.”

Her hand travels down Seungwan's side, over the curve of her waist, then lower until her fingers dip into her heat, slick immediately coating them. “Unnie…” With her hands finally free, Seungwan immediately grips her shoulders, nails digging into her skin, head tipping back into the pillow.

She parts her outer lips with two fingers and strokes along the length of her, from entrance to clit and back again. Seungwan's hips jerk upwards, seeking more contact, incoherent moans escaping her mouth with each stroke. 

The teasing at her entrance doesn't last for long, she presses the tips of her two fingers against Seungwan's entrance and sinks them in a single thrust. Seungwan's clit closes around her finger immediately, pulling them in deeper, as she begins to deliver fast strokes in and out of her clit, wetness coating her fingers immediately.

While her girlfriend takes in her fingers like a good girl, Joohyun lifts her head just enough to have a good look at her. It looks like a renaissance painting, the way Seungwan's hair spread over the pillow, her eyes closed shut with her head tipped back, her lips all rosy and swollen from all the kissing. Her eyes travel further down to her neck, the marks she left earlier already turning into purple, her favorite color, her milky smooth skin painted with remnants of Joohyun, her nipples all pink with marks of her teeth still evident.

Before she is even aware of her intentions, Joohyun adds a third finger, sliding it inside Seungwan's clit with the other two. The noises escaping from her girlfriend’s mouth get louder and that is when she realises that she might have gone a little overboard. “Yeah? Is this okay?”

“Ha—ah…Fuck—Joohyunnie,” Seungwan only answers in loud moans, gasping as she buries her face in the crook of Joohyun's neck, hands fisting her hair.

Joohyun can't help but have a shit eating grin form up on her face, increasing the pace of her thrusts to hear more of those voices come out of Seungwan's mouth. “Like that? Does it feel good baby?”

“Yes…mmm—Joohyun, yes—” Seungwan whines get louder, her hands going from fisting her hair to fisting the sheets then back to burying her nails in her shoulders.

“Want unnie to make you feel good?” She groans against Seungwan's breast, talking her swollen nipples into her mouth in intervals, sucking them and flickering her tongue against those taunt peaks. “Tell me, Seungwan.”

“Y-yes…unnie…so good—fuck, it feels so good,” Seungwan cries out, scratching into Joohyun's shoulders. Her moans only encouraging Joohyun to go faster, not caring a bit about how rough she was being. 

She leans in until their mouth almost touch. “Look at me…I want to see you while you cum—open your eyes baby.”

Seungwan's gaze lifts, glassy, pupils fully blown as she holds eye contact with Joohyun. Her hand works faster and harder, the wet squelching sounds loud enough to echo throughout the entire room. She feels her walls clamping around her fingers and works her fingers until she feels the spasms deep in Seungwan's belly.

Her girlfriend’s mouth opens on a silent cry, her eyes squeeze shut for a second before she forces them open again, locking on Joohyun’s face as the orgasm rolls through her in long shuddering waves, her hips stutter as Joohyun keeps moving her fingers inside her, drawing every last bit of her cum out.

“Too much…” Seungwan groans in a hoarse voice “...Joohyun.”

Joohyun carefully pulls out her fingers, wiping them clean with her tongue before she gathers the panting girl into her arms, brushing away her hair from her sweaty forehead, then leaning down to kiss her cheek.

“Unnie made you tired didn't she,” she coos with chuckles escaping from her mouth. “Even your voice is gone.”

Seungwan looks up at her, lower lip pushed out in an exaggerated pout, then promptly buries her face back into the soft press of Joohyun’s chest. The warm skin against her cheek still carries the faint salt of earlier sweat. Joohyun’s hand settles in her hair, fingers carding slowly through the damp strands while the last residual flutters of pleasure fade from both their bodies.

They stay like that for a few quiet minutes. Joohyun feels the gradual evening of Seungwan’s breathing against her sternum, the way the younger girl’s shoulders finally drop with ease. 

Then the less romantic details announce themselves.

Seungwan shifts slightly and freezes. A small, mortified sound leaves her throat as she registers the dried, sticky residue that has started to stiffen on her thighs and the unmistakable damp patch spreading across the sheet beneath them. Joohyun feels the exact moment the realisation lands, Seungwan’s nose wrinkles against her skin. “Ugh… unnie, the bed—”

“I know.” Joohyun’s voice stays warm and amused. She presses a quick kiss to the top of Seungwan’s head before easing them both upright. “Come. I’ll prepare a bath and fresh clothes for us.” She knows how much Seungwan hates falling asleep sticky and half covered in drying fluids, even if Joohyun herself has never minded. “Want me to carry you—” She grins the second Seungwan pulls back to look at her, eyes still a little hazy but already narrowing in suspicion “—I have been working out.”

Seungwan’s pout returns, deeper this time, though the corner of her mouth keeps twitching. “You’re not carrying me.”

“Why not? You’re light. And very cute when you’re like this.” Joohyun swings her legs over the side of the bed, completely unselfconscious about the fact the insides of her trousers are in a similar condition. She stands and stretches, deliberately flexing the lean muscle in her arms. “See? Peak condition.”

“I can walk.”

“Can you? My fingers did a number in your legs just five minutes ago.”

“Joohyunnie,” yeah time for her to stop the teasing because her girlfriend is now whining to her.

“Alright, alright.” She softens the teasing just enough to offer a hand, palm up. “I’ll walk you to the bathroom like a proper unnie. But if your knees buckle, I’m carrying you the rest of the way and you don’t get to complain.”

Seungwan peeks between her fingers, ears pink, then reluctantly places her hand in Joohyun’s. The contact is warm and a little sticky. Joohyun laces their fingers together and tugs her gently to her feet. Seungwan’s legs do wobble for a second and Joohyun’s free arm slips around her waist without comment, steadying her.

Keeping her arms steady around Seungwan’s waist, they cross the short stretch from the bedroom to the bathroom. Seungwan’s steps are slower than usual, a faint residual tremble still present in her thighs every time she puts weight on them. Joohyun feels it and doesn’t comment, only adjusts her hold so Seungwan can lean more of her weight if she needs to.

The bathroom light clicks on with a soft yellow glow. Joohyun steers them inside and eases the door shut with her foot. She doesn’t let go of Seungwan until the younger girl is sitting on the closed toilet lid, still looking a little dazed. Joohyun turns to the tub and tests the tap, testing the water with her wrist until the temperature is comfortably warm, then adds a small pour of the lavender bath oil Seungwan likes. 

“Aren’t you being too nice,” Seungwan mumbles with her brows raised. 

With a grin on her face, she glances over her shoulder. “I just spent the last hour fucking you so hard that your voice is almost gone…the least I can do is make sure you don't pull up to the practice tomorrow with no ability to walk.” She straightens and reaches for the small cabinet, pulling out two clean towels and a pair of soft cotton shorts and an oversized shirt for Seungwan. 

After setting everything up, she walks back to Seungwan offering her both hands and pulls her carefully to her feet. Seungwan sways once and Joohyun’s hands settle at her waist, steadying her before she guides her to the tub. She allows Seungwan to go in first and then follows her after discarding her trousers. 

Seungwan ends up between Joohyun’s bent knees, back resting against her chest, head tipping back onto Joohyun’s shoulder with a long, contented sigh. She reaches for the soft cloth and soaps it lightly before she begins to wipe her body to get rid of the residual bodily fluids.

There is no lust or teasing this time around as she works though Seungwan's shoulders, breasts and the insides of her thighs carefully. The skin there is still faintly sensitive, making the younger girl's breath hitch. Joohyun doesn’t linger, only makes sure every trace of earlier is rinsed away.

As she is reaching for the shampoo, her girlfriend turns her head just enough to press a lazy kiss to the side of her cheek. “I love you,” she murmurs.

She flashes a soft smile to her and leans down to press a kiss to her shoulder. “I love you too.” Joohyun pours a bit of shampoo on Seungwan's head, already massaging it to create foam. “Now tip your head back so I can wash this properly. And no falling asleep until we’re both clean and back in fresh sheets. Deal?”

Seungwan hums in agreement, already melting further into Joohyun’s chest. She pays no attention to the lack of answer and keeps doing her work until she feels the younger girl’s weight grow heavier against her chest. Seungwan’s head tips further to the side, cheek pressed to Joohyun’s collarbone, breathing already slowing into the soft, even rhythm that means she’s halfway gone.

“Baby,” she bites the corners of her cheeks to stop herself from straight up cooing over her girlfriend. “Don’t fall asleep, we're almost done.”

A tiny, sleepy sound answers her. Seungwan’s fingers, still loosely laced with Joohyun’s under the water, twitch once and then go slack. She huffs a fond laugh and reaches forward to pull the plug.

Once the tub is empty she stands carefully, guiding Seungwan up with her. Seungwan’s legs barely cooperate, she sways the moment both feet are on the bath mat, forehead dropping against Joohyun’s shoulder. She dries Seungwan as best she can while the younger girl remains half upright only because Joohyun is holding her. 

When she’s dry enough, Joohyun slips the oversized shirt over her head and helps her arms through the sleeves. The clean shorts follow. Seungwan stands there like a sleepy puppy, eyes still closed, letting Joohyun dress her without protest. She makes her lean against the sink while she quickly changes into fresh clothes.

“Up we go.” Joohyun bends and slides her arm behind Seungwan’s knees, the other around her back. Seungwan makes a surprised sound as she’s lifted, but her arms automatically loop around Joohyun’s neck and she nuzzles closer, face tucking into the warm skin of Joohyun’s shoulder. 

She carries her out of the bathroom to the bedroom where she sets Seungwan down on the couch by the window just long enough to change the sheets before dumping all their clothes and the damp sheets into the laundry basket. Then she lifts her again, settles her carefully onto the fresh sheets, and climbs in beside her.

Seungwan immediately curls toward her, seeking warmth. Joohyun gathers her in, one arm under her neck, the other wrapped firmly around her waist, legs tangling so their bodies fit together without any gap. 

The feeling of having Suengwan in her arms like this is unmatched, she isn't sure if there are words in the dictionary to actually convey what she is feeling right now. All she knows is that she doesn't want to lose this warmth in any case. 

“There is no one but you,” she whispers quietly against Seungwan's damp hair. “You know that right?” The words aren't for anyone but herself, she just wants to say the stuff that goes in her mind out loud.

Seungwan’s only answer is a sleepy hum and the way her fingers tighten faintly around the fabric of Joohyun's shirt.

“I can't even imagine a life without you in it, not real…Every version of the future I picture has you in it,” her fingers brush Seungwan's damp hair, pressing a kiss to Seungwan’s forehead, then to the closed eyelid, then to the tip of her nose. “You’re it for me. You’ve been it for a long time. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not letting you go either.”

Even after Seungwan’s breathing has gone deep and even, she keeps pressing soft, lingering kisses wherever she can reach. 

“My pretty babygirl,” she whispers against Seungwan’s forehead, then kisses it again. “So sleepy. So cute when you’re like this.”

Seungwan makes a tiny sound in her throat and nuzzles closer, nose brushing the side of Joohyun’s neck. She shifts just enough to gather Seungwan more securely against her, one hand cradling the back of her head while the other traces slow, absentminded patterns along her spine. Every few seconds another kiss lands—on the bridge of her nose, on the soft spot between her eyebrows, on the closed eyelid that flutters once under the attention.

“Look at you. Completely wrecked and still the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Falling asleep on me like a little koala. How am I supposed to let you go when you do things like this?” Her voice stays soft and warm, almost playful now that Seungwan is too far gone to properly respond.

Seungwan’s only answer is a deeper sigh and the way her leg tightens slightly over Joohyun’s thigh, pulling their bodies even closer. Joohyun laughs under her breath, the sound quiet and fond, and rewards her with another string of kisses along the side of her face.

“There is never going to be anyone else, okay. So you’re stuck with me. Forever. Even when you try to push me away. Especially then.”

Joohyun finally stops with the kisses and rests her head back against the pillow, her eyes glimmering in the dark just watching a sleeping Seungwan until sleep finally claims her too.

…