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“Hello, boys and girls!” Sprout says with rehearsed enthusiasm. “Welcome back to our show, where today, we actually have something interesting going on!”
“Yep,” Cosmo adds, “Because today we don’t really have an exact plan on what to make, now do we?”
“No, we do not. I mean, we did, but SOMEONE shredded our recipe book..”
The camera pans away from the counter where Sprout and Cosmo stand and over to Shrimpo, hate-watching from the doorway.
“I HATE YOUR RECIPES!”
“Sure..” Sprout taunts, crossing his arms. It was true, they did have a plan for this episode of their baking show, but thanks to Shrimpo, they’re gonna have to do this one completely off the cuff. He and Cosmo both think for a moment about something different to do. While they would usually make something normal, Cosmo had said he wanted to do something outrageous, completely unusual. This wasn’t typical of him, as usually he just went along with whatever Sprout wanted to do, but Sprout didn’t care. He just wanted to play along with it anyway.
After some thought, Cosmo looks up and says his brilliant idea. Spaghetti, but made out of chocolate.
“…What?” What kind of idea is that? Sprout thinks. Where do you even come up with something like that?
“Uhh, I’m all for this idea and everything, Cos… but how are we gonna do that?”
Cosmo pauses. “Oh, uh, I don't.. I don't really know either.”
“Right…”
“Do you think Vee would have any idea?”
“Maybe..” Sprout says, he’s about to walk off before he adds “Uh, just stay here, i'll update you on that in a minute”
Cosmo smiles “Okay! I'll be waiting…”
Vee's gameshow set
“Hey” Sprout says, stepping out of the elevator and onto the floor of the set. Well, I mean it was supposed to just be a set, but people seemed to spend more time here than anywhere else. I mean, it makes sense. There was more technology here than anywhere else in the building. Vee herself is a sentient TV, so it feels like it goes without saying, but even besides her there was lots to play.
“Oh, hi, Sprout. What is it this time?” Vee asks, pulling out her microphone.
“Uh, do you know a way to make chocolate spaghetti?”
Vee looks at him all confused. “Why would I know a recipe for that?”
Sprout rolls his eyes “You’re a computer, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you know everything?”
”Hmm, well, maybe I do have a recipe for that… but why should I give it to you?”
“Please? Cosmo was asking about it and-“
Vee interrupts, a smirk forming on her screen “oh, this is about your ‘friend’, Cosmo? Alright, then, I could print out some instructions for you.”
”Why did you say ‘friend’ like that?”
”Well,” Vee says, “I’m much smarter than you think. I see the way you look at that stupid cake roll. Don’t you have a crush on him?”
”…No..?” Sprout tenses up slightly. “Of course it isn’t like that. Anyway, that’s super unimportant, just give me the instructions.”
”Okay… but you’re still gonna have to do me a favor.” Vee teases, leaning against one of the arcade machines.
“..What kind?” He asks, staring at her.
Vee looks back at him with a smug look on her “face” (even though it’s technically a monitor, she can change up what displays on it), “You have to tell your friend the truth. Or I will do it myself.”
Vee doesn’t need to say what she means by “the truth”, they both knew exactly what it was.
“…You can’t force me to do anything.”
“If that’s what you want to believe, then fine. Anyway, I’m gonna need you back here tonight at five PM, I have to borrow you for a special segment in tonight’s show.”
“What could you possibly mean by special?” He asks.
Vee straightens herself back up and starts walking away. “You’ll see…” she drawls, disappearing behind the doorway.
Sprout scoffs. What does she mean by “special?” Whatever dumb game she’s trying to play, I’m not interested.
..She wouldn’t really tell him, right?
Later that afternoon, as it drew closer to five o’clock, Sprout sat there sprawled out on his bed, not being able to help but think about what Vee may have planned. He was hoping it was just the normal trivia segments she does, but if it was that, why would she say it was special? Suddenly he gets a knock on his door.
“Come in..” he groans.
The door opens. It’s Vee, dressed in her usual hosting attire. An extremely oversized coat and a green bow tie (that bow tie was like her signature. No one ever sees her on set without it on).
“You’re on in ten,” she says, and she’s about to turn back around when Sprout tells her to wait a second.
“You’re not about to do something to me I’ll never be able to live down, right?” He asks, sitting up.
“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” Vee says, and once again disappears for his sight.
What does that mean, “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t”? Sprout thinks. Why does she always want to bother me like this? How did she even figure out the truth about me and him? He couldn’t deny he does love his best friend, but at least he wasn’t trying to make it obvious. When he was created, Delilah had made it very clear their behaviors had to match up with what was socially acceptable. And even though the center had already remained shut down for probably over a year, they still held the same standards as they did in the eighties, which meant certain things- namely, boys loving boys- were unacceptable. And even if Delilah was long gone and there was no audience to watch their show or to see Sprout in person anymore, he and all the other toons had to keep their standards the same as always.
“Well, I guess I better get this over with,” he says to himself, sliding off the bed and walking out of the room, just wishing that no matter what happened, Cosmo would still be his best friend and they could forget about whatever Vee was about to make him do.
As the elevator descended, he felt a pit form in his stomach. Even though he convinced himself he had nothing to fear, there was something about being in front of all his friends not knowing what might happen next freaked him out. When the doors opened, he was backstage, watching through the gap in the curtains, scanning to see what was happening. Through it, he was scanning for Cosmo in the audience, and sure enough, he was there. Adorned in the adorable star sprinkles he usually has strewn about on his cheeks and in the frosting on the top of his stupidly cute head. But before Sprout can get too distracted, Vee's right behind him, arms crossed.
“Showtime, Berry-boy.” She sneers, pulling back the curtain. “Don't come on until I say so, capisce?”
“You got it..” he says, stepping back. Vee steps put onto the stage, beginning her lame intro to her show.
“Goooooood evening, ladies and gents! How are we doing tonight, doing good?”
The crowd of others give their overlapping answers, with some not answering at all. You can only be asked this question so many times before you lose interest.
“Right.. anyways, I'm sure you were all looking forward to the usual trivia, weren't you?”
Scraps, one of the toons in the crowd, enthusiastically nodded. She's Vee's least favorite contestant, because even though scraps literally knows nothing, she somehow managed to win every prize Vee's ever put out there.
“Oh, yeah, I bet you in particular were certainly excited, huh, Scraps? Well, too bad, cuz we're mixing it up tonight.”
Classic Vee...
“Now, if I could have my beautiful friend, Sprout, assist me with this..”
Oh dear. That's my cue. He is about to step out when he hesitates. Does he even wanna go out there?
“Oh Spro-out, where art thou?” Vee says in a singsong voice, looking back at the curtain. Sprout finally steps from the back onto the stage, and the crowd cheers a bit when he comes out.
“Well, are you excited for tonight, Seedly?”
“Not my name.. and what am I supposed to be excited about?”
“Thought you'd never ask. Check this out.”
Not a moment later, the spotlight turns to a corner of the stage where they can both see some kind of machine sitting on a table, next to two chairs. Brightney, one of Vee's “associates" (they were definitely more friends, even though Vee never said that), stood beside it, grinning.
“Behold, everytoon. This is a genuine polygraph!” Vee declares, placing a hand on her hip. The crowd makes noises of confusion. You could hear Scraps in particular asking “what?”.
Vee groans. “..Or as some of you may know of it, a lie detector.”
Now everyone has it. Everytoon in the audience cheered once again, including Cosmo.
“And so, we're gonna have my helpful little friend Sprout help us test it out tonight!”
That's what she had planned?! Ugh.. Hopefully it's not too embarrassing. Sprout thought.
“But that's not all I'm trying out tonight! Tonight, I'm also gonna be picking a guest host to ask the questions, using..” she paused for a second as her screen changed to a wheel of names. “..A Wheel of Chance!”
Just then, she goes backstage and pulls back a spinning wheel. On it, there were several names of other toons. There was even a spot where a certain toons name had been marked out and replaced with “spin again”. Wow. Vee is pretty mean.
“Now, let's see who our guest host of the night will be!” She spun the wheel, and everyone watched as it slowed and slowed and finally landed on… Cosmo!
“Oh, would you look at that? Your ‘friend’ is our guest host! Who woulda thought?”
Cosmo stands up and starts walking to the stage. “Wow, guest host? That's pretty awesome!”
“Yeah, yeah, just get up here, cakey. ANYWAYS, we're gonna be hooking Sprout up to the polygraph, and you're gonna ask him these questions! Good luck..”
No, no, not him... Sprout starts sweating as Brightney hooks all kinds of sensors onto him.
“Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be okay!” Brightney reassured him. “I mean, Vee may be mean, but she wouldn't go out of her way to fully embarrass you.. I hope!”
If only hoping was enough...
As soon as everything was set up, Vee gives Cosmo a spare microphone and the cards of questions, and then whispers something to him. No one could hear what it was, but Cosmo just nodded, so it probably wasn’t anything too important.
“Okay,” Cosmo says, eyes on the cards in his hands. “Question one, what’s your favorite thing to bake?”
Phew. Just a normal question. “Um, well, I always enjoyed making cupcakes more than anything!”
Brightney looks at the polygraph. “Looks like that’s true!”
Sprout giggles nervously as Cosmo smiles and flips to the next question. “Question two! Um, it says “do you have a crush on anyone?””.
Sprout immediately feels sick again. The first question was a fakeout! I should have known.. “..Yes?”.
Brightney looks again, “Ooh, it’s true!”
The audience starts whispering to each other. A couple of them go “oooooh”, and one of them starts giggling.
Is she trying to ruin my life?
“Oh boy, even I didn’t know that! Okay, question three! … Is your crush one of the toons on the wheel from earlier tonight..? Uhm, Vee-“
“Don’t worry about the questions, Cos, just ask them.” She says.
“I really don’t feel like asking these anymore, it’s-“
Vee rolls her eyes. “Its not the end of the world. If you don’t wanna ask, I can just take them back and ask them myself.”
Sprout’s heart is absolutely racing. Oh jeez, why won’t God- or Delilah- or whoever is out there do something to help me? “It wasn’t a toon on the wheel, I swear!”
The polygraph beeps. A lie.
“Why are you lying?” Brightney asks. “You know we can all see the truth..” the crowd continues to whisper to each other.
Sprout looks away from her. “I’m not lying! Maybe that machine is just broken..” Cosmo and Vee were still trying to convince the other to ask the questions.
Finally, Vee says “Okay, fine, but you’re staying right here.”, and she gets the cards back from Cosmo and takes the microphone back.
“Well,” Vee begins, “it appears as though Cosmo doesn’t wanna ask any more questions. But the show must go on, right?”
I think I might throw up, Sprout thinks. Maybe if I do, I can get off this stupid machine. I really hope I do, actually…
“Okay, then, question four!” Vee says haughtily. “Sprout, is your crush.. Cosmo?”
Oh my god, no, no, no, no… what do I even say..? He looks at the floor. No matter what he says, everyone will still know.
Maybe I just need to be honest..
“Um..” He begins, voice shaking. “Yes.. he’s my crush..”
Everybody goes quiet. Cosmo’s eyes widened.
Brightney checks the polygraph once again. “..it’s true!”
Not a second later, everytoon in the audience is cheering, laughing, talking to the toon next to them. Some people are giving each other money? Were they betting on this?
Vee, at first, is pleased by it, but after a moment she orders them to hush. “Okay, that’s enough!” She turns over to where Cosmo has been standing. “Well, Cosmo, how do you feel about that?”
“Um..” he starts to say something before he trails off. “Um, is it really true..?”
“The polygraph doesn’t lie!” Brightney chimes in. “He is, with a 100 percent certainty, telling the truth!”
Eugh.. can’t I just go back to bed now.. my life is already over, anyway.. please, I don’t wanna have to hear him say-
“Well, if that’s the case, I think it’s only fair that I’m honest too…” Cosmo starts to say hesitantly. “..I like you too, Sprout. I’ve liked you for a long time..”
Suddenly, Sprout sits up a little straighter. His heart rate goes down slightly. “..You have?” He asked.
Cosmo nodded. “I really have.”
Vee smirks. Did she know that the whole time? “Well, I think we can confirm that the lie detector works! Just look at what happens when you’re honest.”
“Why are you being so preachy all of a sudden?” Brightney asks.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, go ahead and take him off that thing, Brightney.”
“Okay, on it!”
Brightney stands up from the chair she was sitting at, and soon as she unhooked Sprout from all the sensors, Cosmo walked over to him and held his hand.
“What say we go make cupcakes together?” He asks Sprout.
“….What say.”
As they held each other's hands and walked off set, Sprout temporarily forgot about the standards or what Delilah or the old visitors or everyone would’ve thought. All that really mattered to him in that moment was his love for Cosmo. And at least all the other toons didn’t care. As they were walking away, Brightney squealed and kicked her legs in joy.
“What are you so happy about?” Vee asked.
“Oh, nothing, it’s just- they’re just so beautiful!”
“Uh huh…”
When they got in the elevator, Cosmo was asking about what color the frosting should be and what flavor it should be and everything. Sprout only halfway heard what he was saying.
“Alright, I’ll make sure we have enough ingredients!” Cosmo chirped.
Sprout smiles widely as the elevator doors open up.
“I’ll be waiting..” he replies.
Epilogue
Sprout still couldn’t believe it. Boyfriends. Him and his former best friend, now dating. Ever since that night, he’d felt like he was walking a little faster, acting a little nicer, even his concentration when he was baking went up. This was the happiest he’d ever been. But even so, he was still worried. If anyone outside of Gardenview knew, it’d be over for him. He’d been trying so hard to hide it to protect his reputation, and now the only thing standing between his status as a fan favorite and becoming a complete scapegoat is what other people could choose to say. As he walked to the kitchen one morning, Vee stood by the entrance.
“Well, aren’t you going to thank me?” She asks.
Thank her? Thank her? “Why should I thank you? You literally could’ve ruined everything we had!”
“But I didn’t,” she replied, crossing her arms. “It’s fine, no one even cares that much.”
“I care that much! Don’t you understand? Delilah was always saying tha-“
“Delilah isn’t here, Sprout!” She shoots back. “The center is shut down! The show is ending! There are no more visitors! We don’t care if you love him. What is this, the eighties? It’s not a big deal. I've been putting up with it at least.”
“Plus”, she adds, “We all already kind of figured.”
Sprout’s eyes widen, “What? How?”
“Your friendship bracelets”.
“..What.”
“Your friendship bracelets!”
“I heard you the first time!” He says. “How is that gay? It’s just a cute symbol of friendship!”
“Yeah, it’s cute for children.” Vee mocks. “You two are full-grown adults!”
I thought it was normal to do that..
“Anyway, you two got together in the end, so I feel like I deserved to be thanked.”
Sprout sighs. “I guess you’re right. Thank you, Vee.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“You mentioned it!”
“I'm not having this conversation with a.. a toon like you.. Berry-boy.”
“Outdated-tech.”
Vee walks off a moment later, leaving Sprout alone. At the end of the day, she was right. He and Cosmo got together in the end, and so, really, Vee deserved to be thanked.
Not like she really needed it though.