Work Text:
Chapter 1: Nom
Setting: Liyue, outside of Wangshu Inn
Wanderer was visiting Liyue to see a certain adeptus. In a burst of anemo energy, he gently drops onto the snowy ground. He tilts his hat up, shaking off the snowflakes, he calls out "Xiao?" No reply. Wanderer takes a few steps before spotting Xiao in the distance, "What is he doing?" Wanderer thought. He walks over and finds Xiao sitting on the ground, Wanderer blinks, he says "Are you... are you serious right now?" He crosses his arms and sighs, Xiao has a massive pile of pristine, fluffy white winter snow gathered in his hands. He has absolutely zero shame on his face. As Wanderer watches, Xiao calmly lifts his hands, opening his mouth to take a casual bite straight out of the snow pile. Wanderer lunges forward, he says "Wh-Hey! Put that down! What is wrong with you!?" Wanderer grabs Xiao's wrists and forcefully pulls his hands and the snow away from Xiao's face. Xiao looks thoroughly disappointed, he looks up at Wanderer, looking like a kicked puppy, he says "The snow was finally thick enough. It had to be eaten. It was pristine snow... And now it's gone... because you killed it." Wanderer rolls his eyes, he says "Oh, for the love of—! It is frozen precipitation, you absolute lunatic! Do not deploy the puppy eyes on me right now! You are not a victim of my tyranny! I am trying to keep you from freezing your internal organs!" Xiao crosses his arms and flops sideways into the snow, Wanderer groans, he says "Don't do this to me right now. Go inside, I'm not going to deal with an Adeptus with hypothermia." Xiao says "I can endure." Wanderer kneels down in the snow next to Xiao, he says "Get up. If you head inside now, I can make you some almond tofu and maybe- JUST MAYBE- I would be willing to hold your hand. Only if you get up right now." Xiao sits up, he says "Is that a promise?" Wanderer says "I'm regretting it already." Xiao stands up, dusting off his pants, holding out a hand to help Wanderer stand up, as they take a single step back towards the Wangshu Inn, Xiao, seeing his chance, lunges back, faceplanting in the snow, rapidly scooping up more clean snow and trying to quickly shove it into his mouth. "Are you kidding me!?" Wanderer wraps his arms around Xiao's waist to physically drag him away, Xiao says "Just one bite!" Wanderer says "No bites! Let go of it! Put it down!" Behind them, Cloud Retainer stands elegantly, she clears her throat, Wanderer freezes and Xiao stops struggling, they both turn their heads towards her. She says "When one was informed by the Traveler that the Conqueror of Demons had found a... companion of unique temperament, one expected intellectual discourse. Perhaps a quiet tea ceremony. One did not expect to find Liyue's greatest warrior wrestling a puppet in the frost over a handful of frozen moisture." Wanderer let's go of Xiao, Xiao straightens himself, sitting upright, he says "... the snow was optimal. But the sanctuary has enacted a tyrannical embargo on my sustenance." Cloud Retainer sighs, pushing up her glasses, she says "Alatus. One has told you for many centuries that consuming the frost is not advised. Now, usher yourselves back inside." She gives them a piercing stare before walking off, Wanderer says, a triumphant expression on his face "See? No. Eating. The. Snow." Xiao says "... Fine." Wanderer says "Good." He leans forward and kisses the top of Xiao's head, Xiao stops and says "Could you-" Wanderer interrupts, tilting his hat down to hide his blushing face, he says "Don't push your luck. Come on, let's go before I decide to leave you out here instead." End of chapter.