Archive of Our Own

The first time Sakuya heard the word marriage, he laughed. Not because it was funny. because surely, there had been some kind of misunderstanding.

He sat at the far end of the long dining table, one hand wrapped around a glass of water he hadn't touched. The room was quiet, except for the faint ticking of the antique clock mounted on the wall.

Across from him, his father looked completely serious. Beside him sat Ryo, who looked as though he'd rather be anywhere else. His black suit was perfectly tailored, the collar of his white shirt sitting neatly against his neck, his dark hair fell slightly over his forehead, and his expression had been carved into something unreadable.

Sakuya hated that expression, he'd hated it since the first time they'd met. "You're joking." He said.

His father didn't move, "No." He answered.

Sakuya stared at him, then at Ryo, and back at his father. "You're actually serious."

"Completely."

A silence followed, Sakuya slowly leaned back in his chair. "You're telling me I'm supposed to marry him?"

Ryo finally looked up, his eyes met Sakuya's. There wasn't anger in them, and that somehow made it worse.

"Believe me," Ryo said calmly, "I'm not exactly celebrating either."

Sakuya's jaw tightened. "Oh, good. At least we're agreeing on something."

His father sighed, "This isn't a discussion."

"Then why am I here?"

"Because you're eighteen."

"And?"

"And because the agreement between our families was made long before either of you were born."

Sakuya stared at him, the room suddenly felt smaller. He had known his family was wealthy, he had known their company had been struggling for the past year, he had known there were meetings he wasn't invited to and conversations that stopped whenever he walked into a room.

But this was something else.

"You can't arrange my marriage like a business contract."

His father's expression hardened. "I can when the future of this family depends on it."

Sakuya's fingers tightened around the glass, he looked at Ryo again. Ryo wasn't looking at him anymore, instead, he was staring down at the table, his fingers resting against the polished wood.

For the first time, Sakuya noticed something, Ryo's hand was shaking, only slightly.Barely enough to notice, but it was there, and Sakuya noticed. And somehow, seeing it made Sakuya's anger falter, because Ryo wasn't getting what he wanted either.

 

───

 

The drive home was silent, the rain streaked down the windows of the car, turning the city outside into a blur of headlights and reflections. Sakuya sat in the back seat with his arms crossed, staring outside.

His mind wouldn't stop, Six months. That was the deal, six months married. After that, if neither family wanted to continue the arrangement, they could separate, it was supposed to be temporary.

It was just a business solution, a performance, a lie. And yet somehow, the idea of waking up every morning beside Ryo made Sakuya's stomach twist.

His phone buzzed, he gulped as he saw the name of the contact.

 

𝗥𝘆𝗼: We need to talk.

 

Sakuya stared at the screen, he typed slowly, hesitating.

 

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮: About what?

 

The response came almost immediately.

 

𝗥𝘆𝗼: Rules.

 

Sakuya rolled his eyes, of course. He typed back.

 

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮: Fine.

 

𝗥𝘆𝗼: Tomorrow. 7 PM. My house.

 

Sakuya frowned.

 

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮: Why your house?

 

The typing bubble appeared and disappeared a few times.

 

𝗥𝘆𝗼: Because apparently it's our house now.

 

Sakuya stared at the message, despite himself, he almost laughed. Almost, because nothing was funny, but rather ridiculous.

 

───

The next evening, Sakuya stood outside Ryo's house with an umbrella in one hand and his suitcase in the other. He hadn't expected it to be this big, the house was surrounded by tall iron gates, perfectly trimmed trees and warm golden lights glowing behind enormous windows.

It looked less like a home and more like a place nobody was supposed to touch. The front door opened before Sakuya could knock.

Ryo stood there, he wasn't wearing any suit this time, just a dark sweater and loose black trousers, his hair was slightly messy. For some reason, that irritated Sakuya even more.

"You came."

"You invited me." And it's our house.. Sakuya thought, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

"I know." Ryo stepped aside, and Sakuya walked in. Warm air immediately surrounded him, the house smelled faintly like something sweet —vanilla, maybe.

He looked around, everything was spotless, too spotless. There were no photographs on the walls, no shoes scattered near the entrance, no evidence that anyone actually lived here.

"Do you live here alone?"

Ryo closed the door. "Yes." He said, turning to look at him.

Sakuya glanced at him. "Must be lonely."

Ryo's expression changed for half a second, then disappeared, it was barely there, he probably didn't notice. "Sometimes."

Sakuya didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing. Ryo led him upstairs.

"Your room is here."

He opened a door, Sakuya stopped. The room was enormous, a large bed sat against the far wall, covered in white sheets, there was a desk beside the window, a wardrobe, a bookshelf and a small balcony overlooking the garden.

Sakuya looked at Ryo. "This is my room?"

"Yes."

"Where's yours?"

"Across the hall."

Sakuya relaxed slightly. "Good."

Ryo raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, say it."

Sakuya dropped his suitcase beside the bed. "I just don't want this to become some weird newlywed situation."

Ryo leaned against the doorframe. "It won't."

"Good."

"Because we aren't actually married."

Sakuya looked at him. "We're getting married in three weeks."

"I know."

"Then what do you mean?"

Ryo crossed his arms. "I mean this isn't real." He said, as if it was obvious.

The words hung between them, Sakuya swallowed. "Right."

Ryo continued. "We live separately, we don't interfere with each other's lives, we don't expect affection."

"Obviously."

"We attend family events together when necessary."

"Fine."

"And after six months-"

"We leave."

Ryo nodded. "Exactly."

Sakuya stared at him for a moment. "Anything else?"

Ryo hesitated, he looked between his future husband and the floor a few times, trying to gain some courage, then he quietly said: "Don't fall in love with me."

Sakuya blinked, a laugh escaped him before he could stop it.

Ryo's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"You seriously thought I needed that rule?"

"I thought it was necessary."

"Ryo."

"What?"

"I couldn't fall in love with you if I tried."

For the first time that evening, Ryo smiled. It wasn't a warm smile, it was small, almost challenging. "Good."

Sakuya smiled back. "Good." He copied.

Neither of them realized how ironic that word would become.

───

The wedding was three weeks later, it was beautiful, too beautiful. Of course it would be, their families are super wealthy.

White flowers covered the venue, candles flickered along the aisle and hundreds of people filled the enormous hall. Sakuya stood beside Ryo beneath an arch of flowers, listening to the officiant speak.

He barely heard a word, his attention kept drifting toward Ryo. He looked different, not dramatically, but enough for him to notice. His hair had been styled neatly, his suit fitted perfectly against his shoulders, and a small silver pin rested against his lapel.

He looked calm, Sakuya knew better now. Ryo was nervous, he could tell by the way his thumb kept brushing against the side of his hand.

A tiny movement, almost invisible. Sakuya lowered his eyes, their hands were supposed to meet, for the photographs.

When Ryo's fingers touched his, Sakuya felt a strange warmth spread through his palm. He looked at him, Ryo looked back. For one brief second, the noise around them disappeared. Ryo's fingers tightened slightly around his, then the moment ended before he could fully process it.

"Do you accept?"

Sakuya swallowed.

"I do."

Ryo's voice followed.

"I do."

Applause erupted around them, they turned toward each other. The officiant smiled. "And now, you may kiss."

Sakuya's eyes widened. Ryo's did too. Neither had discussed this, even if they knew it would happen. The crowd waited, they heard how someone cheered.

Sakuya leaned closer, barely enough to satisfy the cameras. Ryo did the same, until their lips brushed, it lasted less than a second. But when they pulled away, both of them were strangely quiet.

 

───

 

That night, they returned to the house, their house. Sakuya still wasn't used to thinking of it that way, he stood in the kitchen at nearly midnight, barefoot, wearing an oversized shirt and drinking water straight from a glass.

He heard footsteps behind him.

"You're awake."

Sakuya turned, Ryo stood in the doorway. "So are you."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

Silence filled the place,  Ryo walked toward the refrigerator, Sakuya watched him. "You know," he said, "this is probably the strangest day of my life."

Ryo opened the refrigerator. "Same."

"You don't seem surprised."

"I'm good at hiding things."

Sakuya studied him. "Yeah."

Ryo looked at him. "What?"

"You are."

Their eyes met, neither looked away. The refrigerator hummed quietly between them. Outside, rain tapped against the windows.

Then Ryo closed the refrigerator. "Goodnight, Sakuya."

"Goodnight."

Ryo walked away, Sakuya watched him disappear upstairs. He told himself it was nothing, they were married because their families needed them to be, they were strangers.. kinda. They had rules, just six months then it would be over.

Simple as that, except, as Sakuya stood alone in the kitchen, he couldn't stop thinking about the way Ryo had held his hand during the ceremony. And across the hallway, lying awake in the dark, Ryo was thinking about exactly the same thing.

 

The first week of marriage was surprisingly quiet, almost disappointingly so. Sakuya had expected arguments, awkward breakfasts, slammed doors, passive-aggressive comments and perhaps one dramatic disagreement over who got which side of the bathroom.

Instead, there was mostly silence.

Ryo left early every morning, Sakuya usually woke up to the sound of the front door closing somewhere downstairs, followed by the distant hum of a car disappearing down the driveway.

By the time Sakuya came downstairs, Ryo was already gone, and at night, when Sakuya returned from university, Ryo was usually working in his office. They existed in the same house without actually living together, it should have been perfect. It wasn't.

Because Sakuya had begun noticing things, small things. Ryo always drank his coffee without sugar, he hated leaving lights on in empty rooms, he hummed quietly when he cooked, he never finished the last piece of anything in the refrigerator.

And, strangely, he always left the hallway light on, even when he went to bed. Sakuya discovered this on the fifth night, he was standing in the kitchen at nearly one in the morning when he noticed the thin line of golden light stretching beneath Ryo's bedroom door.

He frowned, because Ryo was supposed to be asleep. Sakuya walked upstairs and he stopped outside the door, he could hear pages turning, a quiet sigh, then the sound of a pen dropping.

Sakuya hesitated, he raised his hand slowly, knocked, nothing was given to him as a response, so he knocked again. "Ryo?" He asked.

 

"Come in."

Sakuya opened the door, Ryo was sitting at his desk, surrounded by papers. His tie was loose around his neck and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows, the room was dark except for the desk lamp.

"You haven't slept."  Ryo glanced at the clock. "It's late."

"I can see that."

"Then why are you awake?"

"I was hungry."

Ryo stared at him, Sakuya stared back. "Don't look at me like that." He said.

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying to figure me out."

"I'm not."

"You are."

Ryo looked back at his papers, "Maybe."

Sakuya leaned against the doorframe, "Why are you working this late?"

"Because I have work."

"That's not an answer."

"It's the only one you're getting."

Sakuya rolled his eyes. "Fine." He turned to leave after saying that.

"Sakuya."

He stopped, turned again and Ryo looked up. "Did you eat?"

Sakuya blinked. "Yes."

"Really?"

"...No."

Ryo sighed as he pushed his chair back. "Come on."

"Where?"

"Kitchen."

───

Ten minutes later, they were sitting across from each other at the kitchen island. Ryo had made instant ramen, nothing fancy, just two steaming bowls, chopsticks and a couple of glasses of water.

Sakuya stared at his food. "You cook?"

"Sometimes."

"You never told me."

"You never asked."

Sakuya picked up his chopsticks. "Fair."

For several minutes, the only sound was the quiet clinking of chopsticks against ceramic, then Sakuya looked up. "This is good."

Ryo glanced at him, "It's instant ramen."

"I know."

"So?"

"So it's still good."

Ryo's mouth twitched, of course Sakuya noticed. "Did you just smile?"

"No."

"You did."

"I didn't."

"You definitely did."

Ryo looked down at his bowl, hiding the corner of his mouth, Sakuya smiled at the view, and something about the moment felt strangely normal.. almost domestic. He didn't like how much he enjoyed it.

 

───

 

After that night, things changed, not dramatically, there were no declarations, no sudden romance. Just small differences.

Ryo began waiting for Sakuya before eating dinner. Sakuya started leaving the hallway light on for him. Ryo occasionally picked him up from university when it rained. Sakuya began bringing him coffee when he noticed he'd been working too long.

Neither acknowledged it, they didn't need to, but the house began feeling less empty, slowly becoming home.

One evening, Sakuya came home carrying several shopping bags, Ryo was sitting on the couch reading.

He looked up. "What's all that?" He asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Clothes."

"You went shopping?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sakuya stopped. "Because people need clothes, Ryo."

Ryo looked at him. "You already have plenty."

"I needed new ones."

"Why?"

Sakuya sighed. "You ask too many questions." He said, placing the bags on the table.

"And you spend too much money."

Sakuya narrowed his eyes. "Are you my husband or my accountant?"

Ryo went completely still, Sakuya realized what he'd said, neither of them spoke. Then Ryo quietly closed his book. "Technically?"

Sakuya felt his face heat. "Don't." He said, his voice tried to sound sharp and demanding, but there was a slight hint of it wavering.

A small smile appeared. "You're the one who said it."

"Forget it." Sakuya grabbed his bags and hurried upstairs.

Behind him, Ryo laughed, actually laughed, for the first time ever since they got married.

Sakuya stopped halfway up the stairs, he had never heard that sound before. It was softer than he expected, warm. He turned around,Ryo was still smiling, their eyes met. And for some reason, Sakuya couldn't look away.

 

───

 

A week later, the first real crack appeared in their arrangement, it happened at a family dinner. Their families had gathered around an enormous table, celebrating the success of a new business deal, everyone was drinking, everyone was smiling. Everyone was watching them.

Sakuya could feel it, the expectations and the questions. He had been preparing himself mentally ever since he got the message from his father announcing this dinner.

"So," one of the relatives said, smiling, "when are you two planning to start a family?"

Sakuya nearly choked on his drink, he swears he felt some of it almost coming out his nose.

Ryo immediately placed a hand on his back. "He's still eating." He said, his eyes narrowed.

The relative laughed. "I'm only asking." They said, smiling.

"We're not discussing that." Ryo's tone was polite, but firm.

The conversation moved on, Sakuya looked at him. Ryo removed his hand from Sakuya's back. "Sorry." He said.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

"Then why did you?"

Ryo looked toward the other end of the table, "Because I knew you were uncomfortable."

Sakuya stared at him, there was something different in Ryo's expression, something softer. Before Sakuya could respond, another relative called Ryo's name.

He turned away, but Sakuya couldn't stop thinking about it. He started to hate himself for it, he can't be overthinking about such a small detail at such an important place.

 

───

 

Later that night, they returned home, Sakuya was unusually quiet, Ryo noticed right away. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

Ryo stopped walking. "Sakuya."

Sakuya turned. "What?"

"You've been quiet since dinner."

Sakuya looked away, "I was just thinking."

"About?"

He hesitated, he took a deep breath and then he answered. "Us."

Ryo's expression changed, Sakuya swallowed, not looking at his eyes. "Do you ever forget this isn't real?" He asked, hesitating.

Silence filled the space between them,  Ryo looked at him for a long moment. "Sometimes."

Sakuya's heart skipped. "Sometimes?"

"Yes."

The answer was almost a whisper, Ryo looked away. "When we're at home, sometimes I forget."

Sakuya couldn't breathe properly, he finally looked at his eyes, trying to find something in them. "What do you forget?"

Ryo's eyes returned to his, "That we're supposed to leave."

The silence that followed was heavier than anything they'd said before, Sakuya stepped closer, only one step. Ryo didn't move, they were suddenly standing much closer than they ever had before.

Close enough for Sakuya to notice the moles near Ryo's eye, who seemed to cover with makeup, close enough to feel his breath, neither spoke. Then Ryo quietly said: "We should sleep."

Sakuya nodded. "Yeah."

Ryo walked past him, but before disappearing upstairs, he stopped. Without turning around, he said: "Goodnight, husband."

Sakuya's heart practically stopped, Ryo continued walking, he just watched him go. He had to stay at least five minutes laying on the couch, looking at the ceiling to get his thoughts together.

And for the first time since the wedding, Sakuya wondered whether six months was going to be nearly long enough.

 

The next morning was different. Sakuya knew it the moment he opened his eyes.

There was no particular reason for it. The sunlight looked the same, pale and golden as it filtered through the curtains, the room smelled faintly of the lavender diffuser he'd left running overnight. Somewhere downstairs, he could hear dishes being moved around.

Everything was normal, and yet, his first thought was how Ryo had said "Goodnight, husband" Sakuya buried his face in his pillow. "God." He groaned.

He had spent half the night replaying the previous evening, Ryo standing in the hallway, Ryo admitting that sometimes he forgot their marriage wasn't real, Ryo calling him husband in that quiet voice.

It shouldn't have affected him, it absolutely shouldn't have. They had been married for barely a month, their relationship had started as a business arrangement, they had promised each other they wouldn't fall in love.

And yet Sakuya couldn't stop remembering the look in Ryo's eyes, he finally forced himself out of bed. When he walked downstairs, he expected the house to be empty.

Instead, Ryo was in the kitchen, Sakuya stopped. This was unusual. Ryo was standing at the counter, making breakfast.

He was wearing a simple gray shirt and sweatpants, his hair messy from sleep, Sakuya stared at him.

Ryo noticed. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You've been staring at me for ten seconds."

"I have not."

"You have."

Sakuya walked toward the table. "I was just surprised you're awake."

"I didn't sleep much."
Sakuya looked at him.

"Why?"

Ryo hesitated, then he looked down at the toast. "Same reason you didn't."

Sakuya's heart stumbled, neither said anything else. Ryo placed a plate in front of him. "Eat."

Sakuya looked down, the plate was filled with eggs, a toast and fruit. "You made all this?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Ryo frowned. "Do I need a reason to make breakfast for my husband?"

Sakuya nearly dropped his fork, Ryo's lips curved, he was teasing him, actually teasing him.

"You're enjoying this."

"A little."

Sakuya narrowed his eyes. "I hate you."

"I know."

But Ryo was smiling, and Sakuya couldn't help smiling too.

 

───

 

That afternoon, they had to attend an event together. It was the first time they'd been photographed publicly since their wedding.

Their families wanted them to look happy, perfect and in love.

Sakuya stood in front of the mirror while a stylist adjusted his jacket. Behind him, Ryo was getting ready, their eyes met through the reflection.

"You look nervous," Ryo said.

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm just tired."

Ryo stepped closer, he reached toward Sakuya's collar. "Hold still."

Sakuya froze, he didn't even notice when the stylist had stopped adjusting his suit. Ryo's fingers carefully adjusted the fabric near his neck, the touch was brief, almost innocent. But Sakuya could feel his heartbeat in his throat.

"There." Ryo stepped back.

Sakuya looked at himself in the mirror, then at Ryo. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Their stylist suddenly smiled. "You two are very cute together."

Both of them immediately looked away.

───

 

The event was worse, not because anything went wrong. Because everything went right.

They smiled for photographs, they stood shoulder to shoulder, they answered questions.

And every time someone asked them about their relationship, Ryo looked at Sakuya with such natural affection that Sakuya almost forgot they were acting.

"How has married life been?" a reporter asked.

Sakuya opened his mouth, before he could answer, Ryo said: "Good."

The reporter smiled. "Really?"

Ryo looked at Sakuya. "Very."

Something in his voice made Sakuya's chest tighten, the reporter turned toward him. "And you?"

Sakuya swallowed, "Good." He said.

"What's your favorite thing about your husband?"

Sakuya froze, Ryo looked equally caught off guard. The cameras were still rolling, he needed an answer, something believable, anything.

Sakuya glanced at Ryo, then he smiled. "He's patient."

Ryo's expression softened. "That's not true."

Sakuya laughed. "It is."

"No."

"You've been very patient with me."

Ryo stared at him. Then, he quietly said: "Only because you're worth being patient for."

The cameras flashed, Sakuya forgot how to breathe. He spent the whole interview bitting his lips nervously.

 

───

 

They didn't speak much during the drive home, the city passed outside the windows, illuminated by streetlights and neon signs.

Sakuya sat beside Ryo in the back seat, his hands were folded tightly in his lap. Finally, he whispered. "You didn't have to say that."

Ryo looked at him. "Say what?"

"That I'm worth being patient for."

Ryo's expression was unreadable. "I meant it."

Sakuya looked away. "Why?"

Ryo didn't answer immediately, the car continued through the quiet streets, then he said, "I don't know."

That somehow hurt more than if he'd said nothing.

───

When they arrived home, Sakuya went straight upstairs. He changed into pajamas and sat on his bed, his mind was spinning.

A knock came at the door, he didn't answer. Another knock. "Sakuya?" Ryo's voice on the other side.

"Come in."

The door opened, Ryo stood there for several seconds, neither spoke. Then Ryo walked inside and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you upset?"

"No."

"You're lying again."

Sakuya sighed. "You're getting annoying."

"I know."

Sakuya looked at him. "Why do you keep doing that?" He asked.

"Doing what?"

"Acting like this."

Ryo frowned. "Like what?"

"Like we're actually married."

The room became silent, Ryo looked down at his hands. "Maybe because we are."

Sakuya's heart stopped, "For six months."

"Yes."

"And then it's over."

Ryo looked up, his expression was impossible to read. "Yes."

Sakuya waited for him to keep talking,  Ryo didn't say anything else. So Sakuya whispered "Are you afraid?"

Ryo's eyes flickered. "Of what?"

"Of the end."

For a long time, there was no answer, then Ryo stood. He walked toward the door, and just before leaving, he stopped. "I'm not afraid of the end."

Sakuya looked at him, Ryo's hand rested against the doorknob. "I'm afraid I won't want it." And then he left.

Sakuya sat completely still, his heart was pounding. Because suddenly, six months didn't sound like enough time, it sounded terrifyingly short.

 

───

 

It took Sakuya a long time to fall asleep after that.

He kept hearing it on repeat, in Ryo's voice, low and quiet like he hadn't meant to say it out loud at all.

I'm afraid I won't want it.

He stared at the ceiling until the lavender diffuser ran out and the room stopped smelling like anything at all.

 

───

 

The next morning, Ryo was gone again. Or at least, Sakuya thought he was, there was no sound downstairs, no coffee machine humming, no door closing.

But when Sakuya came downstairs, his plate was already on the kitchen island. Eggs, toast, fruit, the same as yesterday, the toast was still warm. There was a sticky note under the glass of water.

 

            Had an early meeting. Eat. - R

 

Sakuya picked it up and read it three times. He ate everything, scrolling on his phone to not think of anything.

 

───

 

For two days, they were careful around each other.

Too careful. Polite, like they were rewinding back to that first week of silence, before the hallway light and the instant ramen at one in the morning.

Ryo didn't wait up for dinner and Sakuya didn't bring him coffee. They said good morning and goodnight like they were reading from a script.

On the third night, Sakuya snapped. He knocked on Ryo's office door without waiting for an answer and pushed it open.

Ryo was at his desk again, tie loose, laptop open, a frown between his eyebrows that Sakuya was starting to know by heart.

"You've been avoiding me," Sakuya said.

Ryo didn't look up. "I've been busy."

"That's a lie."

That made Ryo finally look up. "I'm not avoiding you."

"You're not sleeping in your room either, are you? You fell asleep here last night."

Ryo's jaw tightened slightly. Sakuya noticed, he noticed everything now. "How do you know?"

"Because the light was on all night. Again." Sakuya crossed his arms. "Is this because of what you said?"

Ryo stared at him, then leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. He looked tired, really tired. "I shouldn't have said that," Ryo said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because it breaks the rules."

"We already broke like, four of them," Sakuya said. "You make me breakfast, You drive me home when it rains, you call me husband to piss me off."

"I don't call you that to piss you off," Ryo said, before he could stop himself.

Sakuya went still.

Ryo stood up slowly. "I shouldn't—"

"Then why do you say it?" Sakuya interrupted, his voice smaller than he wanted it to be.

Ryo walked around the desk, but didn't come too close. He kept the island of the desk between them, like he needed something to hold onto.

"Because sometimes..." Ryo swallowed. "Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm acting."

Sakuya's breath caught.

Ryo's hands were shaking again. That barely-there tremor Sakuya had seen at the very first dinner.

Sakuya stepped forward, without thinking. Then another step, until the desk wasn't between them anymore.

"You're doing it again," Ryo whispered.

"What?"

"Looking at me like you're trying to figure me out."

Sakuya was close enough now to see the moles near his eye without the makeup, close enough to see how Ryo's eyelashes cast shadows on his cheek.

"Maybe I am," Sakuya said. "Maybe I want to."

For a long second, neither of them moved. Then Ryo did something Sakuya didn't expect. He reached out - slowly, like Sakuya might pull away, and his fingers brushed against Sakuya's wrist. Just a light touch, barely there. Sakuya didn't pull away.

Ryo's fingers slid down, just an inch. "Your hand is cold."

"It's always cold."

"I know."

That - I know - shouldn't have made Sakuya's chest ache the way it did. Ryo let go, but Sakuya caught his hand before he could fully pull away.

"Stay," Sakuya said.

Ryo blinked. "What?"

"Don't sleep in the office tonight. Sleep... properly. In your bed."

Ryo looked at their hands - Sakuya holding onto him, tight. "Okay," Ryo said quietly.

 

───

 

That night, the hallway light stayed on. Sakuya lay in his huge bed staring at the wall that separated their rooms, listening to the faint sound of pages turning on the other side. He wasn't tired at all.

At 12:47 AM, his phone lit up.

𝗥𝘆𝗼:Are you awake?

Sakuya smiled in the dark and typed fast.

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮:Obviously.

𝗥𝘆𝗼: Can't sleep?

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮: You're too loud.

𝗥𝘆𝗼v:I'm literally not making any noise.

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘆𝗮: Your existence is loud.

 

𝗥𝘆𝗼: Come over here then, if I'm so distracting.

Sakuya's heart slammed against his ribs. He stared at the message until the screen went dark. He got up before he could talk himself out of it, barefoot, in the same oversized shirt he wore the night of their wedding.

He knocked once on Ryo's door.

"Come in."

Ryo was in bed, sitting up against the headboard, lamp on, book open on his lap but he clearly wasn't reading it.

Sakuya stood in the doorway, suddenly self-conscious. "You invited me."

"I did."

"You said your existence was... never mind." Sakuya walked in and sat on the far edge of the bed, as far from Ryo as possible while still being on the same bed. "This is weird."

"Very," Ryo agreed.

Silence, but not the heavy kind, a lighter kind.

Sakuya looked around. Ryo's room was as spotless as the rest of the house, but there was one thing different. On the nightstand, a single framed photo Sakuya hadn't noticed before - Ryo, younger, maybe fifteen, standing next to an older woman who had the same dark hair.

"Is that your mom?" Sakuya asked softly.

Ryo glanced at it. "Yeah."

"She's pretty."

"She was."

Sakuya didn't ask anything else. He just leaned back against the headboard, so their shoulders were almost touching.

"We're really bad at this fake marriage thing," Sakuya murmured.

"I know," Ryo said. "We're supposed to be counting down to the end."

"Are you? Counting down?"

Ryo turned his head. They were so close now, Sakuya could see every fleck of brown in Ryo's dark eyes.

"No," Ryo whispered. "Are you?"

Sakuya shook his head, just once. "I think I'm counting up."

Ryo's breath hitched. And for the first time, he didn't hide it. He didn't hide the way he looked at Sakuya like he was the only warm thing in this big, too spotless house.

Sakuya reached out, hesitant, and tucked a piece of messy dark hair behind Ryo's ear. His hand lingered, Ryo closed his eyes for a second at the touch.

"You said don't fall in love with me," Sakuya whispered, remembering that night on the doorframe weeks ago.

"I did say that," Ryo said, his voice rough.

Sakuya's fingers traced down, barely grazing Ryo's jaw. "What if it's too late?"

Ryo opened his eyes. Neither of them moved, the rain started tapping against the windows again, just like that first night in the kitchen.

"Then we're in trouble," Ryo whispered.

"Good trouble?"

Ryo finally, finally smiled - that small, real smile that wasn't challenging anymore. "The best kind."

Sakuya leaned in, just a little. Ryo met him halfway.

It wasn't like the wedding kiss. It wasn't for cameras, it wasn't less than a second. It was slow, and quiet, and it tasted like the coffee Ryo always drank without sugar.

When they pulled away, Sakuya's forehead rested against Ryo's. "We're so bad at following rules," Sakuya whispered.

Ryo's hands came up to cup his face, warm and no longer shaking. "Then let's make new ones."

"Rule one?"

Ryo kissed him again, softer this time.

"Don't leave," he said against his lips.